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How To College Like a F*ing Adult

December 5, 2015

If I could tell freshmen one thing, it would be that you're going to have to be your own parent when you get to college. You're going to have to set your own alarm clock, reprimand yourself for staying out too late, remind yourself about tests and deadlines, and find your own food. But you're also going to have to be proud of yourself when you do well.

That was what I thought when I saw my housemate hanging her own collage up on our fridge. Or, that was how I would put my thoughts in a blog. At the time I thought -

We buy our own f*ing gluesticks, we make our own f*ing collages, and we hang them up on our own f*ing fridge. Because we're proud of ourselves. Like f*ing adults.

Here Are 10 ways to Relax and College Like a F***ing Adult

1.Collage: Collaging is an awesome way to decorate your adult home. There's nothing more mature than a carpet full of little bits of paper, and walls covered in cut out pictures of Will Ferrell sitting on a toilet made of pizza.

2.Dress in patterned leggings, sack dresses, big t-shirts, scrunchies, and comfy boots: Comfy? Check. Fun? Check. This aesthetic is as perfect as it was in preschool.

3.Learn how to share, cooperate, ask permission, wait your turn, and generally play nice: Ok, kids. We should all have learned this about a decade and a half ago, but somehow even real grown-ups don't seem to get it. If we went by the rules you would teach a three-year-old, we'd all be doing pretty much ok.

4.Have a sleepover: Sleepovers are awesome, even if you already all live together. Make it official by adding pajamas and popcorn and a lot of pillows. Also feel free to reframe that awkward hookup as an impromptu sleepover. Like an adult.

5.Cry about your feelings: Valid. Mature. Encouraged.

6.Color: You could go to splitchers, or you could get yourself some coloring books and some crayons, and relax in the evening with a juice box like the f*ing grown-ass woman you are.

7.Get mad at The Man for not letting you have a pet: Res Ed is basically your parents in this case. But telling them that you PROMISE to take care of it all by yourself probably won't work. Hiding it really well probably will, though.

8.Take math class even if you don't want to: It's called distribution requirements, and you gotta do it. But you're allowed to use a calculator.

9. Take a nap every chance you get: Every. Chance. You. Get.

10. Make career goals like Firefighter, President, Zookeeper, Pilot, and Fairy Princess: You're getting a liberal arts degree. Anything/nothing is possible.

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