When we picture a “third space,” we think of a slightly grimy but warm bar or coffeeshop from a ‘90s sitcom. Everyone is wearing the solid-colored tight, bright sweaters that are now the gilded treasures depop girls thirst over, and dark brown ankle boots. People seem to feel connected, and safe to let loose or rant about their lives to their friends. They know the names of the bartender/barista. Oberlin sometimes feels like one large third space. But, just like anywhere else, self-isolating is still an easy pattern for many to fall into.
This year, I’m living in my Oberlin version of Barbie’s Dreamhouse. I have a quad, in East Hall, with my three closest and best friends. I feel so crazy lucky that they all get along and want to live with each other, and with me! On our first week back, we were in a rush to decorate the dorm together. We spruced our common room up with plants, paintings, tablecloths, and a designated snack and tea area. We have lighting for any mood. (See: our pink bandana that drapes over a lamp and gives it a cozy glow when we have our traditional Sunday Night Movie Nights™.)
One of the first things we decided in our quad roommate agreement was that the common room would be open to all. We wanted it to serve as a third space, and it’s been living up to our expectations. In the fabulous frenzy of coming back to school as Juniors, we were able to host a housewarming, a performative male-themed evening and competition, a Sex and the City watch party, and so many movie nights. But even more importantly, there’s been so many moments of everyday togetherness. The four of us with an open bag of popcorn on the table, contorted into weird shapes on the couch and doing unproductive work on our laptops. The morning coffees with friends that come over. Having a space where you can work on a group project, but also make a closer connection to your classmate, because it’s within the intimate space of a home. These have been my most precious memories of the fall semester so far.
Another new thing in my life? I started working at the ‘Sco (our student-run nightclub/concert venue/bar). I work Monday and Wednesday nights, which are some of the slower shifts, and it’s been a delight being able to tell people that, if they’re up late, they know where to find me. When I’m behind the bar (and have started to be put in a trance, memorizing the figure eight patterns of the swiveling lights), seeing a friendly face and serving some cold root beer from the tap is such a welcome interaction. Even better, having friends start to regularly use the space as their own, playing foosball or ordering a pitcher and talking together, makes me feel like we’re continuing the work that is the exact purpose of the venue. Maybe it doesn’t share the exact aesthetic of a ‘90s sitcom, but it sure has the vibes.
Everyone needs this kind of space that they can go to when they want to be around other people. Here, we’re blessed with many. And at this point in the college career, being a third-year, I think we’ve reached a very sweet spot--we know a bit of everyone in everything. We can go to the places where our friends have work shifts, or do their schoolwork. We have repeating events like trivia, movie night, or game nights that have started to become an establishment of their own. We have community institutions like the Feve (a restaurant/bar in town), or the night sky observing sessions on the roof of Peters Hall. Friend groups meld into a larger mass, a network of people and places that you can navigate to your heart's desire.
It comes down to this. Third spaces, fittingly, require three things. You need the space, and you need the people. But most of all you need the routine. You need to create it, and commit to it, and trust that it’ll be there for you no matter what shape you’re in when you get there. If you’re an Oberlin student, chances are that you already have a third space in mind when reading this. And if you’re interested in becoming one? Trust me, there are so many unique spaces, collectives, and people waiting for you when you get here.
Have a lovely October & autumn!
-Daniela
