I really like the Science Library because it’s exceptionally quiet, there are big windows with a fantastic view, and the overall layout of the space is pretty intuitive. Whenever I need to focus on work, I go there. However, it’s officially the first day of finals and there are no empty tables. There are also no empty tables in the Science Center atrium, which is my second favorite place to do work. Both are also much cooler temperature-wise than my very hot dorm room. I find it interesting that the only time I cannot find seating is during finals. Do people study any other time? Maybe. Maybe not. Who knows? However, there is other furniture in the Science Center atrium so I am writing sitting cross-legged on a small couch with my computer balanced precariously on my lap. Next, I will work on a few different finals, perhaps from this same position.
This is my last college finals period ever. If I go back to school, it won’t be called “college” and so it is sort of bittersweet. In twelve days, I graduate, pack up, and leave. It’s quite strange to think about. When I came to Oberlin, I was 18, incredibly nervous, and incredibly excited. I think my first year was probably my favorite. I had a lot of free time and spent much of it outside, riding my bike, watching the leaves change, and doing some people-watching on the trails. I also saw the white squirrel a lot, particularly in the mornings on the way to class, but haven’t seen it since my second year here. Is it dead? Hopefully not. I have a lot of blurry pictures of it in my phone because I got excited whenever I saw it.
Four years later at 22, I feel the same and different. Older, I guess, but on the inside. On the outside, I look quite similar to the way I did four years ago. When I went through TSA a few weeks ago, one of the agents asked if I was 13 or above. Yes, yes, I am. I have been older than 13 for awhile now. *sigh* You know what they say though, Asian don’t raisin. I know that might not be true for the rest of my life.
After May 26, people will start asking me what I plan to do next. To answer this question right now, I don’t know. I’m actually still figuring out what I want to do. I used to want to be a bureaucrat of some kind, especially coming in as an intended Politics major. However, now I wonder if doing that would actually be fulfilling for me. I think I actually might want to be a writer. I’ve very much enjoyed writing for Oberlin blogs and in my CAST and Writing and Communications classes. It’s the sort of thing that just feels natural to me, particularly the experimental sort. But unless I get super lucky, get published, and take off right away, I will also need to do something else. Not sure what that will be yet.
I take comfort in knowing that this is just the beginning and things are subject to change. Also, I find reassurance in Taylor Swift's 2022 New York University commencement speech. She knows exactly what to say even though she has never been to college. Swift’s song “Mine” refers to college and the music video to “Love Story” in part is set on a college campus, but much of her experience with it is imaginary. To her credit, she has had to come of age under immense scrutiny and has learned incredibly valuable lessons as a celebrity. Swift’s commencement address is smart, witty, and inspiring. As she tells us and titles her song, “You’re On Your Own, Kid.” So, this is the end of my time at Oberlin and the start of my own new beginning. It's also the end of one of my chapters of self-discovery where I pursued one pathway at the exclusion of others. Graduating marks a transition to making new choices after learning more about who I am and what I want. Consider this scene from one of my favorite films, The Devil Wears Prada. It puts words to something I've known for a long time but haven't acted on. You don't need to choose something just because it's the most glamorous or prestigious. If it's not what you really want deep down, if you have to compromise yourself or what you believe in, you'll be a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. Choose what feels right.
Thanks for reading all. I know I've enjoyed writing.
Signing off (here) forever,
Phoebe
