Top Five Reasons Why Helena Hates Spring
March 16, 2010
Spring. It's here. And it's ruining my life. Despite being the season of my birth (APRIL 9TH WHOO), spring has always caused me a lot of trouble. Please, let me explain.
- The temperature rises considerably during Oberlin springs. This is a problem because I'm terrified of baring my arms. They're freckled, you see. No one needs to see my unsightly freckles. So, while the rest of the campus dons shorts and tank tops, I would much rather stay in my jeans and cardigans. They make me feel SAFE, okay?!?!?
- The birds have returned. OH. MY. GOD. Birds. They wake me up in the morning with their cheerful tweets. This makes it really easy to tell when the sun is rising, but terribly difficult to sleep in on Tuesdays and Thursdays when I don't have class until 11 a.m.
- The grass is green again. And I want to sit in it. However, the grass being green and soft does not preclude me from having to go to class every day. At least in the wintertime I have an excuse to hole myself up in the library and get all my work done early. Green grass is distracting and terribly damaging to my work ethic. I hate it.
- People have gotten over their Seasonal Depressive Disorders. All this sun and fun has made Oberlin students HAPPY again. What does this mean? Smiles. Lots of them. All of the time. I don't want to have to make the effort to smile at people that I pass on my way to class. Keep your head down and walk, Helena. You can do it.
- Admitted students descend upon the campus in swarms. PROSPIES. EVERYWHERE. They are timid and overly conspicuous - who wants to talk to them? Not me.