So, I’m not a first-year student anymore. Stating this a month into the school year feels a little easier than it did the day I got back to campus, but it’s definitely an idea I’m still getting used to. I have some tricky grounds to cover in my second year before I can say that I’m “settled” back into Oberlin as a lifestyle. I’m learning to be okay with that.
I’d say my first year felt a lot like a rollercoaster. Like one of the ones you spend hours waiting for, agonizing over every expected loop and flip upside down just to have it all woosh by in seconds. But I always took comfort in knowing that this was expected. When the first semester felt like it had lasted two weeks and I was panicking over how rapidly my life seemed to be passing all of a sudden, I remembered that this was something everyone in my position could relate to. Of course there were times I felt a little overwhelmed or like other people didn’t seem as timid as I often felt, that’s just the way it goes! But now, if I ever get these feelings of doubt or uncertainty, I have to wonder if they're always going to be there.
This time last year, I had no idea what to do with myself. I went constantly between the ever-pressing urge to lie in my room napping all day and the meet-everyone-because-if-you-don’t-now-you’ll-remain-forever-alone mindset (a bit dramatic, as I can happily admit now). I think I ended up with a good balance of both, and that’s what I’m trying my best to remember this year.
To a certain extent, things have calmed down much more than I anticipated them to. I finally understand the idea that first-year students are bundles of nervous, excited energy that Sophomores can lazily roll their eyes at from the comfort of their fomo-free nights in. I understand it, but I don’t necessarily feel as distant from the first-year anxiety as I thought I would. In this weird limbo period, I feel like an outsider watching both groups and wondering where and when I’m going to fit back into one of these ways of thinking. And that’s as annoying as it is rewarding.
My first instinct after realizing I’m not necessarily having the stereotypical Sophomore experience was to become annoyed at the whole system of natural college-type evolutions. When am I finally going to feel at peace with where I’ve landed in the vast sea of college shenanigans?
But then I considered something: there’s a first time for everything.
How about a first second time around?
What I’ve come to realize is that every milestone I experience here is a new one. Whether it be declaring my major, entering into a new form of housing, becoming a part of new clubs, or discovering events and activities I didn’t know about previously, there are always going to be things to be introduced to. “Milestones” (like entering a new year or semester) work the same way.
It’s my first time going through my second year! And only time (hopefully)! I should enjoy it! Even if there’s an idea of the typical “way” or “process” of experiencing life at college, it’s important to remember that everyone’s time here is spent doing and seeing completely different things. With a variety of experiences come different reactions to them, and that’s part of what makes it so worth it. I’m glad I’m still figuring out what I want to do here and it’s actually reassuring now to know that I’m not completely comfortable all the time – if I was, I know I wouldn’t be going through all the exciting things I’m met with each day. There’s something to be said about the uncertainty novelty brings us. It’s worth the risk and unpredictability. Even as a Sophomore.
