Grow up Tiger and Please Quit Your Crying

As I sit here in my room, and look at my expensive phone bill, over-the-limit Discover bill and ignore my Shell bill, I have come to realize one very important thing that could best describe my college experience so far - I have no dough. And not only do I have no money, I will not have any lasting sort of funds in my checking account in the near future. As I take pity in my financial misfortunes and my long distance being cut-off, I begin to daydream about being a big professional sports star and making the big bucks.

I dream of becoming a famous outfielder or pitcher in Major League Baseball, of making a three point shot to win the NBA Championship! And as this dream is really starting to make me feel better, a voice from the distance interrupts. At first, I can't make out what it is saying, but then it gets clearer and clearer. Finally, I become able to recognize the words. A little bass comes in the background, and the voice says "give me some mo', give me some mo'."

No, it's not rapper Busta Rhymes chanting these words, it's no one else but golf star Tiger Woods wearing a mass of heavy gold chains, with half-naked women dancing around him.

No phrase could better describe the greediness of world champion Tiger Woods. Woods, who is perhaps the most famous athlete in the world (and did I mention he is a golfer?), just worked out a $100 million dollar contract with Nike that will kick in next year. The last thing that you would think would come across his mind is the need for more money, but Tiger wants more, more and more. At some point, don't you have enough?

Woods' complaint against the PGA Tour arose recently when he spoke out against the implied endorsements that television companies have been running in commercials. An example of one of these implied advertisements would be an ad a Canadian company recently ran. The commercial included Tiger, Vijay Singh and David Duval during the Canadian Open, even though the latter two didn't even compete in the tournament. Woods claims that these "implied endorsements" have been run after just about every tournament he has won, and that he, along with other players, deserves a cut of the profit.

So it seems as if it's all about the Benjamins right? Not according to Woods. He claims, "We just want to get our rights back, and to not have these implied endorsements."

Woods is standing behind his complaint that he deserves control of his own marketing rights, and that the whole issue is not at all about him getting more television money. But how is this supposed to look to the public, his fans, and the PGA Tour? How can a man who has made over $20 million in his short career in PGA Tour events even care if he makes more money? What do you do with all of it? Do you buy some golden golf clubs and a BMW golf cart? Now that would be golfing in style.

Heck, I think I need some more cash to help pay for tuition so let me go bitch to College Relations and tell them they need to ask me for permission before they put me in the basketball media guide. In fact, not only do they need my permission, but they better give me some monetary love too.

I can, in a slight way, see where Woods is coming from. It is certainly not a good thing to have people using your name without permission, and in ways that could possibly be damaging to your reputation. In all cases that I know of though, television companies in the United States as well as in Canada are just further promoting his excellence in the game of golf by spotlighting his victories in commercials. Woods is already a multi-millionaire at a very young age, has captured the interest of golf fans and non-golf fans alike, and is on pace to possibly set the record for the most major tournaments won in a career.

Why does Woods care about his marketing rights if he already has achieved so much in the game, with so much of his success being recognized by the entire world in such a positive way? This is the question that baffles me.

On a personal level, let me say that I really, really suck at golf. And that is part of the reason I cannot last more than a minute of watching the sport on television. Hey, everyone can get a little jealous. I even took a class here at Oberlin in a weak attempt to try to be able to hit the ball. It is such a frustrating and difficult game to play, and this is why I have such a great deal of respect for his phenomenal abilities. He takes a game that people struggle their entire lives to just achieve a mediocre playing level in and hits 300 yard drives with ease and swiftness. It is for this reason that everyone else in the world is in awe of him as well. So if he is so awesome and the "savior of the sport," why does he need the extra cash?

I think the answer to this question lies in what must be a rapidly- growing ego. He knows he is the best golfer in the world and that the PGA Tour needs his face on the greens. This is why he has even gone as far as to say that if the PGA Tour doesn't recognize his marketing rights, as well as other players' rights, he may even leave the tour.

By posing this threat to the Professional Golfing Association, I think he has forgotten that they are the ones who made him the famous and rich golfer he is today. If the PGA had never given him the publicity he received, and emphasized how much of a star he was going to be, he maybe never would have made the impact on the world that he has today.

Okay, let me re-emphasize one more thing about Tiger Woods. He plays golf. Yes, he is the best at his sport in the world, but golf is not exactly a game of extreme physical exertion. It is a game, however, of thinking and strategy.

With that said, I really wish Tiger would reconsider his complaints to the PGA Tour and take a moment to realize how lucky an individual he is. And yes, I guess I would just like him to quit kvetching. For now, I am going to take a nap and let my dreams consolidate my bills.