In The Locker Room With...

Every once in a while you come across one of those kids who is just too innocent to be true. First-year baseball player Rob Smith was the real deal — until two weekends ago.

Rob, what are your impressions of this year’s baseball season.

RS: Uh, the season was fun, but it could have gone better in a number of ways. Four wins is never very exciting, but the whole experience [was] much better than I expected coming to college.

What did you expect?

RS: I expected to study a lot.

Okay, but what did you expect from the baseball season?

RS: I didn’t expect to play baseball.

Really?

RS: Really.

What was the driving force that made you decide to play baseball?

RS: Well, Coach [Eric] Lahetta is pretty damn cool.

So he talked you into playing?

RS: No, I went to talk to him about the opportunity of maybe playing, and he was a cool guy, so I thought I’d maybe give it a shot and see if I liked it, and I liked it a lot. So, I decided to stick with it. But even after that, I didn’t think I’d be playing a lot and it turned out much better than I thought it would.

I understand that up to a few weeks ago, you had never had a drink of alcohol in your life. Is this true?

RS: Um, that is true, and after those two weeks I haven’t had another drink. Just that one night.

What happened that ‘one night’?

RS: Well, I lost a deal.

A bet?

RS: Yeah, the deal was if [first-year] Mr. B.J. Belville hit a home run while he was DHing for me I’d drink a beer with him, and if [first-year] Mr. Chris Bamat, the scrawny middle infielder, hit a home run at any time, I’d drink a beer with him.

So what happened?

RS: Well, as it happened, both of them hit home runs in a single game — back-to-back.

So you had to get your drink on then?

RS: Yeah, so Saturday night I had my beers with them, and two turned into many more.

Did you say anything stupid or funny that night?

RS: No, I don’t say anything funny — ever.

Nothing at all? 

RS: Well I remember saying that I couldn’t feel my knees. I could feel my legs, but not my knees.

What’s your major?

RS: Um, I study economics.

So you are a dork, huh.

RS: Yes.

What do you do in your free time?

RS: Play baseball.

Um, how about other than baseball.

RS: Well, I study.

Wow, okay. You really are a nerd.

RS: Yeah, that’s no joke.

So have you had good luck with the ladies lately?

RS: Um, no. Well, I have occasional good luck every once in a while.

What are you looking forward to next season in baseball?

RS: A lot of freshmen. And being in charge of the bullpen too. I’ll make the freshmen run with me.

Do you have any memorable moments from this season?

RS: Yeah, when I struck out the number four hitter from Wooster swinging on a fastball.

Yeah?

RS: Yeah, he couldn’t catch up to my cheese.

Some people would say that you throw like a girl.

RS: No, I throw like a bitch. Not a girl, a bitch.

So you throw slow, but it’s effective, right?

RS: Yes, it’s effectively slow. I have good control.

You lift a lot, right? Then why do you throw so slow?

RS: Because I have an arthritic elbow, bicep and tricep tendonitis. I have no spring left in my arm. I’m not very flexible, that probably has something to do with it, too.

Because of your girl-like tendencies, did you ever consider trying out for the softball team?

RS: No, because the girls on the softball team throw harder than me too.

Do you have any special ladies you want to give a shout-out to?

RS: Yeah, I want to wish my mother a happy Mother’s Day.