So, you know, I’ve decided to sort of deviate slightly from my usual column because, well, I have something to say. Thank goodness my column is basically just my opinion anyway. I’m going to talk and I’m going to be glad it happened. Cool. That’s all that really needs to occur. Awesome.

Just to put this out there, get this out of the way — I do really like you, Jay Nolan, as a person and we’re friends. So, I am not attempting to crush his soul or dreams or hopes or kill his puppy or anything. I’m just sort of going to argumentatively respond to the things he said in “The Ethical Obie” last week. And he knows. I told him I was going to kill him. Figuratively, of course. Clearly.

Jay Nolan, Jay Nolan, Jay Nolan, why, oh why did you use the words that you did, sir? You are absolutely entitled to your opinion. In fact, thank goodness there are people with different opinions or I’d never have anything to argue about. But, oh my Jesus, what possessed you to use the words “murder,” “slaughter,” “death,” “sick,” “twisted” and “cruel?” Why? You know who your audience is, and you know that no one is going to feel as though your argument is legitimate at all if you use buzzwords intended to inflame your readership — especially if you don’t make a clear point.

And for God’s sake, why did you put quotation marks around the word “unwanted” in reference to potentially aborted fetuses? Just as a thing, for future reference, abortion was invented to rid women of pregnancies that they could not deal with for various reasons. To have a baby is a huge lifestyle change and may or may not be feasible for reasons it would take the rest of my allotted ranting space to describe. I can’t even begin to talk about how wrong it is to insinuate that fetuses that are aborted aren’t unwanted. I can’t really discuss it ‘cause I’ll get angry and yell, and that’s bad.

Word choice is very, very important and, once again, I have another problem with it. I know you accredited the fabulous quote of “the woman always knows” to Hinman, but, well, you put it in your column, so I have to take issue with it. Sure the woman might know when conception happened; that’s true. But there’s also this funny thing called rape. You see, often times the woman does not know who exactly raped her; it could be a stranger, or drugs could have been used. And, my God, if anyone does not offer a woman a safe way to abort a fetus that was conceived during a rape, drastic and terrible things could happen to everyone involved.

Work It for Women was designed to raise money for charities that allow for a woman without financial means to get a safe abortion — to not have a baby that would be harmed or unloved or completely inviable. I don’t really find anything wrong with the decisions women make about what is inside of their bodies. It’s their choice.

So, I went to Work It for Women; I gave them money. I mean, I was planning to go earlier this week; I supported the cause, but I was just sort of lukewarm to the event. Originally, I only would have gone if there were people I knew there. But, after reading “The Ethical Obie” last week, I went on principle. A horde of charging rhinos couldn’t keep me away (not that they would. The rugby team is very pro-choice). I really, really, really had to go.

So, though I do love you dearly, Jay, my goodness gracious Christ, was I mad at you and your opinion last week. I didn’t understand. I don’t understand. That’s why I wrote this. Now, I think, maybe, folks could stop personally attacking Jay Nolan, now that I’ve said my piece. Please keep attacking his ideas. The dialogue should continue. But, maybe, Jay Nolan should not be the meat on the spit in this rotisserie of hatred and anger. Next week will be really fun; I swear. Ok. Thanks. Glad we had this talk.