Glad We Had This Talk
So, like, there’s this girl in one of my classes. I think she’s amazing. I am not attracted to her emotionally or physically; I just really want to be her friend... I think?
Basically, you have a friend crush. I’m gonna discuss what a friend crush is because for some people this is a spot of contention. I don’t see why — because I’m right. I’m always right. Sometimes folks just don’t understand.
Regardless! A friend crush is having a strong desire to be around a person all the time (basically have them be your close friend) without wanting to sleep with them or molest them in any way. Such desire is derived from that person’s awesomeness and awesomeness alone. You can certainly have friend crushes combined with sexual attraction, but that, my friends, is just a crush, and with it comes a fear of rejection.
You should never fear rejection when it comes to friend crushes. Ever. As long as you approach the matter in the correct way, there is no reason to be afraid. It’s not like you’re asking them out on a date or you want to be in a romantic relationship with them. The worst thing that can happen is that you will become acquaintances. Oh no! Anything but that! Oh dear god! The humanity! You might not get exactly what you want but you’ll still get to know them better, and they’ll know you, so the chances of a real friendship have increased significantly.
And I have to put this out there. I feel as though I am a bit of an…authority on friend crushes. Maybe authority is the wrong word here, but you know, I’ve had a few here and there throughout my life. By a few, I mean too many (some of them were even entirely successful). And, I’ll admit, I’ve watched a couple people I’ve wanted to be friends with from afar, convinced they would either not talk to me or I wasn’t cool enough for them.
I’ve moved past that point. Of course I am cool enough for them, please. I am awesome. Everyone wants to be my friend. And, really, even if they don’t, I’m gonna make them be my friend, anyway. Because if they don’t end up liking me that much, then, into acquaintance-hood I’ll go, and it’s really not all that bad there. It’s not like “the Friend Zone.” There’s still hope.
The absolute keys to having successful friend crushes are either getting them in a relatively social arena where it isn’t all that creepy to talk to them or to have connections.
Class is fantastic when it comes to making solid acquaintances. You can talk about all sorts of things related to class. Ask about a test or a book or make fun of your professor. Whatever small talk gets you through the day. The first step is so very easy. It’s just a tiny little small-talky, light, conversation, and you already know them better.
The friend part is a little harder. You can try to depend on chance and hope that you will see them in social places where you can un-awkwardly talk to them and try to seem like you’re not hitting on them, or, you can use your connections. If one of your friends is friends with your friend crush, basically, you should be done. No one wants to cock-block a friend crush. The term isn’t even apt anymore. It doesn’t even apply. And even if you are the friend of a friend of your friend crush, that’s still doable. People go out in groups all the time. All it takes is a little planning, and you should be in.
The best advice I can actually give, though, no matter how horrifyingly cheesy it sounds, is…oh jeez…be yourself. No joke. Basically, if you’re as cool a person as you probably are, then your friend crush won’t mind that they know you. And if they do care, they don’t deserve to be your friend anyway. They can suck it. OK. Great. Glad we had this talk.
Need relationship advice? Submit questions for Glad We Had This Talk to Julia.Chauvin@oberlin.edu.