I told my mother that I was scheduled to be a nude model for an art class at Oberlin. My mother thought it was a bad idea – she argued that people can easily take discreet pictures of me that could end up on the Internet. She said she would be willing to compensate me for the money I would lose from not modeling. I told her that I would think about it. I didn’t bring up the subject again because I didn’t want her to nag me; however, I didn’t take her proposal seriously either. The day after I modeled I got her check in the mail. Should I just void the check and figure she won’t notice that I didn’t cash the check, should I mail the check back to her and explain that this is something that I want to do and I am an adult and can make my own decisions, or should I just avoid any conflict and cash the check and hope that she won’t find out that I’m nude modeling anytime soon?

–Naked Female in Northern Ohio

Your problem is two-fold: there is the money and there is your mother. Let’s start with the obvious. As much as a little extra cash would be handy – Safer Sex Night tickets are getting pricier – it would be wrong to keep it and continue the modeling, without saying anything to your mother. It is deceptive: she is sending the money believing it is keeping you from doing exactly what you are doing. If your mother does not like the idea of exhibiting yourself to strangers, it is not a stretch to believe that she does not like lying either. Voiding the check (your first option) is only putting off the conclusion of mailing the check back to her (your second option) for a little while. One way or another, dialogue is eventually going to have to happen between you and your mother. Maybe you should just skip the financial quagmire and embrace this.

You seem to believe that you will not be able to convince her of the higher purpose of your employment: art for art’s sake and that kind of thing. Every once in a while mothers can change their minds. The right timing and word choice could not only change her mind, but also embrace the idea of your modeling. Miracles do happen.

Insisting on your age and maturity is a possible course of action, but if generations of sitcoms teach us anything, it is probably not going to work. I bet your mother did the same thing when she was your age (the insisting, not the modeling; I won’t go there).

Look at where you are: away at college, no one telling you when to go to bed or brush your teeth, no one making you eat your greens, and no one asking where you have been all night. Your mother has already accepted that you are an adult and ready for independence. She makes this acceptance clear in allowing you to move out and she knows and understands that this is a big step in your life. You should find a way to show her that you have understood the lessons she has tried to teach you, and also that you are an adult.

Unless there is another motive or reason behind the modeling, I would think that a parent throwing cash at you would be welcome. You have eliminated the ultimate middleman between you and your paycheck: work. You could spend that time that you would be modeling by spending money.

If you cannot convince your mother that your reputation is not at stake, then you should accept the money offer and quit the job. One is never too old to respect his or her parent’s wishes. You will probably go home at some point this year, and while a nude portrait might seem like an artsy present to return with, the cranberry sauce will go down so much better at Thanksgiving if you’re not mad at each other.

Please e-mail your ethical quandaries to theethicalobie@ gmail.com

Jay Nolan