She can crush a soda can between her bicep and her forearm. Put her in water and she moves with the ease of a Caribbean reef shark. She practices Kung Fu. She can dance, cook and wield a pitchfork. She translates ethnic slurs for Argentinean refugees. She has never turned down an invitation to arm wrestle. She is renowned for her robust strength and temperate disposition. A woman both sensuous and virile — girl from the west country — senior Lisa Weigle sits down with interviewer Leslie Ruster for this week’s In The Locker Room.

Leslie Ruster: So Lisa, where exactly are you from in Washington?
Lisa Weigle: I’m from Brainbridge Island off the coast of Seattle. It’s a suburb; a hippie farm suburb except now it’s becoming more urbanized which is crap. I grew up there.

LR: On a farm?
LW: No, I lived in a regular house with a kitchen and a bedroom and a garage.

LR: Did growing up on an island have any effect on your passion for swimming?
LW: Well, there is water everywhere, all around in fact and I love water but Puget Sound isn’t pool water; it’s cold and salty. I don’t really know what inspired me.

LR: Thales of Miletus, an early Greek philosopher once said: “All is water.” Is this your life mantra? Do you seek out water wherever you go? When you went abroad to Argentina last fall, did you find a place to swim?
LW: Actually, I did swim in Argentina at the Facultad del derecho, the law school. It had this really funny, warm 20-meter pool that you could swim in if you wanted to. I only went around 12 times but…my host brother swam competitively and was really fast and he looked like a swimmer.
LR: What does a swimmer look like?
LW: Basically like Corey Myers (OC ‘08) only more streamlined because he’s a diver. Corey has a Greek statue butt.

LR: What kind of butt would your quintessential swimmer have?
LW: A small compact Speedo ass, but Corey still wears a Speedo and looks good. 

LR: Are Speedos the required poolside regalia at Philips gym?
LW: Oh yeah, definitely. For big deal fast meets the guy’s team will also wear “jammers.” They are spandex shorts swimsuit style.

LR: What does the women’s team wear? 
LW: We wear a swimsuit with a skull and cross bones on it.

LR: So is your team one cohesive unit or are you subdivided into the swimming team and the diving team?
LW: Oh, we are one. There is some degree of separation at meets but honestly…we are one!!

LR: What’s the intra-team fraternizing like?
LW: Lots of ass grabbing and sexually driven contact without any intention…all in good family sort of fun. It’s awesome.

LR: And a typical day in the life of an Oberlin swimmer?
LW: Well, everyday we have two-hour practices. We eat a lot, mostly massive amounts of carbs. Mark, our coach, is really into the idea of Saturday practices and over winter term, we have two two-hour practices a day. Except this winter term I will not be staying in Oberlin to train.

LR: What are your plans for winter term?
LW: I’m going to be doing other stuff in the Southwest. Yeah, I’m sad about not being here — the team is so much fun but it’s time to experience life in the Southwest. I’ll be seeing stuff and “woofing” which means traveling around and working on organic farms.

LR: Do you think you’ll find the time to swim?
LW: Definitely; I’ll be on the reservoir, look out. Do a few laps here and there.

LR: What about brute strength? Is weight training a huge component to your preparation as a swimmer?
LW: Well, brute strength is a necessity but to be a competitive swimmer you’ve got to have the form to go with it. There are some really muscular members on the swim team here. Emily Spence —  she’s the minx of the team. She’s got these massive arms. She’s a beast.

LR: Do you ever feel threatened walking home alone at night in a dark alleyway in New York City?
LW: No way, we’ve got the guns to back us up.

LR: Will you continue to swim competitively in the future?
LW: I’d like to but I feel that master’s swim teams don’t compare to school sports teams. They are not as hardcore. But we’ll see what the future holds. I’d like to be swimming in the future…for sure!

Lisa concludes the interview by immediately taking off her shirt. In the dim light of the smoky locker room, she flexes her throbbing back muscles for a late night Review photo session, captivating the photographer and interviewer with her synergistic qualities of delicate, rustic charm and bestial prowess.