This week I had the incredible honor of speaking with three of the best-looking student athletes at Oberlin College. I got the chance to pick the brains of Jared Pickard, a four-year captain and senior all-conference goalie, junior Bryan Harfenist, a starting attack man with a rocket-shot, and senior David Schlussman, a starting midfielder who has been known to tear it up on and off the field, if you know what I’m saying.

MT: What is your favorite sport outside of lacrosse?
DS: I think I would say water polo because I like the uniforms.
JP: I’d have to go with hockey (insert shout out to Billy “William” Weisbrod here).
DS: What’s your favorite sport Moose? Chugging Tabasco Sauce? (I was recently paid a large sum of money, a cheap digital watch and a case of beer to drink an entire bottle of hot sauce at Casa Fiesta.)

MT: Bryan, how did your trip to South America this past semester help your lacrosse skills?
BH: Well, because of their famous beef products I was able to get a whole new perspective on the game and its meaning in my life.

MT: What do you think of the men’s lacrosse coaching staff here at Oberlin College?
DS: Kevin Walz is aces.
JP: He’s the cat’s pajamas.
BH: The bee’s knees. Moose, what is your favorite southern food?

MT: Fried chicken, but I only eat the skin. If you had to choose one guy on the team to eat, who would it be?
All three at once: [Drew] Zambelli.

MT: Why?
JP: We actually talked about this the other day. We all pretty much agreed that he would be delicious, you know, if we ever were in such a situation where eating one of our friends became a necessity. For some reason I get the impression he might already be seasoned too, which would save time.

MT: What is the most disliked team on your schedule this year?
JP: Denison.
DS: Why Denison?
JP: I just wouldn’t want to hang out with them.
DS: Be more specific.
JP: I don’t know, I just wouldn’t trust them with my kids, that’s all.
BH: I don’t like any of the teams we play. I hate them all.
JP: You’re just a warrior, huh? You’re in it for the passion.

MT: What is your favorite restaurant to attend in town?
JP: Black River Café, hands down.

MT: David, what is your sign?
DS: Aries.

MT: David, some people say your eyes are blue while others would argue that they’re green. Do you care to finally put that rumor to rest?
DS: Well, my eyes in reality are blue but sometimes when I wear green they can appear to be green.

MT: Well, that’s all the time I have this week. You guys are really just three of the most stand-up, incredible humans I have ever met. I think the rest of our student body should aspire to look, sound and act just a little bit more like you fellas. Let me kiss your pinky fingers before I leave. Thank you.