By Hannah Epstein

Staff Writer

 

 

Finals week cometh

Naked athletes, the ice man, stampede through study spaces.

+ 17

 

Oberlin College shifts into climate neutral

Trustees pop the climate clutch.

+ 4

 

Theater and Dance Department presents Major Barbara

Audience cannot figure out what language the actors are speaking.

+ 1 gigantic phallic object, 2 disturbing wigs, and 1 strangely flattering onesie

 

Royal Naval Banquet to take place this Friday.

Because sometimes you just can’t help but pretend Ohio isn’t landlocked.

+ 100 drunken sailors

 

The Grape gets a new website

+ 11

 

Rugby Calendars: $15 each

Rugby players: priceless.

+ 15

 

 

Piscapo’s Arm presents their only show of the semester

Because sometimes all a guy really needs is a cup of coffee and a blowjob that cures AIDS.

- 11 very unsettling orgasms

 

Oberlin receives its first snowfall

Students finally get to play with the normal kind of snowball.

- 10

 

The Iraq Study Group recommends troop withdrawal to the president

Surprise!  Idiot.

+/- WWIII

 

Survey shows that normal sized condoms are “too big” for the majority of men in India

SIC prepares to ship millions of penis pumps to India, at cost.

-    0.5 inches

 

TOTAL: A healthy breakfast alternative.