by Hannah Epstein

Staff writer

 

 

If you’ve never had the pleasure of diving into a box of Annie’s Homegrown Macaroni and Cheese, you’re legitimately missing out.  Whether it’s White Cheddar, Wisconsin Cheddar, Bunny Shaped Pasta, or even Peace Parmesan, the experience is simply unrivaled.

I had been a fan of Annie’s for quite some time, so you can imagine my surprise and delight upon discovering that my friend Will is actually related to Annie herself.  This stupefying revelation took place one rainy afternoon when my roommate, the foxy Miss Cher-Wen DeWitt, and I were cooking a box of Annie’s in the South Blue Kitchen.

“Did you know I’m related to Annie?” asked Will.

It couldn’t be true, I thought.  A celebrity in our midst! And Will seemed so normal, so untouched by the cold hands of fame! Cher-Wen and I decided to do a little sleuthing, and what resulted was the following email exchange:

 

Date: Sun, 19 Nov 2006

From: Hannah.epstein@oberlin.  

edu

Dear Sir,

A friend of ours, one Mr. Will Stamell, has claimed to be related to Annie herself. He asserts that he is familiar with the Withey family. We are wondering if you would care to confirm this alleged connection. Any information is greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

Hannah Epstein and Cher-Wen

DeWitt

 

The next morning, I received an utterly unhelpful response:

Date: Mon, 20 Nov 2006

Dear Hannah:

Thank you for taking the time to e-mail Annie’s Homegrown. I suggest asking Mr. Will Stamell’s relatives for this kind of question.

Thanks again for your inquiry. We hope that you will continue to enjoy Annie’s Homegrown products!

Best regards,

Sherrie

Consumer Relations Associate

Homegrown Naturals

 

Will ultimately provided a letter from Annie to his grandparents, and Cher-Wen and I conducted conclusive handwriting tests that verified his statements.  Thus, I requested an interview.

The Grape: Hi, Will. Let’s talk macaroni.

Will Stamell: Great!

TG: First of all, how are you related to Annie?

WS: Well, Annie is my mother’s mother’s sister’s daughter. So my grandmother’s sister’s daughter.  

TG: That’s really cool! Have you met her?

WS: Yeah! I’ve met her a few times; the most recent must have been when I was twelve. So it’s been a little while.  She used to hold barbecues with her husband Rob at their house in Connecticut. Or, I should say barbecue and Slip-n’-Slide parties.

TG: Did they serve the famous shells at these barbecues?

WS: Oh, you better believe it. Yeah, they’d come out with large quantities of Annie’s, multiple flavors. They were in no short supply at that house.

TG: What’s your favorite flavor?

WS: I’m an original man; I have to say. I like the good old purple box. White cheddar cheese.

TG: Me too.  I went through a Bunny-Shaped Phase for a while, but now I’m back on the path of righteousness.

WS: Yeah, that’s my deal. But I mean, everyone’s got his or her own flavor. I think that’s great; that’s the beauty of Annie’s.

TG: Let’s talk about Bernie. Is Bernie real?

WS: Um, I really have little knowledge of Bernie.

TG: Do you like rabbits, in general?

WS: I put them in my top three favorite animals. I’m not sure whether that’s a subconscious thing that comes with growing up in the family of the great rabbit himself.

TG: So if you did meet Bernie, you guys would get along, right?

WS: (Laughs) Yeah.  I think we have a past that is… I don’t know what to say about Bernie. Let’s come back to Bernie.

TG: We all really admire Annie’s devotion to using organic products in her macaroni.

WS: Yeah, I think that’s where the whole trademark of Annie’s is.

TG: Is there anything else you’d like to add?

WS: Well I do have this letter from annie to my grandparents. She is Annie Withey, for the record.

TG: Thanks a lot, Will!