Ultimate Frisbee Visits Wilds of Minnesota
This past weekend, the Oberlin Flying Horsecows
journeyed far across the Midwest to attend Exit 69, a tournament
hosted by St. Olaf College in Northfield, Minn. The Horsecows lodged
themselves at teammate junior Brendan “Jar-Jar” Curran’s
home in the fair city of Minneapolis, birthplace of Kirby Puckett,
Bob Dylan and thousands of other wonderful people.
“Minneapolis is full of bad drivers and women of ill repute,”
declared Dan “Rock” Scott before tripping over himself
and falling on his head. The drive from Oberlin to Minneapolis took
a good 14 hours, causing many Horsecows to arrive at their destination
around 3 a.m.
“I didn’t mind,” quipped senior Mike “Creepy”
Hamm. “Sure, there were no beds left, but I just slept on
the floor. Brendan’s cat came up to me in the middle of the
night and I tried to lick its belly but it scratched me, so I drew
a picture of a cat with a knife through its head and sticks of dynamite
stuck in its ears with the word ‘you’ inscribed above
it. I taped that to my forehead, and after that the cat left me
alone. Yeah, I got a pretty good night’s sleep.”
Oberlin’s first game was against the University of Iowa, a
team that last year edged its way into College Nationals. However,
the team was only able to bring eight players to the tournament,
much to the Horsecow’s advantage. The Horsecows’ beautifully
orchestrated offense was led by senior captain Mike “Degs”
Degnan and Curran, allowing the ’Cows to quickly take half
from Iowa 7-3. During the second half, some sloppy play and laziness
on the Horsecow’s part lead to some painfully long points.
However, Oberlin won many of these bouts of eternity, marked by
some eye-popping catches from sophomore David “Chilo”
Kreiss-Tomkins and Hamm, leading Oberlin to victory over Iowa 15-8.
“We’re nastier than Iowa. We were everything they weren’t,
baby, times two!” junior Robin “Superstar” Walker
sang, before spinning in a pirouette, flipping back over his head,
and landing in a split with his hands raised in the air.
The ’Cows’ second game pitted them against St. Cloud
State, a growing powerhouse in the increasingly competitive central
region. The “Luckydogs” were seeded second in the tournament
to Carleton, priding themselves on a Hail-Mary-run-and-gun offense
and a strong core of athletes. The ’Cows at times ran some
spectacular offense, featuring gravity-defying endzone leaps by
junior Will “Miller” Miller and sophomore Ted “The
Bear” Olds. However, the ’Cows defense was suspect against
the fleet-footed Luckydogs, and — despite a no-look tip by
senior Aaron “Barbie” Webber to prevent a score —
proved to be their downfall, as St. Cloud won 13-7.
“C’mon meow, Horsecows,” sophomore Gabe “The
Splinter” McCormick shook his head and cooed. “C’mon
Oberlin sat out a two-hour bye round before facing the University
of Minnesota’s B-team. Not to be underestimated, the B-Team
featured the talents of coach Guy Pugh, a former member of national
and world contender SubZero. Oberlin’s play was less than
satisfactory against the inexperienced U of M players, making the
13-4 win a lot more difficult than it needed to be. Despite some
lapses in concentration, the U of M game featured some promising
performances from rookies sophomore Ben “Kruk” Pred
and first-year Zach “Kinish” Carter. Concerning the
bouts of inconsistency, junior Mike “MKD” Kramer-Duffield
remarked, “Oo-blah-dee, oo-blah-daa, life goes on,”
before getting run over by a Volkswagen.
The Horsecow’s final game of the day came against St. John’s
University. This game was to determine which team would advance
to the A bracket and a possible bid for the championship of the
tournament. St. John’s took an early 7-3 lead, featuring a
quick offense geared toward deep passes. Oberlin threw a zone defense
against St. John’s, stifling their quick receivers, but it
was too little too late as the ’Cows suffered a 13-8 loss.
“My mom teaches at that school. I guess I know now why she
doesn’t love me anymore,” Curran remarked before taking
a painfully long pull from a handle of Jack Daniels.
On Sunday, Oberlin saw themselves seeded first in the consolation
bracket, facing North Park, a squad of inexperienced but athletic
rookies. North Park played well for their first tournament, but
fell to the Horsecows 13-3.
“Not much you can say about that one,” noted first-year
Ben “The Con” Sulman. “I mean, I guess you could
say we cleaned house with that no-talent, anus-licking non-team,
but that would kind of make me a jerk.”
For the final game of the day, Oberlin squared off against the University
of Kansas. Fired up from the success of the previous game and determined
not to come out flat-footed, Oberlin grabbed a quick 4-0 lead on
the overwhelmed Kansas squad, featuring Miller and Curran scoring
off of full field bombs from Degnan and Webber. Kansas then called
a timeout and stepped up their play, but the ’Cows took the
half all the same 7-4. Following an inspired locker-room speech
from veterans Degnan and Hamm, the ’Cows came rearing forward
in the second half. Sophomores Keith “Gasman” Apfelbaum
and Steve “The Mullet” Kleinman worked with senior Webber
to undermine the Kansas defense with crafty play patterns, taking
Oberlin into an 11-7 lead. The next point reached epic proportions,
highlighted by a series of fine defensive plays from Hamm and sophomore
Wilson “The Principle” Skinner. Each side battled fiercely
in an attempt to score, with Oberlin eventually coming out on top
after Skinner made a heart-stopping leap in the endzone to grab
a giant throw from Degnan.
“Yeah, it was a nice snatch,” first-year Luke “The
Snake” Eddins said. “Real nice.”
This vanquished the hopes of the Kansas squad, as they fell 13-7
So with a 4-2 record, the Horsecows were generally pleased with
the impression they made in the far off land of Minnesota. Consolation
champions are champions nonetheless, and the ’Cows took this
comfort home with them, as it kept them company for the 14-hour
journey back into the heartland of America.
Junior Brendan Curran is a member of the men’s
ultimate frisbee team, the Flying Horsecows.