What Would Nina Do?

Dear Nina,
What’s up with all these girls going for busted men on campus? I’m a juicy piece of eye-candy for the ladies, but I get beat out by geeks all the time. What goes on, dude?
– Adonis

Dear Narcissus,
“How the hell a ugly dude get a fine girl’s number?” You know (or maybe not) what NWA would say — he’s getting juiced for his ducats. In other words, flash the cash, moron, or quit complaining because your looks aren’t going to get you far if the girls you like are even more superficial (read: materialistic) than you.
This Beauty and the Beast thing is actually a pervasive and fascinating trend today. It extends far beyond this campus. I mean, hi, you may be familiar with such disconcerting couples as Lyle Lovett and Julia Roberts, Kid Rock and James King, Tom Green and Drew Barrymore.
There is also an entire sub-category which pervades the streets of New York, that I like to call the Woody Allen syndrome, the truly bewildering sight of seeing pretty Asian women on the arms of totally pasty Jewish guys with frizzy hair.
Anyway, girls around here might go for sugar daddies (young men might be advised likewise), or they may be picking “geeks” for their song-writing skills, ability to wear navy blue and black together, or barely visible eight-day stubble.
If you’re a conventionally good-looking guy who waxes his chest, works out and has a tan, you may have to wait for business school to get laid, unless you feel like taking a voice major to Cleveland for sushi.
The other hope lies in the fact that all the celebrity couples mentioned above are now split up. Perhaps this is just a phase women go through, being attracted to the underdog. You’ll have your day again, champ.
– Nina