Thirty-One Reasons Not to do Homework

Septemberıs here, meaning NFL football fans (whether or not we dare to be out of the closet) at Oberlin College will scuffle to complete their weekend work after spending six Sunday hours rooted to a La-Z-Boy with the right hand submerged in a bowl of Pringles. However, this seasonıs prospects offer fans good reason to postpone that pesky politics assignment. Thereıs a rookie named Brown for the Browns who may be the best linebacker since Lawrence Taylor, Ryan Leaf is back in the picture for the Chargers and has yet to do anything stupid through Week 1, and who knows how many more gold teeth newly acquired Redskin Deion Sanders might procure for himself if Washington goes all the way this year? Without further adieu, behold the divisional breakdowns.

AFC East

No one realistically has a legitimate shot of replacing Indianapolis as the class of the division and of the conference. Critics point to quarterback Peyton Manningıs average arm strength, but heıs deadly accurate and doesnıt make bad decisions. It helps that he has two of the best young offensive weapons in the game at the skill positions in Marvin Harrison and Edgerin James. By the end of this year James will have established himself as a legitimate superstar, and the Saints front office will be weeping like a four-year-old at Scream 3 for not selecting him over Ricky Williams in last yearıs draft. The Colts will go as far as their defense allows them to.

The rest of this division is wide open, with little separating Buffalo, New England, Miami and the Jets in terms of talent. At least one of these teams should get a Wild Card, and New York seems the best candidate. Their offense should be very good if injury-prone quarterback Vinny Testaverde can stay healthy. Luckily for him, heıs protected by a very strong offensive line.

Buffalo could creep into the playoffs on the strength of a creampuff out-of-conference schedule, but how good is quarterback Rob Johnson really? Not very.

The Patriots have no established running back and their offensive line has more holes than a strainer. Still, new head coach (General) Bill Belichek ushers in much needed discipline and just may be the spark that ignites their bafflingly erratic quarterback Drew Bledsoe.

The Dolphins should pull up the rear in the East. Although they spanked Seattle in Week 1, South Floridians have good reason to be shaking in their sunglasses at the prospect of Jay Fiedler replacing Dan Marino at quarterback.

AFC Central

This should be a two-team dogfight for the top spot unless someone else besides Tennessee or Jacksonville pulls a Rams and comes from nowhere. The Titans are probably the more talented of the two. Running back Eddie George, receivers Carl Pickens and Yancy Thigpen, and linebacker Jevon Kearse just comprise too many stars for most teams to match up favorably against. Plus this will be a breakthrough year for still-maturing quarterback Steve McNair.

The Jags have a chance only if quarterback Mark Brunell can remain healthy and play his fearless scrambling style that makes their offense so dangerous. He has excellent receivers to choose from, but the health of running back Fred Taylor still remains in question. Their potent defense, however, will ensure that they reach the playoffs.

The Steelers could easily self-destruct under the considerable pressure of a mounting quarterback controversy between the wildly unpredictable Kordell Stewart and the low-potential Kent Graham. Rookie receiver Plaxico Burress has the size and athleticism to be a Randy Moss-type mega-star and will vie for Rookie of the Year with Browns defensive end Courtney Brown.

Baltimore may be a team on the rise, but theyıre still very young and Tony Banks is not the answer for anyone at quarterback. For Cleveland, sophomore quarterback Tim Couch and receiver Kevin Johnson comprise a powerful duo, but donıt expect the Browns to win any more than five games. Cincinnati could be just as bad.

AFC West

This division used to inspire fear among the rest of the league. Those days are further away than M.C. Hammer being hip. Expect Denver to make a strong push and barely win this division over the Raiders. They played well Monday night against the mighty Rams and donıt have a terribly difficult schedule. Quarterback Brian Griece will continue to improve, running back Terrell Davis is healthy and Ed McCaffrey and Rod Smith are excellent receivers. If the suspect offensive line and aging defense hold up, the Broncos will be pesky.

The Raiders have a first-class offensive line and a superb receiver in Tim Brown. But Rich Gannon? Not the QB one wants for a team with as good a defense as the Raiders.

Ryan Leaf is back as San Diegoıs quarterback, but SoCal residents know better than to bet their surfboards that the NFLıs biggest bonehead wonıt suffer more mental lapses than Dylan McKay when heıs drinking. The fact is the Chargers just donıt have a whole lot of talent. Ditto for the once-mighty Chiefs. They still boast the same mundane grind-it-out offense that worked once in the mid-1990s, but no longer have the strong defense to support their shortcomings on the other side of the ball.

The Seahawks will be nothing better than mediocre. Kojak lookalike quarterback Jon Kitna is mediocre and no one can replace their loss of receiver Joey Galloway to the Cowboys. An 8-8 team at best, maybe not even that after the way mediocre Miami pushed them around in Week 1.

NFC East

Thereıs a good reason Vegas bookies are jammed with bets predicting the Redskins to win it all. They made more big pickups this winter than a trash collector in the subway. Aside from re-signing running back Stephen Davis, they acquired linebacker Bruce Smith, cornerback Deion Sanders, receiver Irving Fryar and quarterback Jeff George. And George isnıt even going to start. Although cornerback Darryl Green is 200 years old (perhaps thatıs an exaggeration), heıs still faster than 95% of the rest of the league. The decisive point in their season comes in a four week stretch when they face Jacksonville, Tennessee and St. Louis.

Aside from the ŒSkins, things look pretty bleak in the East. The Giants could be solid, but Kerry Collins just isnıt a playoff quarterback. A strong defense might land them a Wild Card slot. The days of Dallas dominance have disappeared, as shown by the drubbing they absorbed at the hands of a poor Eagles team in Week 1. The Cowboys picked up big-time receiver Joey Galloway in the off-season ‹ and then he promptly tore his ACL and is now out for the year. Heads in cowboy hats have already started hanging in Texas.

Philadelphia and Arizona should collectively make for some pretty unwatchable John Madden/Pat Summerall coverage on traditionally NFC East-heavy Fox. Itıs unlikely that either of these teams will win seven games.

NFC Central

This may be the most intriguing division in football this year, as three different teams could make some noise. Minnesota, Detroit and Tampa Bay all have legitimate shots at reaching the playoffs.

Minnesota essentially has the same team they did when they steamrolled through the league two years ago, and thereıs no reason to think they canıt do it again. The only significant change is their dazzling young quarterback, Daunte Culpepper, who plays like a young Randall Cunningham. Chris Carter and Randy Moss are all-world receivers, and if the Vikingsı defense remains solid, theyıll win the Central.

This is a big year for the Bucs. If they falter again in the playoffs, it may be time to rethink their all-defense strategy. Stud wide receiver Keyshawn Johnson will certainly help, but can unproven quarterback Shaun King get him the ball? Detroit is also dangerous, meaning inter-divisional games will be intense in the Central. Their defense is the best in the division, and if quarterback Charlie Batch and x-factor Desmond Howard step up, the Lions could be a sleeper.

The Bears also have reason for optimism, with much of it resting on the broad shoulders of smooth-throwing sophomore southpaw Cade McNown. By the end of the year heıll be a star, but as a team, Chicagoıs a year away. Much like the Cowboys, Green Bay will free-fall this year, and hot-headed quarterback Brett Favre just may blow his top in the process. Their offense has potential, but the defense does not, and a Week 1 loss to the unpredictable Jets is a preview of things to come.

NFC West

There used to only be one quality team in this division. There still is ‹ except now itıs the Rams instead of San Francisco. Quarterback Kurt Warner, running back Marshall Faulk and receivers Isaac Bruce and Az Hakim offer more punch than Hawaii, and St. Louis will roll all the way to the NFC Championship.

Atlanta should finish no better than .500 this year. A healthy Jamal Anderson is a huge boost to the Falconsı offense, but Chris Chandler is over the hill and has had his career year. The Panthers find themselves in a similar situation. New head coach George Seifert will help, but they may have erred irrevocably in offering aging quarterback Steve Beuerlein such a lucrative contract-especially since their suspect offensive line probably wonıt be able to protect him any better than Jeb Stewart did the Confederacy.

The 49ers are extremely young, yet unrealistically expect to win ‹ a dangerous combo that could result in head coach Steve Mariucci losing his job.

Some things have changed, others have not. The two Ohio teams will continue to lose a combined 20 games, Drew Bledsoe will blow games with idiotic passes to the other team and Randy Moss will embarrass cornerbacks. However, winning appears as if it will return to Washington, the Bears will have a star on their hands who doesnıt do the Super Bowl Shuffle and the Steelers will have a rookie receiver that rivals the mighty Moss. Bust out the party mix and put that tattered copy of Marx aside, Oberlin students. Sunday is back.