Student Mail Takes a Back Seat to Dye

Have you ever wandered into the mailroom, eager to open all the letters that some unlucky College employee had to stuff into your overflowing mailbox? Has that enthusiasm then dissipated into bitter disappointment when you realize that all those letters are actually all-campus mailings sent to you by none other than President Nancy Dye? For that matter, have you ever wondered why you never received that letter your girlfriend sent you three months back to let you know that she had decided to join a convent? And just what did happen to your subscription to Guns and Ammo?

You need not wonder any longer. According to sources in the Wilder Student Union, mailroom employees are required to treat all-campus pamphlets sent from or approved by the office of the College president as a top priority, meaning that packages and personal letters intended for students must necessarily take a backseat to mailings endorsed by Dye. At times, such pamphlets have delayed the delivery of personal mail by hours and even days.

"We don't just drop everything to accommodate the President's office," one mailroom worker said on grounds of anonymity. "But if Printing Services calls, we have to run over and pick up the President's fliers. Then we have to dedicate some of our staff to getting it distributed. It takes a lot of time."

"A single all-campus mailing requires three or four workers, and it takes between 30 and 45 minutes for each person to finish their individual job," the worker said. "So we use about two or three man-hours for every mailing. There have been days in the past when those kinds of chores have delayed other types of mail from reaching the students."

Still, the worker insisted that the blame for such delays should not fall squarely on the head of the president. "These mailings are not necessarily sent by Dye. They only have to be approved by her office," the worker said. "It could be her secretary or anyone else in her office who does that. But another problem we've had stems from the fact that many on-campus organizations claim that their letters have been approved by the president, and we have no choice but to believe them and distribute their literature.

"It's a system that works most of the time," the worker added. "But sometimes it doesn't."

For her part, Dye was taken aback by the suggestion that letters approved by her office were responsible for the gridlock that has recently plagued the College mailroom. "I have never heard that rumor," she said, "though there are times during the year when admissions mail and acceptance letters must take priority."

Even so, many students were not thrilled to learn that personal letters, magazines and packages could be delayed by a sudden influx of all-campus mailings. Senior Bonnie Fletcher suggested that the College should consider a more modern approach to communication. "I think it's absolutely ridiculous that all-campus mailings might be delaying the mail that people really care about," she said. "Maybe the College should take a giant leap into the 20th century by sending mass e-mails to the student body. Wouldn't that be more efficient?"

Junior Isaac Natter offered a similar critique of the situation, though in a much less diplomatic manner. "We have all these whiny organizations like Ohio PIRG who protest about things that no one cares about, like toxic waste and endangered reindeer in crappy little towns that no one has ever heard of," he said. "If Nancy Dye can't distribute mail in a pollution-free and timely manner, and if my mail-order pornography is being delayed by all-campus bulletins, that's something I care about. Maybe all those hypocritical hippie protesters should do something about that."

Certainly, there are other factors that are responsible for the frustration that some students have experienced in their dealings with the College post office, like the neglected packages that accumulate behind the mailroom window. But the next time you receive a letter from campus Security advising you to register your car or avoid gun-wielding strangers, remember this: that same warning might have delayed the delivery of your rent check or the latest issue of Teen Beat.