SPORTS

Chess: not just for losers, but also Trekkies

Glenn Kaplan

Each week my fellow editors and writers report on athletics in and out of our Oberlin community. They write lengthy odes to the carnal prowess that is necessary in order to excel at a given sport. Articles glorify each bruising tackle, every humiliating spike and the beauty of the reverse jam. Too often, physical talent is celebrated while mental ability is all but ignored. Not this week.

Chess, more than any other game on the planet, boasts the most vibrant community of mentally adept humans. Spectators are privy to awe inspiring castles, baffling forks, and breathtaking en passants. No slam dunks here, just pure, unadulterated mental fun.

Many people undoubtedly refuse to recognize chess as a sport. Well, the skeptics are wrong. According to Webster's, a sport is "a source of pleasant diversion, often a pleasing or amusing pastime." And what's more pleasing than countering the Ruy Lopez offense with a Sicilian defense? What could compare with the indescribable pleasure of whispering the most beautiful word in the English language-checkmate-into the ears of an unsuspecting opponent?

Admittedly, chess has yet to be accepted as a mainstream sport, but recent events suggest that public interest is growing. Who didn't cringe when IBM's Deep Blue defeated Russian chess virtuoso Garry Kasparov? Meanwhile, I doubt that the popularity of the film Searching for Bobby Fischer can wholly be attributed to the antics of Lawrence Fishburne or the pedagogy of Ben Kingsley.

Chess, like soccer, is the world's game. Most tournaments boast an international flavor. Given the rising popularity that Major League Soccer has enjoyed in only its third season, would it be premature to assume the same about the United States Chess Federation (USCF)?

As in most popular sports, the participants start young. After-school chess programs have been swelling in recent years. Perhaps the USCF should institute a year 2010 program, which accumulates and trains talent, like U.S. soccer has. One could envision a rook and bishop in the hands of every five year old.

Chess, unlike many contact sports, lacks physical barriers. One need not be 6' 10" to pin the queen or be able to throw a perfect spiral in order to accomplish a backrow mate. All one needs is a capable cerebrum and a limb to learn and play the most complicated and challenging game ever invented.

The overwhelming majority of sports fans stereotype chess players as nerds and geeks; such inaccurate characterizations reflect nothing but ignorance and even a bit of jealousy. In reality, those same "dorks" who hang out in small rooms banging clocks are the ultimate players in love and life. Don Juan, aside from his sexual exploits, was known to be a highly rated chess player. It is a little known fact that opening with the King's pawn is extremely arousing; a checkmate is simply orgasmic. Webster's continues to write that sports are often a form of "sexual dalliance and amorous play." When played right, chess, more than any other sport (with the possible exception of baseball), is a powerful aphrodisiac.

Furthermore, metaphors used to describe the most brutal of contests-and even life itself-come directly from the chessboard. How often have I heard football likened to a game of chess? How often has someone referred to themselves merely as a pawn in the game of life? The pervasiveness of chess in our everyday lexicon is staggering.

Let us then embrace the chessboard, its pieces and the minds that control them. True talent is taking advantage of a passed pawn, not blocking from the offensive line.

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Copyright © 1998, The Oberlin Review.
Volume 127, Number 12, December 11, 1998

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