Some helpful tips from LiNK

"Fashion maven" Melissa Jeffries looks to Boston University students for the dos and don'ts of '90s fashion and shares her findings with all of us interested Oberlin students via LiNK. Freshmen are totally in luck this time because there are some wicked suggestions on how to look like you're NOT a freshman.

Ladies, brace yourselves. There's a whole slew of things you need to improve before you're ready to meet a man. You might have had style in your hometown highschool, but things change when you go to college. You need to change, too.

Those uncomfortable shoes and stockings that you wore to homecoming dances? The matching outfits that mom bought for you to wear on the first day of classes? They're so not in. Jeffries tells you to "[t]ry mismatching for a change. It could liberate you." See, that's all it takes! Cool clothes and clunky shoes and you'll totally find the man of your dreams.

Almost. First, wipe off your face. The whole world (or school) will know that you kissed your date and missed his mouth when they see the bright red lipstick marks on his cheek. Then you'll never be able to enter the dining hall without being laughed at! Instead, Jeffries says, "[t]hink matte and subtle."

It's not just your lips either. The problem with freshmen chicks is that they wear too much makeup everywhere. It's not about how much goop you put on your face; it's about what you wear, how subtle your make-up is, where you buy your clothes, who you're sleeping with, how much you down play any intelligence that you might have once had, and how much money you're able to invest in your appearance.

One last word on the make-up scene: "Maybe a little powder and a dash of color on the lips is in order, but please, we are begging you, trash the mascara, foundation and, for god's sake, the lip liner." Well, color me damned-I should have read LiNK before I went to the mall.

And ladies-when you do go to the mall, trendy Newbury Street bars, or scope your college's frat parties, lose the purse. It's totally highschool. "It's time to get a proper bag." The streets of New York have some rad bags that are sure to act like a guy-magnet. So next weekend, you and your fellow sorority pledges should book a train into the city. You'll come back dressed to kill (your personality, that is).

Hey guys-don't think we've forgotten about you. You're the reason we're so unbelievably, anorexically, competitively concerned with our appearance in the first place! But you won't get off so easy if you don't improve your own idea of fashion.

Here's what you gotta do: get rid of the baseball hats, the "clichéd" college sweatshirts and those terrible pleated pants. Remember, dude, "you are in college to have a good time, find yourself and date...a lot."

Girls just don't dig the conservative, boring, adolescent style that looked good on our middle school boyfriends. We want our men to be rough, tough and wild. You gotta look like a man for us to consider you a man. So untuck your shirt, dufus, or we'll just go out with your roommate.

Sadly to say, boys, it may not be so easy for you to get noticed. All we have to do is cut an inch or two off of our already shortened mini-skirts and wear a V-neck that's-oops-a little too big in the neck and a little too tight in the boobs (funny how that happens, eh?). And we have a whole array of fabrics, materials and colors we can use to express ourselves. Know what I mean? The velour periwinkle button-down just doesn't work on a male-you don't want people to think you're a fag, do you?

For heterosexual, white, Christian, hard-up, sexually deprived (and inexperienced) men, the key is individuality. "A little pomade and dye could make a new you." And, of course, now that you're in college, you simply must find a new you. The old one is totally uncool. (Barf)

Go crazy, be a hunk, love your testosterone and be sure to hide any bit of your personality that doesn't jive with the chill, unemotional, solid-as-a-rock image. "College could be your last chance! Besides, chicks dig it." Oh, do we ever! We're never concerned with a guy's true self, we just care what he looks like on our arm when we walk past last month's flavor.

LiNK definitely knows what's up. Its articles, fashion tips and general suggestions are just the thing that Oberlin students need to get back on track. Like, it's really too bad that we don't have an Armani Exchange, a Guess?, a DKNY or a Karen King store in the area. And it totally sucks that Oberlin doesn't have any bars because I like, wanted to show off my new not-purse somewhere off-campus. And, omigod, I so should have gone to a college with lots of frats and sororities because then this stupid, mainstream (is it even that?) bullshit magazine might have some meaning to me.