Drag Ball offers mist, Miss Metropolis and more

"The Drag Ball? Oh, honey, PLEASE. Been there. Done that. And drag is right!" Hmm. Well, I have only four words for this kind of simple-mindedness : I don't THINK so. And I find myself wondering why I should even waste my time convincing boring and pretentious people like this to go anyway. I certainly don't want that kind of attitude around at the biggest social event of the year. So, I think I will take a different approach, and for those of you who think that if you've seen one Drag Ball, you've seen them all, you can just stay home and watch your television, drink your Michelob, or whatever it is that lame people do on Saturday night. As for me, I'm going to the Ball, and I certainly hope that my Queen Charming is dressed as Madonna - wearing black leather, carrying a whip and lip-synching "Erotica" down in the 'Sco.

If you have so far not been inspired to find your costume, you had better hurry. Stop reading now and RUN. Mini Mart closes at 5 p.m., and Senior Thrift at 4 p.m. This is your last chance, unless you intend to be wearing the Kmart Special. And believe me, it will be worth your time and effort: The winners of the runway contest this year will have a stretch limousine waiting to escort them wherever their hearts desire, within reason, of course. (Void where prohibited. This is a one-time offer.)

Ahem. Uh, anyway, as I was saying, this year's gala, co-sponsored by the Student Union and LGBU, promises to be the biggest and best yet, with many new and exciting features. In order to get the full inside story, I had a chat with the man who works with everyone involved in organizing this event, Student Union staff member Chris Baymiller.

Baymiller also said this year's Drag Ball in Wilder Hall, more so than any before it, will surely have something for everyone. The Disco Queens will still have two dance floors - the Main Lounge and the 'Sco - in which to boogie the night away, complete with a new sound system and mist machines, and extravagant lighting imported from Cleveland. For those who like to perform, the ever-popular lip-synch contest will still be happening, but with an added bonus for the spectators: the one and only Miss Big and Beautiful Metropolis, a drag queen from Cleveland will perform.

For the drunk and single, the Tunnel of Love archway has been added, which leads to the lounge areas for those with sore feet from tacky high heels. Here, one can relax in a soothing, mood-lit atmosphere and drink free coffee and tea in the Cafe Fantasie. Tres chic. Finally, for the listening enjoyment of the Conservatory Queens, there will be an orchestral performance by a group of about twenty-five students.

If you want to be a star, rumors have it that Rolling Stone might cover this monumental occasion again. An even foggier possibility is that People magazine might have some interest. The Gay People's Chronicle will definitely be there, and a photographer has also been hired. Last year's reigning Queen, Marie Aquanet, a.k.a. fifth-year Mike Maccaferri, will make a cameo appearance as the runway competition's emcee. It is rumored that this year's costume will be even more elaborate than the last one; in other words, a reason in itself to go to the Drag Ball.

The Drag Ball has ambition - it will never be the same twice, and it gets massively more elaborate every year. Baymiller said that they are already thinking about next year. And they are thinking big. Can we say MTV? Laser light show? Hell, this sure beats any campus party, not to mention that there will be free beer. Yes, you read correctly - free beer.

As Baymiller said, the Drag Ball is "just a great spectacle. That's the thing." And more than that: it's expression, creativity, subversion, all the things daily life tend to lack. So, Miss Thing, put your party pants on - uh, I mean dress, or whatever - and get ready for the time of your life. Go crazy. That's what we're here for.