My friend and I are having a fight about whether you should or should not listen to music/watch movies while having makeouts/sexy times…soooooooo?

This is a hotly debated issue in some circles. I have no idea which circles these are or where they debate, but I have heard about the possibility of an argument centered around this specific topic. And so we shall take the time to explore both sides of the discussion before coming to the conclusion that it doesn’t really effin’ matter. Super!

So there’s the “NO” camp. They are into the au naturale way to makeout/have the sex. Just you and your partner gettin’ it on. No distractions. No clichés. No need for a set rhythm. It’s only two people being together making things happen based on general sexual desire. Who doesn’t love it?

But here are the “YES” people, who also have strong, legitimate arguments — awkwardness. Other sounds can potentially drown out sex noises. It’s simply nice to the neighbors to play background music. And if you’re not that into it or makeouts bore you to tears, anything else to focus on beside the cinder block walls is probably pretty welcome. With these mood-lit dorm rooms, how could you not put on some music anyway? The beautiful wall colors and magnificent fluorescence practically beg for some Barry White to make the ambience just so.

Mostly, this only mildly applies to movies, so we’ll take some time to talk about that, clearly. First of all, inviting someone with whom you could even potentially have sexual tension with over to watch a movie and/or TV show is code. Everyone knows it, and so, even if you genuinely want to watch said movie/TV show, you have to invite someone else. Regardless, if you are planning on having makeouts/sex during this screening, try to make it something neither of you want to see or both have seen a number of times.

It is also good form to watch something that’s a little dull — not that I don’t love watching Arrested Development during pop-pop as much as the next person, but I think it’s hysterical and will laugh whenever I think it’s witty. This would be bad if you don’t know your sex buddy very well. They could walk out ’cause they think you’re laughing at them. Though it would be funny for me, it would probably not be funny for you.

Now that we’ve heard both sides of the argument, all we have to do is take into account the spontaneous sex factor. I am just saying that sometimes sexual relations just happen when you’re watching a movie, and there’s not really a lot you can do about it. It’s the same with the music. If you don’t have time to turn it on, you don’t really have to. Don’t interrupt the sexy times for music unless you think you have to.

But, oh my holy crap, it really just depends on personal preference. If you don’t like music, don’t play it. If you do, do. It is extremely uncomplicated. I am not really sure how you can have a vehement opinion on this issue unless you and your sex-friend differ. That is the only place where I could imagine having some sort of obvious contention.

And if you have a debate between playing music versus movies as far as the sex goes, just stick Fantasia in the DVD player, and you’re set. The best of both worlds, ladies and gentlemen — and both and neither. But I refuse to choose a side on this topic. I do not care and have a good time either way. I’m on the fence, you see. Flip-flops and waffles for everyone! Delicious and stylish! Direct from me to you. Now, please remember to send me your problems (fictitious or not), and I will be glad we had this talk.