This week Moose Terry sat down with John Hugens, a senior and fellow Georgia redneck swimmer, who is looking to make tidal waves this season. After taking a year off to find his swimming chi he comes back faster than tuna fleeing from a great white shark. We discussed his speed, the time off and shaving one’s body as a male athlete.

Moose Terry: Just to let the readers know exactly who you are, I would like to ask if you have any aliases?

John Hugens: Well, Coach Fino, our head coach, calls me Huggies. It’s pretty awful. We have a freshman we call Big V because his last name begins with V and it makes a pretty funny anatomy joke.

MT: You took a year off last year to do some spiritual searching. What did you do instead of swimming and how did it affect you?

JH: I really just missed swimming. My GPA went up but that was because all I did was study all the time. I didn’t drink or party harder, I just spent the time doing schoolwork. I did discover that the registrar won’t let you register for a thousandth of a credit. I was taking a private reading and on the variable credit thing I put a thousandth of a credit. The registrar did not like that at all.

MT: What dreams did you have coming back this season after finding such self-revelation?

JH: Well, coach didn’t let me back on the team until right before the season and so my only dream was to swim. Once I got back on the roster, I focused on the same goals I have had since middle school. Those goals are to swim the 500-meter in under five minutes and to swim the 100-meter backstroke in five and a half seconds.

MT: As a senior, you are a leader and responsible for helping the team reach its goals. What goals are there for the team this year?

JH: Our main focus is on growing and bonding together as a unit. Besides becoming closer, we set the goal of winning something, anything. We have already accomplished that goal when we won a meet a couple of weeks ago. Also we would really like to get Cory Myers to the National meet.

MT: Every swimmer has a favorite stroke, that is kind of their trademark. What’s your trademark and why?

JH:  I love the backstroke because I like being on my back. I really am just a little faster when I swim backstroke. I know you want me to be funny but there really is nothing funny about backstroke.

MT:  Earlier you stated that a team goal was to really bond this year as a squad. Are there any crazy things you have planned for the team to grow closer?

JH: The men are going to shave our bodies together. Also, the guys like to do ab workouts together in the showers, its pretty homoerotic. We turn the showers on hot and it gets really steamy while we’re all just working out our abs.

MT: Why are you shaving your bodies together?

JH: We have this three-day meet coming up and many swimmers believe shaving can make you faster. It makes you some made-up number like ten percent faster. And we’re not all able to Nair our bodies. I heard Tony Miller on the football team Nairs his body — that’s pretty sweet. We don’t do the personal areas though unless you want to. I mean, you got to trim those parts but shaving isn’t necessary.

MT: What are you interested in outside the water, as a land animal?

JH: I don’t really have any interests. I swim, eat and sleep. My spare time is usually spent with the trainer, Jill, in the training room. We’ve had a long, beautiful relationship. She’s an institution.

MT: Would you be interested in continuing to swim after college?

JH: If I stop swimming I’ll have to stop eating. When I swim I get to eat whatever and whenever I want. If I stop swimming I have to watch what I eat, so swimming is a health thing. I might take a couple of years off to get fat and then I’ll start swimming and get healthy again.

MT: Well, John, it’s time for this week’s “The swim team changes in a Plywood Box because their locker room burned down” question of the week. This week’s question was turned in by copy editor and one hell of a sex machine Ralph Lewis. John, which movie do you prefer: Total Recall or The Crying Game?

JT: I’ve never seen The Crying Game, but I know what it’s about and it doesn’t seem to be my cup of tea. Plus, Total Recall is a sick movie and I love that stuff. So Total Recall it is.