What do I do? I want to hook up with one of my friends who is hooking up with another friend, but I don’t know how to go about it or if it’s okay.
-Feeling the Friendcest
This happens all the time. Why? Oh, I have no idea… maybe because we’re in a college with 3,000 people. That could be a part of it. But, however snarky my comment just was, our small population doesn’t actually have that much to do with the weird half-incestual relations that go on. It helps a lot, but it isn’t just us. This happens all the time. Without question. Even in the real world. Yeah, there’s one of those.
I am going to throw a little college knowledge (that rhymed…awesome) down on your asses. I learned about it the other day in class. You probably have never even thought of what I’m about to tell you, it’s so revolutionary and exciting. It transcends every fact you have ever heard about relationships. I’ll say it slow, so you’ll get it. People – tend to want to sleep with – the people – they have created – an emotional – attachment to.
I know it’s weird. I know it’s hard to hear or understand, but there is scientific evidence that proves it. Studies and such, you know. When you spend more time with someone their hookup potential rises because you are in close physical and emotional proximity to them. Clearly, this isn’t always true, and there are certainly exceptions (like uggos) but it tends to be a relatively safe bet to assume that if there’s some attraction it will grow enough so the hook up potential is higher than Bob Marley pogo-sticking over Mt. Everest.
And, you, dearest, are at that point. Isn’t it super? I am going to assume there is sexual tension because if there isn’t sexual tension, well, maybe you should stop thinking there is going to be any sort of nooky. Sorry. That’s key. (I am also sorry for using the word “nooky”; I just had to.) Especially when he/she/ze/it is your friend, and hooking up with one of your other friends. The sexual tension is a must. Now that we’ve gotten that cleared up…what’re you gonna do?
Clearly, you’ve got to figure out if one of your friends is emotionally connected to the other one. You’ve got to evaluate and mitigate the jealousy and awkwardness factors. Will person A be mad/jealous/angry if you hook up with person B? If not, will person A be entirely awkward when you all, as friends, hang out together? Will any person be excruciatingly uncomfortable, yourself included?
You have to expend some sort of effort to potentially discover the implications and consequences of your actions. If you are comfortable with what you find out, using sources such as mutual friends, or, if you’re daring, the parties involved, then please, oh God, please, hook up with your friend. If you’re not, then don’t. Don’t be stupid. Don’t create excess drama.
I mean, it’s fine if you want to create drama, I guess. But, that shouldn’t be the goal. The goal should be mutual sexual satisfaction. If you are entirely unsure of how you feel about the situation and have weighed all the options and nothing is screaming to you as preferable, then wait. You should just wait. Yeah, it’s a little sad and lame, but, sometimes, it’s an okay thing to do. Really. I swear. Okay. Great. Glad we had this talk.
To submit relationship questions to Glad We Had This Talk, contact Julia.Chauvin@oberlin.edu.