| << Front page | Sports | May 13, 2005 |
In the Locker Room With Andy Nelson
For the final ITLR of the year I decided to venture behind the scenes and interview the someone behind the student-athletes at Oberlin — the coach. Head women’s soccer coach Andy Nelson just completed his first year at Oberlin and has already developed a reputation as a master of the microwave.
Note to reader: this ITLR is best read with an English accent and a questionable sense of humor.
Where did you grow up?
AN: Birmingham, England.
Did you play football there?
AN: As we call it. Yes, soccer.
Did you play rugby?
AN: Yes. For four or five years.
A number of your soccer players are on the rugby team. Do you worry about
injuries?
AN: I do worry about injuries. I leave that decision up to them.
Have you noticed any differences between athletics in England and
athletics in the United States?
AN: From a women’s standpoint athletics
is almost nonexistent. Most women don’t do anything in the way of
competitive athletics [in England]. It’s getting better. They’re
catching up, but they are probably 20 to 25 years behind.
Why did you come to the States?
AN: I went to Westchester University in
Pennsylvania. I left high school when I was 16, which was pretty normal for back
home. But there were no jobs. In the early 80s, it was the recession. McDonalds,
no jobs. You couldn’t find anything. Cleaning toilets? Nothing. Finally I
did get a real job after six months out of high school. There were 72 applicants
for a job as a shop assistant. My relatives in the States knew what was going on
back home and knew there was opportunity here.What sort of shop did you work
in?AN: A sports shop, of course.
What do you think of Ohio?
AN: Ohio is very flat. Very flat.
Had you been to Ohio before you started working at Oberlin?
AN:
Probably for some soccer thing, but not to vacation.
You lead clinics for younger soccer players. Do you have any stories about
them?
AN: Last summer, they were playing body part soccer, which is where
they dribble around and I say, “Elbow!” and they have to put their
elbows on the ball and “Head!” and they have to put their heads on
the ball. I said, “Calf!” and they started all coughing. That was
entertaining, especially since the parents were sitting there laughing.
You live with Chad, the men’s assistant soccer coach, and several of
your players mentioned that they’ve seen you grocery shopping together.
Who is the better cook?
AN: Well, let me see. Chad cooks. I don’t. By
default, Chad wins. I do cereal and baked beans and pasta. But to be honest, not
that I’m one to comment, but Chad’s not... uh...doesn’t really
go all out. He knows at least to add things to chicken.
Besides your lack of culinary skills, were there any memorable moments
with the team?
AN: We’ve got players on this team that can get an 800
on the SAT mathematics section but can’t figure out how to open my car
door with the key.
Who?
AN: I can’t mention any names, for the sake of the team. We
actually have an award, “Wally of the Year.” The person who
can’t open the car door was also Wally of the Year.
Is “wally” a British term?
AN: Yes. Basically, a cross
between someone who’s a bit of a geek and someone who makes silly mistakes
on really mundane things. This person managed to set the alarm off, roll the
windows down, but she couldn’t unlock the car doors.
Was this all from the outside of the car?
AN: Yes. If you jiggle the
key in a certain way, you can actually get the windows to go down all at the
same time and this person managed to do two of the three things she wasn’t
trying to do.
What would your players say about you?
AN: One of the things I’m
well known for on our team is telling bad jokes. What do you call a deer with no
eyes?
I don’t know.
AN: No idea. All those types of things. What do you
call a guy with a car on his head?
[blank stare]
AN: Jack. What do you call a guy with a piece of wood in
his head...Edward. What do you call a guy with three pieces of wood in his head?
Um...
AN: Edward Wood Wood. What do you call a guy with four pieces in
his head?
Andy...
AN: I don’t know but Edward Wood Wood would.
Okay...
What do you call a fish with no eye?
No idea?
AN: Fsh. Most of my players don’t actually laugh at the
jokes. They just sort of roll their eyes.
Do you make them do sprints if they don’t laugh?
AN: I should. I
just sort of threaten them –—“You’re not going to start
next week.”
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