The men’s tennis team pulled off their first shutout of the season when they upended Wittenberg University 7-0 last Sunday. Both the men and the women won on Saturday against Otterbein College: the men 6-1, the women 9-0 for the third time this season.

First-year Kimiko Glynn furthered her eye-gouging, heart valve plugging, knee cap shattering dominance on Saturday with another route at the number one singles position. She combined her superhuman dominance with the equally almighty power of sophomore Bianca Barr to snatch the number one doubles.

Glynn described her tennis experience thus far with well-rounded buoyancy: “I feel extremely lucky to be a part of such a wonderful team that is not only talented but, more importantly, great friends.” She specifically complimented the seniors as “great leaders for everyone on the team.” Glynn said the team is hoping to make an appearance at the regional tournament.

The supremacy and pre-eminence of the women’s team has not gone unnoticed by the general student body. “They’re kind of revolting,” said Fernando Gattorno, a junior and general athletic appreciator, “I mean, how is it that these girls are this dominant? It’s not healthy.”

The men’s team has lately produced a similar gag reflex. Senior Mark Knee took the number one singles on Saturday for the first time in his career, while fellow senior Nick Ogren won it on Sunday. The two paired to win the number one doubles at both matches. Ogren praised his team, “This is the strongest we’ve been in the four years I’ve been here. We all push one another each and every practice, guys are training outside of practice, and unlike previous years, we are not taking any teams lightly.”

As for individual compliments, his acclaim balanced out Glynn’s. “I attribute a lot of our early success to the strong play of our freshmen.” He commended Colin Burling and Ezra Goldman at doubles and Chris Pray, who “is a beast at three singles.”

The men look to continue their success this Sunday at 11 a.m. against Ohio Wesleyan University. The women similarly hope to dig up more vegetables this Sunday in a home match against Ohio Dominican College at 11 a.m.