Evans’ Nutella habit costly
To the Editors:
In reference to his $200-a-day Nutella habit, Joseph Kimmel was recently quoted to say: “I was once a one-legged orphan...and now I have two legs and two parents.” 
Regardless of claims to the contrary (first set forth by Walther von der Vogel Weide in his seminal work “A Hairy Situation: The Role of Wig Swapping in the Appomattox Negotiations”), Kimmel’s blithe assurances of his alleged words-per-minute carpet-bagging records — records which, the discerning reader should note, have been sealed from the public — have been broadcast repeatedly.
Electroshock privateering allegations aside, Kimmel’s purchase and subsequent mastication of the Rockefeller Monet collection should be ignored no longer. 
Even before his international self-revelation as the “Pistol-Packing
 — The New York Times, “Greenspan Worried Over Third-Wheel Status,” 7/12/05