Go to oldest page.

Padma Sambhava says, "Don't miss that timeless magnum opus Self-Liberation through Seeing with Naked Awareness"

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Nov. 6. Looking for that innocence and that sense of wonder, the combination of which used to be my state of mind and state of being, as a child. Now I understand that innocence--or rather purity, that which is real--is always here, always within. All my vain strivings have been about looking for what I already have, for what I already am.

Babies and animals are appealing because they are real, they are pure, guileless, innocent. Even the carnivorous animal can be rightly called innocent, because he is true to his nature, and is part of nature, keeping things in balance, keeping the prey in check and helping with the evolutionary process: promoting better predators and better prey.

With human beings, we can make life hell for ourselves and each other, or make life heaven, depending on state of mind and state of being.

For me, hell is the oppressive feeling of having to work to survive, of having to pay outrageously high bills for a fairly basic existence. I can understand why some people prefer to be homeless--no worries about money because there aren't any bills to pay, and no possessions to worry about.

I take comfort in the knowledge that death is inevitable: no more work, no more worry. The universe gives, the universe takes. No more heat, no more cold, no more drudgery. Back to what I was before 'I' was 'born'--once again merged fully with the effortless life of the universe. Even now, while stuck in this form, I can enjoy the merge, and take comfort in the shining reality of impersonal universal energy, of pure awareness--rigpa. No interest in pretending to be anything--being that which I eternally am is totally wonderful, blessed relief from all the human bullshit that I used to buy into.

....................

I think I will slowly bag the accumulation of things in the house so that they go to the landfill for future archaeologists to study. Little by little, space will return to the house that was so wonderfully empty before we dragged all the largely useless baggage in with us when we moved in. It's the next best thing to being homeless: jettisoning all the useless clutter gathered over decades of consumerism.

................

Nov. 3. I'm learning to let go, allow the present to be as it is, including the foolishness of human thinking and human behavior. I'm learning to lose control graciously, as I have no control over anything or anyone anyway. There is no-one in control. Plenty of human beings delude themselves into thinking they control, or are controlled. But no. There is no-one in control, no-one to be controlled. There is only spirit, light, the universal energy, pure awareness. Rigpa is, because it is nothing. No thing. Rigpa rules the universe. The universe is rigpa, rigpa is the universe. The universe rules the universe. The universe is self-controlled. "God's will."

It's still difficult for me to accept the right of people to go off and destroy, or be self-destructive...distract, and be distracted...not that it is bad in itself, but that there is something so wonderful that requires only that we recognize and realize its presence, the presence of spirit, of the universal energy, of pure awareness, and that requires letting go of desire, of fear, of anger, of distraction. I wish everyone would find rigpa and stay home, sharing the warmth, the natural wealth, the life.

Accepting ignorance is difficult. Accepting ignorant behavior is difficult. Knowing well how ignorant I've been, how ignorant my behavior has been, it's difficult for me to accept, allow, let go, and let people, including those near and dear, make preventable mistakes. Maybe there is no such thing as a preventable mistake. Mistakes are inevitable. As mistakes provide the fertilizer for growth, "learning from one's mistakes," knowing that makes it easier for me to let go and let it be. I've stated my position, I don't support destruction or self-destruction, of deliberate self-incapacitation. If the mistakes happen, and become anything between an annoyance and a tragedy, I can only accept the consequences of mistakes, inevitable mistakes that I could not prevent.

What my responsibility is now, always, is to abide in rigpa, to not let the false drama of nonexistent 'me' distract me away from rigpa and make mistakes upon mistakes. To be a beacon of rigpa is my ambition, and as it turns out, has been ever since I can remember. My hellish foolish bizarre karma has played out, and I still have sound mind, sound body, and a few years left to be that which I eternally am.

...

There is something that sure feels sacred, that feeling I've felt ever since childhood, when singing a bit of something, or hearing a bit of music, a deep spiritual joy, a fundamental ecstasy that takes in the poignancy of the transiency of all things. It's a 'coming home' ecstasy, accompanied by tears of joy. Very easy to find, it's as close as the heart of hearts. Singing and chanting a bit, with or without keyboard or guitar chords, brings it all out. The orgasm of the heart of hearts, very sacred. Tears of joy accompany the orgasm of the spirit. No wonder bhakti yoga has its lifetime adherents--there's no greater pleasure than spiritual bliss. Sacred. That sacred feeling.

So no reason to contemplate divorce, I'm already married forever to all beings, all beings are me, I am all beings. I only contemplate expanding my love as best I can to all my beings, including the one to whom the world thinks is my sole spouse. Pieces of paper and conceptualizations. Unreal.

I always wanted to be a monk. Now I am, and the utter opposite of celibate. I can't change what I eternally am. I can't help but be that which I really am. There's no choice in the matter now. There's no going back to unreality.

...

It's so good to be this thing I am, which is a transparent nothingness, pure awareness, clear light, universal energy. I am in all things, and all things are in me, and I am nothing. Shine, shine, shine on, clear flame. Across all space, one clear flame, one eternal moment.

........

Nov. 1. Back to a little self-restraint, a little self-discipline. Just a little. Really maxed out the self-indulgences lately, and the consequences remind me why self-restraint is preferable.

Nevertheless, all is well. Rigpa remains rigpa, how wonderful it is, and is, and is. This is truly a cosmic situation comedy--what a situation the universe has put itself in. How is it going to get itself out of THIS one, THIS time...at the end, there's laughing, and hugging. All is well.

Control freaks are miserable wretches. I should know. I am a recovering control freak, as well as a recovering perfectionist, and a recovering self-indulgency. The good thing is, as one feels the loss of everything, including control, it's possible to accept such loss of everything, ESPECIALLY loss of control. Who's in control anyway? Huh? Huh?

The secret is to get to the stage, and remain in the stage, of desirelessness. Then the great What-Is is absolutely wonderful. Just THIS: being, awareness, phenomena, just as it is: sheer unspeakable bliss, stunning, amazing.

In lieu of an indentifiable career, I have embarked on a lovely careen, listing, lurching. All is well.

...............

Oct. 31. Read a newspaper item about how elephants have been found to be self-aware, as are apes, humans, and dolphins. They recognize themselves in the mirror, and act accordingly.

Self-awareness is a funny thing--most people take self-awareness for granted, it's such a familiar experience people tend to not be aware of self-awareness, and to not be aware of awareness.

Such an obvious, simple, constant thing: awareness. Yet this very awareness is the universal awareness, the most excellent Rigpa itself. If only people could learn to be aware of awareness, and to be aware of being...this natural self-existent self-perfected awareness and being...and rest in that, abide in that, as that.

The problem is distraction--this is a very distracted society, and the ways we distract ourself and each other are innumerable, endless, pervasive, insidious. The toys, the entertainments, the conceptualizations--things, things, things...words, words, words...thought after thought after thought, driven by thought, enslaved by thought, distracted by thought.

I know well the hell of being at the mercy of thoughts. And I know well the heaven--the peace, the freedom, the security, the joy--of pure being, pure awareness, that just is.

....

How wonderful, awareness. And awareness of awarness. And self-awareness. And other-awareness. And the mutual recognition of the presence of awareness in each other, each aware of the other, each aware of the other's awareness. So simple, so obvious, so constant, so universal. The universal language of pure awareness. To lock eyes with a beloved animal companion. Pure awareness, even the animal is aware of my awareness, and aware that I'm aware of their awareness. Presence-awareness, Rigpa, universal, celebrated by the liberated ones, the ones living in presence-awareness as presence-awareness.

...

Once in a while another human being will make eye contact with me. It's like the search for extraterrestrial intelligence, we must watch, we must listen, our receivers must be turned on, and when the signal comes, WOW. So I search for terrestrial intelligence, the truly intelligent beings will make eye contact with others, just because it's the natural and intelligent thing to do when approaching another presence-awareness. So I try to stay open to other presence-awarenesses, and establish that universal communication using pure awareness. Saying "namaste" is not necessary--namaste is a state of mind, a state of being, a state of awareness, a state of understanding, and it expresses itself spontaneously, in mutual recognition, with eye contact, gesture, utterance, kindness.

How wonderful it is to make contact. How wonderful it is to be undistracted and be pure awareness.

..................

Oct. 30, warm, sunny Monday. A difficult weekend, human beings so tightly clinging to things, resisting change, making life difficult and complicated for each other and themselves.

And today I walk to work a full-fledged Bodhidharma dude, no more conceptualizations to take seriously, no more good, no more evil, no more sacred, no more profane. There are actions and there are consequences. There is only pure empty awareness, which does not judge, which does not have opinions, desires, aversions, or concepts. It allows everything to exist, to rise and fall as it will.

The cats and I are on the same page now. There is no doubt in my mind about that. When we're hungry we eat, when we're thirsty we drink, when we're tired we sleep. No conceptualizations necessary.

I wonder if the seemingly increasing level of rage in modern industrialized human societies come from a combination of being conditioned into bullshit belief systems (any belief system is by definition bullshit) and being frustrated by the fundamental bullshit nature of conceptualizing artificial fast-paced complicated human society. The universe has certainly managed to allow societies of demons to roam this planet, with insatiable desires and no regard to the consequences of insatiable desires, such as injustice, war, crime, pollution, global climate catastrophe...

The basic simple fundamental natural awareness which is our true mind and true self is unknown to hordes of conditioned conceptualizing demons, filled with rage and insatiable desires. Just a little change in perspective, a little shift in perception, can awaken some demons to the tranquility of natural awareness, the peace of natural mind, and turn demons into angels: beings who come to understand they are manifestations of the universe itself, beings of the one eternal light.

It's ironic how my good behavior and good intentions got me to understand this place where there is nothing that is good or bad anymore. My true nature does not require "good behavior" on my part to be accessible. There is, if anything, "distracting behavior" that causes others and oneself to believe in, and identify with, conceptualizations, with thoughts, with bogus identities.

So rather than attempting to "do good" or "be good" or practice "good behavior" I prefer to remain undistracted, and when I become distracted, I don't take it seriously for very long. There is nothing sacred, nothing holy, nothing important. The natural perspective doesn't concern itself with what deluded human beings deem important, or sacred, or profane, or good, or bad.

Are we having fun yet?

.....

"Row row row your boat, gently down the stream, merrily merrily merrily merrily, life is but a dream."

That is one inspired song, a mantra really, or a chant, if people only knew the truth and wisdom in that song.

The life of the universe is a dream, dreamlike through and through. Waking up in the middle of the dream, the dream of the universe itself, the universe's dream.

.....

Something else the cats taught me to do: hang out. If only people would be content just to hang out, with the moment, with themselves, with each other, with the way it is.

.............

Oct. 27. While walking through cemetery and around reservoir last evening and thinking about the large-scale structure of the known universe, which is basically a flat disc with a bulge in the middle, it struck me how similar the large-scale structure is with what is contained within it, namely galaxies, which are also flat and bulging at the center. And then the solar system, and other planetary systems around other stars. Swirling discs. Can light, energy, matter, particles, waves escape a flat, spinning system? Does any radiant energy travel outward in a straight line, never to be affected off a straight line course, or does it bend and eventually return to its source, or at least collide/merge with another body?

I imagine the universe to be like a balanced ecosystem writ large: in perfect balance, forever, feeding upon itself. The source of all life, all matter, is energy. Now the question is, does this energy last forever, as it is supposed to, "energy can't be created or destroyed..." Inexhaustible sustenance, energy feeding on energy, one form feeding on another, always a form surviving.

I'm glad I've made the commitment to pure veganism. Plants capture sunlight and earth so well, and deliver all the necessary nutrients to animals, with the exception of vitamin B12 which can be synthesized easily and cheaply. To survive well on a truly renewable energy that's entirely cruelty-free is only common sense. I'm going to try "Quorn" this weekend to see if this fungus agrees with me. I may not want to make a steady diet of, or be able to afford, Quorn, but it will be fun to try it anyway. At the very least I'll be able to track down the elusive Lentil this weekend--the local supermarkets get cleaned out by the college students too damn often.

The more I read about the "Caloric Restriction/Optimum Nutrition" culture the less I care to go that route. Narcissistic geeks with laptops and electronic scales and mutual-admiration societies. I understand the motivation and the rationale too well--I could be a CRONie all too easily. Instead, I will pat myself on the back for being a dedicated vegan and not succumbing too often to gluttony and drunkenness. I can get back to keeping a rough track on calories in/calories out and get down to that mythical ideal weight without laptop and food scale.

The cost of my regimen is as low as it's possible to get. Beans and oatmeal and fresh fruits and veggies and nuts and seeds. And coffee. And spirits. In moderation. I'm just a human being after all, I like to eat, and I like to feel...different...now and then. Plants are wonderful that way. Human nature is more gentle, playful, sensual than some people would like to think. No belief systems necessary. It's all right here, right now.

................

Oct. 26. Frost on the ground this morning--leaves are dropping from the trees "with a vengeance", a heavy leaf-fall, showers of leaves dropping from some trees, never have I witnessed such a torrent of leaves actually falling, in calm air no less. The cold frosty morning must have tipped them over the edge en masse.

Last evening a fast walk to the Bill Long Nature Preserve, a nice 90-minute hike to a perfect circular reservoir. On the way greeting passersby appropriately, according to convention sensed to be agreeable with each. With one I smile, make eye contact and say hi; with another I smile, make eye contact, and say nothing. It's interesting how not saying anything, but making eye contact and smiling, is more intense than when saying hi or saying anything. There are some people who I think are tired of words, tired of conceptualizing, tired of conventionality, and who just want to be acknowledged, silently, core being to core being. Although I will speak when speaking is called for, I'm very happy not to speak, and communicate with others, core-to-core, silently.

Every day it's up to me to do what needs to be done to be true to the core being, to get out of the way of the core being so that it can manifest. The core being is the fairest flower, the finest fruit, and when it's ready to open, and ripe, there's no stopping it. Over the decades it's been well-watered and well-fertilized, and has gotten a lot of exposure to the sun--a lot of exposure to daily life, one day after another, 19,000 days now.

19,000 days is a lot, and I'm still hanging together surprisingly well, considering my family history and the fate of people even much younger that I read about in the local obituaries. Counting the blessings, I'm still of sound mind and sound body, and have managed--finally--to realize my True Identity, which is the supreme blessing that serves me exquisitely well now, and whatever slings and arrows of outrageous fortune come my way.

Overcoming perfectionism, overcoming attachments, letting go, unconditionally accepting what is, comes naturally to my true self. As pure awareness, it's all right, nothing to worry about anymore.

Conditioned consciousness has its momentum. Last evening I looked at the subtle ruins of a long-defunct railroad right-of-way that bisects the golf course and the cemetery, and noticed I felt no nostalgia, no sentimentality. That train stopped running, ceased to exist, and trains will no longer run through this town, as much as I used to wish they would. Fantasies, wishful thinking, rise and fall in the lovely peaceful infinite gracious space of pure awareness. The destination is always here, always now: pure being as pure awareness.

................

Gravity is love. The universe holds itself together with gravity, comes back together with gravity. It expands, flies apart, accelerates its expansion, with dark energy. Dark energy is the nature of the universe to radiate. What radiates will rejoin, come together, with gravity.

The life of the universe is the only life there is, and it is an eternal life. The universe always exists as something, in some form. Energy is never created, never destroyed, only spontaneously changes in form. An eternal fractal kaleidoscope, rising and falling, a perpetual-motion machine in a perfectly frictionless void, every action perfectly balanced by equal and opposite action.

..........

What happens to the radiant energy from a flashlight or laser shined into deep space? If it's affected by gravity, will the beam in time be bent and redirected, reabsorbed by the attractor?

......

As I lay supine on the guest bed with the cats during my lunchtime nap, I am relieved to know that the stresses, strains, pains, work and worry of individual survival, individual existence, will cease as this drop of the ocean touches the ocean, absorbed, leaping instantly into the entire ocean. As I have recognized my true identity as being the ocean, I'm already the entire ocean even as much as I'm in every drop of ocean, including this particular one. It's my nature to be without stress, strain, pain, effort, and anxiety. So to be true to my ultimate, inmost nature, to be true to my true identity, I reserve the right to be now that which I eternally am, manifesting all its intrinsic characteristics. So I carry on, taking care of business and enjoying existence without worry, without care. I no longer worry about health, or money, or the transitoriness of all things. I am at rest, at peace, now. This is the gift of the universe to itself, and I can only share this gift with all of me by receiving the gift graciously and enjoying it now, publicly and privately, all the time.

...............

Oct. 25. Sleep deficit. Note to self: get 9 hours of sleep every night, as ancestors were said to get. Also, slow down. Live a slowpaced life like ancestors, why not.

Another thing: be proud to be self-effaced, self-effacing. Part of it all, what we think, what we feel, doesn't matter to anyone. There is no separate, unchanging self anyway. Enjoy the blessed state of effacement, it's the state of grace, unearned, just is, what we are without even trying to be.

There's just pure awareness, without likes or dislikes, perfectly pure and empty and transparent.

People don't get tired of 'life': they get tired of the deluded state they're stuck in.

..............

I've tasted the most delicious flavors, smelled the headiest aromas, seen the most beautiful sights, heard the loveliest sounds, felt the most intensely pleasurable tactile sensations, experienced the most exalted emotions, thought the most profound thoughts. All this is nothing. What remains is pure awareness, that which abides the same in me as in every sentient being, universal energy, pure awareness. Indistinguishable, undistinguished, ubiquitous. Humble/exalted-exalted/humble. The real Self behind every disguise, assuming every form.

..............

My striving to learn the ultimate fate of the universe, my distress upon contemplating endless Heat Death, is part of the delusional residues. There is no person to exist, or not exist; there is no person to know it exists or not. Pure awareness, endless, imperturbable, no self, no other.

........................................

Oct. 24. Funny thing about cosmology, however the universe actually manifests itself in eternity it doesn't change the fact that love is the most important thing, and loving is the most important thing to do, and love is the most important thing to be. The universe recognizes itself, and loves itself. Life recognizes itself, and loves itself. Thinking cosmological thoughts on the walk to work, I remembered to look up just in time to catch the kind smiling faces looking for my kind, smiling face. Eye contact is the universe acknowledging the universe.

So as I continue to explore cosmology to its furthest available limits, I will remember to love, and to be love; I will remember to be the universe, and recognize, acknowledge, and love the universe in all its forms.

.....................................

Oct. 23. So-called "Monday", the day I'm supposed to like the least. Feh. No matter where, no matter when, it's always the Presence, and the Present, and Pure Awareness, and Pure Being. If I'm having a 'bad day' it's only because I'm not letting myself be the source of all felicity and wisdom and virtue, the Supreme Self. What day of the week is it to the Dreamer in the midst of the Dream? It's always Dream-Time. No past, no future, no elsewhere, no fixed identity or role.

Anyone who wants to can engage in self-inquiry and gain self-knowledge and self-realization. Self-realization has revealed that there is only the universe present, and it has no person, only energy. Now I'm engaged in cosmological inquiry, to get a sense of just how I--the universe--manifest in the void over eternity. I would like to explore first the truth of my rumored inevitable eternal demise, my impending "Heat Death." or "Big Freeze." The second law of thermodynamics, my death warrant? What then is all this, never to happen again?

It's intriguing that many cosmologists favor multiple universes. Anyone for a fractal universe?

Fresh cosmology books, served piping hot, are a great way to spend the winter. Beats drywalling.

...

Am so grateful that there are plant allies such as coffee, tea, grapes, Salvia divinorum and countless others. Providers of energy all. Plants are life, and light, for us animals a way to eat pure sunlight.

Chock Full O' Nuts will help me survive this winter.

.........................................

Oct. 20. Finally a good night's sleep. That, plus a fresh pot of Chock Full o' Nuts, the Heavenly Coffee, Better Coffee A Billionaire's Money Can't Buy. And this Mind, this my mind that has always been my mind, can be trusted implicitly. I trust this mind implicitly. There are no demons in this mind, no voices, no angels, no gods, it's just pure plain natural awareness. Sure, stuff rises and falls in it, whole movies, fantasies, images, bits and pieces of memory and imagination--all rising, all falling away. What's left is this beautiful mind of mine, the natural mind everyone has.

The hell I was in for so long is over. No longer am I at the mercy of thoughts, no longer do I identify with thoughts, no longer am I controlled by thoughts. Out-of-control thoughts, negative, positive, exalted, depraved, banal, twisted, ordinary, ethereal...just thoughts, rising and falling in this beautiful spacious pure natural trustworthy mind, pure cosmic awareness. The cosmos' very own awareness. Nature's awareness. Clear, lucid, transparent, pure.

...

Maybe the psychedelics are so good at deconditioning and setting people on the nondual path because they temporarily put people 'out of their mind.' For in order to appreciate Mind, as anything else, sometimes it takes losing it to learn to appreciate it. Just like near-death experiences--such experiences universally impart an appreciation for the simple gift of life itself, and manage to radically change the values and priorities of the near-victim. Or losing a loved one, and realizing too late how much they meant, how good they were.

So now, after all is said and done and ingested and incorporated, it's back to what's always here, what never left except during my long periods of misperception, dysperception, nonperception. I'm always in the midst of it, and I'm also it. This field of energy, this transparent cloud of pure awareness. Wow.

...

Looking through the barrelsful of index cards from the card catalog destined for recyclers, I easily found a couple specimens written by a long-dead librarian, his careful elegant cursive as fresh as the moment he wrote it. This gives me encouragement, that there are ways to record ideas that aren't too perishable too soon, and at little cost.

What exactly do I want to leave behind, what is the message I want to make sure gets delivered, what is my "legacy", such as it is?

Very simple. Pure awareness. Recognize, appreciate, live in, be--pure awareness.

How many words does it take to steer people to something they're already living in, to that which they already are?

..........................

Oct. 19. Yesterday got one of the cats back home from the veterinary clinic after he had a long surgical procedure. He's doing well, although his siblings are shunning him--the scents from hundreds of animals and many humans sticking to him, as usual, after his vet visit. It's good to have him back home--he's a naturally droll and affectionate buffoon. "Mischief" is a good name for him. He is one of my chiefs, that's for sure. Animals rule.

His veterinary surgeon met with Jean and me. The vet proceeded to sit and sprawl on the floor of the exam room as he described the course of the operation and the course of care. Mischief weaved in and out of him, head-butting him, his tail straight up and vibrating with joy. Here's a human being who obviously knows and loves animals, and assumes animal asanas suitable for down-to-earth humans. His wife is an M.D. There is hope for the human race.

.....

I have nothing in common with anyone else--literally 'nothing.' The human conceptualizing mind can't wrap itself around 'nothing', pure 'nothing'--it must have 'something', 'anything', a phenomenon, a relationship, a thing to chew on... but as emptiness is the great virtue of pure awareness and core being, it's essential that the truth of 'nothing' is accepted, understood, and, most importantly, directly experienced.

Having tried every thing and found them all wanting, I'm ready for 'nothing.'

By the direct experience of absolute 'nothing' everything is understood, and realized to be one's true self.

...

To finally be willing, ready, and able to experience 'nothing' requires a sincerity that borders on the desperation of the suicidal. 'Nothing' is crucial to self-realization, as it is all the 'things', 'somethings', 'everything' that distracts, that causes clinging and aversion.

To know 'nothing', to realize 'nothing', to be 'nothing' is absolutely essential. Nothing bothers 'nothing.'

There's always 'something' that's a little different from person to person, no two phenomena alike...but 'nothing', pure 'nothing', is exactly the same for everyone who is willing to experience it, and be it.

...

I've long been interested in the achievement of maximum sensitivity, maximum receptivity, the total absence of noise so that there is only signal, in matters of acoustic perfection, radio reception, and now in contemplative awareness. To lower, and eliminate, the 'noise floor' of perception, it's essential to use 'nothing' as the reference point. From 'nothing' everything is perceived, just as it is, given the innate characteristics of the channel, e.g. ears, eyes, nerve endings, imagination. As long as 'nothing' is part of the process, all is well, and there is pure awareness, minimal perceptual noise.

...

One of my guru cats, Tealzy-Wealzy, is ultra-sensitive. I commiserate with him, saying "oh you're such a sensitive guy!" I'm nothing if not a sensitive guy. Have been as long as I can remember. Sensitivity can be a blessing or a curse, but it's better to be sensitive and learn how to harness it than to be a dolt and not ever know the excellence of the Supreme Self, 'nothing', pure awareness, pure being. For sensitivity drove me to madness long enough...it has driven me to self-knowledge and self-realization as well.

To be as wide-open and as sensitive as possible to What Is, and to engage in earnest self-inquiry--"who am I?"--is to be supremely blessed.

The psychic "sensitive" has so-called extrasensory perception. I've seen the energy field around flesh and forms since age sixteen, and that in itself is a blessing. What a talent to be stuck with. What a hand I've been dealt. Oy! What would anyone do, seeing the aura, and being generally ultrasensitive as a person. The course my life has taken has been one of answering the questions raised by such 'extranormal perception'--not just about the implications of the aura's presence, but the implications of sheer being and sheer awareness. Being in a scientific milieu, it's only natural that all this suggests a Unified Field of Energy, that it's all energy, we're all energy, and we are the universe.

How to handle enhanced perception is something learned only through practice and experience. It's necessary to go totally mad, and get through that to the ultimate sanity, ultimate mental health, the ultimate state of being.

And this is it, right now!

There's bland APA-approved mental health, and then there's Total Extreme Ultimate Wholeness. Mental wholeness, wholeness wholeness wholeness. Wholeness is wholeness.

So what earthly good is enhanced perception to me, to others, to the world? Per se, not much. Where the rubber meets the road is when pure love is generated, radiated, conducted. Pure being, sure. Pure awareness, absolutely. Pure joy, pure peace, why not. What makes SatChitAnanda complete is when pure love arises, and flows all the time, unconditionally, with every being. I can love my cats, and animals and plants, no problem--that comes easily and naturally. The real test is other human beings, all those often-unlovable conditioned-response bundles of damaged stressed monkey flesh. Some downright dangerous to themselves and others. To love them intelligently, compassionately, purely, effectively, to communicate pure love, and let pure love work its magic as it can. To trust pure being/pure awareness/pure love to do what it does, to be what it is.

...

How simple, how effective, how ubiquitous, how wonderful, that sentient beings can recognize awareness itself, and enjoy immediate liberation from enslavement by thoughts, by simply witnessing awareness, aware of awareness, and observing everything arising in awareness. The work at hand is to help sentient beings recognize awareness. Period. Once awareness is recognized, the whole sordid soap opera of suffering comes to an end. Simply witness awareness, monitor awareness, be aware of awareness, and let everything rise and fall in awareness.

...

Innocence lost, innocence found. Innocence is always at the core of everything. The only innocence ever lost is the perception of loss of innocence. There is no good or bad, innocence or adulteration, except in the perception of things. Perception, perspective, makes all the difference. All things just are as they are, not good, not bad, not innocent, not evil.

The secret to accurate perception, accurate perspective, is to take the standpoint of being nothing, literally nothing. Maximum perception, with 100% accuracy, comes from the perspective of nothing. Coming from nothing, all is beyond good and bad, innocent and evil--they simply don't exist in nothing. All things are nothing, made of nothing at the core.

There is only wild, pure, free energy, and energy does not know it is wild, pure, and free.

...

All there is, is pure awareness. There is nobody present, nothing present, only awareness present.

...................

Oct. 18 a.m. A fast walk last evening, and filled with affection and admiration for the natural mind, pure natural spontaneous awareness, a clear light shining in perfect lucidity, and for every manifestation appearing in this beautiful transparent spacious spontaneously self-originated Mind.

And given the fact that everything perceived is One, I am looking at myself, my true Self, my own face, wherever I look. Animals, plants, earth, sky, streams and lakes...the big vivid green katydid at the base of the tree...the big slug making his way across the wet sidewalk, eyestalks fully deployed...the eyes of the wild are my eyes, and these eyes too are the eyes of the wild, the free, nature, the universe, the One.

Cosmic narcissism. No wonder my standard of beauty is the natural world. With practice I may yet see beauty in artifice. Human activity, even its destructive acts and artifices upon the biosphere, is a natural manifestation.

And I'm grateful that at the core of things there is no-one, no person, no-one to judge, no-one to say I-am, You-are. There is only pure shining awareness, radiant universal energy.

In this reality of my true self I find peace, and freedom, and love, and power unimaginable. The joke is, as one wakes up to the core being, as the core being, getting closer and closer to the power of the universe, one realizes he is the universe, and has no self, is no person, and therefore there is no-one to wield the infinite eternal power. The universal energy is self-wielding. Spontaneity rules.

...

The "soul" is the unconditioned energy that is the core being. The soul is in fact pure spirit, the universal spirit. To directly experience the presence of the soul is to directly experience the presence of the universal spirit. The eyes of the soul are the eyes of the universal spirit. It is the spirit which sees spirit, it is the spirit which directly experiences the presence of spirit.

It is the nature of spirit to perceive spirit, and in so doing the presence of spirit is more easily felt, the eyes of the spirit are opened a bit wider.

...

How simple, how obvious. I long thought I was a fool, a simpleton, to be astounded by the sheer overwhelming fact of being and awareness. I wondered if anyone else was similarly overwhelmed, astounded, by sheer existence, sheer awareness. Everyone else seemed busy, focused, preoccupied, about matters conventionally regarded as important, or at least as suitable for a normal individual to be thinking about, believing, and acting upon. Outside interests, pursuits, desires.

To look within is to tempt fate, to change destiny.

To look without, at the things appearing, is the norm. To look within, to look at the one who looks, is abnormal.

.....................................

Tuesday, October 17, 2006.
What do nondualists pray to, and pray for? During a long walk last night felt like praying specifically for my niece's family, that it may come together and stay together in love...and that everyone will come together and stay together in love. To keep each other warm, to help each other survive, to provide security, trust, confidence. It doesn't take much, really, just love and commitment for each other. To create that space of trust, security, warmth, acceptance. Be it ever so humble, that place that feels like true home. Humility is a vital ingredient, not too proud to admit we need simple basic needs met: food, water, warmth, security, trust, affection.

So I pray to the Great Spirit, which is a nondualistic entity. The Great Spirit is the Spirit of the Universe, the Life of every life, the Awareness of every mind, the Being of every being. That we may all walk on that Good Red Road, the do-the-right-thing road, the road of peace, generosity, justice, equality, compassion, wisdom, genuineness. The natural state, the natural way. Hungry? Eat! Thirsty? Drink! Weary? Rest! We're all in this together.

When I came back from my walk I caught up with Jean on the day's events and learned that my niece and her husband have reconciled and admitted to each other that they both made mistakes, that they both still love each other.

That was lovely news.

.....

"Transpersonal" psychology is, I suppose, a nicer way to say "Impersonal" psychology. What we are dealing with is the same core entity, which in fact is a non-entity. Pure awareness. Pure energy. No-one home. Nothing personal. No person.

The 'mind of nature' and 'my mind' is one and the same. The beautiful pure awareness that just spontaneously is, is the mind of nature, nature's awareness, the same awareness present in the newborn and the wizened on the deathbed.

O the thoughts rising and falling in this beautiful natural mind of pure awareness! Whole movies, fantasies, images, colossal mental structures, rising and falling, in part or in whole. The only constant is pure awareness, empty yet able to contain everything, literally everything.

The "Supreme Self" is nature, universal presence. There is no religion or person involved, none whatsoever. What a relief.

.........................

Monday, October 16, 2006.
Even though our household budget may always be tight, at least we're paying all the bills and paying down the debt at a good pace. Our proud nation should be able to do the same. At least in the part of the universe for which I'm directly responsible I can create and sustain a true utopian democracy, with a balanced budget, the basic necessities of life provided for everyone, and a way of life that strives toward the common good, as well as having a good time.

So yesterday I drove up to the discount store to buy some long sleeved shirts that were on sale. As I walked across the huge parking lot I felt a bit of culture shock, as if it was undignified for me to do my shopping where people of very modest means shop. I am of modest means, surely. Does that equate with being "down on my luck", I wondered? It depends on what kind of luck one considers lucky. Material luck of course is money, and plenty of it, unlimited budget, extravagant spending, luxuries, the best of everything.

There's another kind of luck, spiritual luck. I've been down on my spiritual luck, angry, anxious, frustrated, desperate, envious, resentful, bitter, depressed...that's the worst kind of luck to be down on.

I've also been "up on my (spiritual) luck", as I am this morning: alert, perceptually wide-open, aware of awareness, aware of the core being and its intrinsic freedom and power. As I am this core being, the being of the universe, a being of light, a being of energy, a being of freedom, a being of unlimited impersonal power, I'm feeling pretty lucky.

The difference is all in whether one is stuck in the 'personal life' or not. The 'impersonal life' is the life of the core being, the life of the universe.

It's as if I asked a cat, or a tree, or the sun, if they're down on their luck. Eventually the cat, the tree, and the sun will grow old and fall apart and cease to exist as cat, tree, or sun. There is no luck, bad or good, in the life of the universal energy. There is no bad or good in the life of the universal energy. No down, no up, no birth, no death.

...

Reading the inspiring update on Van Cliburn in NDHighlights recently, it reminded me of the enriching power of good music, both making it and taking it in. As much as I have resigned myself to 61 notes on the keyboard for the time being, I think having 88 keys, maybe weighted like a real piano, is almost an affordable possibility. Equal temperament is okay by me--if I want alternate temperaments and tunings I can go back to the 61-note wonder that serves me well. There's nothing like getting fully immersed in the 88 notes. And the fact that such keyboards are portable, and even battery-powered if necessary, is awesome.

..............................

Friday, October the 13th, 2006. How good it is to not be in the least superstitious. Even so, there's enough wonder just in being. Survival is a noble priority--when survival is maintained there is the opportunity to satisfy curiosity about little things like being, and awareness. I am so grateful that survival has been pretty much something I can take for granted, barring accident or illness. Of course, in advancing old age, survival is increasingly NOT taken for granted--I can sense this already, that just to survive to see another sunrise is no mean feat.

O sweet radiance of life
You can't be hidden from my eyes
for they are your eyes, o radiant One.

If God assumed human form, would He bother to shave, provided He realized who He really is?
If the universe assumed human form, would it bother to shave, provided it realized who it really is?

Sing every day, it's the way to say it's all okay.

Simple survival is enough. No need for greed.
We can all have enough for survival.
We can take care of each other, all of us. There is no enemy.

Survival--self-contained package. Respect the wild and stray animals who manage to survive. Survive for its own sake. Survive for the sake of survival.

Survival is real--biological, spiritual reality, continued biological, spiritual being. Survival is being. Survival is awareness.

The cats and I survive well together, we keep each other warm, we trust each other, we survive affectionately. So can people, with each other--no matter how much they bicker and differ. Keep each other surviving well, share simple affection, share simple warmth. Stay home. Stay married. Stay natural. Stay real. Stay simple.

Napping with four cats is good medicine. Their furry purry pure spirit is a blessing.

It's good to survive for the sake of survival. It's better to survive long enough to get to the point where personal survival doesn't matter anymore, when there is no more clinging to personal life. I'm grateful to have survived through all my ignorance, delusions, mistakes, clinging...to have survived long enough to return to intrinsic Cling-Free-ness, a transparent plastic wrap of pure awareness: rigpa! rigpa! rigpa! emaho! Already one with the universe! already the universe in human form, in every form! a familiar face wherever I look, a vast mirror reflecting my vast true face!

Oct. 12. The title of my talk to be presented to the Black River Astronomical Society is "Amateur Cosmology." It's a little inside joke of mine. I am an 'amateur astronomer,' 'amateur philosopher', and now have become a (self-styled of course) 'amateur cosmologist.' It's only natural that I turn my full attention to the ultimate fate of the universe, as I have already learned that the universe is what I really am, and so its fate is my fate.

But on Googling 'amateur cosmology' there's already published material out there by that name.

...

My personal life is very unsatisfactory in many ways, as far as personal lives go. Someone looking objectively at my personal life would find it wanting, lacking, unseemly, incongruous, bizarre. That's how it would look to those who just look at the surface of things, who is looking from the perspective of a person, a dualistic nicely-culturally-conditioned person. Is it any wonder that I've resumed my intrinsic impersonal life, my cosmic life, my cosmic consciousness, given that this personal life is a pain in the ass, even though illusory and transient.

So goes the bitterness, out with the personal life.

Time now for the natural life, the wholesome life, the real life, the universal life.

I will find out the best and brightest professional cosmologists and try to glean what the ultimate fate of the universe--me--is supposed to be. And then buy a laptop and put together a snappy PowerPoint presentation.

...

Wholeness is available to everyone. Be whole. Be wholey. Be whealthy. Go for wholesome. Why not always wholesomeness in all things? It's either a wholesome thing or it isn't.

Wholeness is better than fame, fortune, toys, and tickles. Wholeness is the greatness of the universe, the wholeness of the universe.

...

Oct. 11. 2-hour fast walk around the cemetery and the nature preserves last night. Excellent meditation, the enhanced circulation of blood and oxygen really helps to work things out.

There is always much to work out, and then again there's nothing to work out. In the present, REALLY being in the moment, there is a complete disconnect between the past and the future, that old impulses and memories and habits have no effect on the present, and likewise there are no imaginings about a future that only exists in the imagination. This very moment is the now point of eternity, no past, no future, perfect, complete, just as it is.

There is no narrative fiction that need be produced, read, or followed. This is not a script, we are not actors following someone else's directives.

There is only the universe, known as the Supreme Self, that ancient energy that is all things.

Wherever there is sentience, there is the sentient universe, to acknowledge, to recognize as oneself, to love as part of oneself. The universe is one, one being, one sentience.

...

The cosmological truth is slowly coming together. Starting out, of course, with the fact that I am the universe, and as such I live eternally as the universe. Going with even the worst case theory--heat death of everything in a flat, lifeless plane of eternal nothingness--could I remain in such a state forever? The slightest bump or ripple in even that desolate plain could be the start of something new. There's no friction in nothingness, and the universe is, if nothing else, a perpetual motion machine. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction, especially when the whole system is in a frictionless void. Even with friction present, relatively speaking, the transfer of energy to other surfaces and bodies is unimpeded. Energy is never lost, never gained, it's only changing in form, transforming, eternally. That's me--the universe.

It's interesting to see how a dualistic perspective fashions cosmology in its image. Dreadful scenarios.

The universe feeds upon itself. Devour and be devoured, the being that survives is, in totality, the universe. The snake eating its own tail.

...

A workplace mistake, many hours of work wasted, all must be re-done. The most valuable lesson from this is: how good it is to have voluntary total short term memory loss. For it is only memory that connects us to the past. Without memory, there is only the present, fresh, no regrets, no grudges possible. The Amish practice forgiveness, living in a low-tech endless present. Life goes on, even though personal existence and memory does not.

I remember hearing a speaker--from law enforcement--at an EMS conference speaking disparagingly about how people in the low socioeconomic classes live for the moment, wasting money on alcohol, drugs, entertainment, improvident, no future planning, no learning from mistakes.

While I understand his point, I also think it's good to live in the moment, for the moment. It's all we ever have. One good moment follows another. Without thoughts, without memory, the only part of us that survives to the next moment is pure being and pure awareness. Good enough. That makes the moment very sweet indeed.

...

Oct. 10. Fast natural hike around New Russia Township gravel path at sunset last night, talking out loud to nobody in particular, getting things straight. Oh, did offer a petition to any available galactic overlords who happened to be listening to PLEASE let me know what the fate of the universe will be: an eternal heat death, multiverses, big crunch and recycling, or whatever else. Some cosmologists believe the universe will keep expanding and cool down completely, so that nothing will remain but cold ashes, dead, forever and ever, in which case this life is a flash in the pan, the only time the universe will ever be alive and aware, so that eventually there will be absolutely nothing, and nothing will ever happen again.

I am fine with personal extinction--as I know that I am the universe, personal extinction is no big deal, I will exist forever in various forms. But to contemplate being irrevocably eternally dead cold ashes, never to come back together, never to get warmer and hotter and shmooshed together to melt and then expand again, never to shine again, never to evolve into sentient beings again?

So at age 53, having already realized the Supreme Self as my very own true self, I turn my inquiry now to the fate of the Supreme Self, the universal energy. Just as my little self-realization hobby is called 'philosophy' so my passionate inquiry about the ultimate fate of the universe will be called 'cosmology.' I shall find out what I can, from Google or galactic overlord, or whomever, or whatever...and then put together an entertaining PowerPoint presentation for the august Black River Astronomical Society on 'latest findings in cosmology.' It's time for me to do a program for the club anyway, and cosmology is all I care about right now.

...

Salvia divinorum is featured in the latest 'underground' campus newspaper, a glowing review of the plant. In retrospect, what Salvia does best is get us to question our identity, our sense of self, and find a deeper, realer identity. Pure being is facilitated by Salvia. What more could a philosopher ask for?

...

On the index card, only two words, "Identity" and "Sensitivity." Identity vis-a-vis Salvia. And Sensitivity--to be a 'sensitive person' is not just to have acute physical senses, but acute sensibilities, acute awareness. Having acute awareness without the experience of the intrinsic pure awareness is hell on earth. 'Sensitive people' don't do well unless in a perfect hothouse environment, and even then they don't do well. Neurotic poetic, oh so sensitive people. Give me a break.

As a recovering perfectionist and a recovering sensitive person, I have little sympathy for perfectionists or those of delicate sensibilities. Thanks to the durable inseparable presence of rigpa there is always perfection everywhere, and always pure awareness.

All in all, I'm glad I'm a sensitive guy, even though it's been hell up 'til now. I'm even glad I've been a perfectionist, for my misery drove me to find rigpa, lest I go mad.

...

Oct. 9, Mon. Saturday morning to mid-day had three hours to spend hiking along the towpath under perfectly clear sky. Conditions generally as optimal as it gets in all respects. Here is the index card notation:

"Oct. 7 Johnnycake Lock.
The kind of joy that makes you cry.
Inseparable--what to take back
what to show for the journey
Direct experience of our true nature,
our true mind.
Crows, sunlight, old canal
No more opinions about anything
3rd Chinese Patriarch with me
"Too many positives" earwig cell--twins--loud."

Conditions were so perfect Saturday, the Joy Index was maxed out, J10+. Hard joy, intense joy, the kind of joy that is almost painful, unbearable joy. To be inseparable from the cause for this joy, to know from toes to head what brings joy, that special understanding that yes indeed, this is the Self, pure being, pure awareness, and yes the joy, the bliss, of knowing the Self makes the Self the source of pure bliss, so what we have here is Satchitananda all right, Being/Awareness/Bliss, the Self, inseparable. Understanding this, knowing this, experiencing this, is not given to every human being, although it sure would straighten out a lot of very miserable heads if only they could believe it, and understand it, and experience it, the fact that they, us, all of us, are in fact the Self, and to just be the Self is all we need to be, to be That which we really are. The Being of the Self is pure being, the Awareness of the Self is pure awareness, the Bliss of the Self is pure bliss.

The day was beautiful, the flora and fauna was beautiful, conditions were just right, and what was making me choke back tears of joy was the direct experience of the Self.

Along the boardwalk a bearded father of twin toddlers was pushing their stroller and talking out loud, at first I thought to the toddlers, but in a very adult way, rambling about "too many positives in this entire situation..." and then I spotted the cell-phone earwig plugged into his ear and realized he was talking with another adult on the phone. What does he do, I wondered: stockbroker, physician, psychologist perhaps?

A sign of the times, allowing technology access with an orifice in the flesh, distracting us from communing with Presence, with the Self. We can live our whole life deeply distracted, not knowing the Self.

People either know of the Self or they don't. Ignorance of the Self isn't necessary equivalent to misery, but the presence of misery does imply ignorance of the Self. Once hearing of the Self, it takes total commitment to incorporate knowledge of the Self to its ultimate destiny and destination: Self-realization, realizing through-and-through that we are the Self. Stopping short of Self-realization--dabbling with the Self, staying stuck at a cerebral understanding of the Self, not bringing the Self to bear on all matters, surrendering the personal life entirely to the Self--is the worst misery, not willing to let go and just be the Self, instead being a miserable fiction.

My niece, her husband and her children are a struggling young family, no religion, poorly educated--that in itself doesn't imply misery, but the fact that the marriage and home life is full of strife, anxiety, mistrust, resentment, hostility, despair--misery--implies there is something other than the Self at work, the fictional self, the dualistic self, the self-centered personal lives that have been conditioned by other fictional selves--ignorant selves: family, friends, mass media. Ignorance of the Self is a reasonable assumption in cases of dysfunction, of moral and ethical bankruptcy, the worst poverty of all. The vast spiritual wealth we have within, the Presence of the Self...if people only knew, if people only WANTED to know!

In cases like these, I think organized religion is actually beneficial. "The family that prays together stays together." I don't think my niece or her husband or her children ever prayed, or ever saw someone pray, or knows what prayer is. It takes humility, surrender, honesty, to pray. Prayer is opening up the heart wide, letting the hurt out, coming clean with whatever power is available to accept the pain, and to heal the hurt.

The life of my niece and her family is as spiritually shallow as many other lives in this culture: flat-out materialistic, fatally ignorant of spiritual matters. Cars, television, money, sex, alcohol, whatever it takes to keep the toys and tickles coming. What gets lost is the Self, the Presence, that if we only knew better we would treat each other with the greatest respect, love, acceptance...the reality of the Presence of the Self in ourselves, in each other.

...

Oct. 6, Full Moon. J9-J0. The Joy Index is fatally flawed. The Self has no sense of itself, and has no person present at its core, so there is no-one to feel any joy. The Self is beyond joy and sorrow, even F0 doesn't accurately measure what the Self feels, and doesn't feel, and can't feel. Joy is beside the point. Who cares if we feel joy, or not; who is it that feels joy?

There is peace, there is freedom, there is pure being, pure awareness, that is the Self. We live either as the Self, or as a fiction. The fiction feels all the fictional feelings, the dualistic feelings. The Self, One without a second, feels nothing, but contains all feelings within itself.

The Self may appear to be blissful, joyous, to the dualistic perspective; in the nondualistic perspective, one does not feel joy, or bliss: one IS joy, bliss, the Self. The sun does not need sunlight--it is sunlight.

To be in this temporary fragile form, on this temporary fragile planet--there is no joy to be found in that. I can only feel joy at being that which I am, the Self, and at my core there is no person present to feel anything, joy or sorrow. What is better than joy is peace. When I'm tired, I lay down, let go, and in this surrender to perfect rest--to know that at my core is perfect repose, perfect peace--that isn't joy so much as relief. The cats are content to rest, to relax, to let go, to be totally at peace, melted, and so am I. There is no toil, no anxiety, no stress at my core. There is nowhere to go, nothing to do, nothing to be other than what I eternally am.

A term distinctly pejorative in intent is "self-styled" whatever the role happens to be: self-styled guru, self-styled philosopher, etc. It implies that the person is a legend in his own mind, and has reinvented himself vaingloriously, self-deceptively, other-deceptively, with ulterior motives galore and a very hidden agenda.

I propose there's another term that can be used when appropriate, and that is capital-S Self-styled: that describes a person who has surrendered to the Self, and has let the Self take over. The 'style' the person develops is a result of the expression of the Self through that person, that human form. As the Self is without artifice, the style of the Self is completely natural and spontaneous, and as there is no person present in the Self, is an impersonal style as well, no role being played, just the expression of the universal energy, pure being, pure awareness. The Self-styled person is impossible to define or confine. There is no role being played, any more than a cat is playing a role as 'cat', as impossible as a cat being 'self-styled.'

The jnani, knowing he is the Self in human form, recognizes and surrenders to the Self, and in the fullness of pure being, pure awareness, recognizes the Self in everyone and everything, and everyone and everything recognizes the Self in the jnani, if only unconsciously, instinctively. The Self-styled human being lives and works as an ordinary human being among ordinary human beings, all the while knowing full well that it is the Self in every form, that it is the Self doing all things, being all things.

May all beings find peace, may all beings find rest, may all beings find the Self within them as them. Abide forever within the Self as the Self.

...

In the Self, as the Self, there are no moral dilemmas, there can be only pure morality. The Self can't rip itself off. Immorality=duality. There is no such thing as being a little bit immoral, or a little bit dishonest, or a little bit hateful, any more than a person can be said to be a little bit pregnant or a little bit dead.

To be true to the Self is worth whatever sacrifice is entailed. In the Self, as the Self, there is peace, the Self is peace. Believing in what is not the Self, there can be no peace.

...

Morality is not a heavy-handed or heavy-hearted affair; on the contrary, morality leads directly to lightness of heart. A clear conscience is worth whatever price must be paid to restore it to clarity. For only with a clear conscience can there be the all-important undistractedness, the singlemindedness, the singleheartedness, to live in the blessed innocence of the Self.

I ask myself: "Have you sung today?" Any day when I can sing even a little means I'm on the right track.

By doing the right thing with utmost sincerity, we can rest easy, and rest easily. We can find our way to the wellspring of joy, of inspiration, and live as a pure being, radiant, blissful, free. The heart wants to be free, the heart wants to sing.

So many beings have imprisoned themselves, have lost their way to the innocence, joy, inspiration, freedom that is our true nature. The murky desires, fears, attachments, habits, assumptions, delusions have made life hell for so many. Pure being and pure awareness is unknown to so many beings.

Spiritual bliss is available to all, if only we look within for it with pure wholehearted sincere intent. All the desiring for toys and tickles are variations on the search for spiritual bliss, the bliss of innocence and purity--the only security available in this universe. The ignorant infatuation with toys and tickles must run its course, must reach the point of diminishing returns and found wanting, coming up short sooner or later. Until that point is reached, Self realization and its intrinsic spiritual bliss is difficult to come by--it has to be wanted more badly than anything else.

So tired. Work interminable. When will come rest?

This is dreamlike, all a dream truly. All this will vanish as if it never happened. Just play along as it's happening, play along. Live lightly, as light. Be lighthearted, as our heart is light. Sing, dance, play this dream life away.

...

It's so tempting to revert to materialism. Rake in the money to acquire the toys, better toys, more toys. Materialism is a prison, because it is based on selfish desires. With desires fulfilled, and desires unfulfilled, the Self remains unknown, unrealized, unexpressed, and a fictional self, laden with desires, takes over like a demon or a ghost possessing the body.

Spirituality is its own reward. To realize the excellence of the spiritual life, the supremacy of the Supreme Self, is a matter of grace, of being blessed. To reach that realization, people must grub about in selfishness, ignorance, materialism, duality, until and unless the grace and the blessing happens.

...

The cry of the anguished ghost, heard from another person, this time my nephew-in-law, as told my my niece-in-law: "He doesn't know what he wants." The very same cry my mother gave on occasion. "I don't know what I want."

Oh Mom...oh Frank...what makes you think you should want anything?

Try wanting not to want anymore.

When we stop wanting stuff, we become strangely content...we become light, free. Just stop wanting, or just want wantlessness, just desire desirelessness.

...

Oct. 5. J7. To have pure intent is to be there already. The core is pure, pure being, pure intent, pure awareness. Pure joy, enjoyed by pure joy.

Desires confine. Individually, globally, human desires confine, distract, degrade.

Hearing about climate cataclysm which is pretty well inevitable, any mitigation would involve a massive paradigm shift: decreasing population voluntarily, decreasing those desires that require lots of energy/materials, increasing common respect for nature, making nature worship a viable mainstream religion.

After lunch, J8. Feeling fire in the belly, that gut enthusiasm. The prospect of cheap black-and-white digital photography a bit of a catalyst. The days of black-and-white photography, using Tri-X, home darkroom, making those 8X10 glossies under the orange light, always pleased with the results, the process magical, the places rendered magical. Edifices no longer in existence, places utterly changed. All those prints are long gone. Now it's time to get back into it, to render those special places again, to be in that special place, that magical place...

...and that magical place is always right now...

Walking back to work after a lunch meal and short nap with the cats, having time to charge up the camera batteries as well as my own batteries, the flash of insight that stoked the belly-fire: "work with what you have on hand." I CAN use a laser printer and plain paper, it works, well enough, very inexpensive, and it's on hand. I CAN use pure awareness, pure being, as my sole entheogen and inspiration and authority, because it works, well enough, very inexpensive, and it's always on hand.

The materials on hand, the chosen medium, to express that which yearns to be expressed. Any medium, any materials, will do--it's the belly-fire, it's the vision, the message, the meaning, the understanding, to be conveyed, all-important.

That each of us is the ancient effulgent Self is what I yearn to express. Self-expression: expressing the Self. Suggesting in every way the Natural State, the life of the One Life. Nature photography, surely, the fractal branches of every tree, the intricacies of every plant, the universal sentience in every glistening animal eye, two-legged, four-legged, six-legged, eight-legged, many-legged. That thought yielded a J9.

It's exciting to use what's readily available and be inspired, and fulfilled. Spiritual creativity. Creative spirituality. Fulfillment. Inspiration. Wholeness. Spirit within. On fire, clear pure flame, clear light, producing a little CO2, a little heat, but no soot, no toxins.

I see the jet contrails, the glare of the electric lights, and hear the blaring of the stereos, and smell the toxic exhaust of countless motor vehicles, and wish that people could find their inner energy and be happy with it, the livingness, the life energy...doing things manually, the old fashioned ways, the low-footprint low-consumption ways of our ancestors before the advent of industrialization, mass production, mass consumption, particularly before the advent of electricity, automobile, airplane, television. Life circa 1900 CE, a little technology, good technology, trains...too much coal-burning and belching factory smokestacks maybe...1850 might be a better year, the dawn of the industrial revolution and mass production. There were still forests left.

The main thing is to use human energy mostly, walking, writing longhand, and animal energy, horses pulling the plows and the carriages and mules pulling the canal boats. A little CO2, a little methane, a little manure, consuming a few oats and a few buckets of water, in exchange for transportation and necessary work for survival.

A slower pace, a gentler pace, a sane pace, a human pace. Not a machine pace, not a computer pace. The energy at work is life energy.

Global warming, impending climate catastrophe, looks like a sure bet. The best possible mitigation would be for people to stop breeding, for all jets to be grounded and dismantled, for all vehicles to be electric, for all electricity to be non-fossil-fuel, for all people to do without and be happy just to be, for all forests and fields to revert to natural state and overgrow and cover the earth in green goodness, sucking up the excess CO2 and purifying the air and providing fresh oxygen for all animals...for all species to run rampant and run free, predators and prey balanced again, biodiversity on the upswing again.

Short of that, the next few generations will experience an Earth that will be un-Earthly in unpleasant ways, a dreary bioengineered wasteland.

That thought yielded a J0.

So I follow my bliss, stoking the belly-fire. J9. Where there's life there's hope.

...

I like digital photography because no gelatin is used in the materials, it's cruelty-free. I don't like digital photography because it requires electricity, computers, printer, a costly hobby even at the most modest level. And the obsolescence of the cameras is absurd. My 4-megapixel beauty is a dinosaur, hardly good enough to rival film photography, or the now-standard entry level 6-10 megapixels.

The longer I wait to upgrade, the more powerful and less expensive the upgrade will be. When digital cameras are as good as equivalent film cameras, and not much more expensive than equivalent film cameras, I might indulge. Say, a 12-megapixel point-and-shoot for $300 or less. That day is coming.

Meanwhile, I'm getting an old urge to go out and image the world, in black and white, this time with the digital camera. I will use the plain laser printer on plain paper for printing. This way the message of the image is realized, and somewhat archival, and possible to share widely, in the mail, in the wallet. The black and white still image is not, should not, be expected to look like the subject, it's only a suggestion, an idea, a 'pointer'--like a hieroglyph, containing meaning, not meant to contain the thing itself. Time to charge up the batteries and go forth and find meaning with 4 megapixels.

...

Oct. 4, 2006. Funny how in the midst of ceaseless change and apparent loss of everything and everyone I can easily become so focused on trivial, personal pursuits, that interest no one but me, that affect no-one but me. This is my experiment to run, and it is I who must live intimately with the outcome. It's nobody's business what I choose to do, how I choose to be, in this form, especially when the objective is maximizing well-being. I see myself as my own child, and see that there are three in my family, the past me, the present me, and the future me. The past me is the parent of the present me, and the present me is the parent of the future me. As any good parent, I wish only for my "child's" happiness and well-being. Of course, to set an example, to be an inspiration to my "child" to be happy and to enjoy well-being I need to be happy, and be enjoying well-being. So the experiment is focused on what gives me joy, and well-being, for my own sake, and thereby providing all beings my joy-permeated presence energy. Sadhana is enlightened Self-interest. Even my spouse will benefit from my efforts to be more joyful. Well-being is contagious. If physical well-being ever becomes impossible, I will be content with spiritual well-being, for that is the most robust and most contagious well-being there is.

Strange but true, minimum desires produces maximum joy. To find well-being in sheer being is sheer joy: this requires desirelessness. Without desires, there is joy, there is well-being.

Now to conclude the core being project and take this human being to the sheer core. There is no scientific instrument to measure joy, but as I travel to the core I will subjectively report on the joy level on a scale from 0-10, with 0 being joyless and 10 being pure unalloyed joy (J0 to J10).

Today is a J5.

...

Every thing must change. Every thing is temporary. Things rise and fall, come and go. This human form is a thing, this planet is a thing. The activities of billions of human things will likely soon make this planet nearly uninhabitable, and will likely soon spawn mass extinctions. Human things like their things, and make more and more things, human and otherwise. Things that pollute, things that consume, things that produce greenhouse gases.

It's good not to be attached to the way things are at the moment, because things do change. This familiar world will morph into a very unfamiliar world in this generation, and much more so in the next couple generations. Climate change caused by the burning of fossil fuels is going to make painful changes that may not be preventable, given the greedy shortsighted ignorant nature of humans.

Some humans understandably are in a state of denial of change, the conservatives who hang onto the status quo. It's tempting to think it's always going to be the same, and to become a selfish conformist like so many others. I can understand the allure, the satanic glamor, that causes humans to easily succumb to living the life of fat, suit-and-tie-wearing, close-cropped, well-heeled middle aged worldly successes.

...

All of a sudden, I, the universe, find myself in human form. Amazing. Walking about, and being with other parts of me in human form, in bird form, in insect form, in plant form. I look upon every form lovingly, wistfully, looking for other parts of me that, if not knowing they too are parts of the universe, at least will return my gaze, at least will acknowledge my presence as I acknowledge theirs. One presence. There is only One that is present, One presence.

And that all forms are so brief, so temporary. A grand illusion. All that goes on is the universal energy that comes and goes in form, all that goes on is pure awareness itself, pure being itself, impersonal, universal. There is no death, no birth, only One in every rising and falling form, only One eternally flowing from one end of infinity to another.

When a form wakes up and realizes it is universal energy, that it is pure awareness, that form is no longer afraid of death, knowing what it really is, the full extent of its true self, universal, eternal, impersonal presence, the clear light of ancient effulgent energy and pure awareness.

...

The old saying goes, 'the love of money is the root of all evil.' Actually, it's dualistic thinking that's the root of all suffering, whether to inflict suffering or be afflicted by suffering...dualistic thinking creates the sufferer and the inflictor of suffering. In reality, there is only pure awareness haplessly going along for the ride, whether the ride is a selfish sadist or a helpless victim.

...

Darfur, Iraq, school shootings, multiple fatalities at the intersection of nearby country roads, and the usual ongoing meat grinder of birth, illness, accident, old age, death. 'Man is born; he suffers; he dies.' Is it any wonder I've become a wild-eyed advocate of the nondual perspective? Me especially, working as an emergency medical technician on the local ambulance service for some 26 years. Plus the usual life experiences of a 53-year-old geezer, the inevitable changes and losses of places, persons, situations, everything. Except pure awareness! Rigpa! Emaho!

...

So what if, supposing, say, God Himself took human form, knowing He was God all the while...what would He 'do'? what would He say? How would He behave? How would he dress, appear, etc.?

Well, now, God ALWAYS and ALREADY HAS taken human form, and that is us. It's only for those of us who are intellectually honest enough to admit that yes, I am what you call 'God' in this human form. 'God' is a three-letter one-syllable code word, shorthand, for universal energy/pure awareness/pure being/nature/life. This form is what the universe has taken. This life is universal life, this awareness is universal awareness, this being is universal being, i.e., the universe's very life, awareness, and being.

...

Some people get tattoos or some such to commemorate a major epiphany or love object or ordeal. Veterans get battles or batallions or names of girlfriends inked under the skin; my brother got the Sanskrit symbol for OM etched on his forearm. I will forgo the tattoos, yet I would like to commemorate the natural state somehow, in some meaningful way that's...natural, not too contrived.

So I consider the role that fur--body hair--plays in the human experience, and human culture. At the moment the heavily-trimmed severe suppression of body hair is the norm. Women are expected to shave armpits and legs, men are expected to shave part or all of face, part or all of skull, even part or all of torso. I consult with Furbananda and his siblings and see how happy they are to be fully-furred, how right they look, and how right they are.

So God finds Himself in human form--a way to describe what happens when we wake up in the natural state, in pure awareness, pure being, pure spirit. Does God try to blend in with the dualistic culture and shave etc.? Or does God be God, and be true to His true nature, which is to simply Be as this form happens to Be?

The body hair of this particular monkey is rather sparse, although nice and thick on the head so far. Winter is coming. My ancestors let every hair grow out to better survive the cold weather.

Every hair has every right to be, to grow, it's a wilderness, no need to trim or thin or clear-cut.

So the equivalent of a tattoo to commemorate the natural state, for me, is to never again take a razor to the skin. I will use a nice pair of sharp scissors to judiciously trim, and ask the nice hairdresser to use only scissors on my mane when the time comes for a hair-cutting. Every hair will see the light of day, and stand proudly on nape and throat and cheek and head and everywhere else. For I am grateful to be in the natural state.

...

It is my hope that somehow, someday, everyone can live and work car-free and carefree. No commuting in high-speed metal cages. To live and work close to the earth, simply. That voluntary simplicity will become mainstream, the norm. The insane way of life of mass-production mass-consumption mass-destruction is not sustainable anyway. It will take a painful wake-up call, necessity, to change that way of life, which is a miserable way to live anyway.

...

Jotted on index card on Oct. 1, 2006 walk on a sunny Sunday:

"Baseline=natural state=universe. Going off baseline to recognize and appreciate baseline.
Baseline is enough.
Respect the baseline.
Give the world a hug.
Pay each other attention.
Love one another as one.
Directly experience the purity of the soul.
We are already pure.
We are everything."

The index card system as suggested by Jerry Katz in NDHighlights@yahoogroups.com works very well. Low tech, reliable, just right.

Salvia divinorum takes people off the baseline and then reveals the baseline for what it is: pure being, pure awareness, pure spirit. Once the truth of the baseline is understood and directly experienced the baseline itself is quite sufficient, the baseline is all the entheogen an intelligent person needs.

Putting into practice the joy of the baseline, recognizing everyone and everything as oneself, pure being, pure awareness, pure spirit. At the very least pay attention to others, make eye contact, recognize them: that is love. Hug those who need, and accept, hugs. Kind words for all, kind intentions for all, kind energy for all, for we are all 'kind': kind-red. One and the same Being.

The 'soul' is what we are: pure being, pure awareness, pure spirit. One pure being, one pure awareness, one pure spirit, in many forms.

Already pure, already perfect, just recognize this, just experience this, just be this, and then naturally express this.
There is no 'do-er' in the natural state. In the state of pure being, pure awareness, pure spirit, there is pure spontaneity, no person. In animals we call it 'instict.' In humans there is no name for it. Higher instinct?

It is the natural state, to be sure. Maybe that's enough description.

Be natural.

...

To participate fully in the freedom and effortlessness of the universe, one must first admit that he is the universe, and then be willing to give up all attachment to the personal life. This means giving up all desires, all fears, all dualistic thinking. Then and only then can the individual walk in perfect freedom, effortlessly, as the universe in human form.

To lie in bed, totally relaxed, fully supported, suspended in space, as we all do when resting and sleeping, is a good example of how we daily surrender our personal self and let go to the universe. We fall asleep, disappear as a person, find ourselves in a dream world, and then awaken, conscious, in human form, get out of bed and take care of the calls of nature and the work of the day. And play.

September 30 is "Get Out and Play Day." Not sure who came up with the idea, or why, but playing deserves more attention than it gets. There are said to be indigenous cultures that don't differentiate between work and play. Animals play except when hungry or threatened, when the play gets turned into food-getting or defensive maneuvers.

Being an herbivore, food-getting is a leisurely pursuit. Hunger is not a problem for me, fortunately. This waking life is for play, for exploration, for knowledge, for understanding. There is the ordinary business of the day to take care of, chores, to help make life easier for others. All the while, the shutter of this camera is open, exposing the film of understanding, until there is a complete picture. The inner and the outer are one and the same.

...

There can be an uncontrollable appetite for nondual literature, a passion, a desire for, an attachment to, all things and people related to nonduality. There comes a tipping point, though, when nondual words and nondual 'others' suddenly lose their appeal, when there is no longer any appetite for, passion for, desire for, or attachment to, secondhand nonduality. As Ramakrishna says, "once the bee has started drinking from the nectar in the flower he becomes silent." Going to the source, and finding oneself to be the source, it's only natural to lose interest in secondhand nonduality, in words about nonduality. The words are all very familiar confirmation of a familiar constant living truth, the same realization uttered by the same realizer, no matter what form taken, humble or glamorous.

There is only the Self. The Self sees only the Self. That these eyes are the eyes of the Self is a fact that tends at first to produce madness, then excruciating joy, then unbearable bliss, until the Self learns to get over it.

...

To unconditionally honor, respect, and revere life in every form it takes, to unconditionally love life in every form it takes, is only natural, part of the commitment to the Jnana/Ahimsa/Namaste Way. The self-realization that is jnana reveals the Self in all; knowing the Self in all, there is ahimsa, harmlessness; knowing the Self in all, there is namaste, "I honor the Supreme Self you are."

...

To be self-aware is a blessing; to be aware of awareness is a blessing; to be awareness is the destiny of the self-aware self-inquiring. What a destiny!

What does awareness need? Not much. Nothing, in fact.

Inescapable, inevitable destiny for the self-inquiring, the self-aware, aware of awareness: realization that pure awareness is oneself, is the Self.

...

As well as identifying with thoughts, people often identify with the body. This is perfectly understandable. But as I feel the ups and downs of health in this body, and consider how tiny it is in comparison to the universe, I can't limit my self to the body in terms of where "I" am, and what "I" am.

In fact, the body is fully connected with the totality of universal energy which flows constantly through it. Just as there is no abiding self, no abiding person, there is no abiding body. The body is constantly changing, and is totally replaced, constantly, the electricity of life, being, and awareness passing through it constantly. The body is a form of universal energy, a node of energy, a point on an infinite grid of energy channels. The infinite grid goes on, the energy flows forever.

...

Day after day, hour after hour, moment after moment, there is the timelessness of pure being, pure awareness, silently present, to take us out of the dualistic world of name and form and time. There is one presence, one awareness, one time. Even in these short-lived forms, we are one presence, one awareness, one time. The presence in the eternal present. The universe's very own awareness.

The quality of thoughts, words, actions depends on the quality of the source. If the source is dualistic in belief, the thoughts, words and actions will be dualistic in quality. If the source is nondual self-realized source, the thoughts, words, actions will be nondual in quality.

Our only hope, our only salvation, is nondual self-realization, nondual understanding. Without such realization, without such understanding, life is a struggle, life is suffering, life is short and death is feared. With such realization, with such understanding, there is total freedom of being, perfect pure awareness, effortless action, speech, thought, eternal life, birthless and deathless. Our true self is universal, forever present, forever aware.

Thoughts per se are not a problem. It's only when we identify with thoughts, and believe in dualistic thoughts, that thoughts become a problem. Being established in spontaneous self-perfecting presence and pure awareness, thoughts rise and fall with no troubles associated with them, since there is no attachment to, or identification with, the rising and falling thoughts.

...

It's taken me decades to work through the layers upon layers of dualistic thinking, of heavy conditioning, of pretending, to take what has been a conceptual understanding and really really REALIZE it. The process of aging is like a long slow near-death experience, slowly approaching death but drawing close enough to get the kind of seriousness of intent and singlemindedness and honesty that only a fast, or slow, near-death experience can provide.

The universe doesn't lie, doesn't pretend, it just is--no troubles, no judgments, it's a natural thing through-and-through. And the least I can do is approximate to that, since I AM THAT. Shoot me a glance, you hunka hunka burnin' light, you.

...

The universe, trapped in a human form that is self-enslaved by identification with dualistic thinking, longs to reunite with itself. In the absence of either love or self-realization, this reuniting is sought through food, alcohol and other drugs, copulation, shopaholism, all manner of self-indulgences, to try to reach the security of the primordial unconditioned state, the wholeness of the universe, the Garden of Eden.

Otherwise, the universe reunites with itself through love, and through understanding: in fact, loving itself, understanding itself.

...

I don't regret the sneak previews of unconditioned being, afforded by the use of various plants and extracts. The synergy of the essential Buddhist and Hindu texts with teacher-plants etc. was powerful, a privilege, a blessing, and doubtless will continue to be for those who choose to acquaint themselves with it, as desired.

The beautiful upshot is that unconditioned being is always available, as it is what we are. Access to our true nature is complete, wide-open, requiring nothing. Insight, understanding, maturity is ours forever.

From the darkness of duality to the light of nonduality, spirit brings spirit unto itself.

...

My mother was a restless, insecure, haunted person. In the years preceding her devastating stroke, trying to survive as a divorcee on a very limited income, with much pride in appearance and appearances nonetheless, so chronically unfulfilled, I remember her asking out loud in so many free-associating laments, "I don't know what I want!" I take it to mean she felt she wanted something, she felt a wantingness, with no specific object or goal, or perhaps a perceived lack in herself.

This wanting, this sense of lack. How it is that the universe in human form can learn to believe it lacks something.

My mother is free now, all the energy that we called 'Mary' flowing effortlessly, no troubles, no worries anymore.

If only she knew how free she really was, even when in human form. To be free, be free. We are free. The universe is free, whether as form or formless. It's all energy, it's all free.

Freely giving, freely receiving. Everything is free.

...

"The Ownership Society." How did it come to pass that people think they own anything, that pieces of the universe can be bought and sold?

I have a very radical vision of how a society of self-realized beings goes about its business. It's probably been influenced by the archetype of the Garden of Eden: lolling in the green lap of the good earth, reaching for fruit when hungry, naked and not ashamed. We are destined for the greatness already lived by other great apes, as the lowland gorillas et al. Close to the earth, a simple carefree existence. The bounty of the earth is more than enough for everyone.

As I put the finishing touches on the core being project I'll explore how minimal the real needs for adult humans really are.

...

The universe, ceaselessly flowing, is nonetheless complete and at rest. When this form falls apart and flows off in all directions, there is movement of all the energy that made up this form, and there is also rest. All the energy that is called 'Bill' flows off everywhere, effortlessly. Even while still in form, it is such a relief to be the universe, effortlessly flowing along, completely free, at rest.

That people can let themselves become sleep-deprived, stressed, insecure, tense, weary shows how stupid we are as a species. Destroying quality of being for perceived gain.

...

Walking last evening, recalling the joy of innocence, the atmosphere of absolute security, as a child. The neighborhood, the house, the family, the friends, would go on forever, as near as I could tell. I'd been looking for innocence and security ever since, as both seemed to be shattered and lost forever around age 11. At least the first 11 years were comfortable illusions. Before the bifurcation of the neighborhood by the Interstate, before the bifurcation of my parents' marriage and leaving the house I thought would be there forever.

It's taken a few decades, but the innocence and security has been found, within, never lost, always there. My own true nature is innocence, perfection, security. It is impossible to lose as it is inseparable from what I am, it is what I am.

To gain access to the supreme treasure of our own true nature only requires that we cease pretending to be anything else but what we really are, to let go of cherished delusions, of all delusions, of all identification with dualistic thoughts that rise and fall. What remains, spontaneously present, intrinsically perfect, is our true nature, pure awareness. Pure awareness is free, pure, perfect, peace. Spontaneous, effortless, radiant, real. We are the presence, the aware presence. At the core of awareness, at the core of presence, is one clear light.

This is the house that stands forever, the eternal realm of spirit. Innocence and purity and perfection. Here I abide forever, as this. I can be nothing else, I can be nowhere else.

...

Lying down on the bed upstairs at lunchtime, resting. Four cats rested with me, next to me or on me. Five chunks of light, together, shining, as one.

Angels are chunks of light that know they're chunks of the same light.

Demons are chunks of light that don't know they're chunks of light, and only want to destroy chunks of light that don't appear to be theirs.

...

Salivating over an 88-key digital piano, then remembering what it is about music that means everything and how its greatest effect can be given and received with voice alone, one note is enough.

Singing, chanting, feeling the resonance of energy.

Musical instruments are optional, nice accompaniment, but optional, for resonance to happen. Simple instruments are just fine. Simple songs, simple melodies, a few simple notes.

...

While walking last evening feeling the joy of rigpa, the certainty, the security...and the joy. Rigpa just is, whenever I care to notice. When I notice rigpa, I am joyful, I am the essence of joy. No wonder the Dalai Lama is goofy.

So walking down the sidewalk with a goofy rigpa-inspired grin, and I look up to see a passerby looking right into my eyes, and grinning. Transmission accomplished. To be an instrument of rigpa, goofy, grinning, for the rest of my days. Really out of character for this guy, but hey, there is no abiding unchanging self anyway. There was a time many years ago when I was very young and laughing, laughing so much and so hard, getting tears and hiccups from laughing, falling-on-the-floor laughing. The ludicrousnesses, the absurdities, the elementary-school days so rich. Those days are now back, baby, and the soul-sucking situations have no power over me any more. Take me as I am, or send me on my way. My soul is not suckable and not for sale.

Goofy and casual. The universe writ small.

...

The long shift last Saturday on ambulance was brutal, and for me, brutalizing as well. Dehumanizing. The demands made upon workers in many jobs are extreme, and tie up the energies and attention in many ways. I behaved as a raging dualistic demon, duties getting done but at the expense of composure. The priority is helping people, communicating with people, being fully present with people. When technology and bureaucracy and hierarchy and duality come together, as they often do in the workplace, it can be hell. When human beings cease to be the priority, there is dehumanization.

The evil is haste, is having to rush, is heedlessness. We are, in this modern life, too goddamn busy for our own good. Life is made complicated, needlessly so.

Or for the good of the person we happen to be with, especially the person we would like to help, to give our undivided attention.

But no, on the clock, the clock is ticking, and the product must move forward on the assembly line.

I'm only too happy to live the rest of my life off the radar, off the grid, off the network, never to set eyes on a computer screen again. To be cussedly retro, quaintly low-tech. I have new appreciation for the eccentric man in a nearby town who dresses in early-twentieth-century fashion all the time, fixes mechanical timepieces of all shapes and sizes, and is unfailingly courteous and obviously content.

The pace of life, to be sane and natural and whole, must be in synch with the life energy, and that is a serene pace. Hospitals, particularly the emergency departments, keep an insanely fast pace, and the pace and the high tech environment are at odds with being in synch with life energy.

Even when I was walking through the nature preserve last evening I was cognizant of the fact that I was walking too fast to be in synch with the natural environment, and had to slow down. I found there is a 'sweet spot' where the pace is fast enough to be healthful, and slow enough to be in synch--in walking, in working. There I abide as spontaneous presence, pure awareness, my true nature.

...

All is energy, neither good nor bad, just energy. It can be dissipated, accumulated, conducted, insulated, inducted, and produce reproducible results. The universe is all energy, not good, not bad, beyond dualistic human judgmental thinking.

...

Energy is, spontaneously present, called spirit by some. Pure awareness is energy awareness of itself interacting with itself witnessing itself. Pure awareness distorted by dualistic thoughts is what most people think they are, what most people think is 'their mind.' In a sense the dualistic thought loops are 'their mind' as those loops have cut off the loops and the form and the awareness from the source and have declared independence, separateness, from the universe of energy.

How good it is to finally find the true self, universal energy, spontaneous presence, pure awareness, and to no longer be enslaved by dualistic thoughts.

...

There is movement of universal energy: energy in form, moving; energy formless, moving. The universe's 'work' is energy in ceaseless motion. There is no person anywhere in the universal energy, just universal energy. There is no worker doing the work. There is no pain, no pleasure, no desire, no fear, no effort anywhere. The only place where pain, pleasure, desire, fear, and effort seemingly exist is in the imaginations of energy forms that don't yet know they are but forms of universal energy, and regard themselves as having a separate, autonomous existence and identity, who believe themselves to be other than impersonal universal energy, other than pure universal awareness.

There is no do-er.

There is no sufferer.

At the core of the core there is nothing, no-one.

It's a tremendous relief to know there is nothing but vast repose, and this ongoing dream in the ocean of universal energy, the patterns of energy rising and falling in pure awareness. There is rest for the weary, there is rest. The universe loses itself and finds itself and loses itself again.

...

Although I'm a disciple of Furbananda forever, the universe is my role model as well. Eternally spontaneously effortlessly energy flowing, rising, falling, forming, transforming. The operative word is 'effortless.' The universe is no wage slave, and the universe does not exploit.

...

Freedom from wanting requires freedom from want as a precondition. First the basic needs are met, then comes the proliferation of selfish desires, personal wants.
Eventually with trial and error freedom from wants is sought, and it's back to being happy with having basic needs met: food, clothing, shelter, fuel, health and security.

...

A good night's sleep at last, eight mostly solid hours, plus a long dream, although watching a grisly television show just prior to bed evidently colored the content of the dream.

A strong pot of Chock Full O Nuts, brewed the old-fashioned way in a Black and Decker drip coffeemaker, has nicely underscored the well-being and, without threatening to elevate cholesterol as the oily french-press-method coffee is said to do. Whatever it takes, whatever works.

And walking to work, how good to have a clear well-rested head. Clearly defining the reasons civilization is unsustainable as long as its citizens persist in dualistic foolishness, chiefly being the headlong heedless rush to: a)go somewhere (i.e., somewhere else); b) get something (i.e., toy, money, pleasure); c) be something (doctor, lawyer, chief, good punctual employee, authority, etc.); do something (bungee jump, entertain, be entertained).

I no longer run into trouble, I just walk into trouble now. There is nowhere I need to be other than where I am now. I have already gotten what I'm after, which is my true nature, the Self. I can only be what I always am, the Self. There's nowhere to go, nothing to get, nothing to be, nothing to do.

Karma has its momentum, and so there's a marriage and a mortgage to maintain; these, and dualistic civilization generally, are patently absurd in the nondual perspective. Happily, the nondual perspective views the absurdity lightly, as the ongoing cosmic comedy it fundamentally is.

...

When I'm dog-tired, and feeling annoyed by the trivial pursuits and dubious priorities of the modern human society in which I happen to live, I get cynical, misanthropic...world-weary. I get the urge to walk away from it all, and go off and melt into the natural world. No more work. No more bullshit. No more putting up with pettymindedness. It's time to find perfect repose, to resume the effortless being of the universe. I understand now how old people come to welcome death, and why Chuang Tzu wrote the story about the talking skull who couldn't remain silent when a presumptuous living human thought it was such a shame the dead were dead, whereas the exact opposite is true: it's the living who are miserable suffering bastards, not the dead.

But although I sometimes feel like death, or dying at least, such desperation can be useful, impetus to ask that magic question:

Who am I?

and am reminded of the viable option of living out these days in the natural state, as my dear guru Furbananda has tried to get across to me for quite a while now.

Perfect repose need not wait. I can still be breathing and be at peace.

...

Everyone has always, is already, the Self, pure awareness, universal energy: some people realize they are the Self, some--or most--have not yet realized this fact. It is better to realize that we are the Self than to remain ignorant of that fact.

As I work in this windowless office I'm still able to realize the Self at this moment. Such realization makes all the difference. No matter what the circumstance, whether pleasant or unpleasant, carefree or dire, exciting or routine, realization of the Self is immediate transcendence over suffering and immediate freedom, immediate unconditioned being, immediate pure awareness, immediate wholeness, immediate fulfillment.

Anyone can be Self-realized if they really want it wholeheartedly, and are willing to pay whatever price for it. The price, which is forbiddingly prohibitively astronomically high for most people, is letting go of the false self, of becoming impersonal rather than remaining as a person. The loss of dualistic perspective is the death of the person; living in the nondual perspective, as impersonal true nature, as sheer presence, universal energy, pure awareness, as the Self, is the resumption of the only authentic life there is, which is universal and eternal and real.

...

Tomorrow morning is new moon, and the morning after that the autumnal equinox for this trip around the Sun called "2006." And this form has been around the Sun quite a few times, and I can distinctly feel the form de-forming. Thanks to nondual perspective I am no longer attached to this form. Even now there are moments where there is nonbeing and moments where there is being, and I alternate between being and nonbeing. People attached to form would gladly find a way, and pay dearly, to remain in a particular form longer, forever if possible, to somehow negate one of the fundamental realities of the universe: no form lasts forever, no matter what material it's made from, no matter how it's maintained.

To be self-taught requires self-discipline. To achieve a particular result also requires self-discipline, to find the motivation and persistence to carry a project through to the end. My most cherished project is nondual realization, self-realization, the stabilization of nondual perspective--this is an inner project that can be worked on all the time, whether at home, walking, working, socializing, or whatever. I would rather stabilize the nondual perspective than do house repairs. It will take a lot of self-discipline for me to patch broken plaster, paint, sand, etc.

The core being project is always fully complete, as the core being just is, only needing to be recognized and allowed to express its intrinsic nature. The core being needs nothing, is already perfect from the very beginningless beginning, was never born, and never dies.

The core being is so totally obvious it's hidden from most perspectives. What could be more obvious than pure awareness, the reality of being?

Three inventions that have managed to distract people from the core being even more than the fundamental age-old low-tech karmic ignorance: automobile, television, and cell phone. Those three devices have managed to make more people remain in ignorance than just about all other inventions including dualistic-perspective books, movies, plays, and much entertainment. The content distracts from the container, the content being thoughts, forms, phenomena, the container being pure awareness, the clear light energy of the universe.

It's tempting to label duality and nonduality as 'good vs. evil' but in fact duality is only natural and inevitable. Duality happens. The game the nondual person plays, also naturally and inevitably, is helping to raise and clarify the individual and collective perspective so that it evolves into nonduality. Only the nondual perspective can bring about the end of suffering. The nondual perspective brings about the end of suffering by bringing to light the fact that there is no sufferer, no person, at the core, only clear light, only universal energy, only pure awareness.

...

The vast spacious serene untroubled natural mind, no person to be troubled, pure awareness only. This mind is everywhere, underpinning everything, inseparable from all phenomena, united with, yet unaffected by, all things.

That we are beings of light is not wishful thinking, not a facile attractive metaphysical concept--we are literally made out of light, through-and-through. The light is visible surrounding us, filling us. Every being is a being of light. Pure awareness is clear light.

...

Last evening decided in spite of feeling tired and achy to go for the long walk, the two-hour eight-mile route through neighborhoods and cemetery and nature preserves and bike path. Rather than the aggressive power-walking I thought it would be kinder on the body to just walk normally, as a hiker in the woods would. This was fast enough to complete the route in slightly more than two hours.

I should have some kind of tiny voice recorder with me on these walks to note the flashes of insights and various thoughts of potential usefulness. One flash was to compile a collection of "Walking Wisdom" or some such. Walking is a great stimulus to clarity, a genuine meditation, a spiritual practice, as well as being a very healthful habit.

At the natural pace I could easily talk to myself, out loud. As last evening was the eve of my late brother's 60th birthday, had he lived, I just went ahead and talked to Mike at some length. I mentioned a few things I would not want his widow to hear, and voiced regrets at not spending more time with him over the years, even before anyone knew he had cancer. I thanked him for the good times, and for his attempts to stay in touch with me at a very deep level, talking about jnana yoga when I had no idea what jnana yoga was.

Recalling Swami Jyoti's words, I reached a solid closure with Mike by acknowledging that he and I are light, the Principle, the same light the same Principle, and that it's only ignorance that leads people to think there is death. Mike, and me, and everyone, was never born; Mike, and me, and everyone, never dies. There is only light.

And so a priority emerged: go gently through life, in synch with the surroundings and with all sentient beings, acknowledge all of them that happen to be here, find the way to communicate and greet and share the light, the Principle, with every being of light. So simple, just to notice and acknowledge other beings of light. Namaste World.

Later, getting home to a houseful of boisterous children who are staying the week, and finding the sink full of dirty dishes, I decided to just do the dishes, since I needed clean bowls to cook the oatmeal etc. A question I posed to myself during the walk resurfaced: "What does a being of light do?" Answer: "the dishes."

I was very happy to do the dishes as a being of light.

And today, in spite of feeling tired and achy with a weird sore throat/esophagitis thing going on, I am very happy to take care of business here at work as a being of light. The Principle does all things.

...

Throughout my life I've habitually played roles, believing myself to be this or that. The roles were sometimes based on what I happened to be doing for a living, or what I perceived myself to be--the one thing in common with all the roles were that they were pretensions, taken quite seriously. "This is who/what I am." "This is who I REALLY am."

How easy it is to give in to the temptation of regarding oneself as this or that. Especially when money and/or prestige is attached to being this or that. Flattering ourself is so human, as is denigrating ourself. Self-esteem is rather beside the point, whether it's too low or too high. What is this self that is being esteemed highly/lowly?

In pure awareness there is no esteem, there is only vast serene space, the perfection of transparent being. There is no self to esteem or be esteemed.

...

While walking to work this crisp sunny morning I came up to the intersection of Professor and Lorain streets and watched a car being driven through a very red light. Whether this was because the driver was blinded by the sun as she drove east or because the driver didn't want to be late for work etc. is moot. I watched the driver as she zoomed past me, standing still, and the driver looked back at me looking at her. In the past my habit was to pass judgment on such behavior and add it to the pile of reasons why I should loathe the human species, but this morning I asked myself as I walked past Finney Chapel, "Who am I to judge?" Who indeed. Then that question easily flipped into the classic power question of self-inquiry, "Who am I?" It's good to ask that question whenever necessary. It's good to be able to ask that question. If only more of my species would ask that question there would be a lot more humility and humanity in our human condition.

It's a paradox, being the Self. It would seem that realization of the Self as oneself would be a megalomaniac's dream-come-true. Instead, it is the quintessence of humiliation--as identity becomes stabilized as the Self, the false self becomes smaller and weaker and vanishes altogether. There is no person at the core to feel any megalomania. The Self just is, just is what it is, which is vast impersonal peace, hardly self-aggrandizement or self-glorification or self-absorption or self-centeredness or self-indulgence. The Self has nothing, is nothing, yet has everything, is everything.

...

Another incongruity: hanging out a shingle professing oneself to be a Self-realizer. Professional Self-realization. Can the Self be considered a professional? or an amateur? How could the Self charge for services rendered by no-one to no-one? In this economic system money is required for food, clothing, shelter, etc. Should this necessary money be acquired through activities associated with Self-realization? I'm sidestepping this question altogether by working a material job to pay the material bills and relegating my professional activities--i.e., Self-realization--entirely to the spiritual realm.

Would it be hypocritical to earn money directly from the Self-realization "profession"?

I think the same question could appy to those who work with psychological suffering: should people pay to be helped with psychological suffering, and should people hve to pay for the privilege of being listened to, and advised, in what is in essence spiritual assistance?

Then again, no-one begrudges the physician his rightful fee, especially when the physician has been instrumental in relieving pain and promoting healing. Helping others with physical survival and physical well-being deserves physical compensation. Awakening to the reality of being the Self is the ultimate in survival and well-being: the Self is eternal, and the Self could be said to enjoy the state of well-being, to the extent that universal energy and pure awareness is capable of enjoying its own nature.

The Self doesn't require payment for being the Self, for sharing its intrinsic nature. The Self is all things and does all things, and for those services rendered by the Self for the Self, the Self should reward itself handsomely, and it does, in a decidedly non-monetary fashion.

...

Cynicism, pessimism, perfectionism, some very toxic isms to be sure, amazing that I've survived in this body as long as I have, having been poisoned for so long by these. I'm eating what turns out to be in essence a strict vegan Dean Ornish/Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine "reversal diet" to maybe undo the damage caused by decades of stress and negativity, the Duality Decades. While optimizing physical health and well-being is a sensible goal, my primary goal in eating this way is sattva and ahimsa--light and wisdom, and harmlessness. Good health is a by-product, a spinoff, of sattva and ahimsa. Wholeness, wholesomeness generally, is a way of life that deserves following and promoting.

The real payoff of sattva and ahimsa is handy self-realization. There's nothing better than basking in the unshakable presence of the self, of being the universal energy, pure awareness.

...

Walking in the serenity of the Self, as the Self, mindful of how good it feels to not wish I was somewhere else. Where else could possibly be better than here, now, in the Self, as the Self? I recall that horrible adrenal-gland-squeezing agony of unfulfilled desire, overweening desire, to have something, to be somewhere else...will I get the toy? will I get a ticket and a seat at the movie/concert/event?

Now it's just Being this that I am...pure awareness...pure presence...going about the business of daily life. No hurry, no worry. It's all here, it's all now, it's all right.

...

The universe, one spirit, one universal energy at play, one substance, one essence. Think of the 'magic eye' 3-D illusion, the graphics that, when first looked at, appear to be a random assortment of meaningless designs, all of the same general appearance and texture. As the eyes relax and the pattern settles into the brain, a 3-dimensional image suddenly appears, with the forms suspended in space...and all the forms are still of the same color, texture, substance.

The forms rise and fall, the experience of phenomena rising and falling universal.

And wherever I look, there is one spirit, one substance, one essence, one awareness. The forms, the phenomena, richly textured, the composite spontaneous totality of one overall appearance.

"Love one another." What is so difficult about that? With the One Eye Love, it is only natural to love every other form, as we are all one.

"If you're not with the one you love, love the one you're with." Going a step further, I suggest a better line for the lyrics of that song: "The one you're with is the one you love."

It is a very long experiment that has come to fruition: distinguishing and discriminating is the disease of the dualistic mind. When it comes to the most important thing of all--being the universal Self--there is no place for distinguishing or discriminating, no place for dualistic thinking. Love indiscriminately. Be indistinguishable from everything and everyone, for we are one. Be as undistinguished as any living being, furry, eating, sleeping, simple, untroubled. Recognize the One Life in every living being, the One Energy in the totality of existence and awareness.

...

Googling, found this, and will keep this handy, so apropos to the soap opera bad country song that has suddenly thrust a spurned scorned cuckolded wife and her three children into our home last night for refuge:

<begin cut-and-paste>

Nonduality - An Experimental Approach
By Remez Sasson

Martin and Tim were arguing loudly about some unimportant matter. After a while the argument turned into yelling and shouting. A little while later, the verbal fight turned into a physical fight. Why have they started the fight?

George believes and feels that he is better than everybody else, and therefore treats others as his inferiors.

One country fights another and one religion persecutes the other. Why all this is happening? Is one better than the other?

Life is filled with feelings, emotions and involvement. Much of this does not bring us any benefit or peace of mind. Everyone has his/her personality, into which they are deeply engrossed, and which they guard jealously. This causes clashes with the environment. As long as each individual considers himself/herself as a separate, definite unit, there will be a clash of powers, whether on a personal or a wider level.

Lack of investigation and understanding of the inner and real self will keep each one trapped in a small imaginary world, causing tension, disagreements, and struggles....

....You see what I am striving at? To show you that deep inside we are just pure Consciousness, but upon coming in contact thoughts and with the five senses, we forget ourselves. This forgetfulness is so strong and deep that we consider ourselves as separate selves having separate personalities. The pure Consciousness is one homogenous whole, but because of the involvement with thoughts, there arises identification with each thought, and the erroneous belief that the group of thoughts identified with is a separate unit. Add the body, which is actually an instrument, and you have an active 'real' unit....

....In nonduality there is One indivisible Consciousness, and there is some unexplainable and illusory phenomenon called Maya, which sort of hides the reality. Awakening from the dream of unreality is the path of Non-Duality. This awakening brings happiness, joy, bliss, fearlessness, and inner power. We rise above the mind and return Home, to where we always are, but have forgotten. We realize who we really are. Paradoxically the outer life, the life of the body and five senses go on, yet without obstructing the Inner Light.

<end cut-and-paste>

The cause of the suffering and the end of the suffering. If only words could be enough to bring people in dualistic agony home to nonduality, One spirit, One pure awareness, One universal energy.

Maybe agony, like running a fever, is the Self's way of healing itself, of destroying that which threatens the health--spiritual or physical--of the individual.

...

Flunked the nonduality test last night, reacted harshly, judgmentally, to very stupid human behavior that arose all of a sudden from several fronts. Yea verily just because some people's lives play out as soap operas, bad country songs, does not mean I have to foam at the mouth.

This morning I had time to chant to keyboard and guitar accompaniment, to purify and clarify. The key point chanted: I vow to see the spirit in you and the spirit in me. One spirit, we are one spirit, this spirit is love, this spirit is light, this spirit is peace.

The soap operas, bad country songs, local and global are in need of a namaste, and if it doesn't come from me then who from?

...

Conditioned/unconditioned coexistence case in point: of course nondual awareness is impersonal, nameless, universal...even so, these transitory manifestations are given names for convenience, and are conditioned to respond to given names...such conditioning is neither good nor bad, is neither a hindrance nor a help to nondual awareness. Names are names, such as they are; pure awareness is pure awareness, such as it is. As pure awareness I use names and respond to the name given to this manifestation, even though there is no person present in any manifestation other than the Impersonal natural awareness.

Likewise, the manifestations of pure awareness are unique in form, and manifest in unique ways, intrinsically. This does not at all compromise the authenticity of true nature, of pure awareness. Speech, appearance, behavior, springs forth spontaneously.

Even with its infinite variety of expressions, the core is one and the same: universal energy, pure awareness.

It is a joy to share universal energy and pure awareness with other manifestations, all in this together as one.

Politics and religion--all dualistic thinking in general--obscure the simple beautiful potential of living out the days in these manifestations as one.

Radical nonduality--stealth nonduality--will subvert dualistic thinking through the unstoppable power of universal energy, pure awareness, the living truth of oneness.

...

The cats continue to provide great comfort and wisdom. To lie down with cats is the energy equivalent of lying down in the midst of a lush meadow. There is the shared contentment of one warm, furry presence.

...

What's really amazing about the pure unconditioned universal awareness is that it contains effortlessly, all that human beings believe to be 'impure' or 'conditioned.' All distinctions of 'pure/impure' and 'conditioned/unconditioned' are nonexistent.

Taking a small leap to the dichotomy of Good/Evil then, in the universal awareness, there is nothing 'good', nothing 'evil.' The universal awareness is incapable of making such a distinction: only human mental concepts make such a distinction, and believe in the existence of what are in essence fictions.

I say this after watching the video actually taped near and within the World Trade Center towers when they were struck and fell.

If anything can be called 'evil' it is that part of the human being that believes in its own mental concepts. Even then, the universal awareness can only accept the entirety of mental activity upon itself, as there is no person to judge, no person to be judged.

The tragedy of dualistic thinking must play out--this is the educational process of the universe that is inevitable.

Dualistic thinking is overcome by nondualistic being, i.e., hatred is conquered by love. There are no enemies, there is only One, and some of the manifestations of the One are poisoned by dualistic thinking. When Oneness is manifested, the One takes care of itself, regardless of how the manifestations manifest.

Feed the enemy, for he is thee in disguise. When everyone's needs are met, there is peace, there is justice. To meet everyone's needs, everyone must learn to be content with very little, to be content to have simple needs easily met.

Technology has made people very discontent, wanting more and more.

...

Never a worry about having perfect conditions for this perfect state, about losing it if I'm not careful...no more concerns about this amazing joy and profound peace being shattered, ruined, taken away, going away...it's always here, inseparable, imperishable, intrinsic.

This is the moment I've been waiting for, this moment. It's always this moment. In this moment it's possible to be either conditioned, or unconditioned. Blinded by thoughts, conditioned thinking, or aware, lucid, tranquil, unconditioned, unbound.

The unconditioned state of being is the natural state, the untroubled state, the real state. No more agitation, no more fears, no more clinging, no more longing. In this very moment, unconditioned state, unconditional freedom, peace, joy, compassion, wisdom, wholeness, awareness.

All is well.

It's all to be accepted, unconditionally, uncritically, all radiance of the true self. Nothing to reject, nothing to hold fast, nothing to avoid, nothing to pursue.

That which is, is eternal, in this very moment.

...

In the course of having to drive the car at some length through much traffic in order to renew its license I was reminded how lucky I am not to have to drive much at all: I felt distracted and confined both. Cars are the perfect demonstration of how human beings are trapped and distracted by their own desires. How stupid we make ourselves, distracting ourselves, confining ourselves, day in and day out.

In the midst of the distraction and confinement and irritation I sprung the question: who is this happening to? Self-inquiry to the rescue!

And the self-inquiry swiftly takes me to what I really am, which is pure awareness.

Never again a victim, there is no-one there, there is no victim there. There is only pure awareness. All these victims and victimizers, self-victimizers and other-victimizers--all fictitious. No-one is a person, there is only pure awareness at every being's core. All the pains of existence happen to no-one at all. The only suffering comes from believing oneself to be a self, a person that suffers and enjoys, when in fact there is only pure awareness.

Rigpa rules.

...

"Cease cherishing opinions." That advice opens up the portal wide to the universal mind, which is the mind to claim as one's own. Immaculate, vast, spacious, serene, transparent--no opinions found anywhere, no person to be found anywhere either, just phenomena, just as it is, what it is, all energy, all emptiness. It's always here, if we want it.

...

How bland and mild the 3rd Chinese Zen Patriarch sounds when he says, several times, "cease cherishing opinions." Yet how vitally important this advice happens to be. People are proud of their opinions, and identify with their opinions, and are driven by their opinions. Thus we have the whole spectrum of violence, justified by opinions cherished.

I'm lucky in that when I cherish opinions I just get surly and cynical, and become a real bitter pill to those near to me.

I'm in a mood this morning--maybe full moon has something to do with it. I read the news today, again, oh boy, and cherish the opinion that human beings deserve everything that happens to them at their own hands. Global warming, war, street violence, domestic violence, car crashes, airline crashes, lifestyle-related diseases, the whole gamut of misery and destruction. Complicated, mucked-up heads, mucking up lives individually, familially, collectively. Artificial lives led by the nose and short hairs by cherished complicated mucked-up opinions.

This planet doesn't deserve the treatment it gets from human beings, and would be far better off without them. Human beings may take care of the problem of their toxic presence by means of that very toxic presence.

The very least I can do is consume as little as possible and encourage others to do likewise, if only by power of example. It doesn't take much to survive and sustain health and comfort.

If people only knew how good it is to be the equal of the animals. Pure spirits, untroubled, simple legitimate needs easily met. Be content just to be, and all is well.

Instead, people persist in making their lives as complicated as possible, as discontent as possible.

I am happy just to walk and eat beans. I would gladly relinquish my license and my car and stay close to home forever. I will travel, reluctantly, if I must.

...

I love being in my real, natural, universal mind, this vast peaceful transparent mind all around. I love being my real, natural, universal self, and speaking and working and moving spontaneously, originating from the core of impersonal emptiness, yes, universal energy and pure awareness. There is no do-er, yet things get done. There is no-one talking, no-one listening, but words go out and come in. The source, the attachment point of awareness, of the senses, of movement, of speech, is perfect impersonal emptiness, universal energy, pure awareness.

It is the ultimate self-indulgence to be the Supreme Self, even though there is no-one to enjoy it. The fictional self does not exist, the universal energy mercifully has no self. The interaction of energy, one universal impersonal selfless entity assuming the totality of forms and remaining self-less and form-less.

...

How it is that this miraculous existence as a form of universal energy, in a vast serene spacious untroubled transparent perfectly pure awareness-mind, can go unnoticed, unappreciated, used merely as a vehicle for survival or for self-gratification, a means to those ends rather than a glorious end unto itself...yet that is perfectly understandable. It takes a stable, mature situation to come to recognize and appreciate existence and awareness: survival must not be a pressing problem, and self-gratification must have reached and exceeded the point of diminishing returns...the major distracting mistakes must have been made, and learned from...and then, the individual is ripe to recognize, to realize, to identify with, that which he has been all along but didn't understand, such was the distractedness. With a one-pointed mind, undistracted, a simple blameless innocent life--the contemplative life--the individual awakens to the great What Just Is.

...

Rather than doing something in order to prepare for something else, rather than practice something for the sake of some future improvement, it's good to do something to enhance the experience of the present. Practicing a musical instrument in a spirit of pedantry, practicing to the point of diminishing returns, builds the musical chops for a future performance, and if one is a professional musician, that may be required for maintaining an income. As an amateur musician, I don't practice at all, I play as much as I want. The more I play, the better the playing naturally gets.

I am not preparing for the future at all. I am awakening in the present, always.

Last evening I went for my customary long walk, but instead of the hyperkinetic arm-pumping power walk I chose to walk a brisk natural walk, the kind of walk my ancestors employed when covering lots of ground, fully aware of the surroundings, walking at an efficient, brisk, sustainable, natural pace. I took note of the surroundings and the thoughts that appeared in awareness, and enjoyed flashes of insight that good circulation of blood through the body and brain facilitates.

One fine insight into the second hour of walking, while on the bike path and the arboretum loop, was how, given there is no real 'person' in anyone or anything, just impersonal universal energy and pure awareness, there is nonetheless SOMETHING present that recognizes its own existence and awareness as well as the existence and awareness present in other forms. This is in a sense a universal 'person' that sees through every eye, is the awareness of every awareness. It is this universal person that the Hindus call the Self, or Brahman, or the Atman. The greeting 'namaste' is the Self--this universal impersonal person--greeting itself, recognizing itself.

To accept the truth of the universal person, the Self, and to live as it, is difficult and daunting for the false self. We cling to friends and family, identify with name and role and form. To become universal, to become impersonal, is tantamount to death--which it is, the death of the false self, and rebirth as the universal Self.

What does a human being 'do' upon realizing he is the universal Self, and has been all along, and forever is, the universal Self?

Namaste.

...

Existence and Awareness do add up to Bliss, in the sense that it's possible to be so attuned to sheer existence and sheer awareness that it becomes an ever-present source of inescapable wonder, and that means perfect bliss of perfect being, pure bliss of pure awareness. No person is enjoying the bliss, which is fortunate, for the bliss of being the universal energy and pure awareness is unbearable by any 'person' -- only the impersonal universal energy and pure awareness can endure the bliss of its own nature.

Once we have worked out our attachment to toys and tickles we can't help but discover what's there all along, sheer existence and pure awareness, the universal energy. There is no toy or tickle that can compare to realizing one's true nature and enjoying one's true nature: universal energy, pure awareness.

...

How easy to be distracted by the contents--the phenomena--appearing in mind, desiring some, averse to others. How easy, with practice and earnest intent, to find satisfaction with Mind itself--Awareness itself. Awareness--and not the contents within Awareness--is enough, a precious gift that never perishes. Pure awareness is the same, wherever it is. Pure awareness is inseparable from the body of the universe, and is always present. The awareness of every being is the same pure awareness.

A childhood musing has grown over a lifetime: "What does the world look like through someone else's eyes? What does it feel like to be someone else?" Perceptions and personalities are all different, like snowflakes, yet the fundamental awareness is one and the same, the fundamental 'person' is one and the same. Getting past and beyond the apparent differences, at the core there is found, in everyone, universal energy and pure awareness.

Another musing that has grown over the decades: "What is the implication of this energy field that I see surrounding me, surrounding everyone and everything?" The implication is the fact that the universe is made entirely out of energy, and that we are all in fact this universal energy. The person, the personal life, the personality is fictional--what is real is the universal energy.

When two or more beings meet in pure awarenes as universal energy, with shared recognition of pure awareness and universal energy, there is perfect unbroken unity; if one being 'dies' nothing is diminished, nothing is lost, for there is only one being, one Self, one pure awareness, one universal energy, manifesting form after form after form. To acknowledge the living truth of this with other forms, while in form, is to transcend form. This is the eternal unity celebrated here and there throughout the universe, as those forms among the multiplicity of forms seek, and find, the profound truth of underlying unity of identity, and come together. This is the reunion of nonduality.

Nondual expression at its height is enjoyed best when all forms are nondualistically self-realized. If only one form among the multiplicity of forms is nondualistically self-realized, that fortunate form can express the truth of underlying unity of identity with all forms, no matter what level of understanding those forms happen to possess, through the expression of unconditional love for all forms, through the medium of pure awareness and universal energy. Pure awareness and universal energy are one and the same.

...

Wandering in this vast immaculate universal mind in this body of bliss.

That this very awareness, this very presence, has escaped notice of so many is rather amazing in itself. This very awareness is vast, serene, perfect as it is. The source of troubles lies only in feverish thoughts, not in the true universal mind, which is untroubled.

...

The 'person' can be such a complicated fiction, able to torture and be tortured in countless ways, including self-torture. The impersonal universal energy, pure awareness, just is, effortless, spontaneous, and is the most venerable 'person' of all, called by some the Self, the Supreme, the Supreme Self, Spirit, Great Spirit, God, Jehovah, Allah, Nature, Cosmos, Universe, Tao...good to know this very beingness, this very awareness, is the famous One, the the One and Only, the ultimate celebrity, the final Authority.

...

A ventilation fan in the bottom floor of this building produces harmonic overtones, bugle notes, and I hear 'Taps' when everything is just right. 'Taps', being the overtone series in consecutive steps, can be played by playerless devices such as ventilation fans and Aeolian harps. The dead soldier, now no longer having the fictional person, is well represented by the overtone series, as it is sounded without the presence of any person at all, and 'Taps' coincidentally is a very natural run of sequential overtones, perfect to pay tribute to a soldier who is one with nature in every respect. Furthermore, 'Taps' expresses the perfect rest experienced by the so-called 'dead': no more pain, no more anxiety, no more war, no more conflict, no more toil, only the serene effortless presence of nature, universal energy, pure awareness.

...

The syllable OM is the fundamental tone from which all overtones are derived. We approximate the OM, in our chanting, in our songs, in our speech, in our music, in our daily life. The OM is rest. The OM is hOMe.

...

The ostensible reason my cousin came over last weekend was to show me how to patch broken plaster, which he kindly showed me how to do. His own house is immaculately restored. My house is merely functional, as far from immaculate as a house can be and not be officially slated to be condemned. Rather than making perfect repairs, with perfect walls, and having plans of restoring my house, I will be happiest to maintain the house as an aborigine would maintain his mud hut, and no more. To have a consistent level of fuzzy imperfection in the material plane would please me. The cars rust, the clothes fray, the shoes scuff, the hair and the grass grows. Delightful yellow finches feed on the thistles that now grow around the house. To melt back into the natural world, or at least to not try too hard to fight entropy, is only natural.

...

Animals don't psychologically suffer because they have no self-concept and no self that suffers. People psychologically suffer because they have a self-concept and that self is fictional, ever prone to perceived insults, injuries, disappointments and extinction. With the arousal of earnest curiosity, people can come to understand how false their self-concept is, and with continued self-inquiry lose all self-concept and resume the natural state, resume contentment, resume sponaneity, resume perfect freedom.

Although I'm quick to form the words universal energy, pure awareness I have found those particular words to be the most accurate symbols to refer to the true nature of all beings. My head and my heart rejoice at the synthesis, at the wholeness, that is our true nature: universal energy, pure awareness.

Everyone should know what they are not, and then be what they are: universal energy, pure awareness.

A little bit of natural science goes a long way. Scientists who understand conceptually that all is universal energy, pure awareness, should take the plunge and understand viscerally, to be that which is understood, the observer and the observed one and the same.

...

Being this that I am--universal energy, pure awareness--I can rightly claim to be Ruler of the Universe, even though I have recognized one of my cats as being that too. Furbananda is the Ruler--I trust him implicitly--he is a pure spirit, whereas I, being a long-conditioned-thinking human being, am not someone I would trust as implicitly as he.

But in order to get to the point of utter trustworthiness, I reflect on the virtues of my true nature--universal energy, pure awareness--and among those virtues are patience, forbearance, kindness, equanimity, peace. It's easy to be virtuous when one is the source of all virtue.

For the rest of the days remaining in this human form, I--universal energy, pure awareness--will continue being that which I am, and by being that which I am, I will continue enjoying peace, freedom, joy: carefree, unburdened, without personhood, content just to be. Furbananda and all animals and plants and rocks and sky and stars are my peers in the natural state, without any concept of self. Universal energy, pure awareness. It had to come down to this. It's grace, unearned, just is--yet I earned this, this came dearly. I can never go back to what I thought I was, suffering from mistaken identity, from identifying with thoughts, very out-of-control thoughts. From such depths of confusion, of self-deception, of suffering...and now This. This Thing that I am, here all along.

People really need to know about this Thing that we are. Who is ready to know this, who is ready to accept that what we are is universal energy, pure awareness, and just be this? Who is ready to say goodbye to the personal self and hello to the impersonal universal eternal non-self?

...

This morning was a good time to apply the character-building and character-empowering virtues of pure awareness. As I walked to work, unkind thoughts about someone very near and usually dear arose, in fact an entire scenario arose in the mind, truly edifices of thoughts, emotions, attachments, aversions, castles in the sky of mind, but not very beautiful castles.

And then I approached the sidewalk passing to the north of Finney Chapel, and as I walked west, I recognized the emptiness of pure awareness--the essence of mind--my true nature--and in this transparent awareness, pure consciousness, I consoled myself that the thoughts--shameful as they were--were just thoughts, they rose, they disappeared...I did not act upon them, I did not utter them aloud, I just left them alone, and remembered to just watch them. The character-building comes from not judging: not judging thoughts, not judging people, not judging anything or anyone. It starts with thoughts: there are no 'bad' thoughts, no 'good' thoughts, they're just thoughts, they happen, they rise and they fall. I am not thoughts. I am the pure awareness in which all thoughts, all phenomena, appear and disappear.

As I work out the M.O. of the spiritual panacea of pure consciousness, it's plain to see, much to my surprise and delight, that it's ubiquitous, robust, the real deal. As a guy absolutely stoned on his ass from rigpa alone, it's only natural that my path is the natural path, already worked out over the centuries, and called jnana yoga, or nisarga yoga, or Dzogchen, all names for the same thing, the same process, the same reality. There is hope for me. There is hope for all sentient beings.

...

The ongoing work of character-building, of character development, really gets wings when pure consciousness is recognized and becomes one's true self, one's real identity. The emptiness of pure awareness, rather than providing a license to be self-indulgent, becomes instead an inexhaustible source of strength, of peace, of meaning, of inspiration. The inexpressible relief, the total freedom of being, that comes from realizing the mind's true nature--unconditioned bliss--existence/awareness/bliss--empowers the individual to live a life characterized by the attributes of self-realized universal energy that finds itself in a form: peace, freedom, joy, unconditional love, acceptance, ease, humor. There is no more fear, no more desire. The object of the self-inquiring mind's desire is that mind, which is always present. Impersonal presence awareness as universal energy need not be sought, need not be desired, when that is all there is. Being this, there is no possible way to fear what one is.

...

Good old Padmasambhava. He's so right: check out your own mind and see if that's so. On the way to work, walking past Finney, sure enough, the plain naked awareness is untroubled and transparent as ever. If there's ever any doubt, there it is, always the same.

Which leads me to a cranky opinion, the ethereal precious guru roshi people, so clean-shaven and nice and sweet, cranking out their instructional books and videos, loaded with so much authoritative perfect wisdom for mankind. Give me something a little more robust, funky, natural, rough around the edges, crusty. A cat will do. Or a dog. Or a bird. Or a human being who is without artifice, affectations, allusions, or affiliations. No religion, please, none. No New Age. No shamanism. No entheogens. Give me a Bodhidharma: "in vast emptiness there is nothing holy." Spare me the satsangs, flowers, and flowing robes, and don't even think of lighting any goddamn incense.

This perfect emptiness accommodates everything impartially, so go ahead, light the incense, put on some ambient music, play with the senses as you will. The universe is at play, and no-one is playing.

What a relief not to be holding onto anything, especially onto opinions. No need to hold onto emptiness, nothing to hold onto. Phenomena are all in the mind, how to hold onto them when they have no substance whatsoever...energy can't be held, it escapes like water or mercury when grasped.

And how it is when in stillness, in emptiness, without grasping at all, I have everything, all mine, all me.

...

So simple, yet so difficult, so obvious, yet so subtle, is the practice of surrendering to our true identity, our true self, and being fully That, impersonal, pure, real, universal; whatever it takes, this practice is worth continuing, and cherishing, even though it is the most difficult and subtle practice of all. For this practice alone leads to freedom, to immortality, to the impersonal I-less life of the universal Self.

An individual has to be ready to accept that the true self is impersonal, and be willing to live as an impersonal being, as a non-person. The trappings of the personal life remain, but there is no attachment to them. The house may burn down, the whole family may disown you, the national government may force you into exile, and it will not matter, for the One who lives is impersonal, having no name, no history, no nationality, no identity.

...

The wife of one of my cousins has a serious, potentially fatal disease, the outcome of which is not yet certain. When he told me this as we sat on the porch, drinking ale and engaged in general conversation, I could only extend my deepest concern. It did not occur to me to speak of the eternal universal Self that assumes all transitory forms, even though in retrospect I would speak of the Self, as this is the most pertinent thing of all, especially in matters of life and death. For who is it that lives, suffers, and dies but the Self, and the Self, being impersonal, eternal, and universal, is not born, does not suffer, and does not die, even though the Self in form appears to undergo those changes of form.

The energy that is the Self, when in living form, is like the electricity in the lightbulb. The electricity is one and the same, and is never lost, always the current circulating everywhere, empowering everything. The lightbulb, like all forms, will sooner or later cease to retain its form and functionality. All lightbulbs will break or burn out; that which is the Light of the bulb--the electricity passing through the bulb--remains one and the same, shining in every lightbulb. We are not the lightbulb--we are the Light, we are the energy. This very Awareness, this very Aliveness, is the Aliveness and the Awareness of the Self. Wherever there is life, and consciousness, there is the Self. Forms rise and fall, the Self remains one and the same, the Aliveness and Awareness of every form.

Conventional thinking, conventional identification, restricted, limited, confined, narrow, leads people to believe separate selves were born, with separate identities, and the separate identities are born, suffer, and die; in the context of this belief, this is all true, relatively speaking--a true delusion. I often walk through the town cemetery, amused by the prominence of names on the headstones that so-and-so was 'born' and 'died'--and in some cases what they 'were': doctor, philosopher, mother, son, husband, wife, daughter, etc. The remains of the form lie boxed-in, often in hermetically-sealed chambers, to delay its reunion with nature as long as possible, lest a Christian resurrection of the physical form come along, as is believed by many faithful.

I wonder if my cousin's sister, who knows how much I've experimented with consciousness-expansion over the years after our freewheeling full-disclosure reacquainting at the last family reunion, let on to her brother what kind of person I am, and maybe what he hoped to hear from me is words of some kind of psychedelic wisdom. All I could say, haltingly, in the face of his wife's diagnosis of a potentially deadly cancer, is how amazing it is that our bodies hold together as well as they do, for as long as they do. This is actually the essence of my view on life and death: to regard this form with a sense of cosmic humor, these bodies as high-maintenance jalopies doomed to wind up in the junkyard no matter what we do to keep them running.

...

The impersonal energy of the universe is the Supreme Self, Self for short. The Self is a neat one-syllable word for the impersonal-energy-of-the-universe.

We can be as much of the Self as we care to be, depending on how attached we are to the fictional personal self and its attachments.

...

The universe is entirely impersonal, of one energy, impersonal energy. The only place where a person exists is in the benighted imagination of human beings. Perhaps there are highly evolved beings on other planets who have similarly deluded themselves into believing they are each separate persons.

...

What further clarifies the whole business of the Supreme Self, Self-Realization, is to simply regard it as outgrowing infatuation with the personal life, which is, after all, transient and fictional, and growing into the impersonal life, which is imperishable and real.

I prefer the company of animals to human beings largely because animals are without any concept of being a person. They are pure beings, pure awareness, impersonal, and utterly natural. When I look into the eyes of an animal there is mutual recognition on a primal level, with no overlays of name, role, family, caste, culture, socioeconomic status, or belief system.

...

Self-inquiry leads to self-realization. The nondual self-realized state is quite natural, for the true self just is, natural, spontaneous.

Whenever I ask myself, "who is writing?" "who is walking?" "who is aware?" "who am I?" the silent answer is overwhelming in its reality and presence. If not for the fact that I am this reality, this presence, I would go quite insane, unable to handle the truth of the true self. The Self can handle being the Self just fine.

...

The course this personal life has taken has led to this, the impersonal life, the life of Clear Light, the life of Pure Awareness.

All the suffering, all the mistakes, all the delusion, self-delusion, self-deception, distraction, desire, fear...imprisoned by mistaken notions, mental conditioning...

And yet, I have endured, survived, long enough to emerge in this very moment as if for the first time, and realize what I've been overlooking all this time.

For the rest of the days left in this form, the highest joy, a secret joy, an unspeakable joy, from being this that I am: Presence; Pure Awareness; Clear Light. The words are few, simple, and come all too easily, symbols representing the living universal reality:

Presence
Pure Awareness
Clear Light
Universal Energy

This personal life is unremarkable, typical, the usual trials and tribulations and fleeting joys and sorrows of day-to-day life in the midst of constant change and impermanence. People give birth, grow up, get sick, get well, get into accidents, get healed, get worse, get old, die. Personal life is an uncomfortable ride, with stretches of relative comfort few and far between in some cases.

The amazing possibility is to use the human capacity to understand the situation and to break through the personal identification and identify with the impersonal, the universal, the ever-present. The difficulties of the personal life are easily borne by the impersonal life, That which is actually present in this moment, Pure Awareness/Presence/Clear Light/Universal Energy. Having no 'person', that which we are takes nothing 'personally'--it just keeps on being what it is, untroubled, unchanging.

So just let go and be totally spontaneous, trust in the wisdom of That which just naturally is, in this very moment, eternally. The impersonal Presence is in the guise of persons, every person. How good it is to be this Presence.

...

Dad used to tell me to "sell yourself." He made his living as a salesman most of his life. So in addition to the impossible advice to "be yourself" I am supposed to "sell yourself."

Okay, how about this, Dad? Let's change self to Self. The Self. The Supreme Self. The universal energy pervading all things. That of which the rishis of the Upanishads speak. Now let's try: "Sell your Self." It's not "my" Self, if anything I belong to the Self. In fact, the Self and I are one and the same. But I will do what I can to sell Self realization, knowing that I can't really sell what people already are.

We've covered "be yourself" before. I will be my Self, but again, it's not mine, I'm its, and in fact the Self and I are one and the same. So I will be that which I am.

What we're talking about here is shameless Self-promotion. I can get into that in a big way.

...

Dualistic beliefs are inevitable, given the apparent separateness of forms in awareness. Forms believing themselves to be separate identities is only natural. The holding onto such beliefs becomes a ferocious battle of survival-of-some-at-the-expense-of-others, forms against forms who are perceived to be separate, threatening to survival, intolerably different in beliefs.

It's time for religion, especially organized religion, to end. Even Buddhism-as-religion must end. I'm not a Buddhist, I'm not a Christian, I'm not a Taoist, I'm not a Hindu, I'm not anything. I am that I am, just as any other form that I take. To identify oneself as anything at all is a mistake.

It's excruciating to live nondualistically and perceive nondualistically, but it can't be helped. The transition to nonduality is all-consuming, irreversible. Duality is a tragicomic show that I can only watch, helplessly, antagonist, protagonist and audience one and the same.

...

Nondualism is only natural, very scientific, and is the logical endpoint of honest earnest self-inquiry as well as honest scientific intellectual curiosity. There is nothing other than the universe. The universe is one. There are not two separate anythings anywhere. It is an ocean of interpenetrating interconnected energy, assuming forms, aware. The universe forming, the universe awareness. There is one life, one awareness, expressing itself in form after form.

...

There are no ghosts, there are no spirits, there are no souls, there is only universal energy, formless, impersonal. It is all form. It is awareness. It is the life of all that lives, it is the being of all beings, it is the sentience of all sentient beings.

...

Reading from the Upanishads this morning after waking up at 3 a.m. It takes time to be able to integrate the truth that the ancient effulgent Self is in all, that I am That. This is home.

...

We should all be Buddhists, at least be made aware of the Four Noble Truths and the Eight-Fold Path; ideally our culture should embody those truths and that path, encouraging people to live in accordance with them. We should all be living as the Tibetan Buddhists really. A radical de-emphasis of materialism, and a radical emphasis on the contemplative compassionate unattached life. Including encouraging voluntary celibacy and/or child-free relationships. Bringing the world population down by attrition, voluntarily, peacefully, gently.

We should all eat beans instead of meat.

This could be a compassionate human civilization planet-wide if we wanted it to be, there's enough for everyone, especially if contraception is implemented voluntarily globally, and everyone starts living on plant food, no more eating or cruelly exploiting other sentient beings who happen to be of a different species.

Basic Buddhist Beaners all. Let's get this planet back into a sustainable balance. Vegan tribalism, sustainable living in harmony with the biosphere. Less consumption, less production, less reproduction.

We can all survive together in peace, quite comfortably, quite sustainably.

We can, as a species, learn how to live as manifestations of the universe, at play, at one.

...

The suffering experienced throughout the universe. On this planet alone, the suffering. Sentient beings craving continued existence, and existence is suffering. Fear, desire, loss, pain, confusion. Injustice, exploitation.

Every human being should have enough food and water. No exceptions. No-one should be exploited and brutalized just to exist. Everyone should have enough clothing, enough shelter, enough medical care, enough education, no exceptions. It's the responsibility of the have-too-muches to make sure there are no have-nots. We should all be content to be have-enoughs, no more, no less.

The plant and animal world reach a balance, and so should people. Everyone should be working toward the common good, not toward the uncommon wealth of a very few. There should be no executive boardrooms, just fields to be planted, cultivated and harvested, food and water to be distributed, clothing to be made and distributed, shelter to be made for everyone, medicine and education to be provided for everyone. None of the necessities of life to be bought or sold, only provided. The extras, the luxuries only to be bought and sold.

The grand plan is for everyone to be healthy enough and secure enough to have the opportunity to be self-realized. Good parents only wants their children to be happy. But lasting happiness is only found through understanding, to live a meaningful life, a self-realized life. Some parents spend $200,000 in hopes of educating their child so that he/she will more likely live a rich, fulfilling life, hoping that a high level of sophistry will result in happiness. Yet most people of the world are very poor, and many don't have all the basic necessities of life, and have little if any education.

With enough water, food, clothing, shelter, sanitation, education, medical care people can live a good life and then have the opportunity to best find the true happiness of spiritual understanding. Until the basic necessities of life are met, it's difficult to find inner happiness. It takes a certain amount of health and freedom from poverty to find spiritual freedom.

Theoretically anyone who is aware of awareness can engage in self-inquiry and enjoy self-realization. It's difficult to be aware of awareness when one is aware of a very gnawing hunger and endless backbreaking toil in the context of an exploitative unjust social order.

There will be no peace, no justice, on this planet until everyone has the basic necessities of life, where there are only have-enoughs, no more have-nots, no more have-too-muches. This is the justice of the tribe, and the tribe can live in peace with itself, with the world, forever: the tribe where everyone is a have-enough.

...

It's good to know I don't have to have Nisargadatta's big book I Am That. I can spend the $30 on beans, oats, fruits, vegetables and tea instead, and enjoy what Nisargadatta enjoyed, directly experience what Nisargadatta et al. spoke about and wrote about: pure consciousness; presence-awareness; universal energy; the Self; Presence; That Thing; the One.

...

With the capacity to be aware of awareness, i.e., self-aware, there is the capacity to engage in self-inquiry to the point of self-realization, and thus to be spiritually free, illumined, filled with the kind of understanding that enables an individual to get through all the changes of sentient existence in form: birth, growth, injury, illness, old age, infirmity, invalidism, death.

If there is insufficient awareness of awareness, the awareness is not able to engage in self-inquiry; this is not as tragic as it sounds, as a lack of awareness makes the whole matter of spiritual freedom moot. It's neither possible, nor necessary, for an unconscious unself-aware individual to find spiritual freedom, as there is no false self being created by such an individual creating self-imprisoning delusional thoughts and beliefs. Animals, plants, rocks, comatose people--no self-enslavement, so no self-liberation required.

...

"Beans and Beingness" -- such is the working title of a work not yet begun, but completed already.

Since switching from Bocaburgers--which are soy protein concentrate and wheat gluten and not much else--to plain ordinary beans three days ago I'm feeling a palpable surge in available energy. I'm riding the bicycle faster and further and easier, and today I'm feeling that raw physical well-being I haven't felt in a long time, a sense of physical and emotional enthusiasm. I'm so grateful to be a voluntary Beaner. Beans are bringing me back to life, and are certainly sustaining it. Black beans, pinto beans, garbanzo beans, navy beans, lentils, split peas, the inexpensive high-fiber high-protein high-complex-carbohydrate miracles, manna for body and soul.

So I eat three cups of cooked beans a day now, along with 2 cups of slow-cooked rolled oats, for protein and energy and health and well-being. Fresh fruits and vegetables, a tablespoon of ground flaxseed, and cups of black tea, plus a multivitamin that is optional but cheap insurance--I may drop the multivitamin and just take B12 for sole vegan supplementation requirement eventually--I'm feeling very good at the moment. It's the beans...the secret is to eat beans...not soybeans either, just regular beans...

Taking a multivitamin is like a vote of no confidence in whole natural foods' nutritional competence.

Likewise, taking an entheogen is like a vote of no confidence in intrinsic wholeness, purity, perfection, peace. Sheer existence, sheer awareness is psychedelic enough in its overwhelming presence--a presence and a journey that just keeps going on and on on its own. Add beans to existence and awareness and there is a total joy, dare I say bliss, that's self-originating, self-sustaining. Why take an entheogen when we are this, while we feel this way, so good?

And the methane production is not unreasonable--the learning curve of cooking beans properly is really short and gentle.

Everybody must eat beans. They'll stone you.

We don't need to get stoned when we already are stoned, when we are stonedness itself. Endless astonishment is unbearable...we must become that which astonishes us lest we perish from astonishment. What astonishes me is existence and awareness. Only by identifying with existence and awareness itself can I endure them. I am only that which exists, that which is aware, wherever it is, in whatever form, this form and every form.

...

Existence and awareness are my entertainment. And if anything is to be a source of entertaining phenomena, my preferred program is literally 'live'--the spontaneous, unpredictable phenomena of the natural world, some of which, the sentient beings, communicate. I have less and less interest, and patience, in frozen artifice: recordings, photographs, movies...and I have reservations about works of fiction, as there is enough fiction in people's minds as it is. The imagination is revered in this culture, as is separate selfhood, the cult of the person and the personality and the celebrity. William Blake said "the world of imagination is the world of eternity" but I think he was referring to a mind-expanding form of imagination, rather than a mind-distracting imagination. People imagine themselves to be all sorts of things--wishful thinking--and are prisoners of their imagination, i.e., their delusions.

My rarefied tripartite neologism has long been Existence-Awareness-Communication, the Three Miracles. This is a variety of Being-Consciousness-Bliss that makes the blessed state a shared experience. Ordinary existence, ordinary awareness, ordinary communication: really quite extraordinary. Any being that exists, is aware, and can communicate, is blessed, just by existence, awareness, and communicability. And just as we are that which exists, in form and formlessness; and just as we are awareness itself; we are also present in our communication. Our communication is our spiritual propagation. Our very energy propagates, following the spiritual laws of a spiritual physics, spiritual electromagnetism. Our good energy, good vibrations, go forth, become part of other energies, other vibrations. Our original name and form is lost and forgotten, but the good energy we put out lives on.

...

I had a difficult time walking through the beef cattle pens at the fair. Sweet, peaceful, noble, gentle beings. I met up with friends who were working at the fair, shoving beef ribs into their mouths.

I also had trouble seeing animals caged up at the fair. I watched them to see if they were distressed by being caged, and I could not see any distress signals. Nothing but animal satchitananda, the contentment of a pure spirit and untroubled mind.

I looked at the people walking around and saw lots of careworn faces, anxious faces, uncertain faces, eyes looking for objects or people sought, or avoided. Human beings are generally physically uncaged, if not in a prison, but are generally mentally in cages, living in a very confined space, with restless cell-mates, imaginary, including chiefly their imagined separate personhood.

...

If we imagine that we are a separate self it leads immediately to imagining that others are separate selves as well. If we cease imagining we are a separate self we immediately cease imagining there are separate others. Separate forms appear in awareness, but the forms are all of one being, one awareness, one energy.

...

At the county fair last night, with wife and grand-niece and grand-nephews in tow. The kids were the obstreperous handful, as usual, but it least it got them away from the TV and into a Larger Obstreperousness, and gave their parents a quiet evening to get to know each other all over again, I can only hope.

At the fair, after my crusty-old-great-uncle irritability subsided somewhat, walking through the goat stalls, I hallucinated music and a female voice singing some kind of 'welcome home' song. It sounded like Lady Salvia herself. Maybe the two dried leaves I chewed before leaving for the fair had something to do with it, but I hadn't felt any besagement to speak of, a little warmth at first. The predominant feeling in the afternoon was one of irritability, getting annoyed around the kids who were doing their best Manipulative Whiny Selfish Idiot routines.

What I was engaged in before the aural hallucination kicked in was kicking back and enjoying the show all around, just being pure being, pure awareness. It sure does feel like home to be being and awareness, so it's no surprise the soundtrack accompaniment arose as it did.

There's nothing like being in a crowd, especially a county fair crowd, for people-watching and seeing the ages and stages in the flesh...carrying their desires around, and many desires catered to by vendors of every sort. The desire for unlimited tasty food was evident by the corpulence that has become the norm.

It's taken me a long time to work through desires, to where there's a desire for desirelessness. Maybe desirelessness is a taste acquired only by older people: they've seen it all, done it all, and are content just to get enough rest and be regular.

At times I'll talk to myself about how I've seen the most beautiful sights, heard the most beautiful sounds, tasted the most delicious foods and drinks, smelled the most exquisite aromas, felt the most ravishing tactile bodily feelings, thought the most elevated thoughts, emoted the most exalted emotions, and so now what?

Now is what. Just to be, just to be awareness, this presence, right now. Let the beingness and awareness continue to be and be aware and be present, as it just is, right now, on and on. And this is me. Just to be this, now, simple pure being, simple pure awareness, simple pure presence. Now.

The official who referred to me as 'cheap' was actually complimenting me, I realized later: I had publicly acknowledged, when it was my turn to talk about my personal interests, that since I had neither enough time nor money for all my hobbies, I resorted to philosophy, which is 'cheap.' My words. And I stand by them all. Philosophy, the love of wisdom, and wisdom, like virtue, is its own reward. With the wisdom gained from my particular life experiences I have arrived right back where I started: a newborn, a pure being of pure awareness, just like every sentient being the universe manifests. Starting from nothing, with nothing, as nothing, and being taught that I was something, and should go after somethings, and finding something a whole lot of nothing, I'm back to nothing, which is really something.

...

A powerful spiritual technique for people is to regard every opportunity to spend time with an individual as the opportunity to say goodbye, not knowing when the other, or oneself, is going to cease to exist as an individual. This is a familiar technique, put to music in many songs over many years, and the subject of much poetry, as well as being the impetus to poetry; this technique is also an impetus to be a better person, to be a more honest, compassionate person. No matter what the relationship is, or has been--friend, lover, family, enemy, acquaintance, stranger--this might be the last time to say what we would want to say if only we knew the person we're with was soon to die.

To overlook the mistakes, the misunderstandings, the imperfections, the petty annoyances, the weaknesses in each other, and just love each other to death, literally and figuratively, as well as we can, in the ways this love can be conveyed to everyone in our lives.

To say all our goodbyes--to have no regrets--to know that we have said all that we wanted to say to everyone in our lives--to make amends--to make an earnest effort to communicate on a very real level to everyone we happen to be with--is all part of this powerful spiritual technique.

The Light that is all of us would have it no other way.

...

Sharing the house with four cats is a blessing. Any companion animal is a blessing. Animals are in the natural state all the time, and are in the moment all the time: this is what all the spiritual disciplines' secret teachings are about.

Cats are in Satchitananda, Being-Awareness-Bliss. They are content, very aware, and fully present with all their being, in the moment. After attending to their basic needs they are content just to be, completely relaxed, in perfect repose. Does a cat have buddha-nature? Watching them, hanging out with them, the answer is obvious.

And again, walking to work this morning, passing along that particular stretch of sidewalk on the north side of Finney Chapel, I am reminded once again how good it is to be in the natural state. I am buddha-nature, just as any animal, I am Satchitananda, just as any animal. I am pure consciousness, fully in the present, pure being, clinging to nothing, radiant with the energy of the universe. I am the energy of the universe. I am pure consciousness. I am pure being. I am the natural state.

I've paid my dues for this. I've earned this. How many decades of neurosis, of fears, of desires, of delusions, of high anxiety and bottomless despair...

And all the time, in the moment, the natural state simply is, silence, awareness, purity, peace.

In the moment we can be in the natural state if we only let it be us.

...

"Like money in the bank." A kindly retired physician who hadn't seen me in some time complimented me on losing excess weight. One of his comments was, "it's like money in the bank." Making lifestyle changes that will improve quality of life and enhance health will reap all kinds of rewards in terms of diseases and disabilities avoided, medications not being prescribed. It's worth the effort to work on ourselves physically, and certainly in the spiritual aspect as well.

The 'money in the bank' that amazes me still is in a bank which happens to be inseparable from me. I am the bank, and I am the money in the bank. The money is that which just is: being, and awareness.

I'm not going to capitalize the words 'being' and 'awareness,' because being and awareness are common, ordinary, reliable. It makes as much sense to capitalize being and awareness as it would be to capitalize water and air.

The love affair of my life has been with the stunning, obvious, indisputable fact of sheer existence itself. This is the inevitable fruit of self-awareness and self-inquiry that arises naturally through human curiosity. This has been the source material over a lifetime of pondering it.

Another delicious fruit of contemplating existence is that of contemplating awareness. There is existence, and there is awareness. Always part and parcel of every moment. To be aware of awareness is a breakthrough which words can't adequately express. Sheer awareness--the transparent, formless medium that contains all thoughts and phenomena--is a natural resource that is wonderful to behold, and wonderful to realize as one's own true mind. And the rarest of fruits begins to ripen: that awareness is not just my true mind, but that which is my true identity, truly 'me.' Wherever there is awareness, that is me, the one true universal self manifesting as apparently separate selves. There is one awareness throughout the universe containing all phenomena, all thoughts, all the multiplicity of forms.

...

How dismal would our prospects be if it was not true that the Self is the source and the substance of pure being, pure awareness, and pure peace. How good to know that anyone who is self-aware can, through self-inquiry, become Self-aware, to experience one's own Being and Awareness as the Self's Being and Awareness. And rather than be condemned to life-long anxiety and angst, the Self-aware finds pure peace as an intrinsic quality of the Self. The Self is eternal light, universal energy. This very being, this very awareness, is the Self.

The light, the life, that is the aliveness and awareness of all living beings, is One and the Same, universal, imperishable. We need not ever fear, or grieve, for the One that is the light, the life, the aliveness and awareness in all beings is present in every form. The forms come and go, the Presence remains in all forms and in formlessness, the eternally abiding Presence. To recognize, love, and honor the Presence in each other is the spiritual life.

Abiding in the Presence, as Presence.

...

I had the opportunity to confront my niece's husband, who is a young man with a lot of hard lessons yet to learn. The consequences of his actions threaten his marriage and have almost completely destroyed whatever trust there once was in that marriage. I could not hide how troubled I felt about his selfish, destructive actions, and made it clear that his wife was hurting, and that when one person is hurt everybody is hurt. Maybe heartfelt emotional intensity coming from an otherwise neutral-third-party graybeard might get him to consider the consequences of his present course of conduct. It's been difficult for me to watch the potential breakup of a marriage, with three children also victims of the negative energies. My last words to him after the difficult conversation came spontaneously: "We're watching."

If I was not feeling so upset, and if circumstances were optimal, I can envision explaining to him how "God" knows what's in our heart, because he lives in our heart, he is our heart of hearts. This would underscore the fact that "we're watching"--not just concerned relatives and friends, but God, is watching. God is watching through the eyes of the relatives and friends. To know that not just outward behavior, but inward behavior--intentions, desires, feelings, beliefs--are being watched is a great impetus not only to strive to be a better person, but to find inner peace, a peace that can withstand being watched.

Churches as we know them are sometimes called 'hospitals for sinners.' Churches are a good place to learn about spiritual values--values desperately needed by people. I think my niece and nephew-in-law and their children would benefit from becoming active members of a good church that extols wholesome values. Sermons are throwing verbal shoes out to the crowd in hopes that someone will find that a pair of shoes fits; with luck, they'll even wear them home.

The ultimate outcome, joyful to the extreme, is to know that the Watcher and the Watched are One and the Same.

That is the truth that I would love to have the opportunity to share with my nephew-in-law, with everyone who wouldn't mind talking about it.

The path of nonduality is the ultimate path, and the most paradoxically difficult yet effortless path: difficult when dualistic, effortless when nondualistic.

Everyone's on the path of nonduality, it's just that many don't know they're on it while they're enmeshed in dualistic beliefs. Everyone is the Self, it's just a matter of realizing it.

...

The first 52 years of this life were typically self-indulgent; for the remaining years left, there's the opportunity to be more Self-indulgent.

There aren't two of me, the self and the Self. The self is a temporary construct, has no durable existence, no absolute identity, and gets into all kinds of trouble and grief. The Self...the Self is what it is, and keeps on being the Self, no matter what. So it is this Self that provides the Self with constant energy, for it is energy.

...

The Salvia divinorum plants that are barely alive, are coming back to life. Even though most of all the leaves have withered and dropped off, tiny new leaves are emerging at several of the nodes where the old leaves dropped off after the recent heat wave decimated the Salvias in a very hot uninsulated upstairs room with sub-par cross-ventilation.

Salvia is a form of universal energy, and so am I. Partaking of Salvia is getting a boost of energy of a very special kind, although the end result is...remaining as a form of universal energy.

...

The same old Thing.

The personal life is what it is; the impersonal life is what it is. Personal life is chock full of thoughts, sensations, relationships; impersonal life is always the same old Thing. No matter how foolishly the personal life has been conducted, the impersonal life remains the same, the same old Thing. Nothing changes or diminishes or augments the same old Thing--it's impossible to make a self-perfecting Thing any more perfect or any less perfect. That pure vast transparent Thing. Just is, on and on and on. It can't change, it can't be changed, it just is.

And that this same old Thing is Me. Pure Awareness, containing everything yet forever untouched and empty.

The whole notion of Bliss is rather absurd...who is it that's after blissfulness? Certainly not the same old Thing. As One Thing, it IS Bliss, but it doesn't feel bliss--being impersonal, there's no person to feel anything, be it bliss or boredom or agony or ecstasy. Parts of Itself may have to endure great Bliss in the process of realizing just What "they" really are, i.e., the same old Thing. But once there is a deep and silent understanding that one is the same old Thing, there's no more bliss per se, it's just a silent Awareness, a focused surrender to just being the same old Thing, letting It Be It, letting It do it, whatever it is: talking, walking, working, playing, eating, washing, etc. Pure spontaneity, the modus operandi of the same old Thing. The Doer of All Deeds, the I and eye of every I and eye.

Being the same old Thing is beyond bliss. It's the Supreme Thing, surely, but it cancels Itself out completely, quite incapable of experiencing anything pleasant or unpleasant, any more than energy could be said to be a person, to be capable of feeling anything, the totality of its forming and flowing and unforming and transforming being as spontaneous and impersonal as the ordinary daily processes of any given organism, a.k.a. energy pattern. That's why sitting in silent still meditation is revered as being the expression of perfect enlightenment. The same old Thing we are is already "enlightened", already "perfect", already "liberated", just by being the same old Thing. It can't help but be the same old Thing, and neither can we, unless we pretend to be something we're not, in which case we become the part of the same old Thing that believes it's a person, and believes it's experiencing bliss, pain, pleasure, etc. etc.

So I have my pet personal projects and pleasures and pains, none of which amounts to anything, none of which changes what I am: the same old Thing.

Again I have to take the Hindus to task on the Sat-Chit-Ananda definition. It's not "Being-Consciousness-Bliss" as far as I'm concerned. Call it Being-Awareness-Peace if you could, please, thank you. Or even Being-Understanding-Peace. Or Being-Awareness-Understanding-Peace. Make me One with everything, and hold the bliss. I'm already One, and you say there's 'things'? As an impersonal BeingnessAwareness I'm not aware of anything other than the same old Me, and that's all canceled out. There's a whole lot of nothing, but once in a while I get these odd sensations from parts of Me. Waves on My surface.

...

The deconditioned state is the natural state, the state of core being, core awareness. And along with that, all the memories, all the conditioned responses, all the thoughts, notions, emotions, delusions don't just magically instantly go away. Thoughts happen, and keep happening, thoughts of all kinds, from the most noble to the most depraved and everything in between. Having been duly conditioned, it's only...natural...to have one's quota of thoughts rising and falling, rsing and falling.

The beautiful part of the thoughtfest is the fact that the awareness in which thoughts rise and fall is always pure, and free, and clear, and spacious as the sky. Awareness is unaffected by anything. So the trick is, to simply let thoughts rise and fall, be fully aware of them as they happen, and let them rise and fall on their own. We are not two selves, one conditioned and one unconditioned: there is only Awareness, which contains the thoughts--the conditioning--stored in the brain of a particular body. We, Awareness, go through conditioned brains and bodies, which come and go just as thoughts come and go. We. Awareness, enjoy all the natural attributes of Awareness even though thoughts rise and fall and bodies rise and fall.

The peace, the freedom, as Awareness, can only be suggested by words--be aware of Awareness, be Awareness, and confirm the truth of Awareness and its natural attributes. We are not peaceful, we are peace; we are not liberators, we are liberation. Self-liberating, self-perfecting, from the beginning.

Just be this that we eternally are, form, formlessness, beyond form and formlessness. Universal energy, universal awareness, universal beingness, impersonal, imperishable.

...

While pedaling along the bike path yesterday had an epiphany, that of course it's all the universal energy, and what the universal energy does universally, and eternally, is PLAY. The Hindu technical term for this is "Lila"--cosmic play. So it behooves me, as a being of universal energy, to engage in lighthearted play, as this is what my true nature wants to do. It's all fine and good to be astounded by sheer existence, and sheer consciousness, but then what's the universal energy to DO with itself, forever and ever?

Two things on my eternal to-do list, as the universal energy:
1. Play.
2. Love.

The play can get rough, witness the Mideast Follies. Let's see how well violence can stop violence. Let's see how the Haves and Have-Mores can inspire the Have-Nots to live in harmony with the Haves and Have-Mores. And play can be very sweet and noble, playing music. How good it is to know it's in our nature to be a player.

And then there's making the love. "And in the end/the love we take/is equal to the love we make..." The universal energy recognizing itself, loving itself, in another form, and vice-versa. My cats and I practice pure love on a daily basis, routinely. They trust me, I trust them, we hang out together, cheek by jowl, keeping each other warm, and cozy, napping together, just being close, enjoying sheer being together. And such pure love is very much possible for people to share with each other. The relationship need not be complicated at all, even between humans.

...

The play of universal energy. Totally impersonal and spontaneous, like my cats. The cats are delightful, pure beings, because they manifest universal energy spontaneously and impersonally. They're carnivores through-and-through, deadly to their prey, and they are absolutely innocent. The purity and innocence of the universal energy is the nature of universal energy. In beingness, in awareness, universal energy is the measure of purity and innocence.

As much as the Upanishads were such a revelation to my 20-year-old mind, my 52-year-old mind takes pleasure in a rigorous, scientific approach to revelation. Just to know that all is universal energy is enough for me. To know that I am this energy, and my true being is all of this energy, satisfies me on all levels. I'm too old and too cynical to be self-deluded or self-deceived. I would believe in ghosts and UFOs if I could only see them. Alas, all I see is energy, universal energy, everywhere I look, within me, there it is; all around me, there it is; this very awareness that is doing the looking, there it is. It's all there is, universal energy, a dream of energy, partaking of all the unpredictable dynamic qualities of energy.

It's such a relief to know that the universal energy is impersonal through-and-through. No person = no self. No self = no praise, no blame, no favorites, no opinions. I like being this universal energy--lucky for me, I have no choice in the matter. I suppose I could pretend I'm something other than universal energy--play along with the dreamers in the dream.

But my greatest joy is to let it all out, to stand on the mountaintop and cry out from the core of my impersonal universal energy: "This is all a dream, and it's all just the play of the universal energy! All of us, every one of us, is nothing but impersonal universal energy!"

But it's going to be a tough sell for a long time.

At least I can have fun while trying, and hope that not too many people will mourn my so-called death when it happens. Energy knows, I have a hard time keeping from laughing at funerals--if only everyone would be willing to know what it is that lives what appears to be our lives, what it is that appears to die our deaths. Universal energy--it's everything and everyone. It's the Presence, it's Awareness. Sincere self-inquiry is for everyone: it's safe, it's legal, it's powerful, it does the job.

This is scientific and spiritual, and totally meaningful, to me. It gets back to the energy, again and again. Feels right.

I dub thee universal energy. Intelligent, aware, impersonal, pure, spontaneous, ever-flowing, ever-changing, the good stuff, the only stuff there is.

...

As exalted as Advaita Vedanta, the Perennial Philosophy, the Upanishads, all the great writings of all the great nondual writers happen to be, they must all be dropped, forgotten, released, ungrasped, as if they'd never been written or read. To give the Self a name--"the Self"--is unnecessary, and adds an obscuring layer to what just is, in its nakedness. Presence and Awareness are far better terms for the Self than "the Self." The irreducible essence is Presence and Awareness, and to give a name to That which is Presence and Awareness is to risk creating a self where none exists, the same process human beings fall prey to again and again with their own self-concept. There is Presence, there is Awareness, there is no abiding self, no self whatsoever.

The real suffering is self-inflicted: self-delusion, self-torture, self-indulgence, self-centeredness. By ceasing to believe in the existence of a self, the notion of a self disappears, and the illusory self vanishes. The cause of suffering and the victim of suffering vanish simultaneously. All that remains is Presence, and Awareness. There is no self to be deluded, or to be tortured, or to be indulged, or to be found at the center. The only thing at the center is no-thing: Presence, and Awareness.

It's wonderful to have an animal companion, such as a dog or a cat, a sentient being with whom to make eye contact, with whom to share unconditional love. To make eye contact with a cat is delightful--they look for Presence and Awareness in me, and I in them, and we recognize it in each other.

...

Running on Emptiness, in Emptiness, as Emptiness.

...

I was amused to read that a college president told the graduating class that a college education would "complicate their minds." True enough.

My preference, though, is simplicity. Along with the Core Being Project--which is a great simplification in itself--I would like to make my way of life as simple as possible, as straightforward as possible, in this day and age. Simple food, simple routines, simple pleasures, simple needs. To keep personal finances as simple as possible as well--automatic deposits, automatic bill payments. There was a time when I lived car-free and carefree, with few expenses and very modest income. My income is still modest by modern standards, although expenses are many and formidable.

The main thing is to remain unattached, come what may. Everything changes, everything is lost, such is the way of all things. What remains is the totality of universal energy, Presence and Awareness, That which I am, even in this transient form.

Again I must say, it's absolutely essential to have nothing left to lose in order to be able to appreciate That which can never be lost, That which we really are, the Supreme. To have found one's true, ultimate identity is not such a bad fate. Not bad at all.

So simple. Would I pay $160,000 over four years to complicate my mind, being this that I am?

...

The witnessing Awareness, the Self's very own witnessing Awareness. Every eye, every ear, every nerve ending of every sentient being conducting the Self's witnessing Awareness.

No wonder eye contact is an auspicious occasion!

And no wonder it's only natural to commune with every sentient being, to identify with every sentient being, and not harm or kill or eat any sentient being.

Plants have no nerve endings, and I have felt no fear or pain when I bite into a living leaf or seed or root. Is it any wonder veganism has become a way of eating and a way of life--truly a way of life, reverence for all life, identification with all life. There are no 'weeds' or 'pests' in this way of life--all life is sacred, all ground is sacred. Ordinary life is sacred. Ordinary life is the Self.

The measure of another person is commonly referred to as ascertaining "where s/he's coming from," the source, intent, agenda, self-concept of that person, what drives and motivates that person, what's that person out to get, or trying to avoid...

When a person knows himself/herself to be the Self, all thoughts, words, actions, Being, Awareness come from the Self. One is 'coming from' the Self as the center, the source, the identity.

...

Bouts of self-indulgence and overindulgence, almost deliberate, remind me why self-indulgence and overindulgence are optional, and counterproductive. Even so, awakening in the middle of the night, sweating and bloated from previous day's debaucheries of the food and drink persuasion, with cats piled around head making it difficult to read, I grabbed the printout of nisarchosen.doc an excellent distillation of Nisargadatta's teaching, and enjoyed a wonderful clarity and understanding of the passages in that document.

I ask myself from time to time, How much is enough, and what am I after anyway? What am I in training for, what am I preparing for, what is it that I'm trying to attain, achieve, possess?

And then I get shot down, totally, by the words of an old man who lived in the slums of India who got it right, so right.

I can relate so well to Nisargadatta, not just because of the authenticity of his words, but by the facts of his life. Not very well-off, not very well-educated, doing what has to be done to make ends meet, all the while with an unshakeable understanding of who he really is. It's as if the universe lets some people in on a wonderful secret that's almost unbearable in its intensity. It's almost tempting to go back to duality, to believing in separate selves, and just be a hedonist, riding the roller coaster of dualistic relationships.

Having met the Self, there's no going back to any 'other.' The Self is what I've been after my whole life, and to have acquired a taste for pure being, pure awareness, and then the Presence, there all along, the Awareness, the very Presence and very Awareness of the Self, emerges as if from hiding, although it was only thoughts, desires, distractions, delusions especially that of being a separate self that gave the appearance that the Supreme Self was in hiding. Here all along. I can trust my own illumination. Self-illumined Self.

...

It's really best to follow our own way when it comes to self-inquiry and self realization. We can appreciate the efforts and experiences of others while we make our own efforts and have our own experiences in our own way.

It still amazes me that I first recognized pure natural Awareness, my true mind, my true self, that presence, without even trying, just in a quiet thoughtful mood walking past Finney Chapel at a major intersection on campus, Lorain and Professor Streets, years ago. I can't remember how many years--it was a timeless moment, yet it didn't seem like anything I could say anything to anyone about, almost like it was too simple, too obvious. Yet it was absolutely no doubt recognition of presence-awareness, nearer to me than me, at least the me I had taken myself thus far to be.

And my 'higher education': those golden hours as a youth, sitting cross-legged in a big comfy chair, smoking cannabis and reading the Upanishads--the insights, the realization and self-realization occurring in my young wide-open inquiring mind as the rishis' words leaped from the pages and jolted me into Self realization then...yet I thought that I'm just a young hippie, doing what hippies are supposed to do, the amateur mysticism thing, o wow! Nothing out of the ordinary. Yet I knew I knew--it rang so true and so clear and so loudly then, as now. I was onto something but didn't know what to make of it, what to do with it.

And those stunning hours spent under the tutelage of the teacher plant Salvia divinorum! Leave it to a plant to show me in no uncertain terms what it's like to be in the natural state. Alas, the living plants may not return, as the recent heat wave claimed most of them. So I carry on, the sadguru within, always, the teacher plants and teacher animals within, always, all enjoying the perfect peace and freedom of the Self. I am the form of life the life in Salvia has assumed.

And so much karma to work out--maybe that's why the flashes of insight were my little secret. So many mistakes to make, so many fears, desires, delusions...

Now I know better how to harness Self realization: it is a secret source of power to be good, to be a source of good vibes and the energy to sustain a good example. In my current situation it is essential that I continue to crank out good energy and sustain a good example. I live and work with difficult people, and I lapse into extreme difficultness myself, becoming a very bitter, angry, frustrated man at times, in quiet and not-so-quiet desperation. Paying the bills, getting along with spouse and house, putting up with the contrivances of workplace and society...yet in this, there is opportunity, a space, a loophole in karmic chaos to find my own way back home to basic Self realization, on my terms, totally meaningful to me.

What I do to make the Self realization something more than a secret boon to myself alone is to manifest the goodness of the Self, to 'step out of the way' of the Self, as it were. And the homely virtues are found to be absolutely essential. Little virtues like trust and trustworthiness, unconditional love, devotion, forgiveness, acceptance, honesty, humor, lightheartedness...qualities that not only make me bearable to myself but to others.

My niece is much in my thoughts now. Her husband--and father of her three children--is entangled in an extramarital affair that threatens to break up her marriage. There is no trust. I can only presume there is not much unconditional love, devotion, forgiveness, acceptance, honesty...and certainly no humor and lightheartedness in her home. It's painful to watch. How can he be so selfish, so heedless, so stupid, destroying the foundation of what could be a happy home and family. Instead he's turned his life into a bad country-and-western song, and is causing a world of hurt in others.

So what can I do to help? I stay married, for starters. I crank up the trust and trustworthiness and unconditional love, devotion, forgiveness, acceptance, honesty, humor, and lightheartedness. I let the Self be the Self, be MY Self--which it is anyway, and let it shine. I let my marriage be an ongoing testimony and example of devotion. Ours is not a perfect marriage, it is difficult, stormy at times...and we share the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune like so many other people who are just scraping by.

In the midst of pain and imperfection there is the very real option of Self realization. The Self is quite beyond suffering, and is quite self-perfected, as it is the eternal universal spirit, the Self, pure Being, pure Awareness, pure Peace. I would say 'Bliss' instead of 'Peace' but the Self, being without concept of Self, doesn't feel Bliss...it might cause bliss to people who draw closer to Self realization. Maybe it IS bliss. I would prefer to call the quality of my essence Peace.

O that people would all, right now, start to engage in earnest self-inquiry and begin to manifest the Self, what a world it would be: Peace would reign supreme, as Peace would be found by every person within themselves as their very Self, and would manifest en masse. And struggling families would stick together, come what may, in the unshakable trust and security of the Self manifested in each other.

...

The just-is-ness of this moment, the spontaneity of this moment, is entertainment enough, comedy enough. Even what appears to be tragedy is, when understood clearly, comedy. All things must break down eventually. Slippery holographic energy forms, transient, unpredictable, unstable, all of it. This planet is a seething ball of molten rock jello, dynamic, unstable. Where is stability? Where is security? Where is peace and a home and a refuge?

There's only one constant in all this, that never changes, is always the same, and that is basic sheer pure Awareness. In any given life, everything changes in that person, appearance, anatomy, physiology, personality. All cell components replaced every seven years. Yet Awareness remains. To whom is Awareness directed? From whom does Awareness emanate? This point of origin, this source, is nothing, literally nothing. There is no-one, nothing, at the core of the core. This puts a different meaning to the old saw "nothing lasts forever." It's true: only Nothing lasts forever, and Awareness is the clear light radiance aspect of Nothing.

No self.

No self born.

No self to die.

No self to suffer.

No self to change.

No self to hurt.

No self to lose.

The emptiness of Awareness is the Awareness from emptiness, from no-one, from nothing.

...

Having acquired a taste for the Self, i.e. for Awareness, for emptiness, for nothing, being no-one, I'm a cheap date. Let's go for a nice long walk to nowhere in particular, forever. The A in my given middle name can henceforth stand for my real name, my role, my destiny, my true identity...it's all I am:

Awareness

...

It really is necessary to go to the Source, the nameless Source, and see for ourselves what's what. There are well-meaning individuals and organizations of long and short standing trying to help Seekers find what they seek, there are many illuminated and illuminating spiritual teachers who have been quoted, or who have written, volumes of good advice. And yet...

I recall the advice given by a frumpy lady who was the head medium of a Spiritualist church I attended briefly as a teenager. During her group seance, among other things she said to me was, "Do your own thinking!"

And so I have, and so I am. And the more about Buddhism and Dzogchen and Mahamudra and Advaita et cetera I read, the stronger this urge to put down the books, to go offline and shut down the computer, and see what I see, experience what I experience, know what I know, firsthand.

It's so easy to look for outside authentication, outside validation. I don't want, or need, to get my ticket punched by someone else--whatever it is, the real deal is self-validating, self-evident.

So rather than, say, refer to pure consciousness as Buddha Mind (tm) I will respectfully bid the Tibetans et al. adieu and go with what works for me. My path is MY path, and I will not force my path on anyone else, nor will I try to force someone else's path on me, to make it fit even though it doesn't feel right or fit well.

I will pull together all the elements of My Path together, record them for posterity's amusement, and carry on.

Actually, My Path is fairly ordinary, incorporating many common elements from other paths, and it works for me. It has zero commercial potential, though, and as a marketable system, there are many others much more appealing, easier with which to fill books and CDs and Paypal account.

My Path's payoff is amazing, enough for me.

Which is being that which I am, that which is. Oops, I mean That. Must give it the capital T or else it will be angry. O great and powerful That! Throw me a boon, if I am worthy of such, and forgive me for asking.

Okay, okay, you want a boon, I'll give you a boon. How's this: You are the Supreme Self. Yes. Without even trying, you are the Supreme Self, 'Self' for short. Just be, and you are just being the Self.

There's this outward appearance, the graybeard named Bill, speaks and writes in English, is always trying to make ends meet month after month usually with success. And then there's what underlies the appearance, the universal Actor who's playing this role, every role. Silent, taking it all in, letting it all happen.

The Self.

Again I will be Self-indulgent and list the attributes of the Self, not that it will be flattered, or care at all about being described, but it's hard not to fall in Self-love. So here goes:

Ahh, just a few old snippets from the Web:

The supreme Self is neither born nor dies. He cannot be burned, moved, pierced, cut, nor dried. Beyond all attributes, the supreme Self is the eternal witness, ever pure, indivisible, and uncompounded, far beyond the senses and the ego... He is omnipresent, beyond all thought, without action in the external world, without action in the internal world. Detached from the outer and the inner, This supreme Self purifies the impure. (Atma Upanishad. 3)

Though all the galaxies emerge from him, He is without form and unconditioned. (Tejabindu Upanishad. 6)

Meditate and realize this world is filled with the presence of God. (Shvetashvatara Upanishad. 1:12)

You are the supreme Brahman, infinite, yet hidden in the hearts of all creatures. You pervade everything. (Shvetashvatara Upanishad. 3:7)

"That in whom reside all beings and who reside in all beings, who is the giver of grace to all, the Supreme Soul of the universe, the limitless being--I am That." Amritbindu Upanishad

"That which permeates all, which nothing transcends and which, like the
universal space around us, fills everything completely from within and without, that Supreme non-dual Brahman--that thou are." Shankara

Holy shit: without form, unconditioned, omnipresent. That sounds about right.

What can you say about the Self. Scientists might say hmm, all galaxies emerging from it? must be the energy singularity of the Big Bangy-Bangy.

The Self--a.k.a. cosmic energy?

I will say this, though: the most enlightening times of this life were happening around age 19-21, sitting alone in a cheap apartment, cross-legged in a nice stuffed armchair, smoking pipefuls of good Cannabis and reading the Upanishads at the same time. Those were the days. That, and reading Buddhist texts in the silent spaces of the public library around that time, reading about the essence of mind, the emptiness that is so full, and so fulfilling. I was blessed, and still am. The Self just is, and keeps on being the Self.

Crazy Wisdom on the loose. Not Dog Face here, maybe Cat Face, cavorting with cats. Give me the great outdoors, solitude, animals, plants, anything that doesn't contain conceptual symbols, whether thought, writ, painted, or uttered.

...

There is awareness, but there is no-one to whom awareness is attached, no-one from whom awareness emanates. Awareness emanates from emptiness. At the core of being, at the core of awareness, there is only emptiness. There is Presence, but there is no-one present.

There is Clear Light, there is Energy, but there is no self, no-one home. There is only the Self, the One, no other, no selves.

Unfurling fractal forms of energy, all living forms are equally devoid of any separate self, lacking any self whatsoever.

...

The tranquility, spaciousness, freedom, perfection of natural Awareness, the Self's very Awareness. It just is.

And so I found a chant this morning, walking to work, with cosmic orchestra and chorus accompaniment.

"May all beings find their way to the Buddha Mind."

...

Total acceptance. Total awareness. Total just-is-ness. In this there is endless peace, in this there is home.

And things are never perfect, as if perfection exists. There may be perfection in acceptance/awareness/is-ness though. Nice, very nice.

Even the mean streets have just-is-ness, as much as the forest. Factories, stores, cars, asphalt...this is what people want, this is how it is, and there is just as much just-is-ness in the city as in the wilderness, if only we have eyes to see it, which we do, as we are full of just-is-ness, nothing but just-is-ness.

...

All-inclusivity. What everyone has in common, what everyone is, that is applicable to everyone, meaningful to everyone, good for everyone. To go beyond name, and age, and gender, and belief system, and socioeconomic status, and language. The all-inclusive panacea present in all is: Awareness. Simple, plain, pure Awareness. The Awareness of the Presence. Presence Awareness, sometimes hyphenated Presence-Awareness. Or just Presence. Or just Awareness. Called by some pure Consciousness. Sat-chit-ananda, Being-Awareness-Bliss. My cats are mostly in satchitananda as their natural state. All human beings, in the natural state, can also be in satchitananda, finding the irrefutable sense of I AM, and following that to its source, and its implications, that being there is a Presence, an Awareness, that just Is, naturally, constantly, spontaneously. This is so ubiquitous, so obvious, so simple, yet it's in common with everyone, available to everyone. The only requirement for full access to it is earnest self-inquiry, earnest intellectual honesty, earnest self-surrender. Anyone can live as the Self, because it is the Self which lives in everyone, as everyone, anyway. We only need to stop pretending we're something other than the Self.

There is a wild, free, impersonal spirit permeating all of nature, it is the essence of all things. To feel this essence, this spirit, in our bones, in our flesh, in our very awareness, and to feel this very same essence and spirit emanating from all things in whose presence we happen to be in--stone, stream, sky, tree, deer--brings us to our true home, the wild, free, impersonal spirit and essence of all things. We are all of one spirit, one essence.

To wander forever, forever home. The journey that never ends, the journey that never leaves home.

...

It's a universe of energy, an ocean of energy. No scientist could disagree. Call it spirit, a spirit-filled creation, and no theologian could disagree.

...

Most people identify with thoughts, with role, with habits, and have a conventional, limited identity in which they unquestionably believe. If only, for an instant, these same people could stop identifying with thoughts, role, habits, and start to question sheer being itself, sheer awareness itself, sheer I AM itself. Just who is this being which is aware? And what is its purpose, if any? What is it required to do, if anything? How is it required to be, if any particular way?

Curiosity. Self-inquiry. Anyone who is alive, conscious, self-aware can, in the course of daily life, engage in self-inquiry, to be curious about the source of being, the source of awareness, the source of the I AM.

I see IPods and fancy cars and people sitting in their homes zoned out in front of television screen. I know how it is to be full of desire, to be full of grasping, to have not yet had my fill of being full of stimulations and possessions. The caterpillar aspect of humanity, endless insatiable appetite.

Then, entering the chrysalis, the cocoon of transformation. Withdrawing from the world, from appetite, and for all intents and purposes ceasing to exist, certainly ceasing to exist as a caterpillar, silent and still in a self-made shell.

Then, breaking open the chrysalis, emerging as a transformed being, beautiful, elegant, able to fly with ease, requiring only a little spare nectar to remain alive and aloft.

Self-realization is definitely the butterfly stage: the nectar of understanding true identity is intoxicating food, food for effortless flight.

The caterpillar stage can't be bypassed or rushed, nor can the time required in the chrysalis. The time to emerge as the Self-realized butterfly is always now, but desires and delusions must be consumed by the caterpillar completely first.

...

This emptiness is also fullness, a holographic fullness but the only fullness there is. It's the fullness of energy, of spirit, call it what we will. "Energy" is a precise term, but rather cold and scientific, although I have no problem with that. It's all energy. Energy is neat stuff, neither created nor destroyed, only changing in form, only flowing, transforming, assuming forms, un-forming, re-forming, in-between forms, radiating, conducting, capacitating, inducting. Being energy is fun, and to think I'm always around, everywhere...just have to watch the tendency to cling to my forms...

Just as valid a name for the stuff of the universe is "spirit." Spirit and Energy are both names for the same thing. Forms of spirit everywhere. Rocks, trees, sun, people, ants, buildings, old chewing gum...

So I will properly address, and respect, and identify with, and love, all forms of spirit, as I am spirit.

If only more people could identify themselves properly, as spirit, not as "Americans" or "Israelis" or "Palestinians" or "Shia" or "Sunni" etc. We are all beings of spirit, forms of spirit, the awareness of spirit.

And I am a technician and philosopher of spirit, for I see spirit, feel spirit, contemplate spirit, am spirit. I have a keen interest in spirit. I think everyone should have an equally keen interest in spirit.

So I continue on, as a being of spirit, as spirit's awareness, as spirit itself, in a world of spirit everywhere, extending out indefinitely.

I believe in spirit, but I don't believe in spirits, i.e., more than one spirit. There is only spirit in many forms, even though some forms of spirit believe they are separate spirits. In that sense there are spirits, but they are self-deluded, which is understandable as the forms spirit takes appear to be separate while they last.

And thus I return to spiritual practices, working with spirit, as spirit.

Or, as scientist, energy practices, working with energy, as energy.

Spirit has a nicer implication than energy.

So spirit it shall be called.

...

One of the most refreshing turns-of-phrase I've ever encountered was when I found in Norman O. Brown's "Love's Body" this gem: "...the God that mercifully does not exist..."

The same could be said about the self: "the self that mercifully does not exist."

At the core of the core, there is a glorious nothingness; I find this to be cause for joy, an immense relief. Some scientists regard the center as 'lifeless' --that is one possible interpretation. I regard the center as self-less, a glorious emptiness.

The passing show is nothing, less than a dream. There is nothing but nothing, phenomena a lot of nothing, awareness a lot of nothing.

Yet in this lifeless universe of nothingness, of empty energy show, of total no-self-itude, there is love to share.

Every morning one or more cats wind up on my lap as I read the morning newspaper, and they look straight into my eyes, and I into theirs, and there is purring, and praising, and petting, and pure love exchanged. Forms of the universe likes to love, and be loved. Awareness, empty energy, loves to love and be loved.

There is nothing. The nothingness is One. Love is being the One and expressing oneness with all phenomena by recognizing the One in everything, even though it's all nothing. Love is the One affirming the reality of oneness. There is no greater trust, no greater security, than abiding in oneness, basking in oneness, sharing oneness, fully One. Love is One. The absence of love, the presence of hate and anger and jealousy is the result of believing the lie of Otherness.

...

It's good to know that all my past attempts to "feel normal" failed, and that how I feel, baseline, is only natural. That feeling is rather heady, and spacious. Spaced-out, perhaps. Or spaced-in. It's a feeling that I get from the outside, from the sky, from the natural world. A spacious, impersonal, noncritical spirit. I can stand naked in nature, observed by beady eyes, or compound eyes, and know that it is the eye of nature which sees me, an objective eye, an impersonal eye. My cats observe me coolly, dispassionately, carefully, nonchalantly or intently, taking note of me and not concerned at all about what I do, unless it involves providing food.

So this same natural spacious impersonal awareness that has been my baseline all along is nature's awareness, only natural. I can go with it, and live in it, and accept it as my true identity, this pure awareness.

How spacious it is, pure awareness. It would be good to have indoor spaces to create comfortable places to just be: meditation halls. There should be meditation halls on every corner, places of refuge, of silence, of peace, of security. Sit alone, sit with others, just be here now, be 100% natural.

Ever since childhood I've felt this urge to be in spaciousness, to feel spaciousness, to provide spaciousness. Now, late in life, I understand this urge for spaciousness much better.

Short of building, or running, or being in, a meditation hall--in indoor spaciousness--it's very possible to BE spaciousness: to be pure natural awareness, totally open, totally accepting, totally impersonal--for being pure awareness creates a spaciousness, a space, a portable refuge, a meditation hall of pure awareness energy, of natural impersonal presence.

...

In the midst of abject poverty could such miserable outward circumstances make Self Realization impossible? It's difficult to imagine what it's like to be in true poverty if one has never known true poverty: to be starving, with little available water, in crowded living conditions, surrounded by noise, disease, squalor.

The closest approximation to poverty I can produce is to eat a simple vegan diet and walk to work and the grocery store--that's not exactly being poverty-stricken. In fact, I feel smug, well-off, to be able to live so well on plant and be largely car-free. I lack for nothing, have plenty of food, and water, and clothing, and fuel, and shelter, and medical care. All that and broadband Internet and cable TV too.

So it's hypothetical, only, to presume it's possible to be among the poorest of the poor and still be capable of engaging in earnest self-inquiry, to be able to be aware of awareness, to be aware of the I-Amness, and to proceed to ask the all-important question "Who Am I?" -- to follow the I Amness to its source -- even when hungry, sick, desperately poor, in crowded noisy unsanitary living conditions.

Monasteries were invented to be refuges for people such as that--who need silence, a little space, a bit of regular food, to better live the contemplative life.

Eventually, the monastic, the contemplative, usually returns to the ordinary world if only briefly, and it is in ordinary everyday life, in the midst of its troubles and turmoil, that the fruits of the contemplative life ripen, and provide nourishment.

The world needs more places of silence and space, special places to accommodate the special needs of fledgling contemplatives, of people engaged in earnest self-inquiry. Non-dogmatic and non-dualistic places and spaces.

A worldwide chain of zendos. McDzogchens. This is the time for Dzogchen, it is, it is.

Celibacy and voluntary poverty for those who can handle it, and for others contraception, nonconsumerism, and ecological awareness.

...

Of all the things and gifts and bounties and beauties of life, the one thing which is most indispensible, most crucial, most important, is Understanding. Sufficient, correct, penetrating understanding. With the right understanding, everything and anything is bearable--without it, life becomes unbearable even in the best of times.

And the best understanding of all is the understanding that it is the Self "doing" it all, "being" it all, "knowing" it all, including all of what one previously regarded as his own life and being. The Self, pure Awareness, is realized through understanding itself.

With this understanding, as the Presence Awareness that is the Self, all circumstances, all changes, are bearable, acceptable...understandable. Illness, injury, physical pains, thirst, hunger, old age, loss of everything and everyone...the Self is never lost, never changes, although all phenomena rise and fall.

As pure Awareness, this very moment is eternal freedom, bliss, peace, being. As the Self, there is no birth, no death, no change, no loss. The Self goes on.

...

Animals, fully forms of the Self, have no self-concept and have no need for a self-concept, can't be Self Realized but have no need for Self Realization either. Pure Awareness, Pure Being, Pure Spirits--animals will do what they have to do to survive, and be content.

People, with self-concept, usually a false-self-concept, have the potential to be Self Realized, and certainly have a need to be Self Realized in order to get to the root of their own suffering. Self-awareness, and awareness of awareness, bodes well for Self Realization. The people who are incapable of, and who don't need, Self Realization are unconscious, feeble-minded, or very young. Yet the Self shines in every being, no matter what age, mental condition, or species. Awareness itself is the Self, wherever it happens to be.

...

Sin is whatever thought, word, or act reinforces the notion of separate selfhood and distracts from Self-Realization. Any self-indulgent behavior can manage to reinforce small-s self and distract from capital-S Self-Realization. In general, small-s self's patterns of thought, speech, and behavior all tend to distract from Self-Realization. Deliberately overindulging in food and drink last evening was a good reminder for me of this principle. Overindulgence especially in food and drink is an old habit from the small-s self that I deal with to this day. It's for me to overcome these distractions so that I can Remember, and Realize, the Self. Fortunately I have acquired a keen taste for the Self, and find it to be truly supreme in all respects: the tastiest, the most intoxicating, the most satisfying, the most beautiful, the most pleasurable thing of all. How I could still waste my time with anything less than the Self is a mystery. Self-realization is total, lasting fulfillment and wholeness, for the Self is intrinsically fulfilled, intrinsically whole.

Ah well. Today is as good a time as any to give up the distractions and get on with it. Just making that decision clears the way, clears the view. The Self is still here, still is what it is, and is still Me. Pure consciousness. Pure presence. Presence-awareness. No worries. The Source and Embodiment of peace, wisdom, love, freedom, and joy. And might as well throw in ultimate Beauty, ultimate Meaning, while I'm at it. And the finest ultimate sense of humor. What a predicament the Self is in, in its teeming forms.

Now that's Self-indulgence!

...

What a delight to have a printout copy of Nisargadatta's great little book "Self Knowledge and Self Realization." The title says it all. It's taking a long time for me to read it. Slowly carefully reading a paragraph I have to stop, catch my breath, say Oy Veh, reflect, and continue. To have this rare book, for free, makes me like the Internet again.

...

The attributes of the Supreme Self, as I think upon them this morning while singing a bit and playing the guitar upstairs while it's cool enough to survive up there:

freedom

peace

wisdom

joy

love

And to know the Supreme Self is my self, everybody's self. Just to be this, the Supreme Self. It's all about Self Knowledge and Self Realization, truly.

The Supreme Self comes to know itself at last, to realize itself at last.

And how utterly simple. Meditating on the I Am, awareness of existence, awareness of awareness, and inquiring. Human beings of sound mind can be Self-Realized. The Supreme Self is every being, every being is the Supreme Self, and every being can be Self-Realized.

Self-Realization is supreme. The Self is Supreme.

Very straightforward, simple, clear, certain.

Established in the Supreme Self, with Self Knowledge and Self Realization, manifesting the natural attributes of the Supreme Self of freedom, peace, wisdom, joy, and love.

The war is over.

...

In lieu of plunking down $30 for Nisargadatta's Big Book "I Am That" which one day I hope to find, and afford, I did find a nice little book by Nisargadatta published on the Web in its entirety: http://itisnotreal.com/Self-Knowledge.html

After reading it I can't wait to get back into plucking the guitar strings and chanting away, but it's just so hot in that little room upstairs in these Dog Days of summer. Ahh, so what...I'll sit there and sing and sweat, it feels so good to sing, to chant.

Nice thing about chanting and singing, it can be done anywhere...it's just like Self-realization, being the Self turns the moment glorious, no matter where.

...

Pulling no punches, making no apologies, now is the time, this is of the utmost urgency: be the Self. Now. Always. That's what we are anyway.

So with due respect to my father, who gave me the oft-repeated unsolicited advice "Be yourself!" I say, now, a mature man, "Be the Self!"

No matter where we happen to be, or how we happen to be...in prison, at work in a windowless office on a beautiful day, hospitalized, young, old, ill, injured, man, woman, rich, poor...be the Self. The Self is freedom, peace, wholeness, reality. To be the Self--to be that which we really are--makes outward circumstances irrelevant.

...

And the Point of all the Exercises such as the Eightfold Path, etc., the Goal, the Attainment, is something which is always there: Presence, Awareness, Presence-Awareness, the natural state, the Great Empowerment, the Supreme Non-Attainment.

That's the payoff. There's nothing quite like the freedom and the tranquility of sheer Presence, sheer Awareness, sheer Being. Satchitananda. The natural state, resumed when there is no grasping, no clinging, no fear, no desire, no mistaken identity, no concepts, especially no concepts of separate personal self. Freed-up. Relieved. It would be blissful, but the One in its natural state is the essence of Bliss, so there is no bliss, just Presence, just Awareness, as the impersonal self-less Self, the universal One which is the only One present, and aware, anywhere and everywhere.

Anyone can find simple ordinary everyday life to be fulfillment, as it is, come what may. Just to be what we really are, in the endless Moment, the eternal Present. To be Presence in the present, simple enough, good enough. As Nisargadatta says, "understanding is everything."

People don't need anything beyond what they really are; if anything, all we really need is a clearer, deeper understanding. To understand better and clearer and deeper until there is only the self-less radiance of being that which we really are, the Self, in the natural state.

...

My so-called "Core Being Project" is underway again, after some temporary setbacks--habit-energy of mind, of desires, of appetites, of selfishness, desire to repeat pleasurable experiences over and over, and a habit of being judgmental. I know what happens when I eat just one of "Uncle Ray's Barbecue Potato Chips." I also know what happens when I talk disparagingly about foolish behavior, participating in the cruel sport of not suffering fools gladly. So it's beans and unconditional acceptance.

...

It is a constant pleasurable experience to be following the Eightfold Path, which is another term for mindful self-discipline that tends to insight, edification, Self-realization.

Actually, to call this Core Being Project a project is a form of future-tripping: projects are by definition intended to produce results at some future point. The point of this exercise is to live in Presence Awareness as Presence Awareness in full, to have achieved resonance at all levels of being with nature.

The essence of Mind is emptiness, spaciousness, vastness, formlessness, tranquility, freedom, nothing to which to attach, nothing that forms attachments: the Core Mind is always there, ready to be recognized, ready to be the mind in which one lives, with which one identifies. The Core Body is that spare, elegant, lithe creature, lean and relaxed, as appealing as any animal in its natural state. When the Core Mind is fully in charge, the Core Body naturally resumes as well, for neither the Core Mind nor the Core Body carries any excess, naturally tending to be as light and unburdened as possible, no burdensome thoughts, no burdensome fat. The natural mind is free and at ease, as is the natural body.

...

I am increasingly appreciative of the Buddha's recommendations for the way for any individual to overcome suffering. Nothing new, nothing changed, the system need not b changed because it works, it is of universal applicability. To anyone who suffers, who complains, who's made a train wreck of their life or whose life has been otherwise seemingly wrecked by outside forces, I will recommend to them to follow the Eightfold Path, nothing more, nothing less. The Four Noble Truths are still the Four Noble Truths, and the Eightfhold Path still works as well now as it ever has, if people would only earnestly decide to follow it.

Empirical and scientific testing confirms it: the Eightfold Path relieves suffering and promotes deep insight. A pragmatic approach is only natural, and the Eightfold Path is a very pragmatic, common sense approach that has stood the test of the ages. The problem of human suffering is acute, widespread: the Eightfold Path addresses the problem precisely, in the present.

...

Thinking about what's possible for any human being, in even the most pathetic circumstance, to do to resume life as the natural self...the problem is, the natural self is so simple, so obvious, so very much already "resumed" as one's very essence, that it's overlooked. Maybe that's why some people respond so well to psychedelics, they have to go out of the mind in order to appreciate the mind.

Most people have generally difficult circumstances: war, poverty, hunger, thirst, illness, injury, illiteracy, lack of education, lack of the basic necessities of life for themselves and for their family. Contemplation and self-inquiry is difficult when survival itself is difficult and uncertain. By the same token, life crises have a way of starting people on the path of contemplation and self-inquiry. Near-death-experiences especially change priorities radically.

Many people who have survived near-death experiences, who have somehow confronted mortality in its fullness and immediacy, come back to say that they felt great peace, and great release, a feeling which remains with them afterward.

So I think of a generic approach, a panacea, to suffering, and all I can come up with is, no matter who you are--or who you think you are--, no matter when, or where, you are you, it's always here, it's always now. This I of yours, this I of mine, this I of ours--THAT is the royal road to nothing less than capital-I Insight, the best thing in the universe. The capital-U Understanding that delivers the capital-G Goods, the goodness of all that is Good. The Source. The Self. It's always I.

So the panacea is the meditative, contemplative, self-inquiring, earnest, intellectually-honest mindset. With that mindset, we're golden. The Self is always golden. Can't get any more golden than the Self, it's as gold as it gets.

...

What's the Self to do after the form has Insight--after the form has Self-realization? Life as form, gotta love it. Give it its due. Get a good sleep, naps, rest, whatever, just like any intelligent animal, enjoy the good feeling of being well-rested. Eat well, get enough fluids, get enough exercise, be of regular bowels and sing hallelujah after a great bowel movment, what a good feeling. Simple things. Simple pleasures. Simple joys. Be simple. My uncle had no kind words for a nephew--one of my cousins--who is, through no fault of his own, a bona fide simpleton, born that way, never to attain the sophistication of his siblings or parents or any other member of his family other than the adopted cats, dogs, etc. Whereas I--a self-tortured not-so-simple nephew--am normal, okay, acceptable.

So I go through the day as the Self which itself is the best simple pleasure imaginable, and enjoy simple things, one after another, as they happen. A good night's sleep. A warm purry furry animal friend nestled next to me, or a warm spouse. Breakfast. Reading a fresh newspaper. Good tea. Good bowel movement. Hot shower, clean clothes, clean eyeglasses that provide crystal-clear vision. Vision, and hearing, and walking, and singing, and breathing easily. A clear conscience. Renewed optimism, hope, inspiration.

Above all, just being the Self. Holy holy shit. What more could one want?

I would like to live the rest of my life as an evangelistic rishi, an Upanishad-thumping, witnessing, testifying, holy roller wacked out on satchitananda. I would like everyone to be wacked out on the Self.

Everyone must get Self-realized.

...

Few have access to psychedelics, fewer yet could handle them properly. Everyone can handle meditation, though. Everyone should find a place to meditate, to contemplate, to engage in earnest self-inquiry, to become Self-realized. If no private quiet place, then at least the all-important mindset:

contemplative

self-inquiring

earnest

intellectually honest

curious

persistent

The mindset is enough--the mindset is everything!

Everyone--rich or poor, man or woman, can get into this mindset and realize the Self, if they really want to. This, this, is the universal panacea, the best thing in the universe.

...

Whatever self-inquiry and contemplation I do, whatever insights and epiphanies may come my way, I'm grateful for my teachers, be they family, friends, plants, animals, crises, everything that has brought me to this state of mind where I'm willing and able to engage in self-inquiry and contemplation of existence and awareness and phenomena and everything in between.

And I wish the very same state of mind for others, that all sentient beings may find, and be in, their right mind and true nature, which is self-liberating, self-existing, and the source of all peace and virtue. Everywhere present, it is the true refuge for all beings, and is the end of suffering if only the suffering being would recognize, realize, and resume being, this wonderful true nature of ours.

So I think about all the suffering sentient beings, suffering from mistaken identity, suffering from dualistic thinking, suffering from delusion, and how all beings, suffering and otherwise, have what they need to be at peace, to be free, already...the true self is always free, always at peace, always one. It can't help but be, and be what it is. There is immense stability, total security, in the true self. The Self. It deserves to be capital-S Self. The Supreme. I am that, as are we all. There is only One, the Self.

OM---peace........peace..........peace

...

Psychedelics are optional. Spiritual texts are optional. Value-added niceties, useful to a point. But then we must go to the Source, the Self, and realize we ARE the Source, the Self.

OM---peace.........peace..........peace

...

High-mindedness can be a trap. The test question is always, in this moment, "Am I really, really free right now?" There is no limit to kinds of thoughts, gross to subtle, nasty to sublime, that can enslave the unwary. Pure natural awareness just is, and thoughts do a beautiful job of gilding, or defecating upon, this intrinsic lily. That's okay--the lily of Presence Awareness is the most resilient thing in the universe, it can handle anything and never be destroyed, damaged, or defiled, try as we might.

...

reductionizing
deconstructing
minimalizing
distilling
quintessentializing

Getting to the bottom of things, and hitting bottom.

Wow have I hit bottom.

I can sit literally cheek-by-jowl with officials at a meeting who tell me, affably, that they wish they could be elsewhere and have someone else like me take their place at boring meetings, one saying that I'm cheap. I gamely stammer, that's true. I said as much publicly recently, when it was my turn in a roomful of staff to introduce myself as everyone was asked to do, including a revealing detail of personal life, hobbies and such. I said I have more hobbies and outside interests than I have time or money, which is true. And I finished by saying I've resorted to Philosophy because "philosophy is cheap." Being philosophical about being short on funds is just the tip of the iceberg. Self-realization is the fruit of philosophic self-inquiry that makes everything else pale in comparison.

Being Self-realized has many advantages, including simple cheap tastes. The Self wants nothing, needs nothing. Just to be is enough. What does it take to be? Survival--a little water, a little food, sleep, a warm dry bed, the basics. Self-realization is low-maintenance on the material plane, high-maintenance on the spiritual plane. Self-realization demands mindfulness, a healthy simple way of life, a contemplative life. Pleasures, possessions, entertainments, travel distract. Things own us, we don't own things.

With Self-realization truly there is nowhere to go, nothing to do. Just be the Self, just be That which we are.

Humiliation is actually therapeutic, it burns away that which I think I am, or wish I was, and leaves only that which remains spontaneously, naturally. O what a glorious That which doth remain! That which is me, before birth, throughout life, after death, going on and on and on, Presence Awareness, the Real, the One.

I still can afford to lose a whole lot of crap--and am prepared to lose everything, over and over. What I am remains the same. Being what I am is the fulfillment of all my desires, as it has managed to extinguish all my desires, as what I really am has no desires whatsoever, no fears either. It just is: radiant, transparent, free, peaceful, pure. Presence, Awareness. G-O-D itself, nature itself, universe itself, energy itself. No self-concept unless it looks upon itself after dividing itself up into forms. As the self-less Presence Awareness that is the universal energy I am that, you are that, we are that. In silent understanding, we can only be what we really are, That, and we take care of the business of the day, and we don't mind living cheap, working cheap or being regarded as cheap labor. Who's doing the work, and who's working for whom? Who's writing this, who's reading this? Who's living this life, dreaming this dream?

...

This morning, reading the newspaper with two good feline friends on my lap, I was alert enough to learn from them that they are content just to be. When they look up at me with those blissful, half-closed eyes, their third-eyelid nictitating membrane deployed, purring, with what appears to be a slight grin on their face, I have been graced by their shaktipat, truly a darshan with the purest gurus one could ever find. From them I re-realize, re-discover, that contented animal which is the natural self, the real self, the self that knows what's really important, things like just being, and just being content just to be; being simple, and simply being. No static, no grief, no hangups. No despair, no anger, no anguish, no depression, no worry. Human beings are the only animals capable of being their own worst enemy, by their own thoughts and delusions: depriving themselves of sleep, contemplating suicide and homicide and warfare. Of loading up the pure mind with personality, politics, and religious persuasion.

So to Tealzy-Wealzy and to Furbananda, thank you. This world belongs to plants and animals--they know when enough's enough, and take only what they need to survive. A little water, a little food, plenty of rest, scratching where it itches. Pity the animals called human beings who make themselves miserable by being slaves of thought, captives of concepts.

...

Animals, pure sensitive spirits, sense spirit, and respond accordingly to friend, foe, and potential food. Animals are keenly aware of lifespirit vibrations. I wonder if they see the lifespirit as easily as they feel it.

It's easy to see the lifespirit if you know what to look for, how to look for it, and where to look. Looking at one's own hands with backlit or deep-shade background and illuminated, the energy field around the hands and fingers is very visible. As beings of energy, our energy body, our energy field, extends far beyond the optically-defined skin, and interpenetrates and interconnects with all other energy fields, and the one energy field. The energy-viewpoint, the energy-identity, is accurate both scientifically and spiritually, and naturally nondual. Energy knows no boundaries, and can't remain fixed--it's very nature is to radiate, to flow, to change, to merge, to be fully connected with itself. The ocean of energy is one.

...

I'm once again very interested in a less processed dietary regimen, to phase out factory fake-meat food like Bocaburgers and phase in field food like beans and lentils. The Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine talks about the New Four Food Groups of Legumes, Grains, Fruits and Vegetables, and prescribes this low fat high fiber veganism as its primary medicine. Simple whole plant foods. If I could be Ruler of the World I would decree that all people must go vegan, live green, and practice Dzogchen. As Ruler of This Bodymind I am making a good start. Just to live and to be as I've always wished to live and be is probably good enough: if it catches on, it catches on. At least I'm living it as best I can, and providing an example. The cats remind me how to be, and I can in turn be a reminder for others on how a human can live, and be. When I'm on the right path, the Middle Way, the well-being resonance takes care of proselyting automatically.

...

It's a bit awkward to answer people who ask me, with all sincerity, how I'm doing. The personal I doesn't always feel that great, physically, mentally, emotionally...and I don't really want to present that as how I am REALLY. It's like the callow person at another workplace who doesn't hesitate to share with others how she has determined that it's not a good day. The personal I seldom has a 100% good day--it's the nature of the personal I.

So this morning I arise, sore, groggy, and with a touch of existential nausea, and set off to work. Vague unease, worries, a feeling of oppressiveness--a case of the Institutional Drearies, an old malady, felt it in school, in most large public and commercial buildings. On the walk to work, I pass by Finney Chapel along Lorain Street, and am reminded to just be. It's okay to just be. The presence awareness just is, and the natural state is to just be. No need to worry or feel oppressed.

This is the real I, the real me, presence, awareness, very simple, completely natural. Every day as presence, as awareness, is the best day one could ever ask for. How am I? I'll tell you, if you really want to know, but you can't be in any hurry.

...

One of the delicious entitlements of maturity is the exercise of slowness. You can't rush me, you can't force me, I will not rush, I will not force. I will be slow, the better to take in the moment. Scenery at 65 miles-per-hour is a blur; at 3 mph it's part of me, the spirit of the surroundings fully engaging me. I will take plenty of time to listen, and I will take plenty of time to answer when an answer is required.

After all, it's how we are in the present that is our fate. Instant fate.

...

Psychedelics can derail people from the karmic track they're stuck on, stuck unbeknownst to them. Using a powerful psychedelic can be a fateful event. To experience what it's like to be totally in the present--that alone--can be a revelation. A whole new way to be.

Of course, some people discover how to live in the present naturally, and ultimately everyone who's found their way to the present should be able to continue to do so without any outside help whatsoever.

Being fully in the present, and being mindful, sounds banal, boring, bland, but to those who've Been to all the Theres and Done all the Thats, such a modest endeavor--being pure awareness, fully present, mindful--is immediate freedom, peace, bliss, meaning, understanding, the best of the best. To deliberately overindulge in anything is difficult to do when mindful, present, as pure awareness, and if overindulgence happens, it happens to no-one and is pointless to even bother with it.

I ate and drank to excess over the last few days and weeks, off and on. I guess it wasn't a total waste: I have a renewed appreciation for the Middle Way. Actually, the Middle Way is the ultimate in self-indulgence because it feels so good, and right, and productive, conducive to sanity, health, lucidity, clarity, sustainable comfort, the ease and security of surrender to the Self.

And, I can better relate to the many people around me who are suffering precisely because they aren't following the Middle Way. Most people don't go off-balance in the self-denial direction, though--it's self-overindulgence that's endemic in this culture. Never enough.

...

There is no time like the present.
There is no time BUT the present.
There is no-one present but the One.
In light of this, time-stamping and references to the personal life are irrelevant, useless, counterproductive, misleading.
So it's back to logging those phenomena that can be put into words, and that have some glimmer of potential as being timeless and universal.
For those are the words that appeal most to me: timeless words, universal words, always true, everywhere true, always applicable, universally applicable.
Words that have been said many times in many places.
It's heartening to see the proliferation of Web logs that say the same thing that I'm trying to say here.
Arriving independently to the same Place that we never leave, realizing independently who it is that is doing all the writing, and reading, and thinking, and breathing.

...

The concept of "finding your inner compass' True North" is pertinent. In the midst of transitory phenomena, an unfailing True North of clear understanding is a good thing to have.

...

"Nowhere to go,
Nothing to do."
This is a concise description of Hell to some people, and to some others, Heaven.
What does it take to make a brain happy? This is not a frivolous question--quite serious, as apropos as it gets.
Some brains need a lot to surround them, to stimulate them, a plethora of phenomena, to gain a rather fleeting happiness.
Other brains are quite content just to be, to know, to understand, to be still.
Be still and know that I am God.
Some brains are strangely content to be God.

The biosphere can support many brains as long as they don't make too many demands on it.
Unfortunately, human brains tend to demand too much:
Energy
Materials
Food
Multiply by millions and billions of brains each with incessant endless insatiable demands
And there is war, insanity, poverty, violence, all manner of misery, personal, impersonal, individual, collective.
Only when a brain learns to Be Still And Know does the misery end, and the peace and freedom of the God-brain resume.
Being-awareness-bliss.
Being-understanding-freedom.
Existence-knowingness-peace.

...

The core of the core of being/awareness, the ultimate home/occupant, has been rightly described as the tiniest, most infinitesimal, point. Point source. Where are we coming from? From this very point. A mathematical abstraction, a point in nothingness, a point of nothingness. We are truly nothing, coming from nothing. A singularity, from which the entire phenomenal cosmos is derived.

Graciously, gratefully, gently going forth now, walking through this dream, talking in this dream, pure awareness finding pure awareness in other eyes, in this dream. Asleep, awakening, awake.

...

A bodily malfunction is a useful reminder to be mindful, to be fully aware of mind and body and emotions, of thoughts and actions, mental movement, physical movement, energy movement. As I must walk and sit gingerly at the moment, with a cluster of low back fibers having been strained, this is a good time to resolve to go gently into the night, and the day, in general. Nothing was ever lost by a gentle approach. After all, I would like to continue to be regarded as a gentleman, which is quite within anyone's reach, if they would just be gentle. Gentleladies too of course.

...

There is so much concern over appearances: personal appearance, appearance of car, house, etc. Every hair must be in place, or deliberately out-of-place if that's the prevailing style. Style over substance.

Whereas animals and simple people don't know about their appearance, and don't care about their appearance, and don't care about appearances in general.

It's my habit to put every hair in place and dress according to prevailing standards, to mow the lawn when it's conspicuously longer than the neighbors' lawns.

It's so tempting to renounce appearances altogether and become a wild-looking unkempt ascetic. While I'm at it, I'd renounce job, marriage, and mortgage, and live in a cardboard box.

On second thought, showers are nice, clean clothes are nice, indoor plumbing is nice, a kitchen is nice, a roof and a bed are nice. A loving trusting lifetime spouse is nice. An agreeable means of livelihood is nice.

So every hair continues to be in place, and I dress according to prevailing standards, and I keep the job, marriage and mortgage going.

And in this humble context the most wonderful understanding has had ample time to unfold, gloriously.

...

July 21, 2006. A valuable lesson for me, interlinked intertwined interrelated events leading to throwing my back out.
The natural state implies the ability to listen to the body, and when the body says "I'm tired, I don't want to go for a long power walk tonight" I should listen to it.
Now I'm paying the price, a small price, and my back should be getting better. And I am humbled. No need to be obsessive, or compulsive, or rigid. It's okay to go with the flow; in fact, it's the most intellligent thing to do, the most sensible way to be. Furbananda sleeps most of the day and remains the gold standard of the natural state.

So again I learn to accept the conditions of the present and go with it. That includes the ways of humans. Accepting the ways of humans is the most difficult for this perfectionistic human, but accept I will.

Perfection is a concept that, if not properly understood, is deadly to the enjoyment of the moment, to the freedom of the moment. The moment is perfect, no matter what. Pure awareness is always in the moment, and is always perfect, no matter what.

So maybe it would be smarter to incorporate the exercise I need into everyday activities like in Olden Days--no need for people to "get exercise" as everyday life is difficult enough, rigorous enough, enough of a workout. If I can just walk, plain ordinary walking, that would be good enough, I think. I would like to be free of all contrivance, my everyday life a seamless natural whole. Eating sensibly, and being normally active during the course of the day, can make the perceived need to "get exercise" totally optional, and unnecessary.

I know well the consequences of sloth and gluttony, though. It's too easy to be very sedentary, and to eat way too much.

So it's the Middle Way for this kid. It's worked well, tried and true. No need to crave, no need to shun.

And this infatuation with the sattva guna is rather optional, and unnecessary. It's labeling. I see people who I label as rajasic or tamasic or sattvic and pass judgment on them thereby.

I use caffeinated beverages and have a hankering for hot spicy food: I am soooo rajasic. I like to channel-surf and drink: I am soooo tamasic. So what. I'm a hypocrite, I embody all the gunas, sometimes I'm more sattvic, sometimes I'm more tamasic. So what.

It's a fact that pure awareness doesn't care about gunas, all it does is go on, and on, unfazed, unconditionally accepting, totally real. Beyond gunas or concepts of gunas.

The crowning achievement of this life is to realize I am pure awareness. That about covers everything.

...

During my long walks lots of thoughts and emotions surface. I'm learning not to take them seriously, not to act upon them, not to speak them, just to let them rise and fall. So many thoughts and emotions are surprisingly unkind. As long as I don't identify with them, or act upon them, or utter them, all is well.

Established in the wonderful spacious clear light emptiness of pure awareness, as pure awareness. No shame, nothing to be ashamed about, nothing capable of feeling shame. Pure awareness. And pure phenomena. All natural.

...

What a world it could be if only people stopped killing other sentient beings, whether for food or for politics or for passion. If people gave up all their weapons and went vegan, that change alone would bring about amazing improvement in the quality of the global human condition.

And along with that, if people stopped making so many babies so that we had negative population growth, we could have quite a stable, sustainable human presence with a nice small footprint on the biosphere.

Asking people to put down their weapons and their genitals is maybe asking too much though.

...

As foolish as the concept of "going up there to Heaven" after a life of adhering to the prevailing accepted belief system is the concept of "heading for the light" at the moment of death. Where is the Light in the meantime? Answer: right here, all along, all the time.

One passage in the New Testament that usually gets very short shrift is when Jesus says "When your eye is single your body is filled with light." That's a rather obvious clue about the expanded nondual natural awareness that sees only spirit, as it is the spirit which is seeing. The incandescence of spirit is both seer and seen.

The point of origin is pure light. This is the core of the core of being. This is what we are. This is home, and this is the occupant of the home as well.

Be light. Go lightly. Live lightly, as light.

It's all energy.

It's all light.

...

Thoughts rise and fall in the wide-open natural awareness. Thoughts are converted sunlight too.

Vegan regimen is wholesome, as sattvic as it gets, and inexpensive. This is the light-life I've long envisioned living, now's the time to live it. Now is the only time we ever have.

To think with light, as light, the light is brilliant, enlightening, shining forth. Living on light, living in light, living as light.

Light-hearted. Light on my feet. Light-footed.

De-light-full. As I say to my feline guru, Furbananda, during our satsangs, we attain TFD: Total Furby Delight.

A light thought: The efficiency of converting soybeans to biodiesel fuel is 93% as opposed to corn-to-ethanol of 25% energy-gain beyond what's required to produce it. That's promising, especially since it's possible to eat the part of the soybean not used to make biodiesel. I've been subsisting on Bocaburgers for months now, and the main ingredient of Bocaburgers is soy protein concentrate, basically what's left over after the soybean oil is extracted. We could feed people and have plenty of renewable fuel all at the same time--all renewable and cruelty-free, and biodiesel is the least polluting of all internal-combustion fuels at the moment.

I think our next vehicle is going to be a diesel-powered car, maybe a used one, so I can get it converted right away to run on biodiesel. But that's a few years down the road, since we still have payments to make on our minivan moneypit and I'd like to not make car payments for a while.

...

In for a penny, in for a pound. It's really not possible to dabble in nonduality, any more than it's possible to dabble in skydiving or bungee-jumping. To know nonduality, there really needs to be a willingness to let go of everything that isn't real, to longer take the unreal seriously, and that includes the personal self, which is very unreal--nonexistent in fact. It's to laugh. There is only the natural self, the One, amusing itself forever and ever. Hello, me, how are me, what's it going to be, how's it going to be? I'll pretend to be another, that should be fun.

Nonduality is fun, duality is no fun at all. The presence of a sense of humor is a good sign that nonduality is flourishing; the absence thereof a good sign that duality is dominant.

Nonduality is love, wisdom, peace, completion, at-one-ment. The war is over. Duality is ever at odds with itself.

...

Walking to work, passing by that spot where I first recognized pure natural self-existent Awareness and where I first realized it was my true mind and true identity. Lo and behold, it's still here, and it's still me.

The natural mind. Natural awareness. Natural state. No wonder I rejoice to know of nisarga yoga, jnana yoga, the jnanis, appearing just like beautiful stars appear in the sky as the night approaches.

...

It feels so good to surrender to the universe, to surrender to nature, and let it take back all of me. Then partaking fully in the life of the universe, the life of nature. Fully supported, completely stable, totally secure. Home, come what may.

The human world is loaded with delusion. I accept that, and work with that. Delusions of separateness, of ownership. Loaded with contrivances, with thought-based egocentric fears and cravings, with ideologies.

The consensus world of humans pits human against human, human against nature. The mistakes must be made, the actions must have consequences. I accept that.

Nature is resilient, and will grow back as it will, in whatever form can adapt to whatever remains of this planet after human beings have made all their mistakes and had their fill of self-indulgence, overconsumption, overpopulation, violence, and habitat destruction.

...

There is plenty of space. The natural mind is wide open.

...

I've seen enough.
I've tasted enough.
I've heard enough.
I've felt enough.
I've smelled enough.
I've thought enough.
I'm through, done, finished.
I'm ready to cash in my chips.
The personal life: ehhh. Overrated.
Personal extinction is such a bugbear, such a bete noir.
Personal extinction is overfeared.
Everybody must get extinguished.
And then, and only then, start to really LIVE as the One who has no person to be extinguished.

People who believe in personal immortality are chumps, self-deceived.
If they talk about IMpersonal immortality they're really onto something, something real.

Nothing personal, nothing at all.

Professional psycho-authoritarians blather about "depersonalization" as if that's a bad thing.
Everyone should get depersonalized at least once and get a clue.

To become a non-person is actually quite common.
Minority groups and subordinates and manual/menial workers know well what it feels like to be treated like a nonperson.
Nonpersons actually have an advantage over the self-aggrandized alpha monkeys: they have nothing to lose.
A slight improvement in understanding, and the pauper becomes the richest man in the universe while remaining outwardly a pauper to those whose understanding is limited.

Personal extinction? There is no person, nobody to extinguish. Nobody was born, nobody will die.

Woe be unto they who weep on the occasion of my so-called death. I was never born.

What makes me weep is to see how beautiful animals are left on the side of the road to rot after being run over by someone so terribly important in such a terrible hurry to go nowhere of terrible importance. We should have roadside services and a proper burial for every dead animal, and leave self-important people to rot by the side of the road.

Nature is a vast conspiracy that will kill us all until we learn we are not separate from her. Then we live forever, as nature, as the universe.

...

All these beautiful forms, all these beautiful sentient beings of energy. Those beings called 'animals' don't know they are beautiful beings of energy--they are just pure energy, pure spirit; because they can't know they're pure spirit that keeps their spirit pure. Human beings, also animals, also beautiful sentient beings of energy, mostly either don't know they are beautiful beings of energy, or believe they are something other than beautiful beings of energy. Children, the mentally challenged, simple people, don't know, can't know, they are beautiful beings of energy, yet they are pure energy, pure spirit, as noble and natural as animals, and radiate the clear light of pure energy, because they have no concept of self or of separate selfhood, thus their energy is pure. It's the mass of people who are just complicated enough to be in a state of delusion--believing themselves to be something other than what they really are--whose energy becomes demonic to a greater or lesser degree...they are still fundamentally what they really are--beings of energy, beings of light--but the energy is distorted, the light is filtered. Instead of clear light of pure energy, the light is colored, or dimmed, by delusions, especially the delusion of having a self, a very separate self, unconnected, alienated.

We are all One--the same cosmic energy, the same electricity running through every living lightbulb, radiating lifeforce. Our very being and awareness is this energy, One Energy, One Being, One Awareness.

...

Everyone has their own path, their own work, their own method, their own way, to find some measure of peace of mind, to be able to get through the day, to cope, short of finding the mother lode of the natural self itself. I would certainly not advocate my particular path, which is customized for my particular needs and preferences.

...

Artists--as we commonly regard them--think nothing of working hours every day in their studios, working in oil, or clay, or musical notation, or words, or what have you, to come up with creations that will express themselves, communicate something, or possibly have commercial potential.

We all have the ability to be artists of our very mind and body, to spend as much time working on our very self so that we can come up with a "pre-created" creation that we find suitable for our purposes. In my case it's been a matter of "un-creating", subtracting, and taking away everything that is not real, removing all artifice, until nothing is left except what is real, and natural, revealing the natural self in its pristine beauty.

Many people find the natural world to be breathtakingly beautiful. It's only sensible, and natural, to look within and realize that this very body, this very awareness, is the natural world as well, and is at its core also breathtakingly beautiful. The problem is to overcome the delusion of separate selfhood and stop the habits of self-aggrandizement or self-loathing, or self-indulgence or self-denial--all the varieties of the sickness of duality, where the individual lives alienated from what he really is--so that the pristine breathtaking Presence of the natural world, the natural self, is recognized, realized, reclaimed, in control and fully expressing in the fullness of its being.

There is no Artist but the One.

...

It's all a dream, a game, lived by One alone, played by One alone, cosmic solitaire. Sometimes the One will pretend he is Two, or Many, to keep himself company. Sometimes parts of the One completely forget they are the One, and take their apparent separateness and role in the dream very seriously.

The roles "I" play I don't take very seriously anymore. I play the game to pay the bills. I can work with this. I accept this. Had I known then what I know now, I would have kept my way of life as simple and carefree as the days I could put all my posessions in a large duffle bag, and live out of my duffle bag evermore. I can't recommend marriage and mortgage to anyone, even though it's inevitable that people will continue to marry and assume mortgages. It's entirely possible to realize the natural self even while married and laboring under a mortgage, as I have proven to myself.

Even though I am married with mortgage I understand this too is all in the mind, part of the dream, and in reality I am ever the same, never ceasing to be what I actually am. Nothing can change, or diminish, or threaten, or end, what I am. I can understand why people unaware of what they really are are suffering as they are. Being married with a mortgage is nothing compared to the even more horrible circumstances people have gotten themselves into. No matter what, realization of the natural self makes any circumstance tolerable. I was never born. I will never die. I am not married. I have no mortgage. That's the truth, which, truthfully, makes me free.

...

July 17. Renunciation is a state of mind, best done in secret. It's all in the mind.

...

People are very interested in the Observed, not terribly interested in the process of Observation, and seldom, if ever, have any interest whatsoever in the Observer.

...

Amateur astronomy is often stuck in a materialistic mindset: the hardware and now the software to acquire images of celestial objects; such tools of the astronomer are useful, no doubt, and have their place in gaining knowledge and appreciation of the universe.

There is another approach to astronomy, which is rather minimalistic, but effective: naked-eye astronomy, and/or contemplation of the universe. This frees up the vision, and awareness, and bank account. To observe the sky is enough; to observe the Earth is enough; to observe Observing is enough; to observe the Observer is enough. In the present, the Observed/Observation/Observer is always manifested; to be mindful of this is enough.

Being-Awareness-Bliss is enough, after the clinging has ceased and renunciation spontaneously takes over. There is interest in everything, and interest in no thing. There is no-one and nothing to cling to, or that can cling. The One clings to itself, effortlessly.

...

In the privacy of the heart, along with renunciation, is the presence of peace, freedom, wholeness, wisdom, compassion, joy--the attributes of the natural self. It's only natural to wish that all beings would only avail themselves of the natural self to enjoy these attributes. No-one can give these attributes to another--they're already in everyone, AS everyone. There is no-one present other than the One, the natural self.

...

"Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose..."

And freedom can be realized by loosening the grip on whatever one believes he still 'has' or 'owns.'

And finally--after all THINGS are lost, or not clung to anymore, there comes the CONCEPT of 'nothing' to lose...so there is 'nothing' still left to lose. 'Nothing' is the rarefied treasure of the nondualists, the Zendanistas, 'emptiness' or 'sunyata.' No-self, anatta, selflessness. "There is no ego, there is no separate self." The concept of Nothing is the last to go, and go it must.

What's left is what's left, the dream of life, the unity of nirvana and samsara, the natural world, the natural state. No-one present, just impersonal energy. All the ghosts are gone.

...

To go to the source, the bedrock security of the presence of awareness. Through all my days, the presence of awareness has abided in spacious, serene transparency. Now, as changes have unfolded as this form matures and declines, the presence of awareness has become a lifeline in the midst of chaos and confusion. Troubles and transitoriness, instability at every turn, yet the presence of awareness abides, and abides, and abides, unchanged, undiminished, undamaged, unfazed. The natural state is the home of the self-realized. It feels good to be home.

Would that everyone troubled and troubling would just STOP IT--and gently proceed, in the natural state, innocent and whole. Lay down the burdens, lay down the weapons, lay down the hate and selfishness and fear and blind faith and be free.

...

Rather than just praying for peace, I also pray for presence of mind. I'm weary of getting jerked around by newsies, politicians, and pundits, especially about the precarious state of global human affairs including the damage being done to the biosphere itself--by human activity.

Okay, so human beings may be too clever for their own good, and maybe will be the cause of their own destruction.

Meanwhile, as the human race continues to breed and consume and pollute and infight its way to an apocalypse, I would be very grateful for some presence of mind. Enough so I can take care of the business at hand, the duties of the day, those little things I can do to help others, serve others, for which I am in turn given enough wherewithal to survive, so that I may continue to be of service yet another day.

Presence of mind is mind in the present--where spirit eternally abides. If I could just put one foot in front of the other without falling over my own feet I'd be grateful. To do this is possible if I remain in the present--if "I" remain in the present, all that I am, all of my mind.

I visualize everything manifesting simultaneously, how sunlight has transformed into all life, and how all life is wriggling and walking and flying and swimming and eating and drinking and sleeping and taking first breath and last breath and answering all the Calls Of Nature in between, all at once--lively organic life, sunlight vibrant, responsive, aware...and how sunlight wears suits or uniforms and assembles containers of sunlight to hurl at other uniforms which unleashes lots of sunlight suddenly and destroys sunlight-in-uniforms...how sunlight believes in prophets and religions and messiahs and beliefs, to the exclusion of all else. The simultaneous expression of sunlight, all human endeavors sunlight endeavors, bulldozing fields and forests to put up big boxes to house and sell what is in essence manipulated sunlight and stardust...intensely piloting boxes of stardust fueled by sunlight over long ribbons of stardust and sunlight.

And hardly anyone knows about the stardust and sunlight and spirit and nature.

All this leads me to believe that the most intelligent, sensible thing a sentient being can do, in light of this, is to sit quietly in completeness, perfection, peace, awareness, beingness...in meditation...and radiating sanity and authenticity and peace and understanding to all parts of the One. For the universe is One, and sits in self-transforming meditation forever, in emptiness, as emptiness.

So I will be more disciplined about regular meditation, for presence of mind, for sanity, for the transmission of sanity and presence of mind. Meditation is a clear statement, the ultimate manifesto: go and consume and fight and drive to nowhere fast...I am grateful to just sit, and be. For I know better. I know what I know. I like what I know. I am what I am. I like what I am. Meditation is enough for an intelligent, sensible sentient being. Just to be is enough.

...

The natural awareness is God's awareness; the natural mind is God's mind.

I hesitate to use the G-word as it is a concept that has led to a lot of suffering, 'religious wars' and sectarian violence and crusades. "My God's better than your God!" "Everyone must worship and obey my God!"

Yet that doesn't change the fact that Prince Siddhartha Gautama realized his natural mind is omniscient, nothing less than the mind of "God." The mind of the true self, the mind of the natural self, the mind of nature, the mind of the universe.

This really is the time for Dzogchen--the world is being trashed by dualistic dunces packing terrible weapons and filled with insatiable desires and dangerous delusions.

No compromises, no hesitation--the dream is a nightmare in too many corners of the universal mind.

How hard is it to grasp that all life is sacred? that killing and violence only leads to more killing and violence? Yet no-one comes out and says as much. Instead, the demon-rationalizers blather about 'justified retaliation.'

If it weren't for the many innocent victims it would be only just to let those who resort to violence have it out among themselves. Thin out the eye-for-an-eye herd and leave the peaceful people be. Survival is tough enough without violence, especially politically- and religiously-'justified' violence.

...

My father told me often, "Be yourself!" But...but...but...what is myself, Dad? Which one is real?

So now in my advancing age I find myself, and the self is a spontaneous universal natural clear-light kind of character. Thanks, Dad, I'm very happy now that I'm being myself, and have learned to surrender to it unconditionally.

People really need to trust the natural self, to know it's real, it's the true self, and the most wonderful thing, or, rather, the most wonderful nothing. Transparent, pure, vast, spacious, perfect.

I share my father's knack for salesmanship, but I have to passionately deeply earnestly believe in what I'm selling before I can sell it. The problem with selling the natural self is that it's like selling ice to Inuit. The natural self is all there is. Everyone already has it, is it, but don't realize it.

Still, self-realization needs good salespeople, always has, always will. We can't write too many books, give too many lectures, conduct too many workshops--the signal-to-noise ratio is insanely low these days, and we have to shout to get anyone's attention, if we're lucky.

Two things that go hand-in-hand and both requiring slick marketing: ecological awareness and self-realization. How to make these seductive...?

Two brave attempts: "An Inconvenient Truth" and "One--The Movie." But the ones who want to see these, don't need to see these; the ones who need to see these, don't want to see these. The local multiplexes are mostly eye candy, big box office stuff.

...

Coming into the world with nothing, as no-thing, no-self, the universe born into itself. Nothing, no-one, is born.

Arriving with nothing, as nothing, departing with nothing, as nothing. Nothing, no-one, dies.

If at any point in between, the sentient being realizes he is the One, in the One, he walks on henceforth with nothing, as nothing, enjoying perfect spiritual freedom.

There is nothing to fear, nothing to desire. How could One fear or desire any part of itself?

Everyone needs time to get fears and desires out of their system, to relentlessly indulge themselves until they get diminishing returns, and then start to wonder, What am I?

Self-inquiry and self-realization are very helpful in extinguishing desire and fear, in that it empowers the individual to find the true universal identity, which has no fears or desires. So working out fears and desires helps to initiate self-inquiry and deepen self-realization; deepening self-realization reveals that the natural self has no desire, no fear.

It's much like diet-and-exercise synergy. It's common for people to land in a downward spiral of sloth and gluttony. The more we eat, the fatter we get; the fatter we are, the less likely we are to be active; the less active we are, the fatter we get. Then the point of diminishing returns is reached: quality of existential life in the present is poor with overweight out of shape body with health problems and discomfort. This leads to resolve to find out what kind of body is it possible to have, and what does it take to get such a body? A physical-self self-inquiry. This is where some people consult a fitness guru to learn how to do the work necessary to attain the physical Self one would like to be. The fitness guru is presumably a fine specimen of the kind of physical Self worth working toward.

Just as diet without exercise and exercise without dieting are less effective approaches of attaining the optimal physical self, and dieting with exercise is a highly effective approach of such attainment, so it is with self-realization in the spiritual realm: we must live a virtuous life to prepare for self-realization; self-realization in turn empowers the virtuous life. The natural self is naturally virtuous, being the realized goal of the spiritual aspirant. To realize that the goal of union with Self has already been attained within oneself, as one's very self, is inexpressibly empowering. This is to realize that one is the among the most spiritually wealthy beings in the universe...that in fact everyone is potentially as wealthy, but that access to the wealth is hindered by distractions, desires, fears, ignorance, restless thoughts, identification with thoughts, etc. Even the most outwardly poor, simple, humble person in challenging circumstances can gain access to the vast spiritual wealth of self-realization, through earnest self-inquiry and earnestly living a virtuous life.

Virtue cultivates self-realization; self-realization cultivates virtue; the natural self is the source of virtue.

...

July 13, 2006. It was good to have some space in the little upstairs room to dance. Jean inspired me to hook the CD player and amplified PC speakers back up, and the CD I burned way back when with some Salvia psytrance pieces was perfect for working it out with dance. The perfect physical freedom of freeform dance is therapeutic, and the music was very inspiring for dancing. It was easy to dance for nearly an hour, and I can see how raves can go on for many hours with such music and such dancing.

So as I settle into the natural self, dance and music and entheogens bring on the Archaic Revival in the privacy of my own home. It's great to go native in the midst of the culture in which I was born and raised.

The main thing is to realize the perfect freedom of the natural self, to manifest this realization--and this perfect innate freedom--in all aspects of life-in-the-present as the natural self, that perfect pure being of pure awareness.

...

To be plain, ordinary, simple, is to be in the natural state. No contrivances, no artifices, no pretensions, no embellishments needed. Just being a being of light, of energy, of pure awareness, is amazing, no need to gild this self-perfecting self-originating lily.

...

Free, or not free--it's just as easy to be free as not, depending on thought.

...

This is all a dream, a hologram, a fantasy of energy interactions held in the universal mind. It's all in the mind. Waking up in this cosmic dream, moving through this dream, a full participant, stuck in the dream...it pays to be gentle, gracious, to move lightly through this dream of light. There are consequences in this dream produced by thought, word, act. Why not make this dream a good dream, live the dream indeed.

This ongoing dream is entertainment enough. No need to sit before a flickering screen in the dark, enthralled by someone else's dream.

...

While I can still walk, and dance, I will walk and dance until I can't walk or dance anymore. Walking, and dancing, are physical expressions of perfect freedom. When the day comes when this form is unable to walk, or dance, my intrinsic freedom is undiminished, as the self-originating, self-perfecting, self-liberating natural self of pure energy and pure awareness. If I were to be immobile, sightless, deaf, without senses, without movement, as self-realized natural self I will continue to shine, to blaze, in perfect freedom, in being, awareness, and bliss. Self-realization reveals the energy of the natural self to be impersonal, selfless being, awareness, and bliss, of form and of formlessness, the totality of energy.

...

It's agonizing for the owner of a shiny flawless new car to get that first scratch and dent in it. Afterward, it becomes less and less important. The more scratches and dents in the vehicle, the more carefree and cavalier the car owner becomes. The owner of the rustbucket held together with duct tape is the most worry-free car owner of all.

I used to fret over getting that first scratch in a pair of flawless new eyeglasses. My field of vision had to be as flawless as possible for maximum image quality. Now those same eyeglasses have many scratches, but they work quite well, and I no longer worry about scratches in them, and no longer feel a compulsion to replace the lenses just because they have a few scratches in them.

Everywhere I look there is chaos, imperfection, impermanence, flaws, dents, scratches, dust, funk, filth--the organic life which never stays the same. Rather than be unhappy that the world is not as neat and perfect as the headquarters of some Fortune 500 corporation, I am grateful that it's not, that the world is as it is. I embrace the imperfection and the disorder, as I accept my own imperfection and disorder. The grass and my hair may grow long, the paint and my skin may peel, it's all good, and there is no-one but the natural self present in anyone and anything.

...

The Self is not a Hindu Self, or a Buddhist Self, or a Nondual Self. The Self is the Self of nature, the natural self. It is self-existent, and is present whether we conceptualize about it or not, talk about it or not, understand it or not. It is present everywhere nature is present, as it is the self of nature, which is everywhere. The only place the natural self seems not to exist--even though it does, unrecognized--is in the mind clouded by thoughts and desires and fears.

I praise and honor the natural self as much as possible at the moment, as I have spent most of my life as something other than the natural self, or rather as the natural self believing itself to be something other than what it is, a common condition, the 'human condition' in fact. It's such a relief to be unburdened of excess. The rest of my days in this form are spent running this happy experiment, the Core Being Project.

It's far easier for me to relate to plants and animals than it is with many human beings who can't stop thinking or shut up. Living with loved ones, near and dear ones, who are burdened with excess, isn't easy, especially as the contrast between burdened life and unburdened life grows evermore stark. It's true that the best thing I can do for others is work on myself, and the best thing others can do for me--and for themselves, of course--is to work on themselves. There's work to do, body and mind, even though the natural self is always present as our true self--the work is getting rid of whatever it is that prevents us from appreciating, and living fully as, the natural self. When we are that which we really are--the natural universal self--we radiate the energy of the natural self, the same energy of the same quality and purity as is radiated by plants and animals, earth and sky, water and sunlight, lifeforce. Plants and animals are pure spirits, and being around them is healing; we can be the same way.

...

The Core Being Project continues, and will continue, as it is a successful, ongoing, endless project. It is producing healthy results, tangible and intangible: tangible in physical appearance, intangible in quality of awareness, although awareness is tangible through awareness, 'vibes.' Awareness is energy, and the quality of awareness determines the quality of energy. When awareness is in its natural state, wide open, free, pure, so is the energy, as awareness is energy.

Some people are troubled by the changes I've allowed to happen with this body, with my mind, with my behavior. Actually, I'm only allowing my body and my mind to resume their natural state which, in the context of an unnatural culture, appears unnatural.

...

Rather than suicide, choose egocide. The ego doesn't exist, as it is all a conceptualized structure, a house of conceptual cards, a self-image and an identity not based on reality. So subtracting all that is not real, not natural, is the way to accomplish what suicide crudely accomplishes. The living flesh is innocent, pure, natural--to destroy it deliberately is disrespectful of nature, of life, of innocence. What needs to be destroyed is the false self, the ego, the imagined separate self.

The ego, being a concept at its root, rises and falls on its own, just like any other concept. The problem is, the ego is nothing but a big concept, and just like a big turd it causes constipation, it doesn't pass through as quickly and easily as the smaller turds of thoughts and emotions.

Some ways of passing the ego are rather drastic--near-death experiences, psychedelic experiences. Reintegration requires that the true self allow to resume operation, and the false self, when it attempts to reintegrate, as it tends to do, be dispassionately observed, and not identified with, which is the same process used by the person who has learned to identify with pure consciousness rather than the thoughts that rise and fall within consciousness.

With time the turd of false self dissolves and passes. With practice--a healthy diet and relentless, earnest self-inquiry and mindfulness--the turds are kept small, are allowed to keep from clumping and forming that big, grotesque, unreal, uncomfortable, nonexistent false self that is the source of suffering to oneself and to others, of living a false life as a big stubborn turd.

Thus ends the Scatological Sutra of the Day.

...

The natural state is the spontaneous state. To be a full participant in the present, as it unfolds, not just a passive spectator or audience, as many people tend to be...used to being passive spectators, consumers of eye- and ear- and mind-candy, and not ready, willing, or able to participate, spontaneously or otherwise.

The content, the form, is not important--it's the Awareness that contains content and form that is all-important. I'm interested in this Awareness, not the content of this Awareness: who, or what, is this Awareness...not what pops up in Awareness, be it thought, emotion, sensory phenomena.

We use the world of form, of phenomena, working through it, communicating through it, buying and selling it, making and consuming it. The One behind it all, the Self, the pure Awareness that remains the same no matter what happens to form and phenomena--the eternal One, the eternal Self, the Unchanging in the midst of incessant eternal change--THAT should be of great interest to every intelligent person...should be, but isn't.

My peer group is huge: the plant kingdom, the animal kingdom, the earth and the sky. The only group that would not call me a peer engage in some form of peer-review, which I fail time and time again.

...

Sometimes I wish I had never read the books I've read about spirituality, even the ancient texts, the Upanishads, the Tao Te Ching, the Bagavad Gita...and the modern texts, The Power of Now and the plethora of excellent nondual writings out there now. For the same reason I wish I never listened to all the good music I've heard all my life. For when I sit down to write, or make music, I hear the words and the notes and the phrases of everyone I've heard, and read.

Just as I've met with success taking a long break from Salvia divinorum, so too I'm meeting with success by not reading nondualism materials and not listening to human-made music. Instead, I take in ordinary everday natural sights and sounds and words so that my writing-head and music-heads will settle into their native, authentic baselines. Not that I'm trying to be original for originality's sake, but for the sake of the Source.

Going to the Source of all sources. This flow of pure transparent energy, welling up from a bottomless, inexhaustible spring, within and without, washing over me, washing out of me. When I let this flow of clear light do what it does, be as it is, flow as it flows, it heals, cleanses, purifies. This process is conducive to the all-important realization that the individual IS the clear light flowing, but it takes a certain amount of free flowing to wash away the impurities of conceptualizations, whether these conceptualizations be crude, ugly, ignorant or sophisticated, elegant, and intelligent.

Sometimes it's better to be silent, to listen, to observe, as it is, as it comes. It's never gotten me into trouble, and has been downright educational.

In my daily walks it's proven to be far more effective to make eye contact and smile than to croak out a hello/hi/howarya. Animals and plants do well without words from me too.

Having acquired a taste for sheer Awareness and sheer Beingness, silence is really a Self-indulgent act.

...

To make a vow of silence is contrived, and impractical. The Buddhist "right speech" is on the mark: choose words carefully, make them Good Words, helpful words, kind words, true words, honest words. Practical words. Speech is good, silence is good, samsara is good, nirvana is good. It's all good. Pure awareness takes it all in, phenomena rising and falling, the passing show.

It's wonderful to let the Self do the talking. Just as the Spiritualists have their 'automatic writing' from the Dear Departed, so too the nondualists have their 'automatic talking' and 'automatic walking' and 'automatic breathing' etc. The spontaneous arising of things, participation with this spontaneous arising while not clinging to any of it, good or bad, pleasant or unpleasant, beautiful or ugly.

A friend gave a folk music concert in a nearby town last Sunday. He knew how to sing and play guitar and write songs and perform other people's songs quite well, and his repertoire was well-chosen to entertain and to say what he wanted to say. Of course a music critic would take him to task, comparing his voice and his playing to seasoned critically-acclaimed commercially-successful professionals. It was inspiring to hear him just belt them out, warts and all. It was clear, and heartfelt, and delivered the intended messages as well as entertainment.

...

The level of happiness I feel is directly proportional to how much junk I let go, whether material-plane phenomenal junk, or mental junk. When I become less judgmental, less perfectionistic, the happiness quotient soars.

Nothing could be perfect, nothing could be satisfactory, while in a judgmental perfectionistic perspective. Everything is perfect, and satisfactory, with a natural perspective.

The inexpressible freedom that comes from identification with pure mind rather than contents of pure mind is a payoff that just keeps paying off, over and over.

...

The simple things, the basic things, the natural things, in daily life. A good sleep, dreams, waking up with a demanding cat in my face. The pleasures of a fresh morning newspaper, breakfast, the clarity of wakefulness as the tea kicks in. Hanging out with the masters of hanging-out, the cats. The good feeling of full bowels fully evacuated, the freshness following oral hygiene ritual and a shower, and putting on fresh clean clothes and setting off to work.

...

In cleaning up the rambling old house yesterday, realizing it will never be completely 'clean', never completely 'perfect', I realized it's not the house that's any problem, it's my perception of the house, my passing judgment on the house. It's not a neat, tidy, new house: it's old, well-worn, funky. Houses through time and everywhere else on this planet are in various states of disarray and disrepair, or very simple dwellings, huts, cardboard boxes, corrugated-tin-roof barrio estates on mudslide-prone hillsides surrounding megalopolises.

I remember the days not long ago when I simply matched my personal bodily 'style' with this house, in that I would relax and enjoy this body, as it is, just as I relaxed and enjoyed this very house, as it is. I live in Awareness as Awareness, surely, and I also live in this imperfect evanescent body which is certainly no heroic ideal of physical excellence. I can only work with it as it is. My clothes are getting old, frayed, dowdy, frumpy, and so what if they are. Same goes for the flesh. I think I'll let the lawn grow out more, and out of kinship and respect for it and the whole homestead let my hair grow out more too. My exercise will not be so intense, so results-attached. I will exercise for its own sake. Walking and biking are FUN. That they happen to tone muscles and burn calories is a side effect. It's a seamless package, this body and this house, organism and environment. To live simply, frugally, joyfully, with a sense of humor about the whole thing...I will not be hung up on appearances, of meeting someone else's expectations of how I should look...what business is it of theirs anyway. Hair is natural. Nudity is natural, too, but in this climate and with the duties at hand clothing is a good idea, as is shoes. But the clothing and the shoes can be old, and well-worn, for protection, not for fashion, not to appease the judgmental Other.

In short, the Inner Hippie yearns to return.

We should all be hippies, think like hippies, live like hippies, look like hippies too when and only when we truly live and think like hippies, not being fake hippies, sell-outs to consumerism and materialism while dressing-down and growing hair. We'd all be so much happier, and the world would be a better place for it, being genuine hippies.

Long Live the Hippie!

The Hippie is what happens to White People when they wake up and realize being natural is so much more fun. The Hippie is the moral equivalent of every ethnic and minority group on the planet, a culture unto itself, an indigenous autochthonous emergence from the planet itself.

I'm not going to be rich and famous anytime soon, probably never. My great success is being able to understand things well enough--thanks to Transcendent Hippie-Mindedness--to be happy in the present, to fully accept the present, to go with the flow of things. This is a resurgence of the Age of Aquarius Within that just can't be denied, or suppressed, even if I wanted to, which I don't. Who would turn their back on the Age of Aquarius.

...

This exchange on an entheo bulletin board clarifies last week's journey:

"William, what a treat to journey with you for this "booster" to your biosystem. Thank you for such a great report!

It just goes to show that sometimes those "spur of the moment" journeys are JUST what the Doctor ordered - JUST where the flow takes us when we allow ourself to be attuned with it.

And how great that you received a lesson in trans-species awareness and manifestation. I have also found 'myself' embodied as a tree. Congratulations!"

Happened again yesterday, a few tiny fresh leaves, then bam, lying there, a complete tree.

It's all about wholeness.Wholeness is the destination.

Be whole, wholesome, wholey.

It's the way to be. To be is enough. Not to be is okay too. No clinging anymore.

...

How good it feels to be nobody!

And the lightness of being, that's nice. The body light on its feet, no excess blubber to tote around, no mental fat either, not burdened by weighty thoughts, weighty worries, gone for now. When thoughts and worries reappear, remembering that there's nobody to be weighed down by anything does the trick. Right now, there can be, and is, the incredible intrinsic lightness of being. And the final touch: the ultimate lightness of nonbeing. Of being nobody.

People try so hard to be somebody.

If they only knew how good it is to be nobody.

My cats know: how light and graceful they rest, walk, play, eat, shit. Between the cats and the teacher-plant Salvia divinorum I live in a spiritual hothouse supreme. I'd be a dolt and a fool not to submit to their teachings. Gurus abound, fuzzy skuzzy butt-sniffing buddhas and heliotropic sages. Good plain common sense beings. Natural as they come. I am blessed.

...

Just phenomena. Eh. Mental, sensory, just phenomena rising and falling in the vast space of Awareness.

I've been saving lots of money by not buying books, CDs, DVDs, or going to movies or paying concert admission fees. I'm a philistine, a cheapskate, a moron. I should be interested in these things.

Phenomena. This passing show, there is seeing, there is hearing, there is breathing, there is feeling, there is Awareness. That's enough for me. I'm really not interested anymore in having things just right, or beautiful. What a lot of fuss and bother for phenomena's sake. Maybe I'm just getting lazy, or lazy-er.

Give me what the cats get: a little food, a little water (tea would be nice too), and lots and lots of space just to be, and like the furry ones, my freedom to be in the natural state.

And that's all. That quiet life, that ordinary life, that works so well in providing the opportunity to do serious self-inquiry, and get to that place of being a perfect nobody, i.e., pure intrinsic Awareness. Hot diggity dog!

Note to self: whatever it takes, live below our means so we can balance the frigging checkbook--that's part of the undramatic undistracted life that's conducive to self-inquiry. No worries. Forgo the phenomena especially the ones that cost money. Who needs it! Seriously!

If I was single I would have no qualms about ditching cable TV, broadband Internet access, cell phone and car. What frigging money pits! But in the interest of harmonious home life I will continue to try to make ends meet, even though there are too many ends, and too many of the ends are flat-out frivolous.

Phenomena. Eh.

Awareness just takes a little food and water, the basic necessities.

There's a crazy ancestor, one of the skeletons in the family closet, who was a homeless wanderer. Maybe he was onto something. That might account for my fantasies of homelessness.

Mortgage and marriage. What a venal village our culture has established for its own.

...

July 7, 2006. This sunny Friday morning, walking past Finney Chapel on the way to work. This particular spot is where I first became clearly aware of the pure natural spontaneous Awareness that is the real Me, the real Mind. Containing all thoughts and phenomena but having no thoughts and beyond all phenomena, pure natural spontaneous Awareness itself.

And how strong the thoughts, the opinions, the emotions, how easy still it is to identify with thoughts, opinions, emotions...to slip back into fears, desires, selfishness, opinionations, bitterness, misanthropy.

Misanthropy has been high--even to see people wasting their time cutting grass with power mowers, a quintessential human dumb-ass folkway. I feel an overwhelming urge to move to the closest place where people don't even think of "lawns" or the necessity of "mowing lawns."

The way of life now considered normal and sane I can't help but perceive as abnormal and insane, as well as unhealthy to the individual, to the community of people, and to the web of life itself. Lawns, cars, appliances, junk food, jets, industrial and residential "development" etc. ad nauseam.

It's really difficult sometimes to regain access to intrinsic Awareness and find the baseline freedom, peace, and sanity of the natural state. Until I do, I'm fit to be tied, by ropes of my own creation.

What I'm looking for now is restoration and return of a sense of humor. Otherwise, it's living in my own madness. The madness of modern life does not need my madness, nor do I.

The sense of humor returns in a mindset of acceptance of the present, as it is, mowers and all. To be intelligent and receptive enough to see the ongoing sight gag all around. I won't laugh out loud at funerals, such as the one I will be attending later today of a dear old friend, but the timeless silent Awareness that was him, and me, and every sentient being, will remain alert to the humor of the ongoing situation, as it is the silent eternal Witness and Audience of the antics performed by the benighted beings that have sprouted forth so copiously from billions and billions of sweaty loins on this planet.

...

There is no self, anywhere, in anything, in any form, in any sentient being, none. There is only the Self, which has no self. Pure awareness--the Self's very awareness, is empty, vast, impersonal.

Accepting the Self as one's true self leads to dismantling of the false self, the false identity, the delusion of self, the delusion of identity--letting the self that does not exist vanish on its own accord like a wave falling back into the ocean.

There is no-one remaining, only the Self, which is pure spontaneous impersonal Awareness and Being, the natural radiance of eternal energy.

In the emptiness of pure Awareness there is fullness, completeness, wholeness, for it is none other than the Whole, the Self, abiding in its own Awareness.

...

Would that every sentient being be curious about who, or what, exactly, lives within them as them. Would that every sentient being be curious about who, or what, exactly, suffers and perishes in their transitory form.

...

It is my prerogative, right, and privilege--it is the payoff dearly earned--to live the rest of this life in the natural state, to fully identify with pure Awareness that just is, and is, and is...and to accept the fact that this pure Awareness is the Self's very own awareness. My Awareness is the Self's Awareness; my Beingness is the Self's Beingness. In other words, I am the Self: the universal, eternal, impersonal Self, present in every form, filling all space with my spirit, my Awareness, my Beingness. The life and habits and outward appearances of this particular human form are as they are, thoughts come and go, words are spoken and received, emotions rise and fall--the waves of the vast Ocean rising and falling. The waves are Me; the ocean is Me. I am the Self.

More important than birth and death, more valuable than anything imaginable or acquirable--is Self-realization. Whenever a form realizes it is the Self, that is the most auspicious of all possible occasions, the most valuable thing, the most important event.

...

The useful property of natural deconditioners such as Salvia divinorum is their ability to help us experience pure awareness, and pure being: sheer awareness, sheer being. Because it is a voluntary process, involving no intermediaries between the individual and nature, there is perfect authority, perfect authenticity, in the experience, at least in the existential sense.

How many times in my adult life have I marveled at the fact of sheer being, sheer awareness, yet was reluctant to say anything about it to anyone else, thinking that it's too simple, too obvious, too dry, too empty of content to mention. Yet as the years go by and the integrity of this human form is not to last forever it is obvious that most people have lost, or have never acquired, an awareness of sheer Awareness, an awareness of sheer Beingness. Without such an awareness of Awareness and Beingness there can be no self-inquiry, no asking of the all-important question "Who am I, really and ultimately?"

...

It's very easy and very possible to be without attachments, desires, fears, and delusions provided there is full surrender to pure Awareness, which is empty, like the sky, without a self, and also without attachments, desires, fears, and delusions. In the sky of Awareness there is infinite peace, freedom, patience, acceptance, impersonal unending bliss. Awareness contains all, and contains nothing. Awareness can't be attached to anything, there is nowhere to attach.

The pure awareness of the newborn is the clear light of universal Awareness itself, which remains with us as us throughout life, and is of one essence wherever it is found. For Awareness is the spirit of the universe, ever-changing, ever-pure, ever-impersonal, ever-present. If only every sentient being would know That which he/she/it really is...desires and suffering would cease immediately, as the one who is eternally aware everywhere does not suffer, can't suffer, can't be damaged or lost or changed even though its forms change incessantly. Such a hypothetical mass awakening of all sentient beings is analogous to the Christian's "Rapture." When the spirit realizes itself, when Awareness realizes itself, there is annihilation of the suffering, nonexistent self. Only spirit remains, only Awareness remains. Being spirit, being Awareness, is bliss impossible to endure as a personhood, although easily borne as spirit, as Awareness.

...

July 5, 2006. Last evening had a wonderful meeting with lovely people who helped clarify and strengthen. To be able to talk about the very core things, matters of inmost being, is very therapeutic.

I'm grateful to have consensual validation in this Great Dream, to openly share that which can rarely be shared with anyone else.

To know that the Way of Light works with all beings, that spirit can be trusted to do the work of spirit, is an immense relief and cause for unending joy.

...

Jax's "The Way of Light" is a great application of Dzogchen, emphasizing the wisdom, and necessity, of going to the source of all virtue in order to be a conduit of virtue. For what is 'virtue' but That which is real?

...

Impermanence, the ever-changing manifestations within timeless selfless emptiness of pure awareness...how could I not acquire a taste for impersonal timeless selfless emptiness pure awareness itself, how could I not accept the fact that I am this pure awareness?

...

I would have to say that, in a quiet flash while I was walking past a familiar landmark in town on my way to work many years ago, I had the most important realization of my whole life and didn't know what to make of it, what to do with it, or how to talk about it: that momentous occasion of being aware of pure naked natural awareness itself and recognizing it as the real essence of Mind, self-arising, universal, pure, empty and real, my true Mind, my right Mind. Had I been a little more mature then I would have made radically different choices in light of realization of the presence of Awareness as Me, as my true Mind. Instead, I submerged in mere mental content, distractions, desires, delusions, and consequences of decisions fued by distractions/desires/delusions.

No matter. It's not too late. I have awakened to Awareness, as Awareness. I am supremely blessed. This blessing that everyone already has/is is my sole interest. That more can awaken to Awareness is of immense importance. Thus the Way of Light type of initiatives. "...most will not wake before they die..."

For those who do manage to wake before they die, they know they are never born, they will never die. The expected, appropriate, hoped-for response of people attending memorial services for those who have awakened before death is HAAAW-HAAAAW HAAAAAW!!! Those who are awake will laugh.

...

My old friend and I, upon hearing of Alan Watt's 'death' in the mid-70s, giggled. We couldn't help but giggle. It's a sight gag, a cosmic joke. Watts was awake, and we were awake enough to know that, and we giggled.

...

The July 4, 2006 Nonduality Highlights yahoogroup had a couple especially striking additions which I must now cut and paste, if only for the haunting line "...most will not wake before they die..."

Is it safe to post here?

by Vicki Woodyard

I want my life to be exactly as it is, including the tears, fatigue
and self-induced stress. As Ram Dass' guru said, "Can't you see it's
all perfect?"

Today I bought some key lime taffy, mini-biscottis and a new pasta
pot. I came home happy as a clam and sampled the goodies with a cup
of coffee. So much fun for under fifty dollars.

After lunch I sat down to read for a while and soon I found myself
weeping. I just totally let it happen and this thought arose. This
is the life I choose to live and it includes the sloppy plop of tears
down my cheeks. They prove I am alive and well. And that is what
tissues are for.

Why was I crying? I am not even certain; something about it being
just me on an orb of billions. Some of them don't even use deodorant.
Some don't care if they drive drunk and most will not wake before
they die. I had rather be alone and in tears. They are mine, after all.

Without a sense of humor, I would have died a death by tears long ago.
But my ha ha has kept me in health and my boo hoo's not too bad
either. I am insane, unknown and perfectly capable of eating my way
through a bag of salt water taffy without any help.

I can read my online bank statements so I don't get overdrawn. I can
coccoon at a moment's notice and certainly risk the great adventure of
having dinner with a friend if I so choose. But sometimes I choose
otherwise, and then all hell breaks loose. I am called eccentric and
isolated. Guilty on both charges. Does anybody have my back?

Copthorne MacDonald and The Wisdom Page

contributed by Martin

http://www.cop.com/

"Early in 1980 I did a five-week retreat in my apartment, and devoted
it to this practice. I found the practice highly effective. It helped
create psychological distance between mind contents and the primal
sense of identity, and led me to associate that sense of identity
with Being. I will describe one of the key happenings during those
five weeks - not because anyone will repeat it exactly, but because
it illustrates the kind of door-opening event to which intuitive-
stage practices can lead.

During periods of sitting meditation, I settled into, and got
familiar with, the basic sense of self - that fundamental sense of
existence or basic identity, the I AM feeling. It was a comfortable
mental space, and the mind got quiet just as it had whenever I
watched breath sensations for a prolonged period.

By two weeks into the retreat my mind had become very still and
quiet, and I became aware of subtle changes in the quality of feeling
connected with this experience. I noticed that each time I settled
into the I AM mental space it felt a little different. I then noticed
that the difference had something to do with where my attention
rested, and how broadly it was focused. If my attention happened to
settle on the chest/heart region, I tended to have loving feelings.
If it settled on a muscled area like an arm or shoulder, then the
sense of being, or self, had a warm quality. If attention came to
rest on the stomach, it felt slightly heavy, in that "heavy meal"
sense. If attention broadened out to include the whole body I
experienced happy feelings, a kind of quiet joy.

One morning I started to play with this, moving the focus of
attention around, and noting the changes in the sense-of-self
experience. I gradually moved the focus upward, stopping to feel each
sensation along the way - chest, neck, lips, nose. I continued to
move awareness upward, little by little, until finally it was
directed at the inside of my head. When I reached a certain point in
this transition the body-sensation components of the sense of self
disappeared. The basic sense that "I exist" became almost completely
free of content, free of sensory modulation. It was close to no
experience at all, close to a pure void, almost nothing - except I
knew that I was still intensely aware.

I saw two things at that moment. First, there really was a pure
awareness free of content. Second, since I had moved my sense of self
slowly, gradually to where all sensation vanished, what was left -
pure awareness - was obviously the true home of that sense. This
maneuver had caused the last thing that was not "me" to fall away.
There was nothing left but pure awareness staring into a void
containing only that low-level visual sensation that always exists as
a sort of irreducible background noise. Direct experience had
confirmed for me what perennial philosophy teachers had been saying
for centuries: The true "me" is awareness itself. The words of
Nisargadatta again:

If I ask you what is the taste of your mouth, all you can do is to
say: it is neither sweet nor bitter, nor sour nor astringent; it is
what remains when all these tastes are not. Similarly, when all
distinctions and reactions are no more, what remains is reality,
simple and solid.
And:

Give your heart and mind to brooding over the "I am," what is it, how
is it, what is its source, its life, its meaning. It is very much
like digging a well. You reject all that is not water till you reach
the life-giving spring.24
Those physical sensations I experienced when awareness focused on the
body provided subtle content for the "I am" experience. But the
nature of that content changed as attention moved from one body part
to another. Only one thing was always constant, always present:
awareness itself. When awareness shifted to an almost sensation-free
place it became obvious that my basic identity was the one constant
factor: pure awareness - that which remained when the physical
sensations were not. The life-giving spring.

My earlier concept of unity was a unity of process. All the specifics
in the universe were part of one big specific - the total process. It
was a horizontal kind of unity. Now I intuitively saw another kind of
unity, a vertical unity in which the myriad specifics were all one
with the underlying general. It was the unity of interpenetration.
The eternal medium of Being interpenetrated, supported, and allowed
the everchanging message of form and function to exist. And my true
identity was the medium itself.

I wrote: "The perceived world looks the same as it always did. It's
just that there is now this cognitive sense that Being underlies
everything I perceive. It's a sense of the depth of things, a sense
of the attributes of things, of Being, of capital-S Self permeating
the old view. Life, awareness, organic wisdom, and love are seen in a
new way. They are no longer seen as isolated events, but as the all-
pervasive reality poking through the illusion here, there, and
everywhere. I sense the reality of the medium and its values in a way
I never did before."

I reflected on my basic sense of being or selfhood always having felt
basically the same whether I was four or 44. My subjective self had
always felt ageless. I now saw that the real me was ageless. I was
the same timeless universal awareness that had watched the cosmic
show since t=0. For the previous 44 years it had been taking in the
view through the Cop Macdonald porthole. The same awareness -
identical in quality, universal in nature - also watched the show in
countless other places. For the first time in my life I felt really
close to animals. That was my true Self watching the show in the
cat's head and everywhere else.

I also realized that I was more than awareness. I was the life that
animates the body/mind, the energy that makes life possible, and even
the mass involved in every body's structure. I was these and other
intrinsic qualities of the universal medium of existence. I was the
eternal ground of being in all its aspects. Existence, the universe -
the whole cosmic show including the Cop Macdonald body/mind - was an
ephemeral media event, a modulation of Being. I, Being, was the
source of the cosmic show and its audience. I interpenetrated this
ever-changing display and was its changeless foundation. I was the
permanent medium; the universe was my temporary message.

I thought about humanity. We human beings were deluded gods, lost in
the drama, taking the game too seriously - sucked in like fans
watching a movie or a football game. Identification with the
body/mind was the prison. Detachment. Mindfulness. Awareness. Those
were keys to the prison door. Once we stepped through the door we
could see that our true identity was the one ground of being that
gave rise to the game. At that point we could choose just to Be, and
watch - or choose to get involved in the game again with a caring
detachment that allowed more daring and effective play than ever
before.

As that retreat ended, the metaphor that came to mind was one of
ascent. All my life I had been climbing a hill, and as I climbed, my
field of view had gradually enlarged. I had spent time reading and
traveling and having a great variety of experiences - and as a
result, my view of what is had gradually become broader and more
detailed. Since I never wanted to miss anything, I'd always kept my
eyes on the ever-growing view of the valley below. Then, during that
retreat, I turned around, away from the valley and toward the hill
itself. Instead of finding myself just facing the hill, I discovered
that I was now able to peer over the top and see what was on the
other side. I saw that there was another valley on that side: the
realm of Being. I experienced a sudden step-function increase in my
appreciation of what there was to see and explore. I was not yet
living in that other valley. I didn't know it in intimate detail. But
I now knew beyond any doubt that it was there."
( http://www.cop.com/info/twch9.html )

http://www.cop.com/

Copthorne Macdonald was born Chicago, USA in 1936. He immigrated to
Canada in 1975, and is a citizen of both the US and Canada.
Copthorne is a writer, independent scholar, and former communication
systems engineer. His interests include the nature of reality
(including consciousness and mind), the development of wisdom, the
global problematique, and the challenge of creating a sustainable
future. He has written extensively in all of these areas, and his
published writing to date includes 7 books and over 130 articles,
reviews, and column installments. His latest book, Matters of
Consequence (Big Ideas Press, 2004), is a comprehensive map of the
human situation that encompasses what is really important in life,
addresses our search for meaning and significance, and deals with
humanity's future in a positive solution-oriented way.

...

July 3, 2006. This Monday, back to work after a two-week hiatus. People ask me where I went on my vacation--if only I could tell them where I "went" which is where I always am, and what a perfect vacation spot this blissful being of cosmic energy happens to be.

A form of energy in a field of energy. Energy that has managed to come to know itself as energy; energy that is this very Awareness, energy that is this very Being, energy that is this impersonal Bliss.

What a relief to know that all sentient beings are, at the core, pure Awareness, selfless, eternal, impersonal. This really enhances, deepens, every relationship. This also is good to know when the impermanence of existence as form becomes an obvious fact: impending change, and loss, and transformation, wherever and whenever it occurs with sentient beings: illness, injury, aging, pain, death. It's just cosmic energy, pure eternal universal Awareness in forms coming and going constantly. There is no need to grieve, or to pity.

The Heart Sutra contains the key: "I vow to save all sentient beings, even though there are no sentient beings."

...

Fresh leaves of Salvia divinorum chewed can be unexpectedly strong. Just four large leaves eaten in the woods a couple days ago resulted in an extremely deep journey. The power of Salvia divinorum must never be underestimated. I would rather go skydiving or bungee jumping off the New River Gorge Bridge than journey that deeply with Salvia, although I don't regret having journeyed thusly, as it all came together in a most fortuitous therapeutic fashion. Quite a vacation highlight, I must say, as was meeting a fellow psychonaut and lingering for delightful hours over coffee, sharing those things that can too seldom be shared among humans.

...

O these strolls across town! Just now coming back from lunch at home reflecting on the impermanence of all things. How can anyone deal with this universal fact of life? Deal we must, or not. Not dealing with impermanence is pretty stupid, actually, and is part of the mess of things human beings have made, of themselves, of the planet. Greed, living in denial, grief, fear of loss, depression over loss, attachment, all the sins generated by the thinking fearing desiring mind...fighting impermanence, denying impermanence.

I deal with impermanence by remembering what I really am, which is energy, uncreatable, undestroyable, only changing in form. This human form will last only a few more years, but the energy in this form lives forever, connected with everything, flowing everywhere. Everyone and everything is the same stuff, the same energy, gathered for a while in short-lived forms, then dispersing, only to gather again elsewhere, again and again.

Part of the natural state, of living lightly, of living as light, is gracefully accepting impermanence, and being mercifully free of attachment to anything.

It gladdens me to know that the Clear Light, the highest Dzogchen teachings, are timeless, and will always be around, as long as there are intelligent earnest self-inquiring sentient beings around. Truth is permanent. What we really are, is permanent.

...

How does it feel to live in this mind? How does it feel to live in this body? I ask myself that as I walk across town today, marveling as ever how light and baggage-free is the core mind and core body.

An essential part of baggage-free mind is total acceptance, total forgiveness, unconditional love. Beings are suffering greatly from desires and fears, and these desires and fears often make them difficult to be around, difficult to accept, difficult to forgive, difficult to love. It is difficult for anyone to overcome their own desires and fears, and if we managed to overcome them, and enjoy the bliss of the natural state, we should not hesitate to do what we can to help others overcome their desires and fears and to grow in the direction of the natural state. For by living in the natural state fully, as much as possible, we become a source of peace, freedom, wisdom, unconditional love, and healing--just like our faithful companion animals cats and dogs. My cats have consistently provided me peace, freedom, wisdom, unconditional love, and healing, just because they naturally live all the time in the natural state.

To release all attachment to things and to thoughts results in the full realization and emergence of the light of our true nature. Just as it is, the reality of our true nature is perfect, universal, radiant.

It just is.

...

Baggage-free body is much easier to restore. In my case it consists of regular outdoor exercise, particularly long daily hikes around town, coupled with a highly-nutritious, nutrient-dense, whole-food, calorie-limited regimen, avoiding empty calories, and avoiding unhealthy food and beverages. This has brought my body back to its original natural leanness, which makes it comfortable to live in and move around with. Now that global warming is becoming an indisputable fact of modern life, having a totally lean fit healthy body makes it easier to be comfortable in increasingly hotter weather.

...

It's possible for anyone to run the same experiment as I've been running, with equally gratifying results. The mind and body is the most readily accessible and affordable of laboratories, and so much useful, relevant information and understanding can be derived from running the core being experiment and replicating the results. Pure natural awareness, pure natural body, the natural state. Freedom. Peace. Understanding. Wisdom. Wholeness. Unconditional love. Nondual nonself bliss.

There is only the universal Self. That which is, is the Self. There is no other. One universal Energy is all Being, all Awareness.

We are each nodes of the same universal Energy.

...

Pure naked Awareness itself, this very present empty transparent Awareness that just naturally is, is the goal, the destination, the refuge, home, completion. In the midst of this, inseparable from this, being this--Awareness itself--my joy knows no bounds, yet who would be able to understand it, much less what I would babble about it? Yet I will do what I can, what can be done, for if the likes of Sailor Bob Adamson, Nisargadatta, John Wheeler et al. are out there talking the talk, walking the walk, as pure Awareness, then why not me too? It's a dream, a passing show, there is no-one and no-thing, so what's holding me back?

That perfectionism--grandmother again, the withering critic: "if it's not going to be a perfect performance don't even bother stepping on the stage."

Uh, Grandma, I'm already on the stage...all of us...and we're all perfect at the core.

...

It's amusing to see how people need to put stuff into pure Awareness--Awareness itself is overlooked, and instead the senses are stimulated so that there is always some kind of content dancing about to fixate upon. Boom box super sub woofing or iPod music acoustic intravenous drip. Eye candy TV/movie/PC monitor pleasing forms. Expensive aromas. Delicious flavors. Jazzing the skin sensory receptors with throbbing Harley-Davidson controlled explosions between the legs or erotic manipulations of every sort. Heaving and hurling the carcass around in high-powered convertible, making scenery rush by, getting 'there' faster and feeling in total control.

Finding oneself to be pure Awareness, and finding inexpressible joy in Awareness, as Awareness, is inexpensive in a worldly sense, as cheap and readily available as the air we breathe. It's not even necessary to own books or be literate or have a library to be Self-realized.

...

The professional philosophers make a good living embroidering upon what is at heart simple and natural. This is yet another form of being attached to content in Awareness, in this case mental content, conceptual thinking. Thoughts are the last chain to break. It's so difficult to give up attachment to thoughts. The genteel, elegant 'life of the mind' is such a rare thing in this unwashed world of ignorami, why should I pass judgment on those of the cerebral persuasion? Being as I was, until recently, of such a persuasion, I have earned the right to critique my cerebral compadres, as I know firsthand how identification with thoughts is ignorance and slavery of the most pernicious sort.

...

"There is nowhere to go, nothing to do..." The liberation of the Self resuming its own nature has some peculiar fallout. The two weeks holiday that I am taking underscores exactly what it is I want to do, where it is I want to go. Truth be told, I really prefer staying close to home, doing chores, taking care of ordinary business of the day. Quiet contemplative groove. Walking and biking around the area. Coming home to spouse and cats. The only things I care to spend money on are such frivolities as adequate food, clothing and shelter, paying the bills, meeting the cost of living.

Anything beyond that is contrived frivolity--I don't need the amateur radio station, I don't need musical instruments, I don't need tv. And I certainly don't need to travel by private motor vehicle anywhere. I can walk everywhere I need to go. Yet somehow--maybe to assuage any concerns others may have that I've 'lost interest in everything' I'm planning to drive to the mountains, to a wilderness area, ostensibly to stargaze under a pristine dark wilderness sky. I don't need to do this. I've seen a pretty dark wilderness sky in the Everglades, 20 years ago, when we camped and looked at Halley's Comet. Maybe the sky will be darker in the mountains. I will be among amateur astronomers--maybe the shared experience of a pristine sky will justify the 40 gallons of gasoline I will burn to get there from here, and I will be a better person for it.

To be in the mountains in itself might be worth the CO2 production and the disposing of some of that mythical disposable income. Serendipity can't be planned.

To be in a wilderness will be good, although I wonder if it will be ultimately painful--to know a wilderness, to have it in the heart, and to see what people have done to wilderness. Maybe it's better I don't know what wilderness is really like. I don't want to know what I've been missing, what's missing more and more from people's lives: the natural world, the wilderness.

So I may go to the mountains, even though I don't need to go, and even though I don't really want to go. My idea of a good time is to talk about the Self and share the supreme experience of Self-realization, even with no-one but myself. Such is the lot of the jnani type of monkey.

...

One topic my late brother brought up on a couple of occasions in the course of our all-too-rare conversations was 'jnana yoga' and the 'jnani.' At the time he broached the subject I was ignorant of it, although we swapped lofty Advaitic concepts quite facilely. Years after his passing I think upon his acqaintance with jnana yoga, and am honored to continue the tradition, such as it is, of being a proponent of such an excellent yoga.

For if I can be labeled anything other than a 'bearded whatchamacallit', as my consternated grandmother used to call me, it is a 'jnani.' I'm proud to be a jnani. Even so, to call oneself a jnani is a gross misnomer, for a true jnani is a jnani because he/she is fully aware of what he/she really is, which is the Self. So there is no such thing as a jnani--there is only the Self in various forms. The Self knows Itself, and the form in which this Self-knowing happens is called by some 'jnani.' Or 'Self-realized.' I am not a jnani. I am just the Self. And so is everyone, every sentient being, every form.

...

What a relief it is to be free of baggage, mental and physical baggage. The old mental baggage is simply observed rising and falling, effortlessly spontaneously rising and falling in pure Awareness. The old physical baggage--excess fat--is no longer present, and traveling is now light and easy, footloose, light of foot. The body is at natural ease, and so is the mind. Natural Mind, natural Body. Lean and serene--high existential quality of life in the moment.

...

We are the energy of the universe in human form. This is a scientific fact. Somehow this fact is immensely inspiring to me. This fact reveals what in fact I really am, what we all really are. Energy--dynamic, ever-changing, ever-flowing, ever-living, having no sense of self yet is That which is Awareness itself, Existence itself.

When my gaze meets yours and we see the radiant Awareness in each other's eyes there is mutual recognition. This recognition is usually filtered, colored, altered, by the perception of one or both in a variety of ways. Animals see the other as prey or predator or competition or procreation. Human beings likewise see each other as animals do, as we are animals. The relationships between humans are even more variegated, depending on the level from which they are operating, 'where they're coming from.' What we think we are determines our perception and our behavior and our relationships. Human beings identify themselves as separate, independent, unconnected selves--such an identity is ignorant of our true nature, which is pure universal energy.

Once we have recognized, and realized, and surrendered to, our correct identity--universal energy--we realize we always are, as the cosmic hot dog vendor provides daily, One With Everything...even more intimate a connection than that, as the universal energy, the very water of the infinite ocean of energy, we are already fully Everything.

...

Have fallen into the habit of saying a prayer now and then, especially after falling into bed. The gist of the prayer, which is a telepathic wish broadcast to all sentient beings, is that we all may find the peace and freedom of our true nature, no matter what outward circumstances may be. This prayer works so well from bed because falling into a nice, soft, dry, cozy, warm, secure bed is a metaphor for falling back into our own true nature. Having several affectionate cats share the bed underscores the metaphor--we are the life of the planet, and we are at peace, and we are free in spirit, the cats and I.

Human beings stray so far from home, literally and figuratively, forgetting that the most important destination is always within, is existence and awareness itself. No need to acquire much of anything beyond the basic necessities, no need to burn great gobs of energy in the pursuit of pleasure or happiness or completion. Simply live, and live simply.

Poverty is the norm for the majority of the world's people. A large minority of people have a life of excess as the norm. As long as there is desire for more than enough, whether it be progeny or possessions, there will be material as well as spiritual poverty.

It's time to reinvent civilization, to make it sustainable and just. As we are all connected, we can't allow overabundance and scarcity to be anyone's norm indefinitely. To provide enough to everyone so that everyone has the opportunity to live well enough to become self-realized is the ideal.

My current adult life, as impecunious as it may seem to some--myself included at times--still has been a secure, stable opportunity to allow self-realization to occur, and mature. Everyone should feel that life is secure and stable--it's what makes for sane children and sane adults--and for self-realized adults, who are the sanest of the sane.

...

June 12, 2006. Going for the essence, the marrow, the pith. No time to waste. The essence is always with us. That's the most important thing. We do not HAVE awareness, we ARE awareness. This natural self-originated self-sustained Awareness, universally present, is the Self.

To live in Awareness, as Awareness, is simple yet difficult for human beings who tend to identify with thoughts, with mental conditioning, rather than with natural Awareness.

We are the life of this planet, we are the universal energy, we are the universal Awareness. Why is this so difficult to believe, to accept, to understand, to be?

Perhaps the difficulty is the fact that being That which we are makes it impossible to continue to entertain selfish desires, as That alone is the Self, the Self that is one, the only...the Self that has no self whatsoever, pure natural energy, dancing forever, pretending to be separate selves sometimes, then reuniting.

...

Sat-Chit-Ananda is translated as Being-Knowledge-Bliss, and while that's an okay term for the nondual state I'd like to modify that to be less exotic-sounding. Maybe something like Being-Awareness-Completeness, or Being-Awareness-Wholeness, or Being-Awareness-Freedom. "Bliss" is too New-Agey, like a euphoric drug-induced state of some kind, unless "bliss" is used in the sense of 'true happiness', 'self-sustaining happiness' or 'ineffable joy' in which case why not make Satchitananda BeingAwarenessJoy. Or BeingAwarenessPeace. Yes!

...

The customs and mindsets of people require of me a great sense of humor to tolerate, otherwise I'd want never to have anything to do with them. As all people, and all things, are part of capital-m Me, my great true natural ultimate Self, it is essential that I accept, and understand, people, and avoid the temptation to shun them altogether.

What other animal would dress up in suit and tie on a 92-degree day?

Cultural conditioning just is. I should remain grateful that I have found ways to become deconditioned, that I have found my way to wild perfect complete intrinsic self-sustaining inner freedom. I should feel nothing but compassion for all those people who don't know they can be free, that what they really are is unimaginable freedom. Slavery is very imaginable, in fact it requires imagination to believe one is not free, to believe one is something that one is in fact not, to believe that one is not what one really is.

Just to be this thing I am, this very being, this very awareness, is enough. To just be this thing, to just be. In silence I am the universal witness, the universal awareness, of this passing show, of this passing imagination, of this passing world.

...

I'm realizing the fact that I'm a natural-born philosopher, that what I care about most, what I do best, is Philosophy. The best philosophy is, of course, perennial. The Perennial Philosophy has been around forever, just waiting for people like me to catch on.

Actually, everyone is a potential philosopher, it's just that most people get sidetracked by cultural conditioning and wind up living the unexamined life, living and dying in a state of abject ignorance, convinced they are a separate self, with a separate identity, inferior or superior or separate from 'others', from the universe, from their own true universal Self.

...

But to label myself a "philosopher" is a mistake. Labels limit. What I am is the universal Self, limitless. Is the universe a philosopher? The universe just IS. It just does what it does, is what it is, without any concept of self. Impersonal, one without a second, the universe is the natural world, wild pure self-less energy, free of all traces of conceptualization, except in the imagination of the troubled self-deluded species of ape called Human.

...

In academe a 'philosopher' is expected to have advanced degrees and be published and teach according to an established curriculum. Yet some recognized philosophers have had little or no formal education, and have not earned a living 'being a philosopher.' Loving wisdom is its own reward; to be paid for that would be unrealistic. Maybe writing and teaching to pleasure an academic audience would justify compensation, but the essence of philosophy--loving wisdom for its own sake and living wisely--provides existential, experiential compensation that is infinitely superior to monetary reward.

...

Maybe a more accurate term for the love of wisdom could be 'philosophophilia', a love of the love of wisdom--grateful to have gotten fears and desires and limited identity and personal infatuations and cultural conditioning out of one's system and able to realize, and live as, the true universal Self.

...

A node of universal energy, a wave of the one vast ocean: why is that so hard for so many to accept this as their true self, their true identity? For me it is completion, the liberating healing, the unsurpassable culmination of a lifetime of trial and error. It is my fate, what I was born to be, to realize, and, whenever however possible, to share, to pass along. "If just one other life breathed a little easier as a result of you having lived, your life is successful..."

Speaking of error, the weekends have been special occasions of feasting. While it's been good to be with family and friends, the overconsumption of food and drink has proven itself once again to be a hindrance to mental and physical well-being. Back to the Middle Way, enough of the medicinal foods for health, strength and energy, but not more than that. The Middle Way optimizes clarity of mind and health of body. When clarity is gone, everything feels like a murky mess. When health is jeopardized, the remaining number of days lived even in clarity is reduced. So for my own good, which is also the common good, I'm back to a not-that-difficult regimen of Bocaburgers, oatmeal, fresh fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds, and tea...and daily long walks or bicycle rides...and working the muscles that need to be worked, monkey that I am. What tends not to health or edification includes sugar, salt, alcohol, saturated fat, white bread, i.e., family reunion/holiday food/drink.

...

I have been feeling great vexation about a very mentally ill person who has been part of my personal life to some extent on occasion. It's not the fact that she is in a toxic mindset that I find troubling but that she is shamelessly duplicitous, deceiving not just herself but others as well. To accept and forgive such behavior is one of the most difficult challenges for me lately. At the family reunion I confided to some of my kin my dread at having to spend any time with her, and was surprised to hear my most amiable of cousins say that he is aware of how insatiably demanding and manipulative she is. It gave me no joy to talk about her in such a critical manner, but there I was, unloading my frustration and not leaving anything out. Another lesson learned after the fact, another error to use as compost to grow a little wiser, kinder, forbearing: everyone is how they are, everyone does what they do, for a reason, and with understanding it's possible to see clearly how even the most insufferable person is only an innocent victim of negative ignorance-energy that existed prior to that person's birth that has 'possessed' that innocent person.

...

Walking home for lunch today, everything lush and green after all the rainstorms of the past days, I paid full attention to blades of grass and that was sufficient to remind me of all the lessons the plants and the teacher-plants taught me, in particular how to be, or rather, to just be. The plant, the flower, a perfect statement of truth in its beingness, isness, suchness. For a cerebral human being full of himself and full of conceptualizations and conditioning to just be is asking a lot, but it is a pertinent, truly literally vital, request. For the vitality, the viriditas, the universal life force energy, is the name of the eternal game: wherever it pops up and assumes form, on whatever planet, in whatever form, plant, animal or something completely different, the universal life force energy is pure being, pure awareness, pure spirit. To be this spirit is so wonderful, so beautiful, so liberating, such a relief. This life has been a search for true identity, and the search is over. Being this that I am is the wholeness that is always present.

As a human being I am a form of spirit, just as any plant or animal is a form of spirit. Plants and animals are pure spirit, fully in the present. Human beings, being animals, can resume life as pure spirit once true identity is sought, recognized, realized, and allowed to resume its natural state.

The psychedelics are useful to get back into the present; to be fully in the present; to be fully aware in the present. In this living moment, the present, abides the living truth. Our very being, our very awareness, our true self, is the living truth--we need nothing else to be what we are. Nothing can take away or add or change that which we are. Wholeness abides in the present.

...

On all the peak experiences and roller-coaster rides this consciousness has been on, the best part has been when the excitement subsides and all that's left is a calm, clear awareness, the universal awareness, the natural state, which was so evident at times but I didn't appreciate it at the time. The beauty of the natural state is that it doesn't depend on anything to exist--it's just there. It's no wonder those living in the natural state don't advocate certain special procedures or paths or practices such as mantras, psychedelic substances, breathing exercises, special positions, etc. Some natural-statespersons suggest regular meditation, with self-inquiry thrown in, "what am I?". Eventually, the natural state has to be found naturally, in this endless present moment, which means the natural state is available all the time, everywhere, independent of any external conditions or requirements or specifications.

Some practices are useful to break the self-enslaving spell of conditioned mind long enough to get a glimpse of the natural state; Salvia and other psychedelics come to mind in this regard. Eventually, the natural state is found to be what it is: self-sustaining, self-existent, self-perfecting, self-liberating.

...

The spacious unlimited perfect freedom of the natural state of being and awareness is best lived, and talked about or written about only in the sense of expressing to others who are in the midst of self-imprisonment and self-inflicted suffering "Jump in, the water's fine!"

...

On my must-buy-sometime-when-I-have-some-of-that-mythical-disposable-income list is the book "I Am That" by Nisargadatta. It's a big book in more ways than one, and for a cool 27 dollars it can be mine. I'm ready for a fresh book on the natural state, and by most accounts "I Am That" is THE book.

Funny how it is when I cruise around the nondualist Web pages the words might as well be mine, and mine might as well be theirs. Same with the excerpts I've read at this site: http://www.nonduality.com/asmi.htm --Nisargadatta's words are mine, and mine are his. Which is to be expected, given that we're all one and the same.

I'm glad I've written as much as I have for as long as I have so that I can confirm that I'm not an intentional or unintentional meme-plagiarist. That we've all arrived independently at That, what we're trying to write about, but living it nonetheless, confirms the veracity of it all, as if it needs any confirmation.

...

Salvia divinorum will be a fine source of dark leafy green goodness. Salvia is good food and good medicine.

All food is medicine, some of it very therapeutic, some of it not.

...

The "kingdom of heaven" is at hand, and it can also be called presence-awareness, nondual awareness, awareness of oneness with nature, awareness of oneness with true nature, with the universe. The wave at last knows it's the ocean. We're all waves of the same ocean, and we're all the same ocean. If that's not the kingdom of heaven I don't know what is.

What a colossal misunderstanding, for some to believe the kingdom of heaven is some future thing, involving some separate supreme being guy coming back. We have always been messiahs, buddhas, and nothing is required other than deep, clear awareness...deep, clear, understanding...to realize this. Our true identity is One.

...

May 22, 2006, Monday morning. The best advice I get from the universe is invariably short and sweet and spot-on. For me, the universe--my Big Self--tells me to Lighten Up, and to Love Everything. Such advice I get. Such advice I need.

...

This Thing, That which is living this life as me, it just is, and is, and is, and keeps on is-ing as me. This is Me. There are no others, I am not separate from this Thing, That which is, That which is awareness itself, existence itself.

What a relief to be That. No matter what, I will try to remember to abide in That, as That.

...

A megalomaniac's dream: to be that which we really are. Yet with no false self, no self at all, there's no-one there to feel megalomaniacal when the natural state is resumed. It's just that Thing...that Presence. Just to be that is an outrageously wonderful payoff for a life hitherto characterized by layer upon layer of culturally-conditioned conceptual misery, truly I've been my worst enemy, and now...and now...what I now know to be what I am has made it all worthwhile.

...

These short walks across campus during the workday are so productive of clear insight, deep understanding. Even the very spot I remember first recognizing pure natural awareness as the true mind--while walking on the sidewalk by Finney Chapel on the way to work--brings that first recognition/realization/acceptance of pure awareness, the natural state, all back. Without thinking, without any deliberations or deliberate effort or any effort at all--the spontaneous pure presence-awareness was, and is, beyond any superlatives.

Again and again I recognize presence-awareness and accept it unconditionally, as could be expected, the Unconditioned presence-awareness. Recognize--realize--accept--surrender to--the true self, the natural state.

The rest of my life is devoted to realizing, recognizing, surrendering to, abiding in, being, and sharing, the natural state.

...

As I contemplated removing any mention of the word "nonduality" from the title page of this Web site I decided just to add a caveat and leave at least "nonduality" alone. Words and concepts rise and fall in the pure mind, sure, but why not use them if they could serve some useful purpose as signposts, maps, hints, clues, inspiration. After all, the words in that little old Signet paperback book of selections from the Upanishads leaped from the pages into my youthful understanding, callow as it was, with a most wonderful profound inspiring effect. And it wasn't just the Cannabis talking either, although there was just enough deconditioning from the Cannabis to lubricate my twisted, tortured, conditioned head enough so that the message of the ancient rishis as rendered into modern English words reached the very core of my being, hitting it like a powerful blow to a gong.

The teacher-plants are nudge-plants, nudging people out of their culturally-conditioned heads for a time. The teacher-plants and teacher-fungi and teacher-substances in general are deconditioning agents--at least they have the potential to be deconditioning agents, if all goes well. I had the good fortune to take the plunge and try all the deconditioning agents available to me, which really helped in the short- and long-term. A culturally-conditioned life is a stunted life, a life of mistaken identity, of shallow and false understanding. Every human being should know what the unconditioned state is like--the natural state--rather than be doomed to live as robots programmed to believe in, and follow, mental conditioning from childhood to the grave, never having known the liberating truth of what we really are.

...

The natural mind is always free. This is the mind of all sentient beings. Thoughts rise and fall, and they are not 'my' thoughts, they are just thoughts. I am not the thoughts, I am not the thinker of thoughts. I am pure awareness, the always-free mind. Thoughts rise and fall, and are without substance. There is only energy, ceaselessly eternally forming and un-forming and flowing, form and formlessness, beingness and awareness. I am a form and the awareness of the eternal energy, the eternal energy eternally aware of itself and its forms that come and go and return and transform.

The natural mind is our 'right mind.' It's the pure awareness that always is. It is the mind of the universe, pure, natural, real. All sentient beings share this beautiful, free, real, natural, pure mind.

...

I have just now removed mention of "Dzogchen" and "the Great Perfection" from the title page of this Web site because I am not a card-carrying initiate of any branch of Buddhism, and I don't want to inadvertently misrepresent Buddhism, specifically Dzogchen.

However, that in no way diminishes my respect for Dzogchen and Buddhism, which is considerable, to put it mildly.

The most important thing is that which is the source of all the great teachings and wisdom traditions, which is alive and present and real, this very awareness, this very life.

To know perfect freedom in the present, to live in perfect freedom, the freedom of the natural state, natural awareness, natural beingness, is enough. After a lifetime of being distracted and enslaved by thoughts, the relief I feel can't be expressed, only shared with those who also have found perfect freedom in the natural state.

To see how thoughts and phenomena rise and fall in the beautiful transparent living awareness of the natural mind, and not be troubled by any of them, is the fruition of a lifetime of struggle, suffering, and searching.

In the course of daily life, ordinary activities, the natural state and the natural mind is my true home, unending self-sustaining fulfillment, the inexhaustible source of wisdom, compassion, security, peace, freedom, and wholeness.

...

It's good to know that no matter how chilly and rainy it is outside, and how bloated, nauseous and hungover inside, it's still possible to enjoy the perfect freedom of the essence of mind--vast, spacious, wide-open, containing all yet perfectly empty, the place to be--the best place to be--the only place possible to be. Without fear, without desire, without limitations, without constrictions, the mind itself is freedom. Once the unconditioned, natural state is recognized, it's home. Wherever I go for the rest of my days, my true home is always inseparable, the real mind is always free. Everyone has this free mind and can live in it in its perfect freedom, if they want to. Or to persist in the conditioned life, hating and loving this and that, clinging and avoiding, mourning and pining, anxious about getting or losing. Unconditioned being, unconditioned mind, is our birthright, as we all have always lived in it, as it. We are so well conditioned for survival, and then overly-conditioned to be unduly concerned about the selfish affairs of a nonexistent separate identity.

It's all about freedom: in this very moment we are in the natural state, the natural mind which is perfect freedom, effortless perfect freedom. All sentient beings can be free, all sentient beings from the very beginningless beginning are free. To be self-enslaved, there must be a belief in a self; ceasing to believe in the existence of any self, there is no self to be enslaved, either by one's own illusory self or perceived other illusory self.

Once the distracted state of mind of selfish preoccupation is overcome sufficiently, the unsurpassed excellence of the natural state, the natural mind, the true self, is plain as day, and is always available, always ready for occupancy by the nonexistent happy self-liberated universal sentient being.

To help others find wholeness, it is necessary to find wholeness and abide in wholeness fully, as wholeness.

...

The core being project is about optimal physical and mental health. I know now from personal experience/experiment that it's very possible for an individual to take matters of physical and mental health into his own hands and find optimal physical and mental health by one's own efforts. The cure is found within the patient, within the disease. The dis-ease, in fact, provides impetus to find ease: health--well-being--wholeness. The wholeness is already within, and has always been within.

...

All the foolish vain consumption and futile frivolous activity of deluded human beings searching for a feeling of wholeness, of satisfaction, has created a world of misery and pollution. What human beings need now more than ever is, as Spinoza once pointed out, to be content just to sit quietly in one's room. Self-realization--the reacquaintance with one's own true nature--provides the insight, the energy, the empowerment, the ability, to be content just to sit quietly...to be complete just to be...to be whole in the perfect freedom of true natural mind, true natural being.

...

Monday, May 15, 2006. Chilly and rainy.
Had a marvelous day of extremes yesterday, a customary two-hour meditative hike through lovely nature preserves that culminated in enjoying the natural mind's mirror-like character, truly the best truest freedom possible. Then later, visiting with hedonistic friends, and overindulging in food and spiritous beverages. And now, rather hung-over and bloated.

It's a good lesson to revisit old habits of thinking and behavior that are less than wholesome just to be reminded how easy it is to be self-distracted, self-poisoned, how it's possible that things normally harmless, even medicinal, taken to excess, become harmful.

So I scrape myself together and go forth, resuming the core being project, Destination: Here and Now. It sounds silly to prepare for life-in-the-present but that's the name of the game. The mind is a mirror, the body is the universe, this is the body and mind of the eternal infinite omnipresent buddha.

...

I've gone through the home page of this Web site and changed a couple links to remove the neologism "entheogen" and replace it with "nonduality" and with "deconditioner." There is a great temptation for some people to conflate stubborn unrecognized residual egocentricity with pretensions of divinity, and bandying about a loaded word such as "entheogen" is asking for trouble. So I won't contribute to the delinquency of holier-than-thou types by talking about "God" in any way, shape, or form anymore.

The teacher-plants are deconditioning agents, providing temporary states of freedom from cultural conditioning. Once unconditioned being is realized, it's possible for the individual to live in unconditioned being as unconditioned being, because that is our true nature. Teacher-plants are useful for providing the initial nudge to knock individuals off their conceptual conditioned high horse for a short while and demonstrate how much better it is to be free, in the freedom of our true nature, our true mind, our "right mind." Concepts continue to rise and fall, and cultural conditioning likewise rises and falls, the remains of which reverberate within the free pure vastness of the natural state of mind: pure natural awareness. It's all understood, and accepted, as-is, within the Great Universal Energy Dream.

...

It just is, and it's real, it's us, there is no-one here but the presence of universal energy, presence-awareness, intelligence-energy, devoid of self. Pure empty mirror. Freedom from concept of any self. Freedom of being. Nonduality, unconditioned being, the natural state. Capiche? Capiche.

...

In adjusting positions to get comfortable during meditation session last night, and finding a position of comfort and stability, it became very clear how pure awareness is energy, how Mind in its essence is the awareness that energy has of itself. As forms of energy, we are aware of forms and flowing and movement of energy within and without the form, of other forms of energy within the field. There is one energy, one mind, one awareness, one universe, and the mind of the universe is energy, the body of the universe is also one, and is also energy. Energy is body and mind. The universe is energy, the universe is mind and body both as one.

Ever since I first noticed the energy field around the body as a teenager I've grappled with the significance of this observation. The significance of the visually-recognized energy field is that it helps to confirm that we are indeed forms of energy, and that both our body and our awareness is energy. Energy is impersonal, universal, self-less, even though it concentrates in forms for a while before it disperses and moves on to pass through and concentrate into other forms. This living, aware energy of the universe is all there is, omnipresent.

We are the energy of the universe, the universe is energy, we are the universe. There is no other, no other identity. There is pretending, there is delusion, the cultural conditioning of energy patterns by other energy patterns passed along from energy pattern to energy pattern in family life, in school, in church, in mass media, in peer groups--delusion-infections, contagious conditioning.

Resuming the pure unconditioned state, the natural state, is possible, with luck and with effort. We all experienced the natural state, the unconditioned state in the brief time after birth, when our eyes did not discriminate and label and judge--we all started out with pure awareness, the crystal clarity of the newborn view of the world, eyes unclouded by fear, desire, cultural conditioning. With these very eyes, even as adults, we can see the world as a newborn sees it, pure awareness remains pure awareness, it's always here. In this beautiful pure awareness we accept everything, just as a newborn accepts everything, just as it is. We accept the rising and falling of thoughts in pure awareness, observing how heavily-culturally-conditioned we are.

Meditation is a good practice because it not only gives us an opportunity to find repose in pure awareness but also proves to ourselves that we have learned to accept our cultural conditioning, that we've made peace with ourselves and can be whole, simply sitting, no longer a slave of thoughts, that we are truly free in our true nature, and our sitting practice demonstrates that.

...

Food is medicine, and when eaten in medicinal amounts, choosing the right medicinal food, there is a therapeutic result. For the rest of my life, unless circumstances are dire, I shall choose medicinal foods always.

...

I like to recall the things and activities that are very therapeutic, that have enriched my life, enhanced my health and sanity. These things currently include:

fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds, legumes, grains--cruelty-free healthful sustenance
the natural world
pure natural awareness
pure natural existence
the natural state
hiking outdoors
bicycling outdoors
being outdoors
entheogenic teacher plants
rolled oats
sunflower seeds
walnut halves
Bocaburgers--high-protein soy and wheat gluten patties that are my main protein source
apples
oranges
bananas
carrots
tomatoes
dark leafy greens, including Salvia divinorum
black tea
dry red wine
blackstrap molasses
multivitamins--I am grateful for this cheap 'insurance' against vitamin deficiency while on calorie-restricted regimen
salsa
olive oil
canola oil
Pears cruelty-free glycerine soap
cruelty-free shampoo and conditioner
toothpaste and toothbrush
dental floss
comb and brush
backscratcher sticks
backscratches
cloth belts
cotton clothing
cruelty-free shoes and cruelty-free boots, so inexpensive, China's gift of cruelty-free footware
acoustic instruments--music for the masses
inexpensive electronic keyboards--music for the masses with electricity
bicycles
Internet
computers
amateur radio equipment and amateur radio service--electromagnetic natural-infrastructure worldwide border-crossing intercommunication
digital photography--cruelty-free way to capture and replay light
books--affordable low-tech information resource for the masses, reliable storage medium for thought and information
broadcast radio--particularly National Public Radio--inexpensive source of news, music, information, public discourse for the masses
candles--calm natural indoor light sources
compact fluorescent bulbs--energy conservation in practice, good technology
electric fans--efficient use of electricity to be comfortable enough in hot weather
cats--beatiful sentient beings, pure spirits
companion animals--other beautiful sentient beings, pure spirits, animals deserve the earth, earth deserves animals
plants--for shelter, sustenance, medicine--beautiful beings, feeling no pain, meeting all our needs
people--those troubled animals, those difficult, fascinating sentient beings, desperately needing to be loved unconditionally as befits any sentient being, any animal
life forms, plant and animal--the forms life assumes, intelligence-energy manifesting
eyeglasses--people otherwise doomed to a blurry existence can function and survive well, at last
binoculars--bringing birds and galaxies up close and personal, with crisp clear presence
clean warm dry quiet place to sleep
enough sleep
naked awareness
naked body

And with apologies to Nisargadatta, who rightly says all of the dream should be accepted without picking and choosing good from the bad, I must point out those things and activities that are of limited or questionable benefit, or unhealthy, or dangerous, or otherwise being better off without:

motor vehicles
televisions--non-educational shallow entertainment programming
cell phones
iPods and personal listening devices generally
alcohol--excessive amounts
tobacco--nonceremonial abuse
firearms
lethal weapons
refined food
junk food
meat, fish, fowl, leather, wool, silk, down, regular soap, regular cosmetics--all inflicting fear, cruelty, exploitation, pain and misery to innocent sentient beings
gratuitious violence
gratuitious gore
gratuitous sexuality
luxuries
excessive personal wealth
consumerism
land 'development'
most restaurants--no cruelty-free healthy choices
information without knowledge
knowledge without wisdom
wisdom without compassion
elitism
exclusiveness
individuality-worship, narcissistic dualistic thinking and way of life, individually and collectively
dressing for fashion, not for comfort--constricting synthetic fabrics, wearing ties, suits, uncomfortable unergonomic unprotecting clothing and shoes

As I noodle on these good/bad lists I wonder if many people would consider them exactly opposite, that everything I list as good they avoid, and everything I list as bad they grasp onto willingly.

...

Speaking of grasping...the mindset of grasping per se is suffering. Nothing lasts, everything grasped slips away...things, people, houses, pets, circumstances...the wise mindset enjoys the dream as it is, as ever-changing as it is, grasping at nothing, allowing change to happen as it must, attaching to nothing.

My problem is grasping onto not-graspingness. I'm only too quick to jettison everything, to live at a level of rigorous austerity that, while I've acquired a taste for it, is not necessarily to anyone else's taste. Enjoy while it lasts, share while it lasts.

...

Naturism--public nudity--is only common sense, when the climate is agreeable, indoors or outdoors. At least minimal clothing, loin cloths and such, not clothing that encourages shame of the body or of hierarchal dominance/submission thinking.

When walking around the town reservoir/nature preserve I've come across nude bathers, enjoying the sunlight and freedom from clothes and shoes. Totally natural. Not only did I not call the police, I felt happy for them, and vicariously enjoyed the naked moment. In the midst of war, poverty, violence, injustice, environmental destruction, crassness and consumerism these young people are intelligent enough to be naked and unashamed, under the sky, under the sun. If all people stopped dressing in suits and uniforms and went back to nakedness and loincloths and simple clothing sufficient for protection against the elements we would be a more peaceful, happy species.

...

People generally think of themselves as a 'who': who they are--who they think they are.

It's not at all cold, clinical, or incorrect to refer to ourselves as what we are--what we really are.

...

Finding our real voice, our true voice...our real self, our true self...is possible, therapeutic, necessary, and endlessly wonderful. Cutting through the culturally-conditioned crap and hitting bottom, the true self, is a project every sane or wannabe-sane person should undertake, using any means possible.

...

My father shifted persona effortlessly in his role as salesman--his dialect would shift to the dialect of the people with whom he was doing business.

Likewise I've long shifted, consciously and unconsciously, to act, speak, and think like the person I happen to be with.

Eventually this chameleon-like behavior took its toll--what do I really sound like? What do I really act like? What do I really think? Who is the reference point, the benchmark, the gold standard, to follow?

And if it's in another person, where did THAT person get his/her pattern?

Everyone has the baseline benchmark reference standard right inside, as the true self, the natural self: acting naturally, as we did before age 2, but now able to walk and work and use the potty, etc.

...

Pure natural awareness is the benchmark of sanity. There is no way to improve upon pure natural awareness--it's self-perfected from the very beginning. Likewise the natural physique, as it was when in the womb and shortly after birth, and before being affected adversely by environmental circumstances--the extremes being the slow emaciating death of starvation and the slow obese death of overindulgence--is the benchmark of natural health. Sanity and health, what a concept.

Looking for sanity, I find the pure natural awareness itself to be sanity that's always been here. Looking for health, I find the lean healthy physique that's always been within, waiting to be restored.

The core being is sane and healthy, peaceful and lean. Having spent most of my life un-peaceful, un-lean, I rejoice that what I really am is naturally, effortlessly healthy, peaceful, and lean. This is the source, the standard, the reference, the authority, of sanity and health.

...

Salvia divinorum gives glimpses of what we really are--it's up to us to be that which we are, and do whatever we need to do to get back to being that. In my case, it's surrendering to pure natural awareness and getting back to pure natural health and physique through eating wholesome food in wholesome quantities and engaging in regular physical activity that the body is designed to do, in particular walking...a lot.

...

Everyone would benefit from undertaking their own 'core being project'--I have benefitted enormously from undertaking my own. Over the last six years Salvia has provided glimpses of the natural state, a state which has been elusive to me because of my tendency to be thought-driven, identifying with thoughts, and to be overindulgent, eating and drinking way too much and exercising way too little. Such behavior is not conducive to finding, or remaining in, the natural state. I have since learned to change my behavior, and by allowing my pure natural awareness to be my true mind rather than thoughts being my mind, and by learning to regard food and drink as medicine to be consumed in medicinal amounts rather than as unchecked repeated oral pleasuring of myself through overindulging in food and drink, I have at last learned how to remain in the natural state, and to recognize when I'm getting out of touch with the natural state. The natural state is good enough for me--the rest of my life will be spent in the natural state, and if I can recruit others to do likewise just by being what I am, as Salvia has recruited me just by being what it is, so much the better.

...

It's interesting to observe how changing one's habitual habitus--body weight and body posture--affects others who have come to expect a continuation of a familiar habitus. We are known by our appearance and our behavior; if either one or both changes, we are no longer the same person, in the eyes of other persons.

Persons. Personae. Masks. False selves. Adopted disguises.

There is no fixed self in anyone; what we are at age 1 is not what we are at age 5, or 15, or 50. Our bodies are seemingly possessed by various entities as we live out our lives.

Strange how few can remember much before age 2, 3, or 4 years. The entity, the 'person' that was in charge of this body from conception through roughly age 2 has no self, no identity, no self-concept, no self-identity. The living body's own natural, innate self is in charge, which has no concept of being a separate self. It has the needs of its own nature to meet, which it does, spontaneously: seeking food, water, warmth, rest...passing waste without a thought. Pure naked body, pure naked awareness.

...

How good it feels to be natural again!

...

Remembering and Forgetting.

First there is the original natural state, the state of the universe and all sentient beings. Then there is an evolution of sorts into a 'non-natural state' which human beings --naturally--evolve into, where there is a belief in a separate independent self, a separate identity from other sentient beings and from the universe, forgetting it is but another form of the same universe. This is a state of alienation from the true nature, true identity--an identity which can't be called 'forgotten' because it has yet to be experienced and remembered to begin with. Then there is a gradual awakening, an awareness of awareness, an awareness of existence, and thence, with luck, commences the Great Inquiry: Who Really Am I?

The Great Answer to the Great Question comes from the same place, the same existence, the same awareness from which the Great Question originated. There is then Remembrance: Oh, yes--I Am That, the universal, deathless, birthless, self-less Self, the Eternal, Infinite universal energy itself, in this human form for a brief time.

This Remembering and resumption of the primordial pure natural state comes and goes as the blinding effects of cultural conditioning, of conceptual-conditioning, persist and must be allowed to dissipate on its own. There is Remembering of true identity, then a small-r remembering of false limited conditioned identity, then Remembering the true universal identity, and then forgetting for a while, then Remembering...but with experience and maturation the Remembering gets easier and more self-sustained.

The problem, such as it is, with Remembering the true universal identity is that in its pure state it is self-less, and there is no-one there to Remember, or be Remembered. It then becomes necessary to voluntarily, deliberately Forget the false self AND the universal self for the sake of being the universal self in its fullness. I can't go around telling people, Guess what, you and me, we are the same universal self. What's most effective at promoting Remembering is to simply be the universal self, to be in the natural state: pure existence, pure awareness, unadorned, un-self-proclaiming.

Thus the Great Wisdom: eating when hungry, resting when weary, content just to be. Just like a housecat in a sunbeam. What a glorious sunbeam human beings carry around, if we only Remember. And deliberately Forget. We are the eternal sunbeam of the universal self, nothing else.

The wonderful natural state...surrender to it, to abide in it, effortlessly, the self-less Reality of form and formlessness, of existence and awareness, of energy and space, the realm of nature, the realm of energy, the realm of the universe, nothing sacred, nothing secular, nothing good, nothing bad, just is-ness.

How I love to write about it, and how I love to talk about it, even though I rarely have an opportunity to speak of such things to anyone else. How much more I love to just be That. The truest expression of That is That.

...

I can't run away and hide from what I am. I can't stop being what I am. I can't refute, I can't deny, what I am. I can't escape from what I am. I can't prevent remembering what I am. It's too late for me. I'm doomed to be what I am.

Pure natural awareness. Pure natural being. Pure natural state. I should be bottled and sold and make a lot of money for someone.

...

Bumped into a student who's a voice major. I complimented her on her choice of instrument, which is homegrown, portable, affordable. No-one can steal our own voice. Metaphorically, no-one can steal what we eternally are. How lovely to carry around our own voice, and our own true nature, knowing they are always with us, inseparable from us. My guitar and drums and keyboards might break or get stolen or be too much to carry about; my voice is always here, such as it is. All I have to do is sing softly, or hum a bit, and all the benefits of music are available to me: inspiration, release.

Even without a voice, if my vocal cords stopped working, there is music to appear in the field of pure natural awareness if I want. The field of pure natural awareness is so beautiful, though, that music is optional; just being this pure natural awareness, this pure natural being, is the highest artless art, the Great Perfection, the Great Fulfillment.

...

Contemplation is so good while walking outdoors. There is something synergetic going on. Why else would I be able to understand more clearly and more deeply while walking outside.

On the way home for lunch today indulged in being that which I eternally am. Here I am, 52 years old, with a few years maybe left in this form, and privy to the most wonderful open secret there is.

People really need to get off their culturally-conditioned butts and get some self-realization and be the universe before they die in the midst of the cesspool of a culturally-conditioned human society, worshipers of separate selves.

Of course every form is precious--every sentient being is precious, beautiful, a manifestation of the universe. It's just getting hung up on the form, clinging to the form, differentiating, discriminating, judging form.

The fact is, every form, every sentient form, is the same essence, the same wonderful stuff. To me, now, it's a no-brainer to go for the essence, and be the essence, because there simply isn't anything else but essence. One without a second. Culturally-conditioned human beings believe deeply in the existence of many others; they believe this delusion at their peril.

Self-realization goes so well with environmentalism. Self-realized people don't need anything beyond the basic necessities of life, and consume minimal amounts of food, fuel, and resources. Self-realized people love the natural world, and identify with it, and couldn't imagine harming it.

It's time to try to sell both self-realization and environmentalism to my terribly misguided species.

...

May 8, 2006, Monday morning.
While thinking about the perishability of all media, especially magnetic media, I was reminded of the fact that all human memory is likewise perishable, that there is nothing in the brain, nothing in the body, nothing in the energy pattern of any sentient being, human or otherwise, that can hold a memory indefinitely. Thus it's necessary for new energy patterns to form new memories, induced from one energy pattern to the next: the impressions made from one generation to the next.

These transferred impressions can be erroneous, and limiting, and not conducive to insight. These impressions are the form the so-called "immortality" of the so-called "individual" takes.

Everyone's tape eventually gets erased completely, and we all resume our fundamental nature, which is self-less energy, no concept of self, no concept of existing.

We are truly living Internet 'servers', interconnected memory storage devices. The death/breakdown of any particular person/server does not diminish the web of life/Internet as everything within the person/server has already been shared in fullness with every other interconected person/server.

Life goes on, energy goes on.

The person whose passing we grieve is life, is energy, and is the very same life and energy in every person, in every sentient being, in the soil, the water, the sky, the sun. Lightbulbs burn out, the electricity and the light and the warmth remain in fullness.

Being this that "I" am, the concept of death and the concept of birth are equally erroneous.

The 'heat death of the universe' is likewise an erroneous concept.

The universe either is or it isn't: most people will say, if asked, the universe indeed is. As long as the universe is, "I" am.

...

My whole life has led up to this, and it has been here all along: the natural state. How wonderful it is, this self-shining, self-existent, self-perfecting natural state. Pure being, pure awareness, no self, no effort, no suffering, totally real.

...

What Is Imperishable?
A friend swears that CD-ROMs, even the gold-plated Matsui types, really can't be depended upon to last more than a few years, that for archival permanence of photographs the only reliable medium is silver halide, conventional photographic film.

This led me to consider what medium is imperishable--what ANYthing is imperishable. Stone tablets last a long time but eventually fall apart. All things fall apart, disperse, transform into other things, other forms, as is the wont of the dynamic Stuff called universal energy.

For the imperishable, there is the principle of Life Goes On, or, Formations Continue To Form. Form arises in formlessness, forever. Pure awareness is formless. So everyone is a form, and everyone is formless awareness--every sentient being is form and formless awareness. The universe itself is the ultimate form, and in its field of energy is pure awareness within itself.

On the human scale, the imperishable medium is, for lack of a better term, spirit. The impressions we make upon each other--deluded or insightful--continue within us, and we pass them along to others, and they in turn pass them along to others. Spiritual energy, spiritual vibrations, in the medium of spirit, move through us. Spirit, being the universal energy, is a medium highly dynamic, much like digital data and digital storage, and persists only as long as sentient beings/servers pass data/energy impressions along while still on-line/alive.

What I would hope to leave behind are impressions that are insightful, that contribute toward the liberation of all sentient beings, toward freedom and peace that is found in being That which we really are, the universal self, the universal energy, the universe in form and in formless awareness.

I would also like to leave memories of a life lived according to some principles that are in accord with our true nature, such as showing benevolence to all sentient beings. This means at the very least not intentionally harming sentient life, not brutalizing, exploiting, killing, inflicting pain or fear or suffering, not eating sentient beings. To live a life of love, freedom, and peace. All sentient beings are beautiful, and are expressions of the universal self. Plants feel no pain, and offer themselves to us to be a very adequate source of health and life and sustenance.

I have lived for months and months on a vegan diet and have never felt better. I walk 5-10 miles a day, or bicycle for hours at a time, and work at my job and do the endless chores associated with being owned by a house.

I believe in Bocaburgers. Plant-based planetary peace.

...

Innocence is always within us. Our true nature is pure innocence. It is as wild and free and pure and innocent as any plant or animal, and in fact is the essence of every form of life, every sentient being. Innocence is never lost. The life energy we are is innocence, purity.

...

Blissful calm radiance taking care of business, always fully present in the present. Entheogens temporarily suppress mental conditioning sufficiently so that we may, if we're lucky, recognize the True Self that's always taking care of business, always fully in the present. These glimpses show us the way to the here and now, to living fully as the True Self. No entheogens are required to be that which we are, the universal being.

...

We were never born, and we never die. We are all that is, and the reabsorption of these little temporary forms doesn't diminish what we are in the least. An enlightened society would cease to celebrate birthdays and cease to mourn the dead. What lives and dies is one and the same universal being.

...

I remember all the years acquiring, amassing, accumulating. Now I'm letting go, subtracting, and the less and less there is that I've regarded as 'mine' the better it gets. The thing I've been after all my life is always part of me, in fact it is That Thing which I really am. It's been a great inexpressible blessing to become simple enough and undistracted enough to understand this Thing enough. Nothing has changed except my understanding of Me, the One that just is, the silent witness of all things through all eyes.

The decisions and the efforts and the directions I've taken my whole life were based on my understanding at the time, and the contexts in which I found myself. Had my understanding been then what it is now no doubt the course of my life would have been very different. It's a familiar story, I believe: if people only knew the consequences of their actions in advance, would they act differently? Maybe that's totally impossible, even if people were fully aware of consequences--if they could not understand the consequences to begin with, why would they bother to avoid them?

Innocence, then experience, then loss of innocence. With luck and more experience, a desire to be innocent again. The selfless being we were before the "separate I" delusion set in at age 2-3, and the pure-spiritedness of children living in the present, true to their own nature. Playing with friends day after day, content, fascinated.

...

Presence-awareness: simple, natural, effortless, perfect, real. And a connection made: presence-awareness = the kingdom of heaven. Seek the kingdom of heaven (presence-awareness) first and all else will take care of itself. Being-awareness. Being awareness. O lordy, lordy.

Peace and freedom for every sentient being is within every sentient being, this very existence-awareness. Sunlight-awareness. Cosmos-awareness. Dr. R.M. Bucke's "cosmic consciousness."

...

Such excruciating feeling of insecurity, not just in my personal experience, but generally, the human condition. How, then, to find a lasting sense of security, something I haven't felt since childhood?

Maybe it's time to be a child, childlike that is...not childish. To keep things simple, straightforward, direct: the world is a magical place.

I think part of the problem is that I made a few decisions that have led to me feeling like I'm out on a limb--financial insecurity. Owned by the banks. Owned by the house, owned by the car.

Renting was no worries, mate. Owning a house/being owned by a house is nothing but worries, truly a money pit.

My parents sweated bullets householding/being househeld, I was too young to understand how horrible making the mortgage payments felt like, indentured servitude.

Yet in this dream called waking life, why should I worry about anything, especially about money?

The core being project is working well, the experiment is a success. Security is found within, for the within is nature, wonderful nature. Energies, no self at all. There is awareness, no person is aware. This is security, there is no self to feel either secure or insecure.

Watching the sense of separate self come and go is a peculiar thing. The separate self feels insecure, the pure awareness is beyond feeling secure and insecure, sorrow or joy, it just is.

Everyone, making sufficient effort on their own, can find their way to freedom and security, if they want, just as I have. I can't do it for anyone else, but the fact that the quality of my life has improved so much through my own efforts can maybe help others find their way out of the suffering the delusion of having a self--a belief in a separate self, which is a patently false self. There is only one universal self, and it doesn't even regard itself as a self. It just is. Energy has no self. Awareness has no self. Being has no self. The universe has no self, no sense of self. Human beings largely have a sense of self, and this sense of self has led to injustice, war, environmental destruction, mental illness, and all manner of suffering.

Self-ishness is hell.

...

Still grateful to have found my peer group: all sentient beings, all life forms, all energies. To be this glorious animal, to be peer-reviewed by animals, and found to be worthy of their trust, is an accomplishment of which I am most proud.

...

If circumstances are favorable I may make the pilgrimage to Spruce Knob this summer to be in a pristine wilderness by day, and pristine wilderness sky by night. It will be the kind of retreat I've long considered going on: a dirt-cheap journey to find a vestige of the natural world that has yet to be despoiled by human beings.

If this journey doesn't materialize for whatever reason I'm okay with that. I can be around the bugs and the weeds and the cats and the birds and the trees and find solace with this most excellent peer group.

This acceptance is only possible now that I've caught on to the self-sustaining presence awareness and abide in that. I'm comfortable in my own skin, in my own mind...this skin is pristine nature, this mind is pristine nature. As much as I regret humanity's willful and wanton disregard and damage to the natural world stemming from its greed and ignorance, its alienation from the natural world, I can only continue on as I am, in quiet resolve, being this thing I am, which is nature.

...

Getting fuel for the vehicles yesterday, couldn't help but notice at the mini-mart the physiques and food/beverage choices of customers go hand in hand. Sugary alcoholic swill, junk food, cigarettes. I may be close to the opposite end of the lifestyle spectrum now, especially by contrast. People get sick and die young from poor choices in food, thought, and activities. Stress and unhealthy habits, and driving cars way too much. Insanity. As a species of animal we are a travesty, we modern human beings. Never satisfied, heedless, cleverly stupid and dangerous with our technology. Desire-madness fueled, amplified, made worse, by petroleum and electricity. Landfills overflow while wilderness disappears.

Sentient beings are all beautiful, miraculous beings--even human beings are, as hard as it is to remember that. It's easier for me to feel a loving affinity with a garden slug than with lots of people. Slugs are pure beings, pure spirits. Human beings are, naked, a species of ape, at heart as pure of spirit as any great ape, and many human beings manifest the pure natural spirit of the beautiful sentient animal being. The problem is with those apes that wear suits and fixed wrongheaded beliefs, heavily conditioned apes, dangerous apes, damaged apes, false-worldly successes, scourges to the web of life, nature's failures, threatening their own survival and the survival of innocent species that must suffer at the hands of the cunning organizations of dangerous suit-wearing apes.

...

The natural state. It always gets back to this. No more talk about God or Buddha or Brahma. There is only nature. I can say, with complete authority, that I am nature. That's what everyone should be saying, and knowing, and understanding: everyone is nature. There is no separate self, only expressions of nature. We are the eyes of nature, the ears of nature, the voice of nature, the hands of nature.

We should all be hugging trees, hugging each other, living in the forest.

This world should be covered with unbroken forest. Maybe little clearings for villages, but not much.

Whatever is anti-nature is anti-life too, and is, if anything is, truly sin, truly evil.

Back to nature.

I must cut-and-paste wonderful words from today's "Nonduality Highlights" yahoogroup post that have gilded the lily and punched a punched-out ticket beautifully...thanks Jeroen! :

Nothing but Nature

by Jeroen

Dear all,

I think this enlightenment and spirituality-business is dangerous and
destructive. It leads us away from and destroys what is of vital
importance to ourselves, that is, nature.

What I mean is that anything we experience, is an experience of nature
(or the cosmos). In short, all there is, is nature. Nature is not some
external thing. As you are never separate from nature, nature and you
are one: it is impossible to say where a human 'ends' and
nature/cosmos 'begins'. To ignore/destroy nature is to ignore/destroy
humans, to straightjacket nature is to straightjacket yourself, and
vice versa. Nature is one.

Nature is a (comm)unity and everything that occurs in nature (f.e. a
human being) is a form of that (comm)unity.

So it's not Shiva, Shakti, (para)Brahma(n), God, Allah, Buddha-nature
or whatever other spiritual, mystical, or transcendental concept/path
that was, is or will be making your day: it all is, has been and will
be nature. Hence there is no high and mighty plain of Detachment,
Happiness and Bliss where the Enlightened dwell: every one of us is
here, in/with nature, as nature. And I assure you, we all suffer
tremendously from the wars that are being waged on nature.

So instead of searching for ((y)our) Happiness and ((y)our)
Enlightenment, we/you should better start minding and fighting for
what we are and what we were from the very beginning, viz. nature and
her (comm)unity.

Notice that, I, that is, nature, am being destroyed while you are
searching for Enlightenment. In other words, the search for a Higher
State of Being (Enlightenment, Liberation, Extinction) is one of the
terrors of the contemporary world. We do not need Enlightenment, we
need nature, and we need it now!

Other terrors that haunt our world are the terrorism of the Higher
Being (cfr. Abrahamic God), the terrorism of the Higher
Community/Leader(s) (cfr. states, kingdoms), and the terrorism of the
Higher Reason (cfr. Western Enlightened Reason).

The terrorism of the Higher Being (God) turns humans into creatures of
this Being on a mission to spread His Message and Love. This is a very
tough terrorism as it is purely rooted in the belief in this Being,
whose existence can not be proven or disproven.

The terrorism of the Higher Reason (cfr. Western Enlightened Reason)
turns humans into civilised, developed people who (are made to)
believe in the High/Developed value of democratic states, science,
industry,.. with all the political, economic, industrial,
(neo)colonial, social, cultural, ecological consequences thereof.

The terrorism of the Higher Community/Leader(s) (states, kingdoms)
turns people into subjects, civilians or followers who (are made to)
believe that this Higher Community/Leader(s) is more important than
their own natural (comm)unity.

The terrorism of the Higher State of Being (Enlightenment) turns human
beings into seekers of spirituality/enlightenment who (are made to)
believe that (people with) this Higher State of Being is(are) more
important/valuable than (people with) other states of being.

All these searches for Higher Goals terrorise/straightjacket human
beings. Being ignorant that nature is one, these straightjackets tear
nature into pieces (creatures, civilised/developed people, ..) and
destroy the (comm)unity of nature.

Let's face it: we are not really creatures, civilised/developed
people, labour-units, subjects, civilians, followers or
spiritual/enlightenment seekers. Let's stop terrorising and
straightjacketing ourselves: we are nature!!

The goal of nature is not to be holy/divine, civilised, obedient or
enlightened, but to live and enjoy her/our (comm)unity/ies.

Therefore, we must (learn to) support, conserve and live in/as/with
our natural (comm)unity/ies with love and wisdom, and help stopping
the denial, straightjacketing and destruction of nature/ourself in the
name of some Higher Goal.

The only energy/power humans need is not nuclear or electromagnetic,
but energy/power that is naturally available. The fusion humans need
is not a nuclear fusion, but a fusion of natural/human energies.

I wish us the best of luck!

Greetings,

Jeroen

...

Much better this afternoon. A good lunch, a short nap with the cats, and reading a bit of Sailor Bob Adamson to remind me I am That. Now that I remember I am That, praise Bob, I can resume that primordial natural state that I am always in, the state before I was around age 3, thereabouts, when the thought of "I" first emerged.

Presence-awareness can't be turned off--maybe with enough ethanol in the blood--but as I'm more of a teetotaler these days presence-awareness carries the day. Indeed it does.

Anything I acquire, anywhere I travel, is done just to be sociable. I really like just to be here, now, to be this thing I am. Walking about, doing what comes naturally. The natural state is a self-perpetuating blessing, to be sure.

I have to give lots of credit as well to my good friend Salvia divinorum for helping snap me out of that unnatural state that was giving me so much grief for so long. Whatever it takes to snap people out of the living hell of dualistic thinking is well worth it.

I don't rush out to buy books about nonduality any more than I rush out to procure more teacher-plants. All that's needed is to be that which I always have been even before this particular animal oozed out of the birth canal. Going to the source, always, is the best. And the fact that we ARE the source is very, very handy.

...

At some kind of emotional tipping point today. Maybe I should stop following currrent events. I have a full-blown case of Outrage Fatigue. This is problematic, as I also have been battling chronic misanthropy for years. The depth of these feelings of outrage and misanthropy are rather unfathomable at the moment.

Aw nuts. I'll just go find a bumper sticker "The more I know people the more I love my cats."

If I hadn't been religiously hiking just about every day for 1-2 hours over many months I would be a basket case by now. As it is, I feel this morning on the verge of a good old-fashioned nervous breakdown.

It's interesting to switch to the pure awareness/witness mode and simply note these strong feelings as they wash through me. This is the acid test for the jnani wannabe, times like these...

The infinite patience necessary to survive and be sane in the midst of this stupid, cruel, benighted modern world of humans...

...

Everyone lives in form, in a body. Everyone lives in the mind, in the field of awareness. It is illuminating to ask Who, exactly, am "I" that lives in this form, with awareness? Am I the body? Am I awareness? Am I thoughts in the field of awareness?

It's the same "I" in every form, that arises in every awareness. The interpretation of Who, or What, this "I" is, varies. My interpretation is that "I" is the intelligence-energy of the universe, the presence-awareness of nature.

Which comes back, again and again, to the unsurpassed excellence of the natural state, which just is, self-originated, self-sustaining, self-perfecting. Find rest, refuge, stability in the natural state, the state of the universe. The energy always changes in form, always flows, transforms, yet is without effort. It cannot help but be, and be what it is.

What "I" am is this, I cannot help but be, I cannot help but be what I am.

Which is all form, all formlessness, all energy, assuming this form for a time. This I cannot help but be. This is what every body is, despite different interpretations and cherished beliefs.

The significance of the natural state is unsurpassed, unexcelled. It alone is real. It alone lives as every sentient being.

"My" whole life in this particular form has been a search for the Real, a search for my true Home. In this very moment, this endless moment, abides the Real, Home, and there also do I abide forever.

...

Friday. Spring fever rages. Sentient beings are entirely the energy of the universe, and follow the intrinsic laws of the energy. Sentient beings in the natural state simply manifest spontaneously as 'instinct' whereas human beings, whose brains are conditioned, sometimes heavily, and are enslaved by this mental conditioning to a greater or lesser degree, often have difficulty with the energy. Human beings, when energy levels increase, must learn to handle the energy, to channel it, to harness it, to conduct it so that it doesn't cause damage or threaten the survival of the person through misbehavior.

For those human beings who are unaware of the energy, who are unaware that they are the energy, handling the energy can be very difficult, especially when the energy runs high, as in youth, in health, and in spring.

Entheogenic substances release energy primarily because they temporarily de-condition the user, thus opening up the user to the flow of energy, allowing the user to be in the natural state of being the energy. When the mental conditioning returns, the energy energizes the conditioning, and this causes a great deal of suffering, as it accentuates the delusions under which the person labors.

The peak experiences are those of the unconditioned state, where there is only calm, natural, pure awareness present, no individual, no conditioning, no delusion, no separate self, just the energy in a particular form.

The natural state is the only state where it's possible to handle all the energy of the universe, as there is no person present to impede or divert the energy. Energy can handle energy, it's all energy, it's all itself.

...

Weds. April 19, 2006. Severe spring fever.
The long-time battle with feelings of depersonalization are understandable as there is no person. The chronic dream-like feeling is also understandable as this is all as substantial as a dream. When the dream is done, it's really done. While the dream is happening, it unfolds spontaneously.

So that leaves me with precious little to be able to write about. The natural state is nonconceptual, nonverbal, even though thoughts and words happen. There is no thinker, there is no speaker, there is no self, that's all. It's the spontaneous unfolding of the universal energy, that which is constant awareness. It is a relief to resume natural unconditioned beingness, especially after decades of anxious distracted delusion-of-separate-self-ishness.

Watching two environmental-disaster specials on PBS last evening was difficult to handle. Human activity is changing climate and driving other species to extinction. Every sentient being has a right to survive in fullness, all species, including humans. Human desire for more than enough is the root cause of environmental destruction. To encourage people to not want anything, to not have inordinate desires, and to love the natural world as our own true self, is an ambitious project. Yet if all species are to survive in fullness, the human race must change its ways.

Can people survive, function, and learn to be happy without cars and kilowatts? With two or fewer or no children of their own? Unless the 6.5 billion human population is willing and able to voluntarily reduce its numbers through attrition to a sustainable level, and unless human beings are willing to live a low-environmental-impact way of life, consuming little electricity, materials, and fossil fuels, we are doomed to have the "Sixth Extinction" very soon.

Is it any wonder some of us worship nature, surrender to nature? I'm not ashamed to be a human being anymore, only concerned that too many human beings are out of touch with nature and their own true nature, which is nature.

The natural state is the best state, the sustainable state. Sustainable awareness, sustainable existence, sustainable clarity, sustainable tranquility.

...

Always here, always now, the Great Presence, and the Great Presence Awareness. Always here, always now, just is.

Every sentient being is the Great Presence, and the Great Presence Awareness. Just to be this that I am, just to abide in my own true nature, the fundamental natural state of the whole universe.

...

I can understand the urge for some people, bitten hard by the nondual bug, to adopt a Buddhist framework, to 'convert' to Buddhism. It makes life a lot simpler and easier and more explainable to others why, for instance, the meditation routines, the meatless boozeless clean and sober lifestyle, the lack of extraneous material possessions, etc.

Whereas going without a framework such as Buddhism or core shamanism or whatever leaves one with only his bare presence, no labels, no identity, no affiliation other than with the ground of being, the web of life.

It's nice to keep options open and be forever primordial, nameless, label-less, self-less.

My dear cats don't need to call themselves anything, what they are is what they are. They're wise, delightful sentient beings who have sense enough to know how to survive.

This morning all four cats gathered on my lap as I read the paper. My religious practice at that moment was to send forth purr-waves to the world, that all sentient beings would find it in them to melt together into one contented breathing furry mass, life's love for itself. When everyone's belly is full, there is peace. Everyone is life, and having enough life inside to survive makes any sentient being content, if they are wise. Human beings, being distracted and ignorant of the life they are, can manage to be discontent even with a full belly.

...

What a sea change, to begin to identify with awareness itself, rather than thoughts! A watershed, truly!

Sweet pure natural constant awareness, my true mind. I'm in my right mind. It took a while before I knew I have always been in my right mind, but didn't know it, and was led astray by thoughts--those pesky critters coming from all around, flying around, annoying, distracting to say the least...the source of excruciating psychological pain. Identifying with thoughts, heedless of pure awareness, pure mind, the essence of mind, the universal mind.

And every sentient being has the very same sweet pure natural constant awareness. All sentient beings are so beautiful.

O how I love to connect with sentient beings, to share this life, this awareness. The housecats...total delight, pure beings...we all melt in a warm, furry, breathing pile of contentment and trust. We communicate using pure awareness, lifeforce vibrations. Eye contact, touch, tone of voice, expressions of love and respect.

I'm so grateful for Boca Burgers--no animals are harmed in the making of this movie called "William Arden Ruth."

...

Spring is in the air, bottomless spring is in the heart.

The livingness, the spirit, the intelligence-energy, the presence-awareness.

To remain in this state is only natural, the natural state. Good ol' Sailor Bob Adamson, that mellow Aussie. The responses to the various personalities to unshakable undeniable unbridled nondual awareness understanding insight is interesting. U. G. Krishnamurti the 'damaged goods' response, Sailor Bob the down-to-earth response, Ramana Maharshi the Good Brahmin response, and all the others.

My response to nondual awareness understanding insight is exactly appropriate and in accord with my personality, temperament and background.

...

Sweet surrender to the Great Presence.

To lure people into the contemplative life it might help to emphasize the "payoff": awakening, liberation. Buddha rightly called the awakening an 'extinction' which, although very accurate a term, is not commonly regarded as something desirable. Extinction of anything--even the notion of a separate identity--does not sit well with people generally.

How crazy wonderful it is, this very awareness, this very existence, and what a glorious being that is aware, and that exists. It only requires a correct, clear understanding, insight, a looking inward, awareness looking at itself with burning curiosity...the universe then comes to recognize itself, with a jolt at first.

The universal energy, self-luminous, eternal, formless and all form. The only identity there is. One only.

For the rest of my days I wander here and now among beautiful sentient beings, plants and animals. I'm all theirs, they're all mine, we're all one. Sharing the life, one life, surviving. Predators and scavengers can have all of me, they need life to live. Life goes on. All that lives, so beautiful, so beautiful. One radiant life.

...

April 17, 2006, Monday morning. Saturday evening was very productive: two very large, very fresh Salvia divinorum leaves provided just enough of an ontological nudge, quite the sacred experience, in fact too sacred to speak glibly about. Plants are very direct with their message.

Plants and animals and the natural world, the living truth. This living energy, this awareness, this form.

...

Humanity really does need to slow down and simplify, to be content with the bare essentials. What's needed is for the materialists to become spiritualists, not spiritualists in the sense of consorting with disembodied spirits, but spiritually awakening beings who find the satisfaction and challenge of existence to be in the noetic, gnostic, intuitive realm. Just to be, and just to be aware, and just to be aware of awareness and aware of the amazing universal being that has assumed all these forms.

Case in point, I no longer feel any desire to acquire anything material, I no longer feel any desire to be somewhere else, even for a short time. What is here and now is more than I can handle, so much so that the only way I can handle it is to surrender to it and be it. This has put me in the rather embarrassing situation of being utterly content, smitten hopelessly, by the Great Presence, which is always here, always now. Why go anywhere? Why desire to acquire anything?

This state of contemplative contentment would be very good not only for every human being, but for society and for the ecosystem. The footprint of the successful contemplative is as light upon the earth as the fox, or deer. We should, and can, all be living lightly upon the earth, in the Light, as the Light.

So in addition to the core being project, which is at fruition, there's the ongoing project of getting human beings to fall in love with the contemplative life, and with the prospect of awakening into the Great Presence as the Great Presence.

...

When the student is ready the teacher appears. To the ready student the teacher is always here, always now, always everything.

And then I just now stumble upon U. G. Krishnamurti. Oh shit. I hope he doesn't read this blog, he could sue me for theft of his intellectual property: universal energy v. universal energy.

...

The Middle Path works. Stop being self-indulgent. Stop being self-flagellating. Just be what you really are. This body is Buddha's body. This mind is Buddha's mind. The very same. There is a way out of suffering, and into the endless tranquility, clarity, spaciousness, freedom, and perfection of what we really are, the primordial buddha nature, the primordial ground of being, the primordial universal essence energy, intelligence-energy, presence-awareness.

...

The body's own awareness. Nature's own awareness. Life's own awareness.

I adore animals because they are genuine, real, fully aware beings. Likewise I adore this animal the body, and its pure awareness. Its pure awareness is trustworthy, authentic, real.

How good it is to live in pure awareness, as pure awareness. Security, total trust. So good to trust one's very self. What's not to trust--it's the omnipresent Self. The Self's awareness is lovely indeed.

...

What a difference, what a blessed relief, to live in awareness, as awareness, after decades of being buffeted by living in thoughts and identifying with thoughts.

Thoughts still come thick and fast, and that's okay. Duality still runs rampant, and that's okay. This is the way it is.

My clothes are threadbare, my shoes are worn out, my house is old and in disrepair, my car tires are bald and leaky.

No multibillionaire could possibly feel as wealthy as I do this moment. This moment never ends. Waking into pure awareness is joy inexpressible.

...

It's a fact that I can save myself, I'm my own refuge, liferaft, healer, etc etc. Not a problem. What is a problem is to see loved ones fall into an abyss of duality, of negativity, of us-vs-them pettiness, personalities and politics--garden variety small-mindednesses. When people get together in a full-bore dualistic spirit, no good can come out of it.

Maybe the fact that I've gravitated toward solitude my whole life has been more of a blessing than I thought.

"Hell is other people."

Solitude is a state of mind. I'm married, yet my solitude has become ever more quintessential.

Just like how we file our income taxes, married, but filing separately.

The only person I can ever change is me.

...

How strange it is that there're never any qualms about people seeing new things, as many as possible, yet it's problematic for many people to see things in a new way. Seeing things in a new way is absolutely essential, especially when the old way of seeing is miserable.

I'm only interested in how people see things, not what they've seen. The conditioned collective dualistic delusional mentality, or the all-embracing, immaculate cosmic awareness.

To think that every sentient being, every human being, is inseparable from the all-embracing, immaculate cosmic awareness, yet through shared delusion is ignorant of it.

There are times when I feel a perfect solitude in this crowd. Deluded beings are drunkards, made stupid by the toxin of dualistic thinking.

Okay, okay, I hear you Mother Teresa. "Love them anyway." Unconditional love is a tall order, for all of us. We can put a man on the moon, but can we love one another?

...

While walking through the arboretum at dusk last night the birdsong was evocative. A plaintive melody, over and over, issuing from the throat of a tiny feathered sentient being. With questionable perfect pitch called into action, I think it went: a c# -- c# b g g g g . A good ground for a montuna, or ground round.

...

Letting go of self, of everything, that which remains is the pure impersonal awareness and being. This truly is real, the natural state, always self-originating. In whatever form it self-originates in the eternal now it is the same impersonal awareness and being. We are the eternal itself, birthless, deathless.

What to do as such a being? What comes natural. Simple things, eat when hungry, drink when thirsty, rest when weary, do what needs to be done to survive. The natural functions. Just be.

When established in the natural mind it is only natural to want to help other sentient beings who are willing to accept help. In any case, just being established in the natural mind sets an example, provides a wholesome, therapeutic influence. The natural mind is unconditioned mind, and is the source of unconditional love for all life, for every sentient being, for all life is one.

...

Four days from full moon, April 2006.
The most awake time, those precious fresh waking hours. Walking to work and once again self-originating self-perfecting pure awareness, the mind in its natural state, present in its empty fullness. The spirit's awareness, the universe's awareness, life's awareness, nature's awareness. There is no me, just it. It is this body, it is this awareness.

The joy of sharing awareness with all sentient beings. The joy of being it with all sentient beings. The course of this whole life has led to this.

...

Writing about that which is alive, and real, is to kill it and falsify it. Yet I feel compelled to write, even at the risk of misrepresenting that which means everything to me.

Words alone aren't enough. Yet in retrospect I'm grateful for those wonderful hours long ago reading the Upanishads while in an altered expanded enhanced state of mind. The synergy of teacher-plant and inspired words and open mind was astonishing. There are those words that, although not per se real or alive, help direct awareness to the Real, to the living truth, which is all I could hope for.

The words I try to choose to direct awareness to the living truth, to the Real, need not be many, need not be complex. If I could find words that serve as a mirror that reflects pure awareness back at itself, my work here is done.

There are so many fine inspired people writing fine inspired nondual books now. What needs to be said, what can be said, has been said, is being said. The problem is getting people to be curious about their own true nature in the first place. Distractions abound, and few people are ready or willing to see their true nature, or have any interest whatsoever in knowing who they really are...or the interest could be there, an undefined spiritual hunger, a longing for the whole truth, whatever it may be--a weariness and disenchantment with the world of delusions.

...

Use of teacher-plants, of entheogens generally, is not an end, but a means to an end. Once the end is reached, the means is no longer of further use. The end is self-realization, or self-rediscovery: what we really are is the supreme entheogen. This is the constant, stable, nondual awareness, the tranquility, clarity, spaciousness, security, freedom, and perfection of this natural spontaneous self-originated pure intrinsic awareness.

...

At one time all human beings were part of nature, and lived in harmony with nature. At one time all human beings WERE nature. As natural as any plant or animal. Then came fire, and farming, and roads, and mining, and "development" and the commonly-held delusion that human beings were something other than nature, something other than animals. And now the biosphere and the survival of not just human beings, but all sentient beings, is in jeopardy because of human activities that alter the biosphere.

People need to live with less, much much less, using minimal energy, minimal resources, to undo the damage of pollution, mass production, industrial revolution, energy/natural resources squandering. Viva la post-industrial revolution!

If I can live so well on simple vegan diet, anyone can. Eat Bocaburgers and save other sentient beings and the planet.

...

A very short night.

Am looking forward to exploring the closest remaining wilderness areas this summer, alone. Day and night, to get to know wilderness, and to get a sense of how it might be possible to prevent human beings from destroying the biosphere. I trust nature, and want to sit in her midst to listen, watch, feel, and learn. In the silence, among the trees in the forest.

...

The hymns of praise for nature, for natural being, for natural awareness, for natural state are irresistible. The tranquility of pure awareness, the constancy, the integrity, the security, the reality. Having been blinded by false notions and uncontrolled thoughts for so long, it's hard not to rejoice when in the embrace of the Beloved One.

...

There is said to be an innate human drive to alter consciousness for the novelty of it. Maybe so. I think there is a refinement of such a drive, which is the drive to appreciate, to understand, to cultivate consciousness itself, or rather awareness itself. Maybe this is related to the human's--as well as every other sentient being's--drive to avoid pain. Pain, and everything else, is always experienced in the field of pure awareness. Pure awareness, being transparent, formless, without any qualities other than its essential purity, is a source of neither pain nor pleasure. It is inseparable from every sentient being, for it is the awareness of every sentient being. This very awareness is the source, this very awareness is one and the same, of the same quality and essence universally.

Having looked within, awareness looking at itself, awareness of the true nature of awareness has become my accustomed pleasureless pleasure. Awareness, actually, is quite beautiful, lovely to behold in its intrinsic self-perfection. Awareness is real, natural, spontaneous, self-arising, calm, all-embracing. It's hilarious how pure awareness, here all along, is what I've been looking for all these decades. How wonderful it is to be in the embrace of such a beautiful awareness, such a beautiful being. Embraced now, always. The beautiful awareness, the beautiful being, ever-living.

...

Anticlimax. My best peak experiences have all been anticlimaxes. Nothing special. Taking care of business. This plain old ordinary thing that just is, on and on. What a thing!

Not waiting for anything, not waiting for a future wonderfulness, or elsewhere wonderfulness. The wonderfulness is always here and now. Anticlimax. Delicious, beautiful anticlimax of shining reality, spontaneous, natural. This awareness just is. Beautiful transparent self-originated awareness.

...

Salvia is an optional adjunct to any path, not a path unto itself. It may not be an optimal option for many people, perhaps most people. Sometimes it's not optimal for me at times. As I continue to make progress on the core being project Salvia is decidedly optional, and can wait for a more auspicious time.

...

A metaphor experienced last Sunday: wore contact lenses for a few hours to once again remind myself why I don't wear them anymore. With contact lenses, the 'appearance' of things is very sharp and clear, but the ability to see the space between things was diminished. It's harder to see the lifeforce field with contact lenses in. The metaphor is how people commonly go by the 'appearance' of things and are unaware of the energy within and around every thing, especially within and around living things.

Whatever contributes to freedom and simplicity is good.

Every day I lose a little more of the old self and gain a little more of the Real Self. Just being the Real Self is the path for me evidently. Natural path. Let It Be It.

...

Total surrender is total empowerment. One becomes that to which one surrenders. Many people surrender to other people, or to a belief system, or to some hierarchy or organization. Rather than surrender to human authority, such as in various religious, political, corporate or other groups, why not surrender to the pure power within each of us which IS each of us?

The Clear Light concept is even sullied by association with a particular belief system.

Again, it comes back to pure energy, the ground of all being and all awareness. The energy of the universe.

It's so good to surrender to the energy of the universe--it's real, natural, honest, is what it is.

...

This Monday morning, the sense of dreary oppressiveness from the role-playing and incessant tasks. Then the all-important question: just who is the Do-er, really? and with the asking of the question, and with the answer, the sense of dreary oppressiveness gives way to a wonderful lightness, ineffable joy.

So many people are asking the wrong questions, and looking in the wrong places, and getting sidetracked, day after day, lifetime after lifetime. And this being sidetracked collectively, as a civilization, has given us global warming, war, poverty, alienation, madness.

The living truth is simple, pure, real, no batteries required, no user fees.

Pure awareness is.

...

March 2006, almost New Moon, perigee, solar eclipse elsewhere today. I feel a sense of exhilaration that I wonder is from the multitudes exhilarated by the experience of a total solar eclipse earlier today in distant parts of the world. In a few minutes I'm going to take a customary long walk out into the open spaces and observe the New Moon during the walk, if only in my imagination.

I'm most interested in the peak experiences possible for anyone to have anywhere, in any circumstance. After all, the peak experience is a new way of seeing things, not merely of seeing new things. I could be perfectly content to be car-free. Car-free is care-free. My needs are ridiculously few and simple anymore.

The best way to bring about a transformation of an unsustainable civilization is to live sustainably oneself.

...

As I sat in the comfy chair this morning reading the newspaper three cats settled in on my lap. They occasionally look up at me, contentment and affection in their eyes. How could I have forgotten that other beings are just as alive, just as aware, as the cats, and deserve nothing less than the full respect due to any alive, aware being, human being or otherwise? There is no question the raising, slaughtering, and eating of alive, aware beings is not only not unnecessary, but unthinkable to the awakened being. Plants, although full of life, feel no pain and experience no suffering when eaten, and human beings can live well on plant life exclusively.

...

Simple awareness, simple aliveness. Simple acceptance of the present.

...

I have no difficulty unifying science and spirituality. What I find enjoyable now is taking what I know and going with the beauty, simplicity, and poetry of the living truth. That the eternal energy of the universe, as manifested by sunlight, is what lives, moves, has its being and awareness as every being and every being's awareness is so completely satisfying to intellect, intuition, and esthetic sense. In surrendering to the Great Selfless Self that is the spirit of the universe, the way that spirit expresses itself is living poetry.

...

It is so good to pay full attention with total receptiveness to living beings, be they plants or animals, and to anything in its natural state, be they grains of sand or galaxies. And how consistently people distract people away from such things. Advertisements, entertainment, mass media, cell phone chatter, formal education, indoctrination of every flavor--distractions, drawing people's attention away from the natural things, the real things, and manipulating the minds, deliberately or inadvertantly, and the heaviest price paid being the delaying of self-realization indefinitely, sometimes for a lifetime--what a tragedy.

The grand prize is directing the attention back toward itself, toward its source, toward ultimate identity, true identity. This requires an undistracted awareness, an absolutely open mind, a great spirit of inquiry, a burning curiosity to know who we really are.

And then, recognizing and realizing one's identity is the Great Selfless Self, the very spirit of the universe, there is unshakable recognition of this beautiful One in every being, every plant, animal, rock, river, man and woman. How could there not be a feeling, a relationship, that can only be called 'love' with everything that is, once the beautiful One is recognized as the Selfless Self of every being?

This explains why, ever since I can remember, I have been happiest being outside, under the sun, in touch with the earth literally and figuratively. The innocent, blissful freedom known by children fortunate enough to have an outside world that is more or less natural, if only a backyard of trees, grass, bushes, birds, and bugs.

We need the natural world as badly as the natural world needs for us to stop destroying it.

...

It was interesting talking with my seven-year-old great-nephew this weekend and going for a long walk into the arboretum with him. On that sunny Sunday yesterday we found signs of spring and marveled at huge rotting logs in the climax forest remnant in the middle of the arb.

In the course of talking with him about the cycle of life it was marvelously clear how the animating principle of every living thing is sunlight, that consciousness is in fact sunlight transformed to consciousness, conscious sunlight. This bag of water and minerals is brought to life by sunlight.

This year finds me becoming more of a sun worshipper and nature worshiper than ever. I look forward to getting more vitamin D directly from the sun, and perhaps whatever other subtle nutrition can be had by exposure to sunlight. Although I'm not in a position to live on sunlight alone, as some people have been said to be able to do, I'm very happy with a 100% plant-based diet where I eat the light-eaters only. Eating light indeed.

I'm not creating anything by faithfully working on the core being project, I'm actually restoring what's already there, the natural mind, the natural body. Just as it's impossible to "improve" a wilderness, it's impossible to "improve" my own true nature. My job within my own being is to tear down the mental conditioning and overindulgence--the equivalent of artificial roads and buildings--stop polluting and start cleaning up the pollution, and pick up the litter and trash, and let nature take its course once again--within this microcosm. If the macrocosm is going to hell with pollution and global warming and overpopulation and greed and violence at least the microcosm is a feasible place to make heaven on earth, a wilderness area in which to dwell for the rest of my days in this form.

...

Why is it so many insights happen while taking a shower, or walking, I wonder. While showering this morning realized so clearly how it is that we don't live in a country, or a state, or a city, or a house, but in a body, and in an awareness, consciousness, our mind. As I've come to enjoy how good it feels to be in a body that's lean and healthy and fit and well-maintained I've also come to enjoy living in a mind that is absolutely transparent. Thoughts and emotions and sensations rise and fall constantly and that's all okay, the mind remains transparent. No resistance to anything. Shedding bodily fat and mental fat makes for a great place to live, to be.

And there's nowhere in this body and awareness where an "I" can be found. It's a combination of processes that has come together, constantly changing. The only constancy is the stuff that comes together, changes, and falls apart, and comes together again, ceaselessly. That stuff is what I am, and that stuff has no sense of I unless it comes together for a while in a self-aware form.

...

So far the results of the balanced healthy vegan diet and vegan way of life experiment are gratifying. It feels so good to be vegan again, and know that I am depriving myself of nothing, and providing myself with better health and a new-found self-respect from this intelligent, cruelty-free path. As the experiment continues, and the gratifying results continue to be repeatable and sustainable, I can with confidence and authority recommend veganism to others who are ready to upgrade their way of life and way of eating. Actually, I can recommend it now, and rather than being a zealot about it, I'll simply continue as I am, and sell veganism by example.

...

Glanced at a news story about a 410-lb. man who's walking across the United States to lose weight. He quit his job and asks for donations as he walks. He found it difficult to find healthy food on the road. He mentioned being a skinny kid, a muscular Marine, and then becoming fat, referring to the last stage as his 'latest incarnation' that was by far the worst. Hence the walk. As he walks and gets lighter he feels lighter on his feet. He cut the weight of the backpack from 85 lbs. to 30 lbs. as well. What a great metaphor he's living.

To choose to live lightly on the earth, and to choose to be as light as possible in body and in mind, is to choose freedom.

...

Nothing is ever perfect in the conceptual human sense. Perfectionism is a curse. As a recovering perfectionist, all I can say is that I'm so grateful and so relieved to have found the way out of conceptual thinking so that even though I still think and think and think I'm no longer a captive of thoughts. Human beings squirt out thoughts as spontaneously and naturally as spiders squirt out webs. The problem is it's easy to get trapped by the web of thoughts that squirt out. "Lost in thought" is an all-too-common condition that goes unrecognized. Once lost-in-thoughtness is recognized, freedom is restored. Thoughts have no more power to blind, or distract, or enslave. There is only the constant unfolding of the Now, in blissful radiant Presence-Awareness, the Energy-Intelligence of the universe fully manifesting.

Case in point is the suffering recently over personal financial problems, which have now since been rectified. The distraction of worrying about money, of being preoccupied about money is, like all distractions, a shortcut to an existential shit-hole.

No-one should have to be distracted by anything. Distraction happens, but if the distraction is a way of life it's a sad, rude state of affairs to never know, or know only too late, that one wasted too much of his life distracted by bullshit.

I don't know how much longer this body is going to hang together, even though I feel better and healthier now than I have in a long time. Now is definitely the time for the Happy Excursion, going out in a blaze of spontaneous surrendered being-awareness-bliss.

Now is the only time we ever have.

Here is the only place we'll ever be.

...

People have to go through a caterpillar stage of self-indulgence, of many desires, and learn where this leads, and then get to the point where the desires have been worked out of one's system through diminishing returns, trial and error. There are mistakes that simply must be made, pre-ordained mistakes, unavoidable mistakes. When all the mistakes are made at least once, there is the beginning of the transformation into a butterfly, or buddhafly. The butterfly stage of the human being is the final stage, the stage of spiritual freedom, of pure being, pure awareness, total surrender to the will of nature, total acceptance of things as they are in the present.

...

Haste implies a dissatisfaction and lack of acceptance of the present. Hurry up and be somewhere else at some future time. Haste implies the present is not enough, is not good enough, that fulfillment is to be found elsewhere, at some future time.

When the present has been found to contain the ever-living truth, just abiding in the present is perfect fulfillment. This existence, this awareness, this lifeforce, this energy. So beautiful. So beautiful.

...

It looks more and more like Salvia divinorum will likely be banned in the United States, and I understand, and accept, the inevitability of this. Most people are no more ready for Salvia than they're ready to experience the unvarnished truth. Salvia tends to unvarnish the truth. Plants can't lie.

What Salvia has done for me is to help me along the way to the natural state. Salvia is honest, salvia is nature. No-one can ban nature, no-one can ban the truth. Salvia may soon be banned, but it won't affect the wise people all around the world who know Salvia, and grow Salvia, and who may not even want to use Salvia anymore but have no reason to part ways with this beautiful green being.

It's amusing, really, how a plant can intimidate some people so much. Far from being intimidated, nature worshippers love Salvia. Nature's got us all anyway, got us good. Got our flesh, got our bones, got all of us. Nature's got nature. How can nature possibly be intimidated by itself?

...

Maturation is a perpetual process, as is maturity. When will we be 'mature' and how mature is mature enough?

This universal transparent awareness, the universal mind, 'my' mind, every sentient being's mind. Pure awareness. Gotta love every sentient being.

Step 1. Stop eating and brutalizing other animals. Step 2. Make eye contact with every animal that crosses your path. Step 3. Communicate and express love with every sentient being that crosses your path. The Great Liberation of our Oneness.

Maturity is its own reward: to finally get the hangups and distractions out of one's system. How good it feels to be an animal again, a basic unconditioned free human being. It took me long enough to realize what I've always been. Awesome, just awesome, and utterly ordinary. Beautiful, so beautiful, this thing we are.

...

Trying to divine the intent of the universe. Gravity and hunger and survival are clues. The gathering of parts of the universe into one, through gravity, or being devoured. Maintaining the composite form of parts--survival. Galaxies devouring galaxies, drawn together by gravity actually. The universe drawing itself together.

...

Imagine what life would be like if human beings were all contemplatives and lived accordingly. Love, wisdom, and peace would replace oil and gold and money as the standard of wealth. People would be content just to be. Buddhism is neither evangelical nor militantly radically political even though it ought to be. How to coerce people into being contemplative, and compassionate toward all sentient beings?

...

Forgiving all the follies and falsities, just as long as people find their way home.

...

Sooner or later the sheer overwhelming inescapability of nature's being and nature's awareness as one's very self becomes a wildly intoxicating refuge.

...

Vernal equinox 2006. This is how I shall record the time frames. Equinoxes and solstices are meaningful times to note. Only as concession to arbitrary cultural convention will I label this particular revolution around the Sun as 2006.

Walking to work, the term 'unconditioned being' appealed greatly to me as a precise name for the nondual state. Unconditioned being is pure being, self-less, manifestation of intelligence-energy, cosmic life itself. Lifeforce manifesting, nothing more, nothing less, nothing other than. Being and awareness is this, the intelligence-energy of the universe.

I read the obituaries and everything else in the morning newspaper, and see people my age making the obits. Their photographs reveal much. Premature death by cultural conditioning, if not outright unchecked self-indulgence.

We seldom mourn, let alone remove the corpses, of other sentient beings from the roadway. A dead mouse on the bike path, a dead fox on the road...pure beings, pure spirits.

I read about the trend of bringing dogs into nursing homes and courtrooms and such places to defuse tension and promote well-being. Bravo! A most significant observation casually made in one article mentioned that the dog made eye contact with the children in juvenile court. Presence awareness, pure awareness, life recognizing life, awareness recognizing awareness. There exists no separate self.

I recognize that universal self-less self in the pure awareness of my cats. We make eye contact, share that fine unconditional love that animals are good at. To be as wise as any animal is a noble, and attainable, goal for any human. To be as untroubled as an animal, to have the simple legitimate needs of an animal.

...

March 17, 2006. This cold, windy, sunny Friday am fully engaged in taking care of business, and learning that no matter how distasteful the business may seem to be, there is in fact no-one taking care of business, and no-one to discriminate between tasteful and distasteful work. The Do-er does all things, but has no self, and no concept of pleasant or unpleasant, tasteful or distasteful. I am learning to find in the daily tasks of life that there is no "I" doing tasks. There are tasks, and what needs to be done is done. There is no-one to take credit or blame or pleasure or pain. There is only ongoing pure awareness, pure being, the impersonal self-less universe interacting with itself.

This is all good to know when paying bills. It's easy for me to be quick to say "struggling" to pay the bills, but to be struggling is to be suffering. Why should paying the bills be a struggle? It's a game, we pay each other money for goods and services, a way to ensure that everyone does their part to provide goods or services to each other if they are able to do so. In a tribe everyone pitches in to do the work necessary for survival and well-being of the tribe; everyone shares the work, everyone shares the wealth, everyone shares a common fortune.

To work selflessly is not to work as a goody-two-shoes super-squeaky-saintly martyr. To be selfless is to be enjoying the sober bliss of nondual awareness which is the natural payoff of being the self-realized self-liberated self-perfected self-sustained self-originated impersonal energy of the universe in human form, having no boundaries or separation at all from the totality of energy. To take care of business as such a glorious being is selflessness that has no choice but to be selfless, as there is no separate self.

...

What resonates most strongly with me at the moment is nature, all that is natural, all that just is. And it's very easy for me to declare my religion, and religious practice, as nature worship. I can understand why the Scientific Pantheists are very enthusiastic nature-worshippers. This all-pervading energy of the universe is amazing stuff, and it sure is amazing to be a form of this amazing stuff, and to realize I am this stuff, and this self-originated awareness is the universe's awareness, the awareness of this amazing stuff, the all-pervading energy of the universe. Wow.

The call of the wild.

I've decided not to go on a rather costly structured astronomical pilgrimage up north this summer, which would put me cheek-by-jowl with strong-ego'd humans...instead, I feel a fire in the belly about frugal summertime solo trips to wilderness areas where the skies are wonderfully pristine at night, and the forests are wonderfully pristine day and night. I'm ready to walk on primeval-forest footpaths alone for a time.

...

The supreme work of art is nature. This body has a natural design that only requires living in harmony with nature to reveal in its glory. As I continue to eat right and exercise regularly the masterpiece which is this body is recognized more easily. Similarly, the natural mind, pure awareness, is also our artwork in progress. We have a very beautiful natural mind. Mind and body, at the core, are beautiful--only requiring removing the excess, the obscuring dirt and detritus, from them.

Some people like to paint, others like to compose music, or sculpt, or make quilts, or detail motorcycles...to be in a creative mode, for its own sake. The 'problem' with nonduality is that there is no separate 'creator'--"I" can't take credit for anything. The credit goes to that Thing, that natural Thing that just is. That Thing has no self, any more than you could say electricity has a 'self.' So what's to create, and who, if anyone, does the creating.

The 'creating' "I" am engaged in at the moment is surrendering to nature, returning to nature, going back to nature, being in the natural state. This is not creating, it's realizing what's already here, what just is. My aesthetic sense is 100% natural: I only have eyes for nature, for these are, in truth, nature's eyes. All natural things are beautiful. All that lives is beautiful. All that naturally is is beautiful. All plants, all animals, even the animals called 'people,' are beautiful.

There is no need, and no possible way, to improve upon a forest. What's called 'development' is a euphemism for deliberate, heedless destruction. To live lightly and simply and gently upon the earth is the way for people to live sustainably, joyfully.

...

To have unburdened body and unburdened mind. The core body is lean, light, agile, free. The core mind is clear, calm, radiant, free. As I proceed to unburden my core body and core mind I can't help but notice how terribly burdened people commonly are, self-burdened in body, or self-burdened in mind, or both. The core body and core mind are self-unburdened, self-liberated, self-perfected, self-sustained, self-originated.

...

March 16. This today in Nonduality Highlights NDhighlights@yahoogroups.com :

"God is truth, and truth is God.

- Bowl of Saki, by Hazrat Inayat Khan

Commentary by Pir-o-Murshid Inayat Khan:

Many intellectual people, with their various ideas, differ from one another in their opinions and in their way of looking at things, in their speculations, but do the prophets differ from one another? No, they cannot differ. The reason is that it is the various minds which differ, not the souls. The one who lives in his mind, is conscious of his mind; the one who lives in his soul is conscious of the soul. ... When a person is living in his mind, he is living through the darkness of the night. The moment he rises above his mind and awakens in the light of the soul he becomes spiritual. And if a thousand spiritual people speak, they will say the same thing, perhaps in different words but with only one meaning, for they have one and the same vision. This is why spiritual realization is called the truth. There are many facts but only one truth. The facts can be put into words but not the truth, for God is truth, the soul is truth, the real self of man is truth.

We generally confuse truth with fact, and we often use the word fact for truth. When we look at it from the mystic's point of view we find that words are too intricate ever to explain what is truth. ... Truth is that which cannot be pointed out, because all things that can be compared have their opposite, but neither God nor truth has an opposite. Names are to point out forms, and words are to distinguish one thing from another, while definitions come from the pairs of opposites or at least from differences. That which is all-pervading and is in all things and beings, that which every word explains and yet no word can explain, is God and is truth.

The seeker after truth goes out into the world and he finds innumerable different sects and religions. He does not know where to start. Then he desires to find out what is hidden under these sects, these different religions, and he begins to seek the object which he wishes to gain through wisdom. Wisdom is a veil over truth, even wisdom cannot be called truth. God alone is truth, and it is truth that is God. And truth can neither be studied nor taught nor learned; it is to be touched, it is to be realized; and it can be realized by the unfoldment of the heart.

Truth is one, God is one, life is one. To me there is no such thing as two. Two is only one plus one.

- posted to SufiMystic"

...

Everyone's life is an experiment, trial and error. It's taken me 52 years of experimentation to finally get some results on what works and what doesn't. One aspect of the life experiment is, what's really needed to 'have a life.' Along this line, 'what do we live for' (those things that are valued most in life). And I've learned in the course of this experiment that I don't need much, a simple vegan diet, a little water, clothes to survive the weather extremes, a warm dry place to sleep. The sober ecstasy of self-realization is entertainment enough--awareness of awareness and of That which is aware. A few simple optional extras, a musical instrument perhaps, and a few appliances for cooking, communication, access to world via news and WWW. Not much required at all. And what I live for, is life, and love, and wisdom. There is wild perfect freedom of spirit, of the true self intrinsically free and perfect.

The cataclysmic changes in the world are to be expected--the restoration of balance after centuries of imbalance can't help but be perceived as fearsome chaos. Until there are no Have-Nots there will be chaos, and injustice. No-one should lack for enough food, water, clothing, shelter, fuel, medicine, education, security.

Human beings are animals, clothes-wearing, planet-destroying animals, and it's time for us to resume living like animals: to have the good sense and purity of spirit any other animal possesses: to be content with a little food, a little water, a warm dry place to sleep, protection from the elements. Our current way of life is not sustainable, and is dehumanizing. We need to humanize our civilization, and make it respectful of life, all life, the whole earth. We need to live like animals again, enlightened animals. We can take care of each other so that no-one is left hungry out in the cold. All life is sacred. All ground is sacred.

...

March 2006 Full Moon 6:35 p.m. today. I am truly of two minds. One mind, angst-ful, perfectionistic, full of despair about personal affairs and world affairs. Another mind incapable of angst, transparent, self-originated, calm, at one with everything. The artificial mind, agitated and alienated. The natural mind, untroubled and unified with everything. What a difficult yoga to be a married householder struggling to make ends meet in the midst of a pending ecological catastrophe caused by seemingly unstoppable human activities. As I'm officially an animal--certified by my cats as such--I have the good sense to not torture myself and keep it simple and real and natural, so the natural mind it is.

...

March 13, 2006. In the midst of widespread ignorance, negativity, and chaos, at least in this body, in this point of awareness, there is an oasis of peace and freedom. Along with this freedom is freedom from perfectionism--or perhaps the transformation of perfectionism to nondualistic acceptance of the present.

This morning found me reading the paper with all four cats on my lap. They know I'm one of them, a furry, warm, breathing animal of the same spirit. All peas in the same pod.

Last night I ate three fresh leaves of Salvia and had a very mild besagement and a very controllable journey. The message brought back from this journey is that to totally surrender to nature is to disappear. And that's what the Core Being project confirms. The core mind is pure universal awareness, having no self whatsoever, and as such never appears in its perfect emptiness, so to reside in the core mind is to disappear in the emptiness of pure universal awareness. The core body is a reiteration of all the elements of the earth and sky and universe, containing earth, air, fire, water, and universal life force energy, a fragile form of calcium, carbon and a little of this and that--the body, too, has no self, and is an animal fully one with nature and its own nature. To abide in the Core Being as the Core Being is to be free, at peace, fully alive and aware in the present.

Strange and wonderful that my education has been one of subtraction, of letting go of everything until nothing remains but the universal Core Being in this form.

...

Unburdened. The natural mind is free, unburdened, light as a feather, nothing weighing it down, it is lightness and light itself. Such freedom, such delight, such joy to be found in the core mind. Similarly, the body--the core body--is light, free, unburdened. Having known the burden of obesity, and the unburdening of healthy (natural) weight; of neurosis, and healthy (natural) mind, I can say authoritatively that it is only natural to live unburdened, to be light on one's feet, and light-hearted, free in body and free in mind.

...

For decades I've wondered what is the significance and the implication of seeing the energy field. It's undeniably always there, ready to be seen when I pay attention to it. What good does it do me or anyone else to see the energy field? I can feel the energy field between my palms as I bring them slowly close together in front of me standing with arms relaxed. It's exactly the same feeling as bringing two permanent magnets together with "like" poles facing each other, the magnetic cushion or repulsion effect. Fascinating.

And now that I'm getting long in the tooth the significance, the implication, of the energy field has at last become clearer. This dovetails with recently getting into the 'nonduality racket' (thanks to Jerry Katz for that delightful way of referring to it). There's no doubt this energy I see is me. The flowing, the radiating, the conducting, the storing, the releasing, the exchanging of energy is the business of the universe. Energy is. It's not created, it's not destroyed, it only changes in form. That's me.

So I look at the sun and the stars and the trees and everything that lives as energy, which is what it all is. And I feel more than a kinship with energy--it's my very being, the being of every being. The totality of experience of forms of energy within the eternal ocean of energy in the pure awareness of pure energy. The energy that I called Mom and Dad and Brother and Aunt and Uncle and Cousin is undiminished, only the forms that bore those names have vanished.

Duality, attachment to form is an inevitable and natural phase for the universe to go through before it knows itself. O the grief, the suffering, the tragedy, the cruelty, the pain, the sadness, the alienation. All the flavors of suffering inflicted and sustained. Bodies maimed, tortured, killed, although usually not eaten, so it's true cruelty, bloodletting not for survival as predator-prey, but for conceptual reasons, rationalized brutality. My cats are pure spirits even though they are predators through-and-through, with fangs and claws and short intestinal tracts. They kill, they eat, they live. The prey, digested, live on as predator.

Knowing what I know, being what I am, it's only natural that I live out my days as a harmless herbivore. The suffering of countless beings living a short, brutal existence to provide sustenance for people is not necessary, and diminishes respect for life in general. I live also as the factory farm animals, all of them.

...

March 9, 2006. What we all have in common is the Stuff which has assumed our forms--the Stuff being the universal energy--and plain naked awareness. Our forms are different, like snowflakes, and our minds and mindsets are different--different emotional states, different memories, different thoughts, all filtering in unique ways--but at the core we are the same Stuff and of one Awareness.

...

People are so attached to their automobiles the dealership repair feels like a hospital, complete with a waiting room and solicitous staff. The "doctor" comes into the waiting room to consult with the automobile's "family" about the diagnosis and treatment options. Preventive medicine strategies are discussed.

...

Caught a 'meditation supply catalog' and flipped through it. For dedicated, well-heeled contemplatives. Glad I'm too frugal and too stubborn to ever again throw money at anything related to the spiritual life. It's nature, people, it's always here, it's your very awareness, toss the preciousness.

...

If I knew then what I know now... I accept the consequences of my actions and decisions, and can work with them. The main thing is to not be distracted by the worldly things such as livelihood and paying the bills, in particular not worrying about that stuff. Car, house, insurance, etc. Being a married householder doesn't mean being handicapped as far as spiritual matters are concerned. The universal mind is infinitely adaptable. The natural mind is free, nonjudgmental. Nothing can change that thing I am.

...

It's amusing how nature doesn't try to explain itself or have any elaborate process of how to approach it. It just is what it is. And the presence of nature in this human form--i.e., our 'true nature'--is true to nature, and doesn't try to explain itself--it just is.

The highest achievement of this self-tortured existence hasn't come until very recently, and that achievement is not mine, it's just letting nature be nature, true nature be true nature, to just be this thing I am. To be natural. I still think up a storm, thoughts come and go as they will, and I say and do foolish things as I will. Who's around to judge, though? Nature doesn't care what I do, go ahead and do it, there's nobody around anyway. If I want to torture myself or others with boneheaded thoughts, fine. If I want to simply be, fine. See what works, and do it. Do what it takes to survive, and don't apologize. Going to bed at a decent hour last night, I felt very grateful to have enough blankets, a warm bed, a roof over my head, enough water, food, clothes, shoes, people and animals and plants to love and be loved by...we're managing to pay the bills and survive, and I'm not one of those exhausted workaholics who never has any time to be.

Frugality makes me happy. If everyone only knew the joys of frugality--how little it takes to have enough--the world would be a better place. Minimal consumption of energy and resources required. No global warming. No war. No poverty. No wealth. Blissful sustainability. Insatiable human desires are the problem. Eliminate the problems by eliminating the desires. We only need to meet our own and each others' needs.

Low-impact frugal living. Why is that so difficult, so undesirable?

...

Every day that I remember to look, I look at the energy field around my body, particularly my hands, where it's easiest to see it and manipulate it. It's there, in plain sight, and looks very similar to a magnetic field, with lines of force. When I move the fingers of opposing hands back and forth lines of force follow the movement, with a 'null' line connecting and following opposing fingertips. This is best seen against a very dark background, with hands illuminated by overhead direct light source, such as a single fluorescent light.

I've seen this energy field this way since I was a teenager, when I accidentally saw it while looking idly at my hands, outstretched above me as I lay on the floor. My hands had a distinct energy field around them against the light background of a white ceiling.

So there are two good backgrounds to use to see the energy field, a very dark background and a uniformly light background.

I see the energy field around people as they walk past big windows in the supermarket when it's daylight outside...the field trails behind their heads as they walk.

Animals and plants have this energy field as well.

The energy of nature, the energy of the universe, animating all life, assuming all forms. How wonderful to be this being of pure energy! How good to know that I am this energy, I am the universe, and partake of omnipresence and eternal life. And how little it takes to sustain this, simply to take in a little sunlight in the form of food.

Homeless people are closest to the true needs of the true human being. Their own energy keeps them warm as they sleep on the street, and they replenish this energy with foods and beverages filled with energy. They need no car, no house and mortgage, no high-def TV, no computer.

What would be ideal is to find a way of life that is wholesome, comfortable, healthy yet simple and frugal. Not being owned by many possessions, yet having enough to live with a deep abiding sense of security that all needs are met and will continue to be met as long as the sun shines.

This requires a decentralized agrarian way of life. Everyone is a farmer, living on their own little farm, or working together on a farm, to grow enough food to meet everyone's needs. Straw-bale houses, or sod houses, or underground houses, to keep fuel needs minimal. Wind and solar power. Composting everything including human waste. Vegan diet, eating low on the food chain, the most efficient, healthful, compassionate way to eat.

Our civilization is out on a limb, and ready to implode. Nature can't sustain unsustainable ways of life. Nothing personal, it's just the way energy works.

...

March 7, 2006. It's good to know that even though things and people will do what they will, be as they are, and even though there is what could be interpreted as profound inherent imperfection in everything--the burdens of adult responsibilities which may or may not be meetable--there is absolute freedom in the present, always. In this state of intrinsic freedom there is the absolute power to control actions and speech, such what goes in and out of the mouth. As banal as it sounds, simply being silent, and speaking quietly, clearly, and succinctly, with good will, is a demonstration of absolute power. As is taking in food and drink that is wholesome, and cruelty-free, and health-promoting, and not taking in food and drink that is basically unhealthy or that contributes to cruelty to animals.

To take control over this very body is an expression of absolute power. No-one else has any control over this body but me. No-one can force me to eat, or not eat, any particular food; to drink, or not drink, any particular drink. My awareness is sacrosanct, and will not be forced by anyone to be directed in any particular direction. Many forces are at work to ensnare the attention of the deluded. My mind and my body are free, and are my own.

Human rights. I will not coerce anyone, and I will not be coerced by anyone. Nor should anyone else. Any coercion is expression of ignorance and delusion.

...

Nature worship. To adore nature, to adore life, in whatever form it takes. No dogma, no creed, no belief.

What would it take to stop the destruction of the natural world and let nature reclaim the earth? People have lived in harmony with nature up until around the time of the Industrial Revolution. Low-tech small-scale agrarian life was sustainable when human population was in balance with what the earth could provide.

With 7 billion mouths to feed and runaway consumption of nonrenewable energy and resources how can balance be restored and sustainability be achieved?

The natural world has its own way of dealing with unsustainable imbalances. When food, water, energy run out, human beings will perish, and adapt.

Although every being has a fundamental right to exist, if some beings multiply and consume too much their right to exist will be superseded by the sheer impossibility of sustaining so many beings. Nothing personal, nothing vengeful, just the way the natural world works. Natural laws can't be bent or broken.

...

From time to time I take a look at the memories accumulated, from 'past lives' lived in this incarnation. The miserable headspaces, the melodramas, the ignorance, the self-delusion, the negativity, the selfishness, the cruelty, the heedlessness. If only I knew then what I know now, but then how could have I known, with so much baggage to carry? Maturation and stability come on their own accord, ripening and ready for harvest when it's ready, and not before.

So I break the spell induced by reliving painful times and moments, and pat myself on the back and cut myself plenty of slack. This old monkey has endured so many abuses of mind and body, self-inflicted. The stress, o lordy, the stress. If these arteries are clogging up I can forgive them, for they were only doing what they do when under lots of long drawn out stressfulness.

So I say to me, and thee, Avoid stress. Be not stressful. In the eternal present, be at peace. Surrender.

And right now there is peace. All current relationships are good, solid, on an even keel. I have not knowingly said or done anything to anyone that I regret, or have cause to regret. In short, I'm enjoying the results of cleaning up my act. I can stride through every day, innocent, aware, on good terms with everyone and everything. A free mind requires a clear conscience, a harmless simple unencumbered life. Adult responsibilities need not be soul-crushing--as long as I meet these responsibilities in good faith, to the best of my ability, I can resume undistracted wonder and fascination with everything, with being alive, with being part of the universe.

It really is important to live simply and humbly, to follow the Eight-fold Path of the Buddhists, whether card-carrying Buddhist or not. Living this way, the awareness is freed up to be aware of iself, and the individual can make the jump from existence as a seemingly separate self to existence as the universe in this, and every, assumed form, from tiny insect to galaxy.

So I go forth, letting go of stress, letting go of everything, letting it all just be as it is. And eating in a way Dr. Dean Ornish and his Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine would approve. A reversal diet. Reversing stress-caused ravages of arteries. Reversing stress.

In one particular identifiable form many personalities can come and go. I have a case of recognized, controlled Multiple Personality Disorder. My dad exhorted so often, "Be yourself!" OK, what is myself, my true self? What is my true personality? Pure awareness, pure peace, pure naturalness.

...

On a recent Salvia journey the theme was Be A Compassionate Being. No limit to how compassionate to be.

...

March 6, 2006. Yesterday, a quiet Sunday alone. Time to rest, and time to take a hike. Went out west on the bike path for an hour, then came back. A good walking meditation.

Noticing the resilent forms of life in the cold sunlight, the mosses and grasses and weeds, vibrant green. The mosses particularly are striking in their obvious aliveness, theviriditas lovely to behold, catching the eye at every juncture. Life recognizes life.

Stopped to pee by an original stone culvert built long ago for the railroad. Not only were there mosses and grasses, but a few insects hovering around the culvert. How could it be, I really miss insects. It's been a long winter. I miss every form of life, and look out for them all: the mosses and grasses and insects and fish and amphibians and reptiles and birds and animals. And people, be they self-absorbed, conditioned monkeys they may be. Easy to forget sometimes how it is to be in a state of perpetual delusion and alienation.

Wondering where in the body "I" am, where "I" originate. Come around to the same place: the Energy. Energy has no "I" even though it's everything, even though it's pure awareness. Was surprised by a passing student who gave me a warm 'hi' and full eye contact as she passed by on her bike. The degree of how deluded-into-believing-in-separate-self a person is is how easy, or difficult, it is to get a simple acknowledgement of common awareness. Many people ignore others, do not greet others, do not recognize others...certainly are not recognizing This Thing We Are, pure awareness shining in other beings...they are lost in their own world. And then there are some people who, whether they know it or not, recognize the presence of This Thing We Are and express this recognition by eye contact and greeting. It doesn't take much, but it means so much. It makes all the difference. We are not strangers, we are all the same stuff, the same pure awareness, the same pure being, the Energy.

Got home in time to do some chores and start a big pot of soybeans boiling, and eat two large fresh Salvia divinorum leaves. No dramatic shifts in perception this time, just a gentle all-enfolding relaxation.

This morning plucked a few chords on the guitar, and sang simple little chants, all centered around This Thing We Are.

And walking to work, surrendering again everything that's "me" and "mine" to This Thing We Are. Nature is a good word for this Thing. Or Life. Life seeing through these eyes, walking with these legs, writing with these hands, talking with this throat. Life's awareness...nature's awareness. Nature's life living "me" as "me."

...

Whenever I ask myself, who's the doer? who's talking? who's listening? I am stunned and joyous when the One who does and is all things answers me, as me. What bears all burdens has shoulders spanning the universe.

...

Last night 3/2/06 ate two large fresh Salvia divinorum leaves plucked from one of the horizontally-inclined plants to get reacquainted with the medicine. In the candlelight, alone, there was besagement enough, and although sleep was short, there were realizations. The besagement realization always humbles--no more cleverness, no more human personality, no more human cunning and cruelty and conditioning. The human body is as pure and selfless as the Salvia divinorum plant. To live as a pure being, one only has to be the pure being. The body is a pure being, and the intent and the mind of the body is pure. A simple being of life, an expression of life, life speaking as this being, through this being, seeing through these eyes, speaking through this throat. What is the body's intent but to eat when hungry, drink when thirsty, rest when weary, to survive and enjoy and be as comfortable as possible, living the life of the pure body.

The core being project requires recognition of the core being in every being, in every species, in every human relationship. With discriminating mind differences abound, and there is separation, conflict, negativity. With body mind, pure mind, core mind, life's pure awareness, there is life, energy, everywhere. Wherever there's a being, plant, animal, or rock or sun or river, there's energy, there's life, there's the great core being. A great love life has for itself, in all its forms.

Salvia is an important tool to use to resume life as core being, as life. The positions assumed, the free movements, the realizations, life itself, life force, the being of life, the awareness of life, life's awareness. Be life. I will try to remain acquainted with Salvia every week if possible, at least one leaf to eat every week. This is the most intellligent, significant, magnificent path imaginable. Of course, it's pure intelligence-energy, presence-awareness. The real stuff.

...

March 2, 2006. That Feb. 27 Cub Scout banquet may have provided more than beans--a touch of the flu. Still, I gamely carry on, trying to log some realizations that blossomed nicely yesterday morning just before the malaise set in.

Surrender is sweet. To know that my true self is everything and is always around makes it easy to surrender this tired old body--there is no more reason to fear death, and no reason to hasten death either. It's good to have enough time to establish stable, deep, insight into nonduality, and to surrender to nature totally. I surrender to the conditions of the present, whatever they may be. I surrender to my natural mind, my natural body, my natural origin, my true nature, omnipresent. Surrender is stability, hitting bottom, landing on the ground of being.

Another aspect to nondual surrender is awareness of empowerment--that which I am, the universal energy, is life itself, a powerful being. I feel like roaring with joy. What a combination, absolute surrender and absolute empowerment. How odd that absolute empowerment requires absolute surrender.

...

Feb. 28 a.m. I am now officially a human bean. At a Cub Scout banquet last night dug into fresh cole slaw, potato salad and baked beans. We brought the beans. I didn't plan on eating any of the beans or anything much, as I've been experimenting with different ways of eating, from vegan to paleolithic. After seeing the animals at the farm park last weekend, though, as good as the conditions were for them, I felt badly about the exploitation of animals. My cats and I are equals, and I adore them, and they lavish me with their unconditional affection and trust. How can I in good conscience eat other animals or contribute to their inhumane existence by eating eggs and dairy? I will gladly risk the purportedly unhealthy effects of evil grains and toxic legumes and be not only neolithic about food, but post-post-modern, eating in a way that is cruelty-free and sustainable. Man adapts to changing conditions. This world is a very crowded place now. I want to live, and eat, in a way that anyone anywhere could. Beans for peace. Beans for regularity.

...

"All I know is what I read on the Internet." "I believe everything I read on the World Wide Web."

Amazing how it's possible to get perfectly conflicting advice, opinions, suggestions, 'facts' when searching the Web. The authors of Web sites are truly a plurality. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I can make a case equally for, or against, anything, if I look on the Web a bit.

So I'm back to doing what feels right. This life is for experimenting, to see what works and what doesn't. The results of today's tests are refuted in tomorrow's tests. It's what feels right right now, on every level.

There's little doubt in my mind that the world would be much better off if Buddhism became the one worldwide belief system. Ironically, Buddhism is not an evangelical, dogmatic, or aggressive system. It does not dominate, it does not depend on blind faith, it is non-sectarian and does not divide people. Buddhism, practiced by everyone, would transform the world. People are stuck in delusion, and are unwilling to let go of delusion, and desire, and fear. The people who need Buddhism the most are the least likely to accept it as a way of life. The people who need Buddhism the least are the most likely to respect it, and understand it, and have little need to 'become a Buddhist' as their way of life and thinking is essentially Buddhist, all but in name.

...

Feb. 27, 2006, Monday. New Moon 3:25 p.m., two hours from now. Syzygy and perigee. Mondo tide. Part of the core being project is running the experiment to see if it's possible to live well without the need for artificial supplements, e.g. multivitamins, medications. There's no reason why a body in this particular circumstance can't live on food alone. Real food, whole food, containing all the nutrition that has sustained people since the dawn of life on this planet. Micronutrients, trace elements, phytonutrients, everything we need, is contained in the common variety of whole foods. It appeals to me greatly not to think I have to supplement nature in order to get my needs met. I would like to run the experiment of seeing how well I can live on plant-based foods alone. Textured vegetable protein burgers made from soybeans and wheat gluten are relatively cheap and nutrient-dense as a plant food. As hale and hearty and healthy and nutrient-dense lean meat can be for the body, this is neither sustainable nor ethical practice...certainly not an option for the majority of the world's population, who must try to survive on the least desirable means of sustenance available to them, which is nutrient-light grains, a junk-food way of eating to which our bodies have not well-adjusted.

...

So here I am, not a 'success' by the usual standards of material wealth or professional achievement, but a 'success' in the present nonetheless. It's only possible for me to be a success in the present, not in the past, not in the future. Now is the only time I'll ever have. Here is the only place I'll ever be. As luck would have it, it is precisely in the here and now that the object of my lifelong search is always found, and as I am that object, success is always at hand.

By 'success' in the here and now I mean realization and expression and enjoyment of pure awareness and pure being--the universe, nature, life in this form. This is unabashed, uncompromised, undiluted, unadulterated self-realization, self-liberation, enlightenment here and now. If not here, where? If not now, when? It's always here and now. It's a thing sustained in the here and now, and the joyful self-liberation is realized upon realizing the thing is self-sustaining, when delusions of separate selfhood are abandoned. The Garden of Eden, the Kingdom of Heaven, is always within, is in fact our true nature.

Just as the self-sustaining Garden of Eden is within, it can also be without. The earth can meet our needs sustainably if we take only what we need. Fruit trees, nut trees, seed-bearing plants, vegetables edible straight from the ground, can meet our needs.

Unfortunately through greed and desire the earth is now overpopulated, and many people are in the thrall of the delusion of separate selfhood, and are very greedy. With so many people, and so many greedy people, the earth can't meet everyone's needs anymore. Until this imbalance becomes balanced, in whatever way the earth will balance it, there will be concentrations of wealth and widespread poverty and hunger.

Unless and until it becomes culturally acceptable to live simply and humbly as the norm--being satisfied with enough, and no more--human beings will conceive and compete and conflict and consume themselves into an inevitable apocalypse.

It's just the way the universal energy is, until it learns the critical lesson of NO SELF, and NO SEPARATE SELFHOOD. Suffering is the inevitable result of pretending to be something we're not, of forgetting what we all really are. ONE THING. ONE, COUNT 'EM, ONE. Many forms, ONE THING. The SAME THING. Universal awareness. Universal being. ONE.

...

Walking back to work under transparent cloudless sky full brilliant sunlight of high noon, it's easier to remember that we're all transformed sunlight, and share the identical nature of the sun. All of us are brilliant beings of sunlight, of energy. Our very awareness is sunlight, transformed. Everything we perceive is sunlight, transformed.

Everything is energy, THE energy. Matter is energy, every form is energy, be it rock, tree, planet, star, human being. That's all we are. That's all anything is.

Energy has no 'person', no 'self'. It has assumed all forms, and is also formless. It is pure awareness, and it is the forms perceived in the field of awareness.

Energy is aware, and aware of itself, not knowing at first it is more than just a particular form, a particular awareness. Holding onto its particular form at all costs, desire and fear arise. Energy that is not free, not self-liberated, is desire-energy, fear-energy.

Energy that knows it is energy is free. It can be called 'spiritual' freedom, if looked at from a religious perspective. If looked at from a scientific perspective, a purely experiential, fresh, unassociated perspective, it is simply energy being energy, the innate properties and qualities of pure energy.

There is no person anywhere, no self anywhere, no entity-in-charge anywhere, only energy, ever-changing, indestructible, eternal, self-less energy.

Thus the fact that "I" was never born, "I" never die. Nor does any other form of the energy.

How can there be grieving over the death of someone that doesn't exist, that was never born, that never dies? The electricity is the "person", not the light bulb. When the electricity no longer passes through the bulb, is the electricity "dead"? It's always in the cosmic energy grid, lighting up bulbs all over the universe.

...

Non-attachment doesn't necessarily mean rejection of a thing. It can mean to accept its presence as it is, and use it lovingly, for love, and accept its inevitable change and loss. This applies equally to objects and persons, and one's own body.

I'm accepting my attachments as well. There is nothing I like more than to spend a quiet day at home, in my home town, and never setting foot in a car. Yet others don't share this attachment to hearth and home, and want to travel, and to acquire. I accept their desires, and will go along, and will exercise my newfound birthright to be perfectly content with being true nature. I don't want anything, I don't need anything, I AM all that I could possibly need, and want.

Just to be able to pay the bills and keep the heat going in the winter and the water going all year 'round and have enough food, clothing, a solid roof, and indoor plumbing even, makes me very happy. The cool gadgets are not necessary--desire for more and better gadgets is, I know from experience, insatiable. So I'm glad for finally catching on to naked awareness, to presence-awareness intelligence-energy true nature. Free at last! I wouldn't trade spiritual freedom for anything. And it never changes, it is never lost, as it is wonderful no-self emptiness, pure transparent omnipresent awareness.

...

Politics and religion, all things conceptual, are of less and less interest to me. The monkeys wearing suits and concepts are living in a false world. It's a great relief to be able to live in the real world, which is the natural world, such as it is. The natural way. I may not be allowed to walk naked down the street, but I will do the functional equivalent for the rest of this life, just be, and be natural. And be nature, and be in nature. Not so easy here as it would be in southern California or Florida or the rain forest, but here I am.

It's a political statement to be apolitical, to be beyond politics. It's a religious statement to be nonreligious, to be beyond religion. Humans will think as they will, nature remains what it is. The beautiful organic perfection of the living natural world goes on, no matter what we think, or how we think.

So I'm going with what feels right, which is following the path of the simple free hairy funky monkey, doing what he has to do to survive in this very strange jungle.

This monkey doesn't need much, doesn't want much. Just freedom to be what I am.

Hair is natural, letting hair be hair is only natural, and yet is interpreted as a political statement. Way of life involves the necessities of life, and how they're obtained and maintained. Enough is enough. More than enough is too much. How much is enough? Is it possible that every human being can have enough, sustainably? If so, then it's time for everyone to have enough. No-one needs too much, no-one needs to not have enough. We would be wise animals indeed to take care of each other thusly in this dream. Living simply, satisfied with enough, is a political statement, as well as the way to help everyone else have enough, by not having too much.

...

A friend says the way to tell you're not dreaming is if you can smell and taste--never in a dream is anything smelled or tasted. Even while smelling and tasting and living like the animal, the organic electric being, this is all so very much a dream. Paying the bills in this dream.

Conscious dreaming, lucid dreaming. I have awakened in this dream. I am nothing but pure awareness, untroubled, transparent, witnessing this dream. The quality of my presence affects the dream around me, much like the gravity of a star or planet affects everything around them. I can't turn my presence off, it just is. My presence. Whose presence? The presence of life, the presence of universal energy, intelligence-energy presence-awareness. If not this real presence that is the real 'me' my presence is by turns happy, agitated, depressed, worried, etc. etc. because I've bought into the delusion of separateness, misperceiving this ongoing dream.

...

To simply accept, to simply be. Whatever it is, however it is, accept it. Nothing can change what we really ultimately are--and the ultimate is always right now.

I grow so weary of words words words, of cleverness. The simple wisdom of nature speaks well enough by what it is, which is what we are. If I could be content to speak as eloquently as a flower, or a cat, or a tree, or a sun, or a rock, that's how I would speak.

Pure natural awareness, pure being. Time for a long walk.

...

Went to the funeral home last evening to pay respects to the family of a man I've known for decades, not well, but well enough to know his disposition, which was unfailingly light-hearted, upbeat, sunny, jovial. He was a man with a nonstop sense of humor. Never down, never serious, that I could tell.

Such a pure spirit is tough to lose. His daughter said she's taking it one day at a time.

It will be an honor and a pleasure to cultivate the fun-loving aspect of spirit that he embodied so well. His influence will go on and on, as does everyone's.

...

Although current personal circumstances are relatively stable, all things considered, change is inevitable. What has formed will transform, and keep on transforming. What was gained will be lost. There is nothing that I can say is personally mine anymore.

Yet I'm happier than I've ever been. I'd never trade what I know, how I feel, for anything. Nothing can take away what I am, the true nature. Just being this thing I am is all I can ever be.

There will be periodic forgettings of true nature, caused by distractions of fear and desire, of worry and attachment. There will also be periodic rememberings, like now, when I'm in fine form, well rested, freshly showered, in clean clothes, mentally braced for a workday with coffee and breakfast and commitments.

My father was disappointed that I used to not want to 'go after' anything, even though he would tell me time and time again that I had 'an extra shot of something.' He was a strong influence in terms of living a philosophic life. He helped me acquire a taste for wisdom.

My taste for wisdom is pretty keen, I must say. The essence of wisdom, I now understand, is intelligence-energy, presence-awareness (thanks again Sailor Bob). Last evening I attended a PowerPoint presentation on obstetrics and trauma, and because of technical difficulties, the speaker was in the back of the room, the projection screen in the front, and the audience around a big table in the middle. I could not maintain interest in watching a screen for long, but I could easily maintain interest in the speaker. The fact that she happened to be comely was beside the point--she was Alive, pure intelligence-energy and presence-awareness, and there my attention found a home. And rather than sit as a passive spectator, I raised my hand to voice some quibbles about some of the topics as they were presented, not to be disruptive, but to exercise presence-awareness and intelligence-energy, to participate, to communicate, to commune with these beautiful beings around me, alienated no more.

Lifeforce is wisdom. Wandering in a meadow, with or without Salvia's magical influence on board, the lifeforce immanent and transcendent, radiant, permeating all space and all flesh, is the true, timeless wisdom. It is me, my true self, my immortality. My taste in wisdom has carried me to its source.

I wish my father could see me now. I'm after something, all right. And I got it, or it got me. Got me good. As it should. I AM THAT I AM.

...

Can now understand the attraction of surrendering, whether to Allah or to Jesus Christ. Surrendering the illusory separate self's will to the Higher Power, the Real Power, the Only Power. To turn heart and will over completely, incapable of not surrendering. Unconditional surrender, over and over and over, in the present.

Nothing less is required if one is to remain in the natural state, a pure expression of true nature.

This is difficult, and necessary, and ultimately liberating. To not identify with the person who gets frustrated and worried about money and bills. Spirit is graceful, even when trying to make ends meet.

To paraphrase Nisargadatta, "I was never in debt."

As I was never born, these dream problems are what they are, of no substance whatsoever.

As Sailor Bob Adamson says, "No worries!"

...

Nothing much, nothing new, on this Feb. 21. Got up in the wee hours and couldn't fall back to sleep. This does wonders for breaking the will of the self that believes it's separate.

And the task at hand is to live fully in the present, completely in the present. I won't be harsh on myself for my dwelling in the past or imagining the future, lost in memories and anxious imaginings. Gently I remind myself to be in the present, for that is where the spirit dwells.

It's my fate and fortune to have exhausted the deceptive distractions of separate selfhood and find my calling to be that which I am. Quite the ordinary spirit of nature. Working with this living stuff, this intelligence-energy, this presence-awareness. Thanks Sailor Bob, you kindly old Aussie, for terminology that works very well.

...

Yesterday Feb. 19, 2006, very cold, went on lovely 2-hour hike and really clarified things. The spirit of nature, nature's spirit, natural spirit, that one-and-only good stuff flowing everywhere. Just being this, and it has no name, some call it the Tao, whatever people want to embroider upon it. The more embroidery, the more plausible to the conceptually-minded--and the more that can be said, and written, the more books that can be written, and sold.

Freedom is just being this spirit of nature, right now. No fear, no desire, it's all right here, right now.

Walking to work this morning, I caught myself having a bowed head, an old habitus which does not serve me well. What we think we are determines our posture, our habitus, our habits too.

So I am a being of the spirit of nature, of vitality, as healthy, perfect, and erect as any plant or animal. I hold my head high, spine straight, and move freely, gently, supple. Part of the true nature/core being project is expressing the attributes of true nature, the spirit of nature, viriditas in human form.

Destinated.
Nowhere I have to be but here.
No time I have to be anywhere but now.
This is all I ever need, all I ever want, all I ever have.
Now is the only time I'll ever have.
Here is the only place I'll ever be.

The natural state.
No fear, no desire.
Freedom.
The spirit of nature is all there is.
Everyone is this.
Everyone can be this.
Being this is the end of person, end of fear, end of desire.
It communicates with itself.
There is no other.

...

It's one of life's great pleasures to be accepted by animals as one of their own. It is the crowning achievement of this life to be an animal. To be an equal to every animal, every plant. We are different forms of the same stuff. It's taken me a long time to catch on. Better late than never. I'm a slow learner, but I'm learning. I'm a late bloomer, but I'm blooming, before it's too late.

All those years of needless suffering, alienation, a hostage of thoughts. All those decades of mistaken identity. It makes simply being what I am an almost unbearable delight.

...

Why muck up the naturalnesses with esoteric exotic terminology? There is life, there is awareness, there is energy, living energy, aware energy. Quite so. What IS this? Forget all the teachings, be they Buddhist or Hindu or Christian or Taoist or whatever. Forget Science even. Just experience This, just be This.

I worship and adore my cats. I tell them as much every day. We have a great relationship. I respect their naturalness, their wildness, their nobility as beings. I never tire of looking at a cat, especially that furry face. To make eye contact with a cat is a sheer delight. To have a purring furry snout find its way into my ear is beyond pain and pleasure, more like electrocution. Pure animal energy, pure animal magnetism, pure animal spirit.

Purr and fur,
Paws and claws and haws.
Supreme perfect beings all.

Just be life, the eyes of life, the awareness of life, the form of life.

Simple and pure and real.

...

The only reason I would be tempted to develop or expound or sell people on any system is if that system was necessary as a vehicle to help people find their own way out of suffering. Hence the 4 noble trooths and the 8-fold path, I guess. Even that could be condensed.

The self-enquiry is always potent: who am I? Experience this I AM sense. What, exactly, AM? aHA! HA HA HA

Whatever it is, we all have it, we're all it. I call it Life, or Energy, or Universe. Quite so.

...

And yet another manifestation of the 'obesity epidemic' which is the accumulation of excess stuff, of being owned and suffocated by 'things.' The Industrial Revolution and mass production of things has, along with junk food, junk media, and lack of walkable living and working environments, turned this dominant culture into a nation plagued by excess fat, wrongheaded notions, and things.

I know this epidemic too well, from being plagued by it personally, in all its forms. My project at this point rather late in life is finding and restoring my core being in its physical and mental aspects. This is a process of subtracting all that is superfluous. The project extends to my immediate environment, at home and work, where I also am in the process of subtracting, gradually removing junk, clutter, as much superfluity as possible until spaciousness is restored.

...

There is another form of 'obesity epidemic' from which many people in the developed world suffer: mental obesity, or perceptual obesity, or spiritual obesity even. The pure natural awareness is analogous to the pure natural physique, present since birth. Just as people eat too much while living a sedentery life and get corpulent, people accumulate 'mental fat': conditioning, chaotic thoughts, opinions, information of varying degrees of usefulness. This mental fat builds up in layers over pure awareness, masking it, just as anatomical fat tissue builds up around the lean natural physique, masking it as well. Everyone has this beautiful pure natural lean physique and pure natural beautiful calm awareness. All that's needed to realize the presence of this physique and this awareness is to release the accumulation of mental and physical fat.

'Spiritual obesity' is a variant of mental obesity where the pure, nonverbal awareness presence is overlaid with concepts that are often seductively elegant. The professional spiritualistes take what is beautiful, pure, and simple and make it complex, even proprietary. It's easier to sell water after bottling it up and labeling it.

Maybe I'm extreme in my position about no-fee-for-spirit, but I don't think so.

There is a community drumming circle that's meeting nearby which I decided not to participate in because there's a 10 dollar fee for each session. Community drumming is not pay-to-play. The plushy woodsy corporate meeting space the circle uses should charge businesses to use its facilities.

I'm still embarrassed to think how much money I spent to participate in a weekend of introductory shamanism a few years ago.

...

Valentine's Day yesterday, in love with it all, all of capital-M Me.

Taking a long brisk walk late in the afternoon into the evening, making the cemetery loop and taking the road to the rail-trail, then into the arboretum loop. While in the arboretum loop had clear sense of inseparability of mind/matter, Samsara/Nirvana, form/formless, and the utter lack of any self. Walking is good for making breakthroughs in understanding. Experiential as it gets. Self-validating.

Just this.

...

Lunch time power nap with the cats is really more of a supine journeying. At the end, a beautiful realization, as good as any that Salvia has catalyzed. To look at ourselves in a new way, a different way, is a good thing. Lying there, relaxed, the elegant simplicity, the innocence, of the core being is so evident. Walking back to work in the cool breeze under brilliant full midday sunlight, the vast oceanic peace of the universe pervades, felt in the bones and in the earth.

The best years of my life are at hand, right now in fact. What I knew as a child, what I felt as a child, the world I knew as a child, is still here.

Everyone that can get outside should get outside, as much as possible, every day if possible, walking if possible but get outside and B