Over the last twenty-five years, the United States has witnessed a considerable change in the familial structure.  Families are no longer defined as the traditional household with two heterosexual parents raising biological children.  In fact, one may argue that there is no traditional family, considering the dramatic rise in single parent families, blended step-families, and same-sex partnerships.  The formation of families requires much more thought and planning than it has in the past, especially for same-sex couples that wish to have a child.  After all, gay and lesbian couples have more decisions to make before embarking upon parenthood.

There are three paths that most gay and lesbian couples consider when creating their family:

          · adoption
        · artificial insemination/surrogacy or
        · pregnancy through heterosexual marriage
 
 

    An overall theme is revealed throughout these three paths: gay and lesbian parents are faced with many choices that are often complicated by injustice, prejudice, and misunderstanding of their lifestyle.
 

What is it like for gay and lesbian parents who want to adopt?

    Although the logistic process is the same for any individual seeking a child through adoption agencies, gay and lesbian couples are faced with prejudices that heterosexual couples do not encounter.  Despite the growing acceptance over the last 15 years for gay and lesbian couples to present their sexual orientations openly, many of the legal institutions continue to perpetuate negative stereotypes that label same-sex couples as unsuitable for parenthood.

        · Many courts still uphold the beliefs that gay and lesbian individuals are more 
          predisposed to child molestation and inappropriate displays of sexuality in front of 
          children.  These institutions also believe that a child placed in a homosexual 
          household will be more likely to turn out gay or will be severely stigmatized
          due to their familial make-up.

        · Same-sex couples may also encounter discrimination through social workers or 
          agencies that refuse to cooperate with openly gay couples.  It is common for 
          social workers to decide that gay and lesbian homes are unfit without much 
          justification or reason.  As a result, many couples often present themselves as single
          heterosexual men or single heterosexual females when seeking adoption to avoid 
          persecution for their sexual identity.
 

Then why adopt?

    Homosexuals often approach adoption with a very different mindset than heterosexuals.  Most heterosexuals consider adoption as a last resort after being unsuccessful with the biological route, whereas gay and lesbian individuals often view adoption with pride and out of the desire to parent a child who needs a family.  Adoption is perfect for lesbians who prefer not to experience pregnancy, because adoption bypasses the medical and physical trials of conceiving, carrying, and delivering a child.  For gay men, adoption is often the easiest route to parenthood, avoiding the costs and complications of surrogacy.  In addition, some couples like the idea of neither partner being a genetic parent, so that both have equal status with respect to the child.

There are five different types of adoption:

    · public adoptions
    · foster-adopt programs
    · private agencies
    · independent adoptions or
    · international adoptions
 

    In each kind of adoption, the process can be long and tedious for both heterosexual and homosexual individuals which all demand different kinds of action, legally and personally:

Third-Party Involvement in Conception

Artificial Insemination.

     As technology and social acceptance has advanced over the years, it has become easier for lesbians to conceive a child through artificial insemination.  For some lesbian couples, pregnancy seems less problematic than adoption.  They believe that people will ask fewer questions, it will require less expense, and that their chances of having a healthy child will increase.  Also, having a biological baby may be more acceptable to extended family members and may offer more legal protection from having a child taken away--which is often a risk in adoption cases.  With artificial insemination, couples have a lot more control and involvement in the process of receiving a child than they do with adoption.

· How do you choose a donor?  Many physicians will choose the donor for the prospective mother, but some facilities offer the option of looking through a catalog that includes the donor’s profile of hobbies, talents, interests, and personal statements.

· What about paternal anonymity?  In most cases, donors are unknown, but some progressive facilities offer the option of the “yes” donor.  This means that the donor will remain anonymous until the child is eighteen years of age.  When the child becomes of age, the donor specifies that he is willing to be contacted if the child wishes to do so.

· How do lesbian parents feel about the "yes" donor?  This option is often appealing for those couples that are especially concerned that the child may feel a loss due to the invisibility of their father. However, for other lesbian couples, this option seems completely unnatural and unappealing.

        o Often, the child’s attitude towards their conception is a product of the 
          message that is communicated by the parents--if the parents are 
          comfortable with the situation, it is likely that the child will be 
          comfortable as well.

        o Another issue that concerns couples about knowing the donor is that 
          the non-biological parent may feel left out. The non-biological parent 
          often has difficulty getting recognition of her status anyway, and the 
          presence of a man outside the household who has legal and social 
          privileges that she doesn’t have, may make it even more difficult.
 

So it is imperative that emotional, physical, and legal ramifications be carefully considered in order to make an informed decision.
 

Surrogacy

    When gay couples want to contribute biologically to the birth of their child, they are faced with a very controversial option: surrogate motherhood.  In a surrogacy arrangement, the woman is inseminated with the paternal sperm under the agreement that the woman will not have any maternal rights to the child and that the father will pay the surrogate’s expenses as well as a fee for her services.

Why is surrogacy so controversial?

    Although surrogacy has existed since biblical times as a way to deal with infertility, modern-day “commercial surrogacy” where a woman agrees to carry a child for someone she may not know, is considered to be fairly liberal and new in our society.

        o Many people do not approve of surrogate mothers mainly because there is a 
          considerable amount of money exchanged for the service.  In adoption cases, the 
          mother is not paid any money for giving her child to a new family.  Therefore, 
         many people perceive surrogacy as unethical when compared to adoption.

        o The law surrounding surrogacy is very unclear.  Although the agreement may be 
           that the surrogate mother will turn over the child upon delivery, there are no 
           specific laws that will protect the gay couple if the woman decides she wants to be 
           a fully participating mother.

    Although surrogacy can be somewhat touchy, more and more gay individuals are looking into it.  As this option becomes more widely known, its popularity will most likely grow as well, calling for more legal protection and mainstream support.
 
 

Parenthood through Heterosexual Marriage

    A large number of gay and lesbian families are a product of heterosexual marriages.  In fact, it was estimated in 1995 that 3 million to 5 million lesbian and gay parents have had their children through previous marital relationships and have come out as homosexual later on in life.  And the percentage is expected to rise as social attitudes and personal acceptance become more solidified

The main concern most homosexuals share in these situations concerns their relationships with their children:

    · Many fear that they may lose their children in custody battles due to their sexual 
      orientation or that they may cause a lot of pain in their children’s lives.  However, 
      most individuals who come out of the closet experience less stress in their lives and 
      report more satisfaction with themselves than those who remain silent about their
      identity, creating a more stable and consistent home-life.

    · In most cases, gay and lesbian individuals follow the child when they decide to expose 
      their sexual identity.  It is important to them that their children feel comfortable with 
      the parent’s lifestyle, so the parents often work with the child to create acceptance. 
      Most lesbian and gay households frequently have a separate bedroom that can
      be assumed to be the partner’s room, whether the children request this or not.
 

    It is typical for parents to voluntarily yield evidences of their intimacy in order to prevent difficulties for their children. Therefore, gay and lesbian individuals take their role as parent seriously and that role seems to come first before their sexual identity, ensuring the overall well-being and happiness of their children.
 
 

Conclusion

    Although there are many new ways to form a family nowadays, there is no reason to believe that one way is better than the next.  Despite the legal presumptions and stereotypes about homosexual households, gay and lesbian parents are just as likely as heterosexual parents to provide a supportive environment that fosters normal and healthy development for their children. In fact, there is no evidence that suggests any psychosocial deficiencies in children raised in gay and lesbian homes as compared to children of heterosexual families.  Therefore, the pursuit of parenthood for same-sex couples may be more complex than the efforts of the traditional family, however it is in no way inferior or less effective than that of heterosexual families.