Introduction
The style
that a parent uses when rearing children affects how the child behaves
later in life. With all of the control that the media has over the
lives of today’s youth, it is comforting to know that parents still have
an influence in the lives of adolescents, and the parental role still plays
a part in adolescent development. It should be recognized that most
parents raise their children the way that their parents raised them.
Not that there is anything wrong with that, but parents must realize that
times have changed, therefore, what might have worked for you as a teenager,
may not work in raising your child.
In
this summary, I will examine the four major parenting styles (according
to Baumrind), how they affect adolescents, and what parents can do to maintain
and keep control of their teen. By interviewing adolescents themselves,
I will try and shed light on how the different styles of parenting affect
different teens.
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Parenting
Styles
In recognizing
the four parenting styles, it is important to note that some parents have
characteristics in more than one category, and in dual-parent homes, one
parent may have a style that is different than his or her spouse.
Parenting styles are a global assessment of the overall quality of parenting
that an adolescent experiences. The influence that parents have on adolescents
is great, and the parenting style may make or break a successful child.
The four parenting styles include authoritarian, authoritative, permissive,
and neglectful. The paragraphs that follow will further break done each
style. Each style is based on two major elements of parenting: responsiveness
and demandingness. Parental responsiveness is also referred to as parental
warmth or supportiveness. Parental demandingness can be seen as behavioral
control (Baumrind, 1991).
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Authoritarian
Authoritarian
parenting is characterized by high demandingness and low responsiveness.
A parent of this style may have the attitude of “what I say goes” or “because
I said so.” Most adolescents tend to shut down from these types of comments
and commands, and rebel against the parents who use this style. I talked
with Richard Ortega,* a 14 year old from Philadelphia, about his parents.
Here’s what he had to say:
JH:
How does it make you feel when your mom says, “you can’t go out with your
friends because I said so?”
RO:
Man, I hate that. It’s like she doesn’t have a reason; she just doesn’t
want me to go. Sometimes my friends think my mom is mean.
According
to Steinberg (1996), authoritarian parents tend to favor more punitive
and absolute discipline measures without give and take communication.
This means that parents are more commanding of their children and quicker
to penalize them when a task is not seen through. These parents expect
their orders to be obeyed without explanation (Baumrind, as cited in Darling,
1999). Adolescents with parents in this category are well behaved, but
may be depressed. The teens tend to perform well in school and be uninvolved
in problem behavior, but they have poorer social skills and lower self-esteem
(Darling, 1991).
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Authoritative
Authoritative
parents have a balance between demandingness and responsiveness. They are
most consistent in producing positive adolescent identity formation (Steinberg,
1996). These parents understand that the communication lines between parents
and children must be clear in order to maintain a pleasant parent/child
relationship. These parents are assertive, but not intrusive and
restrictive. Their disciplinary methods are supportive rather than punitive
(Baumrind, as cited in Darling, 1991). The parent is still in control of
the household, but on a more laid back level. I talked to Nicole Ramsey,
a 15 year old from State College, about her dealings with her seemingly
authoritative mother:
JH:
Nicole, how are things with you and your mom?
NR:
Okay, I guess.
JH:
You guess?
NR:
Yeah. Sometimes she gets on my nerves, but for the most part, I like
talking to her. She doesn’t judge me on what I have to say. And she’s
pretty good at answering my questions about stuff…
JH:
Does she let you do things with your friends often?
NR:
If she knows who I want to hang out with and where we’re going, it’s usually
okay. If she doesn’t know the people, she’ll want to meet them before
I go out with them.
Adolescents
feel more comfortable talking openly with authoritative parents.
Parents are less quick to punish negative behavior, and they are more likely
to reward positive behavior (Baumrind, 1991). This style of parenting provides
higher measures of competence, social development, self-perception and
mental health (Ballantine, 2001). There is also evidence of high
psychosocial development and less behavioral problems.
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Neglectful
Neglectful
parenting is when the parent does not take an active role in the child’s
life, and does not seem to take an interest in the happenings of the child.
There is low demandingness and low responsiveness in this style. Meet Racquel
King, a troublemaker, and very intolerant 14 year old.
JH:
How are things, Racquel?
RK:
I don’t know.
JH:
How about school. How’s that going?
RK:
Who cares, man? School sucks. I don’t even know why I bother. I don’t see
a point.
JH:
How did you do on your last report card?
RK:
I mean, I’m passing, but barely. I don’t care though.
JH:
Do you get in trouble a lot?
RK:
In school? (Smiles) Yeah.
JH:
At home?
RK:
My parents just say, “don’t do it again.”
Parents
of this type are unresponsive and have few expectations of their children
(Steinberg, 1996). These parents do not monitor or supervise the behavior
of their children. Children of neglectful parents perform poorly in all
aspects [of life] (Darling, 1999).
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Permissive
Parents
of the permissive style are the opposite of neglectful parents because
they are extremely responsive to their children. They do not, however,
demand much from their children (Steinberg, 1996). These parents are the
types that let their children “walk all over them.” The children of permissive
parents are the ones in school whose peers say “I wish I had your parents…”
Many times these teens may want more demanding parents. Parents of the
permissive style lack parental control. LaRisa Atkins is a 15 year old
at State College High. Here’s what she had to say about her permissive
mother.
JH:
How’s your home life?
LA:
Good, I guess.
JH:
You guess?
LA:
Yeah, I feel like I can get away with almost anything.
JH:
Do you take advantage of that?
LA:
Not mostly, I like hanging out with my friends though, and my mom likes
to see me happy.
JH:
Oh okay. When do you hang out? On the weekends?
LA:
Sometimes we skip school. We went to the movies a couple weeks ago.
JH:
How?
LA:
Just left and walked downtown. It’s not that far.
JH:
No one stopped you?
LA:
Nah, (shaking head) not really. They called my house that afternoon asking
why I wasn’t in my later classes. It was somebody from the main office
[who called]. My mom just said to ask her first next time I want to leave
school.
JH:
She didn’t care?
LA:
She tries to sometimes, but mostly no. I think she likes that I’m popular.
Adolescents
from permissive homes are more likely to be involved in problem behavior…but
they have higher self-esteem, better social skills, and lower levels of
depression (Darling, 1999).
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Conclusion
Out of
the four above parenting styles, authoritative seems to be the most successful
when used to raise teens. It is the most effective in helping an
adolescent gain the confidence and self-esteem to make changes in life
and to face and overcome challenges. It has the right balance of responsiveness
and demandingness to make the child feel loved and cared for with a sense
of freedom to make and learn from their own mistakes. This style is rewarding
to parents and children. It gives the children a little bit more control
over their lives, while allowing parents to set the fences around what
can and cannot be done.
Authoritative
parenting without physical punishment produces the most positive results
and the fewest problems for children in today’s world (Ballantine, 2001).
It has all of the characteristics that make a good parent: demanding and
responsive, controlling but not restrictive, interest and participation
in child’s life, open communication, trust, acceptance, and psychological
autonomy. Adapting the way you raise your children to include many, if
not all, of these characteristics will help your children become more successful
in life, and make your job as the parent easier, by concentrating more
on helping the child, and not hindering him.
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References:
Ballantine,
J. Raising competent kids: The authoritative parenting style Childhood
Education Journal Olney 2001 78 (1) 46-47; Darling, N. Parenting Style
and Its Correlates Eric Digest March 1999
*names changed to protect
the innocent |
