gparents

Grandparents

Introduction	Grandparent Evolution	Grandparent Impact
Consumerism	Old Fashioned Values	Conclusion
References	Main Page	Links

Introduction

When one discusses the issue of values being taught to children by their parents, often times, there is an omission of another group of "teachers" who play a large role in instilling values into children. For it is the grandparents, within the family, who have laid down the foundation upon which the parents refer to when instilling values into their own children. In addition to having taught the values to their children; who are now the parents, grandparents also play a role in assisting with the formation of the core sets of vlaues within grandchildren. In the Washington Post article, "For Seniors & Kids, A Way to Bond", Kornhaber is qupted as saying that the grandparent/grandchild relationship is second in importance only to the parent-child relationship in importance (Taylor, 2001, p.1). By being a neutral adult with whom the child can talk, grandparents can help the grandchild through the turbulent teenage years (Sweat, 2002, p.2). IT should be noted, that overtime, the role of the grandparent has progressed from one of more passivity with the teaching of values to the grandchild, to a more active role. As such, this subject has been an area of increased study within the Family Study field of research (Kornhaber, 1996).

In looking at the subject of grandparents' roles with the instilling of values within their grandchildren, we will first address the issue of the evolution of the grandparent. Within this discussion, it will be shown that there is an actual documented evolutionary process that the individual undergoes when becoming a grandparent. Due to this process, the grandparent has acquired experiences that will be used in assisting the grandchild through various moral dilemmas that the grandchild will encounter. We will then look at several values that are found within today's society and examine the correlation of the formation of those values within the adolescent and how they can be influenced by their grandparents. Finally, it will be in summarizing the evolution of the grandparent, and his/her role with the assistance of teaching values within the grandchild, that will see the importance of the role that "grandma and grandpa" play within the value development stages of the grandchild.

Grandparent Evolution

Evolutionary Process
Reasons for Evolution

In Kornhaber's book, "Contemporary Grandparenting", there is a discussion as to the evolutionary process that an individual experiences from being a child to becoming a grandparent (Kornhaber, 1996). For the sake of this discussion, one will have a better understanding of this transformation by reviewing the basic behavioral components that occur during this evolution as they are listed below (Kornhaber, 1996):

from receiving as a child to giving as an elder
from being nurtured as a child to nurturing the young
from learning to teaching
from listening to stories to telling them
from being directed to directing
from simply reacting to one's environment to becoming able to influence the world
from identifying with others to becoming an object of identification for the young

In Looking at these changes in roles that an individual makes throughout his/her life, one sees the person evolving from a "taker" to a "giver" in the context of the individual's interactions with others throughout this process of change. It is believed that the way in which a person travels through this process will determine the grandparent's identity and subsequent roles and functions within the family (Kornhaber, 1996).

The reason for this evolution might found in the desire of each person to attain a measure of immortality. The grandparents, having experienced life for many years, are considered to have completed the learning process that life offers (kornhaber, 1996). As such, they now are looked upon as sources of infomration, both in academic questions and those that pertain to life in general. In this way, the grandparent is viewed and act in society (Kornhaber, 1996). With the successful undertaking of having completed life's journey, the grandparent is believed to have left a part of his/her "self" within each continuity that the circle of life has not stopped, but rather been passed to the next generation (Kornhaber, 1996). Thus, the grandparent has achieved immortality, in the broad sense of the word.

Grandparent Impact Upon Grandchild's Behaviors

Self-evaluation

Smoking
Drinking

Discussing Sex

Before discussing the influences the grandparent has on the grandchild regarding smoking, drinking, and sex, it should be noted that, for the purpose of this paper, the merits, or lacks thereof, of these activities are nto in judgment. In the investigation of these subjects, there is the assumption, as stated by Kornhaber, that the grandparents play the part of a "living ancestor and family historian...nurturer...and role model for the child's future grndparenthood and perception of aging" (Taylor, 2001, p.1). As such, this implies a relationship between the grandparent and grandchild that is one of closeness and not of estrangement. For those grandparnts, who have not been able to foster a close relationship with his/her grandchild, there are orgranizations, several of which that will be mentioned later, that focus upon bringing the grandparent and grandchild closer together.

In the discussion of instilling behavioral values within the grandchil, the grandparent, like the parent, should first perform a self-evalution (AACAP, 1997). This is seen most clearly when examining the issues of smoking and drinking. When the grandparent addressess the subject of smoking, he/she should realize that, due to the life-long evolution the grandparent has experienced, the grandchild looks to the grandparents as somewhat an authority regarding what is correct and acceptable within society. If the grandparent smokes in front of the grandchild, the natureal response of the teenager will be to think that smoking is both "grown up" and a desirable behavior (Kornhaber, 1994).

The same self-evaluation should occur when discussing alcohol consumption with grandchildren. The grandparent understands that throughout history, there has been a "love hate" relationship with alcohol. Many grandparents will remember the times when drinking was very common within the family, and the failed attempt of prohibition (Kornhaber, 1994). With this understanding of history, the grandparent should be able to discuss the societal impact of drinking with their grandchild. Additionally, there is moe complete medical research that illustrates what is a "reasonable" quantity to drink. The grandparent, not having this research available during their youth, might need to reflect upon the amount they drink before discussing the ramifications of alcohol consumption with their grandchildren (Kornhaber, 1994). For as with the parents of the child, the grandparents must be in a position to send a "consistent message" to the grandchild in order for the successful teaching of these values to occur.

Perhaps one of the areas of values where the grandparent has the greatest advantage is when talking to his/her grandchild about sex (Kornhaber, 1994). As mentioned before, the teenager looks upon the grandparent as a neutral adult, therefore, teenagers will have an easier time talking to their grandparents about sexual matters than they would talking to their own parents. It is interesting to note that the occurrence of teenagers talking with their grandparents regarding sexual matters occures more frequently in households of divorced parents (Kornhaber, 1994).

Consumerism

Grandparents can illustrate the value of money
Low cost activities
Money management

Another value that the grandparents can have a direct impact on their grandchildren pertains to issues regarding money. Dalls Salisbury, president of the Employee Benefit Research Institute, is quoted to have said, "More than ever, grandparents are in a position to affect their grandchildren's attitudes towards money on a daily basis- positively or negatively." (Kong, 2001, p. 1). Due to the extent of experience that the grandparent has had with financial matters, being as large as buying a house to the value of money to their grandchild (Kong, 2001, p. 2). It has been gfound that when the discussion of financial matters occures with the grandparent, oftent hey can use the examples of how small an amount of money is needed to purchase a service (Kong, 2001, p. 2). An example of this "icebreaking" technique might be to explain that when the grandparents were younger, they could see a movie for 50 cents (Kong, 2001, p. 2). Again, this helps place the value money, within the context of current society, as a reference point for the grandchild.

Another technique that can be used to instill proper values regarding money issues is to engage the grandchild in low-cost activities. This might include bike rides, a trip to the park, or playing games such as Monopoly where issues of money are the center of the game (Kong, 2001, p. 2). It is important to illustrate to the grandchild that having fun is not hinged upon spending a lot of money. There are other methods of education that the grandparent might employ to teach the grandchild about money and its proper management. Examples of these might be to help the grandchild open a lemonafe stand as a way to encourage the entrepreneurial spirit; allowing the grandchild to see how the grandparent pays bills and balances a budget, or something as basic as taking the grandchild to a bank or haivng them follow the price of a stock (Kong, 2001, p. 2). All of these activities, in conjuction with the implied wisdom th grandchild believes the grandparent to posses, will help instill proper values pertaining to money within the grandchild.

Old Fashioned Values

Community
Honesty

It is only fitting that when discussing the issue of the way in which grandparents help instill values within their grandchildren that there is mention of two of the values which seem to be lacking within today's society. These values are that which pertain to community and the ideal of honesty (Kornhaber, 1994). It is here that the grandparents, who have lived through many stages of societal upheaval, can draw upon their experiences to show their grandchildren that "no woman or man is an island" (Kornhaber, 1994). It is in relating how society has changed over the past few decades, from one that embraced the idea of community and helping each other to the present "decade of me" thinking that the grandparent can shoe the intrinsic value of being active within the community where the grandchild lives. In addition to explaining how people helped each other, grandpaernts can get their grandchildren involved in the various intergenerational programs; these programs include such organizations as the National Intergenerational Week (Kornhaber, 1994) located in San Francisco, the Brookland Intergenerational Daycare (Taylor, 2001, p.2) located in Northeast Washington and the Intergenerational Outdoor School Program at Shaver's Creek Environmental Center (Kaplan, 2001).

The value of honesty is perhaps the most important value that one can learn. It is by having lived through the various recessions, and perhaps the great depression, that grandparents, in their youth might have been forced into compromising their ethics for some measure of financial gains (Kornhaber, 1994). Having made that transgression, or knowing somebody who had, the grandparent can relate to the grandchild the remorse that was experienced as a result of the inappropriate actions. Karen Horney created a theory which stated that every action , whether truthful or deceitful will "register" within us (Kornhaber, 1994). It is by using this simple analogy of checks and balances that the grandparent can impress upon the granchild the necessity of keeping a greater credit in the "truth" side of the ledger than within the "untruthful" side.

Conclusion

Throughour this paper, we have investigated the way in which a grandparent can effect the value development of a teenage grandchild. It was shown, that the importance of the grandparent, during this developmental process of the grandchild, is found within the evolutionary process that the grandparent underwent throughout his/her life. Within this process, the grandparent started as a person who needs to "receive" things and slowly transforms into an individual who is best defined as a "giver". For it is because of the length that a person has been on the earth, and the corresponding relationships the person has had, that the grandparent is seen as a person who has lived through many experiences and has touched many different people. Therefore, the grandparent is looked upon as somewhat of an expert in the art of living. It is by taking this status, in conjuction with being viewed as a neutral adult by the grandchild, that the grandparent is very helpful in the continuing evolvement of the grandchild's value system.

Links:

AARP Grandparents Information Center, 202-434-2296; gic@aarp.org
Foundation For Grandparenting

References

American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry: Parenting Preparing for Adolescence (1997).

Kong, D. (2001, September 9). Teaching Grandkids the Value of Money. Boston Globe, Third Edition, G. 5.

Kornhaber, A., (1996). Contemporary Grandparenting. London, United Kingdom: Sage Publication, Ltd.

Kornhaber, A., & Forsyth, S., (1994). Grandparenting Power! How to Strengthen the Vital Connection Among Grandparents, Parents, and Children. New York, NY: Crown Publishers, Inc.

Sweat, R. (2001, December). Get to Know Your Grandparents. Listen, 55, 13-15.

Taylor, H.R. (2001, December 4). For Seniors and Kids. A Way to Bond. The Washington Post. Final Edition, C. 10.

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