My friend dated her ex-boyfriend for almost two years during college. During that time, they were engaged to be married on two separate occasions. She really thought she was in love with him, although she knew it would never work out. He had an extremely bad temper and she never knew when he would be in a bad mood. They were engaged more than once because each time, they would be OK for awhile and get engaged and then he would become angry over the stupidest stuff - how much time she was spending with friends, who she was hanging out with, etc. - and then the engagement would be called off. She should have seen the warning signs.Personal Stories
** All names have been changed or omitted in order to protect personal privacy
Once, he got so angry at her that he punched out the windshield on his car. She said she didn't even know what she did wrong. Her family and friends hated him and were always trying to get her to dump him but she just couldn't. He was so controlling to the point that she had to have his permission to wear certain articles of clothing out in public. A tank top seemed too revealing to him or a pair of shorts were too short. It was a never-ending battle to please him. In a sick way, she seemed to enjoy the attention. To this day, if she sees him, she finds it hard to just ignore him.
I met my ex-boyfriend on a blind date that had been set
up by a mutual friend. We didn't go to the same high school so I
knew nothing about him. At first, he was Mr. Charming. He was
romantic, paid attention to me, called me everyday, and took me out on
dates. But then I started to realize that that wasn't what he was
really like. I started hearing negative stories from people at his
school and then I started witnessing his manipulative personality first
hand. I found out that he had friends who went to my school that
he had asked to spy on me. They would report back to him that I was
hanging out with particular boys at school and he would call me up on the
phone yelling 
at
me and accusing me of cheating on him. I had been friends with these
boys long before I knew my boyfriend and I tried to explain that to him,
but he didn't believe me. He would then hang up on me and I would
be in tears. I felt trapped.
One time he called me and told me to
come over to his house. My brother hid my keys so that I couldn't
go and I about lost it. I started screaming at my brother that he
didn't understand and that I would be in so much trouble if I was late.
Then my boyfriend started calling me two or three times a day. My
mom would complain about it so I made up lies saying that he was just lonely
or needed help on his homework. Our phone calls would consist of
him telling me one minute how much he loved me and the next minute telling
me that I needed to lose weight. I started running all of the time,
partly to lose weight to please him (although I knew I didn't need to)
and partly to get away from the constant phone calls. He finally
broke up with me because he said he couldn't deal with me anymore.
I hadn't had the guts to break up with him so I was very relieved.
But then a year later he called me up, professing his love and apologizing
for the way he had treated me. We started dating again but he fell
back into his old ways and the relationship faded. I learned a lot
from him - mainly that I will never let anyone treat me like that again.
Jen, an 18-year-old freshman in college, was outgoing and friendly to everyone she met. By her second semester, Jen had made a lot of friends, most of whom were older. She met her friends at parties and through acquaintances or friends. One of her new friends was Dave, who was two years older then her. Dave always made a point to talk to Jen at parties and would call her just to see how she was doing. Eventually, Jen and Dave began dating. Jen really liked Dave; she enjoyed going to parties with him and hanging out with him when there was nothing to do. Unfortunately, one night in the middle of the semester Dave got really drunk and forced himself on Jen. She tried very hard to get him off of her and to get him to stop touching her but he would not let her go. Dave told Jen that he knew she wanted to have sex with him, but Jen said no. Dave got very angry with Jen and began ripping her clothes off and forced her to have sex with him. Afterwards, Dave got up and left Jen on the floor crying.
For the next couple of weeks Jen tried to tell her roommate, but she was too embarrassed. She thought it was her fault and she was afraid that her roommate would not believe her. The pain and anxiety was too much for Jen so one day she packed up all of her stuff and moved home. Her family was very surprised and wanted to know why she had moved back home because they thought she was having a great time at school. She told her family that she was failing out of school and that she could not handle the pressure anymore. For the next couple of weeks Jen just hung around her house because she did not want to see or talk to anyone. She could not sleep and would lie in her bed crying all night. Jen was not aware that her brother Mike had noticed her sad demeanor and tired appearance nor that he had heard her crying at night. One evening after everyone went to bed Mike finally went to his sister's room to find out what was going. At first Jen refused to tell him and asked Mike to leave, but Mike knew that something horrible had happened to his sister and he was not about to leave her side. Jen asked Mike to sit with her and protect her, but she told him that she was not ready to tell him what had happened. After several nights of this, Jen finally felt safe enough to tell Mike. As she told him the story he began to cry with her and told her that she was in a safe place now and that he was not going to let anyone hurt her again. As they sat there Mike tried to help Jen by just listening and sitting with her, but he felt that she needed to tell their parents. Jen was very adamant about not telling anyone until the time was right.
Finally, a few months later Jen wrote
a letter to her parents. When her parents found out, they were devastated
because they could not believe anyone could be so horrible to their child.
She talked with her parents about what had happened, who the attacker was,
and how she had met him. Jen’s parents finally convinced Jen to go
to the police. When she told the police about what had happened,
they informed Jen and her family that several other girls had come forward
about the same guy and that one girl had pressed charges. With the
help of the police and the other girls, they were able to press charges
against Dave. Dave is now serving a twenty-year sentence for the
rapes. Today Jen is doing much better because she has seen a counselor
to help her work through her distress.
Top of Page