A look at romantic relationship longevity
By Natalie Flynn
The
characteristics and dynamics of romantic relationships continue to change
as we age, especially during the transition from adolescence to young adulthood.
So what exactly predicts a college student's type of romantic relationship?
According to researchers, several factors are involved that may predict
the quality of a romantic relationship, such as personality ( Wilbert &
Rupert, 1986; Cramer & Donachie, 1999; Johnson, Aikman, Danner, &
Elling, 1995; Remen & Chambless, 2001), a self-monitoring style (Norris
& Zweigenhaft, 1999), and self-disclosure (Byers & Demmons, 1999).
These factors are important because they may help to explain why some college
romantic relationships succeed and others do not. The following paper addresses
these factors in order to inform college-aged students of possible characteristics
that will help them to achieve higher quality and longer lasting romantic
relationships.
Quick section reference:
Personality Characteristics
Context Factors
Disclosing Information
Perceptions of Family and Friends
Conclusion
References
Many dimensions can compose an individual's personality. These may include mood, introversion or extroversion, and self-esteem. Researchers have found that different personality styles may ultimately predict the type of relationship an individual is likely to have or even not have, as in the case of Wilbert and Rupert’s (1986) study on lonely college students. These researchers found that, in general, lonely college students were more upset over not being in a romantic relationship than anything else. These students were overly cautious in social atmospheres and exhibited fear of embarrassing themselves in front of strangers. These dysfunctional attitudes influenced the college students’ self-esteem, thereby decreasing it and decreasing the chances that they would enter into a romantic relationship. Freshman year in college can be a tough time because most students are having to build new friendships. This may be a time of increased loneliness and therefore fewer romantic relationships (Wilbert & Rupert, 1986).
Cramer and Donachie (1999) also evaluated college students’ self-esteem in the context of romantic relationships. These researchers found that lower self-esteem and decreased mental health was a predictor of decreased closeness within romantic relationships of college students. Conversely, it was noted that increased closeness between two people was not a predictor of good mental health. Possibly, the support due to this closeness invalidated any signs of poor mental health (Cramer & Donachie, 1999).
Another factor of personality may include a person's tendency to be introverted or shy. Johnson, Aikman, Danner, and Elling (1995) found a link between shyness and attributions of relationship quality in college-aged students. The researchers found that shy individuals tend to attribute relationship failure to internal and global factors. This means that the individual perceives their negative relationships to be a cause of their own personality and that this cannot be changed over time. Such stable internal attributions may be harmful to a person's well-being and therefore the quality of their romantic relationships because they internalize the belief that the failure is their fault and their fault alone (Johnson et al., 1995).
In addition, Remen and Chambless (2001) have argued that depression may also be a factor in predicting relationship adjustment of college students. Increased levels of depression did in fact later predict the quality of these romantic relationships. In general, couples who contained at least one person with depression were less satisfied with their relationship. This may be due to a decrease in mental functioning of depressed people that then leads to a decrease in functioning of the relationship. For casual dating dyads, however, relationships were less likely to succeed if one member of the dyad perceived a decrease in the rewards of the relationship. These dyads also declined in their relationship quality if a dyad member perceived an increase in the availability of other possible mates and experienced decreased satisfaction with the current relationship (Remen & Chambless, 2001).
Opposites Attract,
Or Do They?
Not only can personality and mental health be factors for relationship quality, but self-monitoring, or whether a person acts differently in different contexts (high self-monitoring) or a person who acts the same no matter what context (low self-monitoring) can also predict the type of people who pair up in a relationship (Norris & Zweigenhaft, 1999). Research shows that individuals who match up with similar self-monitoring scores have a tendency to become partners romantically, although the quality of the relationship does depend on which type of self-monitor the individuals are. Less involvement and less commitment is seen with dyads of high self-monitors, whereas characteristically low self-monitors appear more committed (Norris & Zweigenhaft, 1999). Therefore, college students who are consistent with their personality across all situations may end up in more long-lasting relationships than those whose personality is constantly changing (Norris & Zweigenhaft, 1999).
Certain romantic dyads may be committed to each other, but who discloses the most personal information within that relationship? Byers and Demmons (1999) studied this idea of self-disclosure within the dating relationships of college-aged individuals. The researchers discovered, not surprisingly, that regularity of affection, relationship satisfaction, and the amount of commitment all promote the disclosure of personal information, such as sexual likes and dislikes, in a relationship. This is enhanced if an individual within a dyad perceives their partner to reciprocate this self-disclosure. In general, couples indicated that, although self-disclosure was high, they did not reveal everything to their partner. However, the couples who disclosed the most information of all of the couples within the study tended to rate their relationships more positively (Byers & Demmons, 1999). Thus, openness and honesty may indeed be another ingredient to a better relationship.
In general, one finds that indeed personality and other characteristics of an individual are great predictors of the type and length of college students’ romantic relationships. However, are these the only predictors or can friends and family predict the course of a romantic relationship? MacDonald and Ross’ (1999) study revealed that the predictions by friends and family of the longevity of a person's romantic relationship were just as accurate as the predictions by the individual. In fact, a person's roommate tended to be the most accurate overall. This may be because students rated their relationships more positively and in a more optimistic manner, whereas close outsiders rated the relationship on obvious weaknesses that may have ultimately caused the relationship to dissolve later. The optimism held by the individual could have been the result of early positive expectations due to being in a new relationship (MacDonald & Ross, 1999).
In general, it appears there are many ways to predict the quality and longevity of college students’ romantic relationships, such as exploring personality, self-monitoring styles, self-disclosure, and even advice from family and friends. The overall conclusion is that like attracts like and more open and honest communication can enhance a relationship. High self-esteem and good mental health also increase an individual's chances of succeeding in a romantic relationship. However, sometimes our perceptions may be distorted and outside advice might be a great alternative to consider.
Byers, E. S., & Demmons, S. (1999). Sexual satisfaction and sexual self-disclosure within dating relationships. The Journal of Sex Research, 36, 180-189.
Cramer, D., & Donachie, M. (1999). Psychological health and change in closeness in platonic and romantic relationships. The Journal of Social Psychology, 139, 762-767.
Johnson, J. E., Aikman, K. G., Danner, C. C., & Elling, K. A. (1995). Attributions of shy persons in romantic relationships. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 51, 532-536.
MacDonald, T. K., & Ross, M. (1999). Assessing the accuracy of predictions about dating relationships: How and why do lovers’ predictions differ from those made by observers? Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 25, 1417-1429.
Norris, S. L., & Zweigenhaft, R. L. (1999). Self-monitoring, trust, and commitment in romantic relationships. The Journal of Social Psychology, 139, 215-220.
Remen, A. L., & Chambless, D. L. (2001). Predicting dysphoria and relationship adjustment: Gender differences in their longitudinal relationship. Sex Roles, 44, 45-50.
Wilbert, J. R., & Rupert, P. A. (1986). Dysfunctional attitudes,
loneliness, and depression in college students. Cognitive Therapy and
Research, 10, 71-77.