Adolescence:
Change and ContinuityAdolescence:
Change and Continuity
What is intimacy?
Intimacy involves a relationship where two or more people reveal personal thoughts and information about each other. One usually feels comfortable revealing themselves in an intimate relationship because they feel comfort and support from the other person or persons. Physical closeness usually comes along with intimacy. When intimate mental and emotional relationships are observed, one will usually see hugging and touching. It is as if the persons feel they can relate on a deeper level with people they can reveal themselves to; thus, a natural human reaction to intimacy is being physically close.
How does intimacy develop in adolescent friendships?
Intimate friendships are defined as "the ability to share one's thoughts and feelings with a friend"(Berndt & Williams, 1990, p. 278). Intimate friendships become more common as individuals enter adolescence because they feel as though it is safer to reveal things to their friends. Adolescents seek approval from adults, therefore, they are less inclined to reveal things because they fear being looked upon as childish (Berndt & Williams, 1990).
Basically adolescents will look for intimate relationships with other adolescents because they feel that others their own age are going through similar experiences and will be able to relate. This may be why adolescents choose friends that they have similar "interests, values, beliefs, and attitudes" because they will be able to relate to each other and more likely to comfort and support each other as well (Cole & Cole, 1993, p. 584).
How does intimacy develop in romantic relationships?
Intimacy in romantic relationships is the same as the general definition and the friendship definitions mentioned above; however, what makes intimacy in a romantic relationship different is sex or sexual interest. Especially in adolescence, sex can make a relationship more complicated. When puberty hits, adolescents experience feelings, desires, and thoughts they never had before. Basically, intimacy in romantic relationships entails the friendship intimacy along with being physically intimate with each others bodies when participating in sexual activities (Katchadourian, 1990).
Intimate romantic relationships are more prevalent among older adolescents because they learn what intimacy involves through their earlier experiences with intimate friendships. Adolescents learn how to express and deal with their sexual identities by discussions with their friends. This helps them to discover things about themselves and others as well. More knowledge and perspectives will develop for the adolescent so they will be better equipped to handle future romantic relationships (Cole & Cole, 1993).
What are the major theorists of adolescence's views on intimacy?
Sullivan and Erikson both agree that intimacy is important; however, they have differing views of when intimacy is or should be experienced. Sullivan believes that for proper development in discovering one's own identity a child must experience a "chumship" with another child. Experiencing intimacy with friends helps adolescents through their processes of self - discovery and identity development. Therefore, Sullivan believes that it is crucial for adolescents to experience intimate relationships during child and adolescence so they can then find a healthy sense of identity (Sullivan, 1953).
Erikson, on the other hand, believes that adolescents' biggest stage they experience is identity vs. role confusion. He says that an individual must find their identity during adolescence before they can successfully conquer the next stage of development which is intimacy vs. isolation. Basically, Erikson is saying that an individual can not experience a healthy intimate relationship if that individual does not have a sense of self or a healthy sense of their identity first (Erikson, 1983).
What Are the Differences Between Boys and Girls?
Intimacy in friendships reflects the advances of adolescents' cognitive, linguistic, and role-taking skills for both boys and girls.
How Do the Formation of Intimate Friendships Differ?
It should be of no surprise that boys and girls form intimate friendships in a different manner. At any age it is more characteristic for girls to have trust, intimacy, and emotional closeness in their relationships as opposed to boys relationships with each other. Boys form friendships based on actions and deeds. According to Buhrmester and Furman (1993), this is how they validate their self worth. Girls on the other hand depend on personal feelings and thoughts for validation of self worth. Sullivan (1989) has suggested that intimate conversations increases adolescents accuracy in understanding other people.
How Do Boys and Girls Express Their Intimacy Differently?
Boys and girls show their emotions toward each other in different ways. Adolescents tend to make friends with other adolescents that have the same likes and dislikes as they do. Boys are more likely to be friends with other boys that participate in the same sports activities with them. Girls' expression of intimacy varies in that they are more emotional with their friends. Girls, in general, talk about how they are feeling or what they think about certain issues. Boys are more likely to talk about things such as Monday night football, or who is starting in next weeks game. Girls are more open with their feelings; if a friend is upset a girl will be more likely than a boy to console her with soothing words and maybe even a hug. On the other hand a boy might say to his friend, " Don't worry about it, Forget it, or It's not worth it anyway," and leave it at that.
Are Boys or Girls More Likely to Have Longer Durations of Friendships?
Are boys or girls more likely to have long lasting friendships? Is it easier for boys or girls to make friends? These are two questions that are raised when thinking about the duration of adolescents' friendships. Girls tend to have smaller groups of best friends whereas boys tend to have friends in larger groups. According to Savin-Williams and Berndt (1993) boys tend to make friends more easily than girls. When girls develop their close friendships they are less likely to be willing to make new friends. In Epstein's study she found that adolescents are more likely to keep the same friends if they are placed in the same school and/or classes after the transition from middle school to high school.
How does this tie together?
In conclusion adolescent boys and girls experience intimacy in differnt ways. Many of these ways are due to their socialization. Girls tend to have friends much like themselves. They spend most of their time talking about personal issues. Boys, on the other hand, associate mostly with other boys involved in the same activity or sport as themselves. They usually stick to sports or other impersonal topics of discussion. Boys, generally, tend to make friends more easily than girls. These are just some of the basic differences in intimacy between boys and girls.
Is there a difference in the kind of intimate relationships between
children who grow up in single-parent households and those who grow up
in dual-parent households?
There has been much research done on this topic. In two-parent homes, the relationship boys had with their father, more so than the relationship with their mother, was more of an influence on the levels of intimacy they experienced in their relationships. In other words, good communication with their father was found to be linked to close, personal relationships in adolescent boys (Ritz, 1992). These boys had more close friends, longer friendships, higher self-esteem, and better communication with their father than girls. This discovery seems to cut across different cultures, to an extent. White and Hispanic youth versus black youth experience greater intimacy with their fathers and friends (Field, Lang, Yando, & Bendell, 1995), suggesting that having a close, meaningful relationship with their father helped them have close, personal, and enjoyable relationships with their friends.
Many people are worried about the effects of single-parenthood on children and it is for good reason. It is true that girls from single-parent homes are more likely to become single mothers as teens, displaying early and high levels of sexual intimacy (Basic..., 1996). Divorce studies have similar findings on the effects of divorce ( Steinberg, 1989). In late adolescence (17-20 years of age) children from divorced homes tend to experience poorer interpersonal relations with the opposite sex. What is important for single-parents to remember is that children and adolescents need to have relationships with adults. They have a lot of questions and need guidance during this time period. In other words, single-parenthood has negative effects on adolescents if they do not have close relationships with adults, whom they can depend on. Another issue that has been of recent concern is the effects of social class on adolescent development, including intimacy.
Does social class influence intimacy in adolescence?
It appears that there are differences in levels of intimacy in different social classes. Adolescents from middle to upper classes experience more close, open, and rewarding relationships and less distancing in social settings than adolescents from lower and working classes (Dunn, Slomkowski, & Beardsall, 1994; Gaudin & Polansky, 1986). Not only does social class seem to influence intimate relationships outside the home environment, it also seems to affect relationships within the family. Compared to lower class adolescents, middle and upper class adolescents experience more intimate relations with their mother and father (Field, Lang, Yando, & Bendell, 1995).
It also seems that the social class environment adolescents experience affects the kinds and levels of intimacy. In a study that compared adolescent students and adolescent factory workers (ages 15-20), some differences were found in intimacy. Factory workers, both female and male, experienced earlier sexual experiences and were more accepting of sexual intimacy than students. Also, there were more married workers than there were married students (Huerta-Franco, de Leon, & Malacara, 1996). The factory workers were in a working or lower class environment daily, suggesting that this daily exposure either contributed to or was a result of their higher levels of intimacy. The last area I reviewed involves how family factors effect long term intimacy in adolescents.
Are there long term effects in intimacy due to the family environment experienced in adolescence?
When comparing married adults who were raised in single-parent homes
with the general population, no significant differences on intimacy scores
were found (Van Deusen, 1993). The same study also did not find significant
differences in the kinds and levels of intimate relationships between those
raised in a same-sex parent household and those in an opposite-sex parent
household. But, another study found different effects when looking at intimacy
in married adults who grew up in either a household where the father was
either absent or present. In males, if the father was absent during childhood
then they experienced more intimacy in their marriage than father-present
males. Interestingly, the opposite was true for the females--father-absent
females experienced less intimacy in their marriage than father-present
females. As you have read, there are factors, both social and familial,
that effect the development and experience of intimacy. What is most important
in the development of intimacy in adolescents is that he/she feels close
and can trust influential adult figures. The relationships an adolescent
experiences with significant adults is one of the most influential
factors on a healthy sense of intimacy.
Many kids grow up in families with ten or more brothers and sisters
while others may grow up as the only child in their household -does either
upbringing make a difference? Some may argue yes, that the larger family
is ignorant of all the needs of each individual child while the smaller
family can see to it that each of the child’s needs is met. Still, other
people may say no, larger families provide an environment in which each
child can learn things that a child in a smaller family could not. So are
larger families better than smaller families? Well, in fact there is no
correct answer to this question because both households have their own
pros and cons. As research indicates, the larger family does in fact provide
an environment where the children can explore relationships with others,
particularly siblings, as well as an environment where the children can
learn more things. But whether the relationships they have and the things
they learn are good or bad decides if a child benefits or suffers in such
a household.
Siblings can in fact hold very intimate, important relationships that affect each in a positive light throughout both his/her childhood and adulthood. Many feel that the more siblings, the more conflict there is. There is some truth to this, however, even through all the possible existing conflict. In fact, most adolescents are able to “list all of their siblings as significant”(Blyth, Hill, & Theil, 1982). They also claim that “their [relationship with] their ‘favorite’ brother or sister [is at] the same level of intimacy as their relationship with their best friend”(Greenberger et al., 1980). This indicates that most siblings can rely on each another, turn to each other for advice, confide in each other, etc., similar to that of a relationship with a friend. Those who grow up as the only child in a household are unable to reek the benefits of such a relationship, a relationship that usually lasts a lifetime.
Having these close relations to siblings, both older and younger, opens up the opportunity for each to learn from the other. What the siblings learn, however, may not always be beneficial. For example, having an older brother/sister, may allow the younger sibling to become aware of certain topics or acts, such as sexual intercourse, at a much more immature and perhaps inappropriate age. In fact, “adolescents are more likely to be sexually active when…they have older siblings who model more sexually advanced behavior”(East, Felice, & Morgan, 1993; Rodgers & Rowe, 1988). Obviously children who grow up with no siblings are not subject to such topics, behavior, etc. at a young age. But if a child has no siblings he/she may not have the opportunity to take part in a tremendous learning and extremely beneficial experience such as child-rearing/ child caring; this makes transitions into adolescence and adulthood more continuous, or easier. By having a younger sibling and taking care of them, the older brother/sister becomes more knowledgeable in the field of childcare more so than an older person who has had no experience with children (Blakemore, 1992). This also allows the sibling to become more responsible and gradually more independent while still under his/her parents’ wings. Thus, his/her transitions into higher stages such as adolescence, adulthood, and parenthood are much easier than those transitions made by someone who has had no past experiences or responsibilities, those of which go hand in hand with child care and rearing.
It is clear that children who have siblings are influenced both negatively and positively from the relations, whereas those who don’t have siblings neither benefit nor suffer from any such relations. Whether the parents feels that having close brothers/sisters, confidants, or friends, is more important than the risks of possibly learning things prematurely, then a family consisting of more than one child would be to their benefit. Fearing that their child could be corrupted, or paid less attention to, if they had any siblings, then parents should choose to have only one child. It’s a matter of preference for the parents. A large family or a small family…each has its pros and each has its cons.
References:
How does intimacy develop between parents and children?
Theorists have gained new perspectives on the development of intimacy during adolescence. The development of intimacy during adolescence is closely linked to the development of attachment during infancy (Morris, 1971). Attachment is defined as "a strong affectional bond that is enduring and persistent" (Steinberg, 1993, pg. 325). All infants have attachment relationships with their primary caregivers, although they are not of the same quality. Psychologists generally claim that there are three types of attachment: secure attachment, anxious-avoidant attachment, and anxious-resistant attachment (Steinberg, 1993).
The quality of attachment during infancy is important in determining how adolescents develop intimacy with their parents. When the attachment relationship is secure, or strong, affectionate, and consistent, an adolescent is more likely to establish a healthy intimate relationship with their parents and peers (Steinberg, 1993).
Does parent-child intimacy decline when adolescents become intimate with their peers?
The development of intimacy among peers is generally not characterized by the decline of intimacy among parents and children. There is, however, a temporary decline in parent-child intimacy during early adolescence. Intimacy levels between teens and their parents tend to resurface and increase during late adolescence. Teens generally feel more close to their parents and more willing to discuss personal issues (Steinberg, 1993).
Does parent-child intimacy differ between mothers and fathers?
Youniss and Smollar found that adolescents, both male and female, generally tend to become more intimate with their mothers. Because the nature of the father-child relationship is frequently authority related, teens are more likely to disclose personal information to their mothers (1985). There are several explanations for this occurrence. First, mothers tend to maintain regular contact with their sons and daughters. Second, the interactions that take place between a mother and her children are not primarily focused on the child's future. In other words, the relationship is more focused on the here and now. Third, mothers tend to engage in adolescent interests. Finally, they tend to act as advisors rather than disciplinarians (Youniss and Smollar, 1985). Father-child intimacy is especially difficult to achieve is the father is either absent, abusive, or indifferent (Stoop and Stoop, 1993).
More recent research conducted by Mulkeen, contradicts the notion that adolescents have difficulties developing intimate relationships with their fathers. She found that intimacy levels between adolescents and their fathers increased during early adolescence (1995).
What are cliques?
Cliques are basically small groups (approximately 4 to 9 members) that meet mostly for personal communication and shared activities. Activities in cliques tend to occur in convenient, spontaneous environments, for example, in the lunchroom at school. Members are attracted to one another on the basis of similar interests, neighborhoods, schools, or even religion. Cliques begin as same-sex friendships in early adolescents but develop into opposite-sex friendships as individuals grow into middle and late adolescence. Cliques that have close similarities to one another form what is called crowds (Atwater, 1992, 151).
What are crowds?
Crowds are larger groups (more than 10 members) that meet usually for organized social activities, such as parties or dances. Most frequently crowds meet on weekends at social functions, in contrast to clique activities, which usually occur during the week. Most crowd activities include both male and female adolescents. According to many scholars who study adolescent friendships, crowds are essentially a collection of cliques, with membership in cliques required for belonging to the crowd (Atwater, 1992, 152).
How do peer groups change during adolescence: Dunphy's five-stage theory
According to D.C. Dunphy, an academic who studied adolescent friendship quite thoroughly, individuals go through five stages of friendship development during adolescence.
Stage 1: Pre-crowd stage. Isolated unisexual cliques.
Stage 2: The beginning of the crowd. Unisexual cliques in group-to-group interaction.
Stage 3: The crowd in structural transition. Unisexual cliques with upper status members forming a heterosexual clique.
Stage 4: The fully developed crowd. Heterosexual cliques in close association.
Stage 5: Beginning of crowd disintegration. Loosely associated groups of couples.
References:
First and foremost, you have made a step in the right direction
by realizing that your friend is involved in a violent relationship with
a jealous boyfriend. Just because her boyfriend says he loves her does
not mean he can push or hit her and get away with it. There is no reason
why she can not have friends that are males.
She is not alone.
Research indicates that 35% of teenage couples are involved in a violent relationship and dating violence has been experienced by nearly 1 out of 4 teenagers (Centre County Women's Resource Center). One study that examined 123 adolescent girls, age 15-19, resulted in 24% of respondents saying that they had been victims of dating violence on one occasion and 14.6% said they had been victims on several occasions. And, this same study showed that the number one reason for the violence was jealousy (Burcky, Reuterman, and Kopsky, 1988).
These teenage girls were going through the same things as your friend!
She really is not alone and she can get help!
What you can do.
Dating is certainly part of being a normal teenager--getting beat by someone who claims to love you is not. You are being a great friend by attempting to get her help. Remember that this whole process will not be easy for her--she will need someone to lean on and that's what friends are for right?
Here are some tips for your friend:
1. Understand that your partner's abusive behavior is not your fault. No one deserves to be abused, no matter what!
2. Use assertive communication. This means to let the boyfriend know how his behavior affects her. Tell the person firmly and clearly that you don't want to be controlled or put down. (WARNING: Above all else think of your safety. Think twice about confronting a partner who may become violent.)
3. Call a crisis hotline to talk, find out your options, or get more information.
4. Realize that you may care deeply for a person, but their abusiveness is their problem and you cannot change their behavior. They will have to take serious steps to change their abusiveness. If they don't, you have the right to end that relationship or to make choices to keep yourself safe, both physically and emotionally (Source: Center County Women's Resource Centre).
You really are being a great friend by realizing there is a problem and trying to help. Just remember, your friend is going to need a listening ear in the weeks to come - and that coupled with the suggestions above are the way to start.
References:
As children grow into adolescence, the dependency on their parents
as a source of approval and support lessens. While they are influenced
by their parents on major issues such as furthering their education, adolescents
turn elsewhere for day-to-day support. It is from their "chumships" that
they gain the understanding and acceptance needed for optimal development
(Steinberg, 1989). It is important to understand why intimate relationships
are important during adolescence, as well as how these relationships affect
the individual's development in adulthood.
Why is intimacy important in adolescence?
According to Sullivan, the development of intimate relationships provides an outlet for self-disclosure (Sullivan, 1953). Through the discussion of ideas, values and goals, youth find from one another a sense of belonging. By providing this emotional support, friends increase each other's self-esteem. Each individual is better able to recognize and communicate their feelings without the threat of being criticized or ridiculed.
Intimate relationships also contribute to the adolescent's identity formation. One of the major tasks during adolescence is creating an identity for one's self. By opening themselves up to another individual, they are able to understand their own thoughts and emotions. They will be able to define the attributes that makes each of them unique. When they confide in their close friends they will identify what is important to them, and at the same time they will become sensitive to the needs of others. This, Sullivan argues, helps the adolescent acquire a deeper understanding of the self and others.
It is important to note that not all researchers and theorists agree with Sullivan. It is argued that intimate relationships are not as beneficial as he proposes. Theorists like Mechanic believe that extensive sharing of personal feelings leads to heightened introspection, which may lead to future psychological problems (Berndt and Savin-Williams, 1990). Mechanic believes intimate relationships are important for the exact opposite reason of Sullivan. Close friendships offer the adolescent an opportunity to get away from introspection and provide an environment that is free from the stressors of "growing up."
Does poor intimacy have an adverse effect on adult relationships?
There has been little research to date focusing on the effects of intimacy in adolescence on the formation of relationships in adulthood. It would definitely prove to be an interesting and informative study. The benefits of such research could lead to intervention programs that would help individuals develop healthy, warm relationships in adulthood.
Despite the lack of formal studies on the topic, researchers do have theories
about the effects of intimacy on later development. Sullivan believes that the
intimacies formed in adolescence have a large impact on future interpersonal
relationships. These early intimacies allow the individual to express feelings
and provides a sense of connectedness to others. The ability to speak candidly
and understand others' perspectives will make for a very open, mutually compassionate
relationship (Sullivan, 1953). The quality of friendships during adolescence
will undoubtedly effect the quality of relationships in adulthood.
To Read Further . . .
About the Development of Intimacy
About Sex Differences
About Family Environments
About Intimacy Between Parents and Children
About the Effects of Adolescent Intimacy on Adult Development
Having
Friends, Making Friends, and Keeping Friends: Relationships as Educational Contexts
By: Willard W. Hartup (ERIC Digest)
This article discusses many components of having friends, making friends, and keeping friends in adolescence. The article describes in detail the conditions of friendship, friendship functions, and friendship experience and developmental outcomes in adolescence. The information is geared towards students as well as teachers/parents who are interested in the topics. There is contact information provided as well as other sources for more information.
The
Psychosocial Development of Adolescence: Intimacy
By: Kim Openshaw
This site is a professor’s PowerPoint presentation that corresponds with
brief topics in the text. It gives a relatively different perspective from another
university. Topics include: the psychosocial development of adolescent intimacy,
intimacy as an adolescent issue, why such important changes take place in close
relationships during adolescence, intimacy and psychosocial development, capacity
for intimacy, breaking up, and adolescent marriage and divorce. The information
is extremely informative, while it is mainly geared towards students; it is
also helpful for anyone who is interested in brief topics instead of complete
in-depth articles. Another PowerPoint presentation by Kim Openshaw can be found
in Chapter 7, Work and Leisure.
Development
Psychology: Teen Intimacy and Sexuality
By: The Psi Café
This site contains a series of links to short papers written by a variety of
authors. The topics include the development of intimacy, teen friendships, development
of sexuality, lesbian, gay, bi-sexual teens, and teen pregnancy. It is geared
towards students as well as parents/teachers who are interested in the topics.
There is an online test/survey section at the bottom that asks you what you
know about sex and teen pregnancy. There is also an overhead/image section that
gives educational information on various other topics having to do with intimacy
in adolescence.
Age
and Sex Role Differences in Intimate Friendships During Childhood and Adolescence
By: Gerald P. Jones and Myron H. Dembo
This site describes a study that was completed regarding age and sex role differences
in intimate friendships. It is mainly geared towards a scientific audience.
There are extensive references at the end of the article.
Adolescent
Psychology: Internet Resources (by topic)
By: Dr. Marcia J. McKinley-Pace
This site involves many issues and topics concerning adolescent psychology
and development. It contains a series of links to other pages. The topics of
this site are filled with informative factual information that relates to any
subject pertaining to the development of adolescence. It is geared mainly towards
students that are interested in any topic.
Last updated 4/06/02