Dear Dr. Cyberviser,

I've never had many friends growing up. I'm in my second year at Oberlin now and have started to make more friends as Freshman year was a bit lonely with me making like one friend that I hung out with. The problem is that I fear getting very close to anyone here out of fear that they will be gone soon. My friend I made last year is now a senior and is away from schol right now, and a few of the new people I've met and want to be friends with are seniors as well. Even though I could always befriend students in lower classes, I fear that they too can be gone (tranfer, drop out, take off, etc). Since I have so few friends in general I'm having a hard time realizing that the friends I make will not always be there when I've had lots of experience of being all alone. Please give me some advice on this.

Signed,

Lonely Sophomore

Dear Lonely Sopohomore,

It is great to hear that you are making more friends this year at Oberlin. Your fear of getting close and then losing a friend because of them leaving Oberlin is quite understandable. Sometimes we just think, " What's the point?" In my long years of living, however, I have found that a completely safe time to make friends never really comes. Admittedly, the college years involve a lot of coming and going, but even when we are older, friends go out of our lives for all kinds of reasons. People are very mobile these days. If you wait and wait for a time to come when you are less at risk of losing new friends, you will surely miss some opportunities to know people who are very special and who might enrich your life and change you in ways that last far beyond the time when you have them close.

Remember that college life isn't only about academics. This is a great time to learn about how you are in relationships, what you want and need from others and ways you can be a better friend too. Besides, with all the increased mobility in the world, there are also more and more ways to stay in touch. I hope you will feel able to risk making new friends while you are here. Your friendship might also enrich someone else's life and have a lasting positive influence.

Good-luck,

Dr Cyberviser